# Why is it wrong to cheat (especially for a younger man?) **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 24, 2015, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772 "2015-08-24T23:29:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/21 "2015-08-25T01:26:13Z")
To the OP. Please tell me you are a virgin that hasn’t spread your seed around yet. That would be making the gene pool a lot more shallow. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/22 "2015-08-25T01:30:22Z")
Anyone remember the troll who hung around here a few months ago, always asking where he could find sex partners? I think he was banned. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/23 "2015-08-25T01:33:12Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Men are also meant to murder men that are smaller, weaker, or stupider than them, too, and take all their stuff and rape any nearby women, right? I mean, going off of basic instincts. I think you and I went to the same high school. ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 1:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/24 "2015-08-25T01:50:26Z")
> [@Martian Bigfoot](#): > > A double standard for extramarital relationships has certainly been a thing a lot more recently than that. > > Odysseus comes home after his adventures, and (spoiler alert) kills all the suitors who are hanging around his house, trying to woo his wife. The wife, Penelope, has remained faithful to the husband who has been gone all these years, and who is presumed dead. This is an important story point. > > Then they go to bed, and Odysseus tells her the stories of his journeys. Which includes some fooling around with a couple of ladies. It’s never implied that Penelope is bothered by that, or that she is supposed to be. > > It’s a thing. Yeah. In the Bronze Age. If she gets to be Queen of Ithaca, she might forgive a bit. I doubt the OP has a kingdom to offer… ---
**Author:** ![justjake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a587f6/32.png) [@justjake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justjake)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/25 "2015-08-25T02:08:34Z")
> [@elfkin477](#): > > Younger men, especially those with no or poor job prospects, literally can’t afford to spread their seed as much as they’d like without society picking up the costs. That’s what’s wrong with it. why would that affect me personally though? And if it affects you, who are you to me? ---
**Author:** ![justjake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a587f6/32.png) [@justjake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/justjake)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/26 "2015-08-25T02:10:50Z")
> [@Fubaya](#): > > Is it ok when women cheat too? why not? ---
**Author:** ![pool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pool/32/4152_2.png) [@pool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pool)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/27 "2015-08-25T02:28:20Z")
There is no objective morality **justjake** , nobody can prove to you that these things are right or wrong. Most people have a personal subjective morality and just don’t do things to others that would make them feel bad if they have a conscience and are not a sociopath. So if you want to do these things just do it, though I’d be careful about spreading my seed around what with a thing called court-ordered child support. Just don’t whine and cry when people treat you like shit because of your actions I mean what are you to them, how do you personally affect them? I have a feeling you don’t have too much to worry about though cause you prob couldn’t get laid with a hundred dollar bill hanging out of your fly. ---
**Author:** ![Fubaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@Fubaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fubaya)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/28 "2015-08-25T03:01:47Z")
> [@justjake](#): > > why not? So, if you were in love with a girl who you felt so deeply about that you would do just about anything for them, you’d be ok with her getting fucked and procreating with other men? That’s fine if two people agree on it. But then, if they agree, it’s not really cheating, is it? Cheating implies doing it behind someone’s back and that is normally incredibly painful for the other person. That’s why it’s wrong. > [@nearwildheaven](#): > > Anyone remember the troll who hung around here a few months ago, always asking where he could find sex partners? I think he was banned. Did he ever get an answer? Because, I, uh, have a friend that would be interested in knowing where too. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/29 "2015-08-25T03:03:47Z")
I smell desperation on the young man. And we all know that is not a sexy smell. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/30 "2015-08-25T03:04:57Z")
Can I mess around? I am married woman who was lambasted for lusting after my guy friend. So double standard or biological imperative? You decide. ---
**Author:** ![April\_R](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@April\_R](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/April_R)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/31 "2015-08-25T03:08:47Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’ll tell you what it’s wrong for ME to cheat. Cheating would hurt my wife. People who hurt my wife get punched in the face. I hate punching myself in the face. > > Put differently, my wife’s happiness is essential to my peace if mind. I will not willingly do anything to cause her grief. It wouldn’t matter if she didn’t know about it. What if she was cool with it? ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 3:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/32 "2015-08-25T03:08:59Z")
> [@justjake](#): > > So men are meant to “spread their seed” especially in the older days and women are meant to find good partners to stay with them and raise them that are strong and take care of their children. This is of course going off of basic instincts for men and women. > > So why is it wrong if a guy is with a women and has sex with other women? How does that show he doesn’t love the girl he’s with? It’s still possible to deeply care about somebody to the point where you would do just about anything with them, and still procreate and continue to find new mates. > > This applies even more if you’re younger and fertile and wanting to spread your seed. But i believe it’s fair for women to be able to choose the perfect man to be fertilized by. > > Lastly, if you love someone and do NOT tell them, that shows how much you love them even more. The reason being is what you do not know CAN’T hurt you. If you never knew you were adopted, it wouldn’t bother you ever. You would never ever know. > Just my 2 cents. > > Opinions. > > go. Not worth the 2 cents. It’s about honor and integrity. If you make a commitment to someone, you should honor it. If you don’t, you’re a douchebag, plain and simple. Of course, I realize nobody cares about things like that any more, but we should. ---
