# Why is my boyfriend so disgusted with the fact that I was curious about a male strip club? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 22, 2017, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728 "2017-03-22T01:00:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 11:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/21 "2017-03-22T11:43:59Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > I’m happy to tell you none of us have ever gone to strip clubs for satisfaction—we don’t need to. That’s fine, but it doesn’t mean yours is the typical guy position on the issue. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 11:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/22 "2017-03-22T11:58:42Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > I’m happy to tell you none of us have ever gone to strip clubs for satisfaction—we don’t need to. You don’t get no satisfaction? ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/23 "2017-03-22T12:03:23Z")
When I was married I would have had absolutely no issue with my wife attending a male strip club. If it became a routine habit then sure, but to go once out of curiosity? Pffff. Shortly after I was married though, a friend of mine also was getting married and the plan was to take him out to a female strip club for a night out/bachelor party thing. It wasn’t even my idea! My wife went ape shit over this. I ended up going and as I was leaving she picked up a child car seat (she was pregnant at the time) and threw it at me, missing me and almost smashing the patio doors. Not fucking normal behaviour. One of the many early indicators that my marriage would be doomed at some point. ---
**Author:** ![naita](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naita/32/5862_2.png) [@naita](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/naita)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 12:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/24 "2017-03-22T12:12:55Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > It’s a normal, guy thing, trust me on this. We don’t feel that our girlfriends should be going to these kinds of things, especially in our relationship. I’m also a guy, so trust me on this. While many guys are deeply insecure and think their personal opinions and gut feelings are just “normal, guy things”, freaking out because someone says they would add “male strip club” to their bucket list, is at the insecure end of the spectrum. Your boyfriend’s visceral reaction is the result of this insecurity and his internalizing of basic sexist elements of our culture where female interest in the male physical form, while no longer expected to not exist at all, definitely shouldn’t be expressed outside of the bedroom with anyone but a long term partner. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/25 "2017-03-22T12:23:15Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > No it’s not. What is with all these broad-brush generalizations? Insecurity, hypocrisy and a need to control are **not** “normal guy things”. This. Within a month of getting engaged, I went to a strip joint and told my fiancee about it. She took it in stride as I would have had she gone to a male strip joint. “Look but don’t touch” is her reaction when I ogle a pretty girl. That has been our motto for 53 years and it still works. ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/26 "2017-03-22T12:30:02Z")
Perhaps he doesn’t want her to find out where he works. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/27 "2017-03-22T13:10:58Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > How many male strip clubs are there besides gay ones? I went to a strip club in Canada that featured both male and female strippers. I definitely wouldn’t classify it as a “gay” club. In fact, it was about as far from an American strip club as you could get. It was in a strip mall (ha!), brightly lit, and its customers were a cross-section of typical Canadians. The male stripper went on after three or so female strippers. It was just another night out at the Strip Club, like going bowling (or maybe curling) ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Gay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/3ab097/32.png) [@Enola\_Gay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Gay)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 1:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/28 "2017-03-22T13:23:00Z")
Double standards piss me off. That’s what this is–“disgusting” for a woman to want to go to a male strip club but I’ll bet he has no disgust for himself or his buddies going to female strip clubs. ---
**Author:** ![JcWoman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jcwoman/32/2889_2.png) [@JcWoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JcWoman)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/29 "2017-03-22T13:30:28Z")
> [@Mijin](#): > > But generally, being uncomfortable about this is pretty typical. If I’m with my gf and a hawt woman walks by, I know from experience I must not glance in her direction (and if my gf asks “Do you think that girl is sexy?”, the right answer is “What girl?”). Let alone going to a place where the whole purpose is to see hot women. It’s still insecurity. I’ve been on both sides: I’ve had boyfriends who for whatever reason made me feel insecure so that I felt jealous when they looked at other women. I’ve had other boyfriends, and my husband now, who I feel 100% confident with and I actually look at women with them. Sometimes I even point out an especially gorgeous woman (or man) to my husband. We can all appreciate the esthetic of beautiful people without lust coming into play. ---