**Author:** ![Greenback](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/2bfe46/32.png) [@Greenback](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greenback)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/33 "2015-08-25T03:09:11Z")
I’m guessing someone found their information in the Ashley Madison list. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_t\_Panic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/don_t_panic/32/398_2.png) [@Don\_t\_Panic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_t_Panic)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/34 "2015-08-25T03:23:20Z")
> [@April\_R](#): > > So double standard or biological imperative? You decide. Are you asking whether cheating comes naturally to women, or just to men? I’ve met a few people who have admitted to being cheaters. All of them were women. Of course, that could be a coincidence. Although, another data point: Once, I was in a one-sided open relationship. She was allowed to fool around, I was the monogamous one. Which suited our temperaments fine (although it turned into a mess with so many moving parts that it probably wasn’t the best solution, in hindsight). My natural preference is to be monogamous (the best part of being in a relationship is that my brain starts zoning out other ladies), and in her case, it was more the other thing. Maybe I live in Ass-Backwards County, and there’s something in the water around here, but cheating man / faithful woman looks a lot more like cultural convention than biology to me. ---
**Author:** ![DinoR](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dinor/32/2821_2.png) [@DinoR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DinoR)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/35 "2015-08-25T03:49:32Z")
First a sidetrack in to whether it’s just men who desire other partners. Women, if we’re just looking at the biological, have a reason to find the best genes for their offspring. DNA testing has shown us a lack of monogamy among animal we previously thought formed long term monogamous relationships. ISTR a study showing that women were attracted to different physical attributes when ovulating versus when they weren’t. Both imply a difference between picking a social mate to partner with and who you actually breed with. Nature doesn’t seem to propose the double standard the OP thinks it does. What’s good for the goose appears to be good for the gander. My subjective morality is that not all non-monogamy is cheating. There are people who accept other sexual partners in to a long term social/romantic relationship. There are people who are polyamorous allowing for close romantic relationships, not just sex, with other partners. I don’t see either as cheating, Neither are violations of the social contract agreed to by the partners involved, even if they are different than most relationships. Making an agreement to abide by certain standards of conduct with someone that you are in a supposedly close, supportive long term relationship with is cheating in my mind. It’s not about which body part rubbed which other body part. It’s about not honoring the commitment made to someone that has committed to you in a variety of ways. It’s selfish, rude, potentially hurtful, and displays a willingness to violate trust. It’s a betrayal of trust. That’s why I consider it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/36 "2015-08-25T05:06:11Z")
> [@justjake](#): > > Lastly, if you love someone and do NOT tell them, that shows how much you love them even more. The reason being is what you do not know CAN’T hurt you. If you never knew you were adopted, it wouldn’t bother you ever. You would never ever know. They tend to find out. And you are going to wind up lying to them. And lying is not cool. When they do find out you’ll wind up in your underwear kicked out of the house in the middle of a blizzard. Please post when this happens. ---
**Author:** ![yawuntz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a5b964/32.png) [@yawuntz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yawuntz)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/37 "2015-08-25T05:42:33Z")
\*"…if you love someone and do NOT tell them, **that shows how much you love them** even more. The reason being is **what you do not know CAN’T hurt you.** \* If what you don’t know can’t hurt you, then the OP must be damn near invincible. Look, if you fuck around on somebody and don’t tell them, you are exposing them to a variety of std’s. You love the person, you claim, yet you expose them to something that can hurt them - and you deprive them of the means to choose whether or not to step into the pool where you’ve been dipping. Funny way to show your love innit? OP, it sounds like you’re not so much “in love” with a girl, as just - in need of one. And of much more, very likely. Do what you will. But do it with eyes wide open. Don’t dress up your deceit in lame rationalizations. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/38 "2015-08-25T05:49:35Z")
Cheating on a SO and never telling them about it would compel you to live a lie. Your SO would be unaware of the true nature of the person they got into a relationship with. It’s deceit; if you need to ask why it’s bad to be deceitful with someone you supposedly love then you are probably in the wrong place. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/39 "2015-08-25T08:13:04Z")
> [@justjake](#): > > > [@elfkin477](#): > > > > Younger men, especially those with no or poor job prospects, literally can’t afford to spread their seed as much as they’d like without society picking up the costs. That’s what’s wrong with it. > > why would that affect me personally though? And if it affects you, who are you to me? What does “wrong” mean to you? Based on your exchange with \*\*elfkin477 \*\*I take it that you think something’s “wrong” only if it negatively affects you or those important to you. I think you are working off a rather unique definition of “wrong”. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2015, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772/40 "2015-08-25T09:26:47Z")
A rather selfish definition of “wrong”. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-it-wrong-to-cheat-especially-for-a-younger-man/728772.md?page=3)