**Author:** ![brainstall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/35a633/32.png) [@brainstall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brainstall)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/30 "2017-03-22T14:03:44Z")
I take it at face value that you just want to go to a male strip club out of curiosity. Its been years, but it was a fun night out with the girls the last time I went. The men were fit, attractive and well, I got to see penises, but really, it was as much for the party atmosphere that we went. Having been once, I’m not really compelled to want to go again. I’ve also been to female strip clubs. I had a job one summer that required me to go to bars to check on a piece of company equipment, and many of the clients were strip clubs. Big glam ones near the airport and some not-so glamourous ones. I wasn’t entirely comfortable being there, especially at first, but it also was an interesting experience, and I’m glad for it. Curiosity satisfied. Why is your boyfriend disgusted? Maybe the thought of you ogling fit, attractive men with large penises makes him insecure. Maybe he’s projecting his feelings about going to female strip clubs on you. Maybe he’s just a dick and can’t comprehend that it really is just curiosity on your part and isn’t about him in the least. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/31 "2017-03-22T14:15:16Z")
> [@Leaffan](#): > > My wife went ape shit over this. I ended up going and as I was leaving she picked up a child car seat (she was pregnant at the time) and threw it at me, missing me and almost smashing the patio doors. Not fucking normal behaviour. One of the many early indicators that my marriage would be doomed at some point. Well, not to make any excuses for her, but if she’s already gone ape shit about it, and you went anyway, then maybe there were other issues there as well. > [@CosmicManiac](#): > > It’s a normal, guy thing, trust me on this. We don’t feel that our girlfriends should be going to these kinds of things, especially in our relationship. Not everyone is as hung up about this as you are and no, it’s not “normal.” ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/32 "2017-03-22T14:26:28Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > Got a girlfriend, we’ve been dating for four years. Cool! When do you plan to meet? ---
**Author:** ![Mijin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mijin/32/9369_2.png) [@Mijin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mijin)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/33 "2017-03-22T14:36:08Z")
> [@JcWoman](#): > > It’s still insecurity. I’ve been on both sides: I’ve had boyfriends who for whatever reason made me feel insecure so that I felt jealous when they looked at other women. I’ve had other boyfriends, and my husband now, who I feel 100% confident with and I actually look at women with them. Sometimes I even point out an especially gorgeous woman (or man) to my husband. We can all appreciate the esthetic of beautiful people without lust coming into play. I agree with this. I’m simply saying that that level of insecurity is _typical_, not necessarily right. And generally many people in this thread (not you, **JcWoman** ) are arguing “people prefer chocolate ice cream!” vs “people prefer vanilla ice cream!”, and claiming the other side is freakish and weird. But I think the truth is both being comfortable with a partner going to a strip club, and the opposite, are common positions. And some people probably flit between these two sides depending on their partner and the dynamics of the relationship. Someone should do a poll 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![CosmicManiac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85e7bf/32.png) [@CosmicManiac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CosmicManiac)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/34 "2017-03-22T15:29:53Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Not everyone is as hung up about this as you are and no, it’s not “normal.” Of _course_ it’s normal for a man to be apprehensive about the notion of his girlfriend/wife perusing a male strip club so she can ogle half-naked men decked out in speedos. You won’t see any guy encouraging his wife to do such a thing, unless he’s in some kind of “open marriage” arrangement with his wife, which to me would be disheartening as it pretty much ruins the significance of their getting married. > [@](#): > > Cool! When do you plan to meet? Very funny, **Vinyl Turnip**. We met four years ago, of course, as you know from my post. > [@](#): > > I’m also a guy, so trust me on this. While many guys are deeply insecure and think their personal opinions and gut feelings are just “normal, guy things”, freaking out because someone says they would add “male strip club” to their bucket list, is at the insecure end of the spectrum. Your boyfriend’s visceral reaction is the result of this insecurity and his internalizing of basic sexist elements of our culture where female interest in the male physical form, while no longer expected to not exist at all, definitely shouldn’t be expressed outside of the bedroom with anyone but a long term partner. I don’t consider it sexist for men not to want their girlfriends or wives to go to strip clubs to ogle half-naked men; it is a reasonable position, seeing as how they’re involved. We don’t call women sexist or anti-male just because they don’t like their men looking at other women, so I don’t see how your point holds up. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/35 "2017-03-22T15:32:34Z")
> [@TokyoBayer](#): > > Well, not to make any excuses for her, but if she’s already gone ape shit about it, and you went anyway, then maybe there were other issues there as well… There weren’t actually. I wasn’t going to go. I didn’t even tell her about it, then one of my buddies who lives nearby called, said he was going, and did I want a ride? It was a Saturday night. We had no plans, so I asked if I could go out for a couple of hours and she said sure. So, I told my buddy to swing by, hung up the phone and told her what was going on. Ape shit ensued. For, what I thought, was a ridiculous reason. The subject had never come up before. I didn’t know she would have a MAJOR issue with it. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/36 "2017-03-22T15:39:30Z")
I suspect that the OP’s boyfriend may, thanks to porn and/or his own imagination, be picturing what goes on at a male strip club as an anything-goes free-for-all orgy. ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/37 "2017-03-22T15:48:19Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > Of _course_ it’s normal for a man to be apprehensive about the notion of his girlfriend/wife perusing a male strip club so she can ogle half-naked men decked out in speedos. You won’t see any guy encouraging his wife to do such a thing, unless he’s in some kind of “open marriage” arrangement with his wife, which to me would be disheartening as it pretty much ruins the significance of their getting married… There is a whole universe in between “going to a strip club” and “having an open relationship”. Let me be the first to say that I’m an expert in neither male nor female strip clubs but I’m reliably informed that giving the performers a blow job is not compulsory. Seriously, I’m married, I have married friends and relatives, many others on the dope here will back me up on this. It is entirely possible for couples to trust each other in these situations and for it not to be a reflection on the attractiveness or performance of either party. Yours sounds like classic over-defensiveness and possessiveness. If you truly trust your partner and know what makes her tick then either you are correctly shit-scared that she will fuck the first cock she sees, (which is a problem) or you are projecting your own failings onto her, i.e. that exposed to to an erotic situation you feel that you’d be the one to cheat (equally a problem). ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/38 "2017-03-22T15:49:08Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > Of _course_ it’s normal for a man to be apprehensive about the notion of his girlfriend/wife perusing a male strip club so she can ogle half-naked men decked out in speedos. Well, that makes me abnormal, I guess. My gf went to a bachlorette party at a strip club. The men did not wear “speedos”. When she got home late that night she ravaged me; no complaints here. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/39 "2017-03-22T15:51:16Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > Your characterization of her boyfriend as being insecure and a control freak are judgmental and false. Of course he is going to be mad that his girlfriend wants to go to a male strip club, as it shows that she is not satisfied with what he is giving him, even if he’s giving her his all, which just makes her evidently selfish. > > As a guy myself, I’ll tell you that this is a guy thing, And as a guy myself, I’ll tell you that it isn’t. So? Some men might feel jealousy at the idea of their gf seeing a Chippendales’ show, but I frankly doubt that the majority of men will really be bothered by something that tame and common. And in fact, I can understand going there mostly out of curiosity. For instance, I went myself to the Lido cabaret mostly out of curiosity, and appreciated it mostly for the scenography, despite it being centered on almost naked women. And my gf at the time didn’t make a fuss about me “not being satisfied with what she was giving me”. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2017, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728/40 "2017-03-22T15:59:46Z")
> [@CosmicManiac](#): > > Of _course_ it’s normal for a man to be apprehensive about the notion of his girlfriend/wife perusing a male strip club so she can ogle half-naked men decked out in speedos. You won’t see any guy encouraging his wife to do such a thing, unless he’s in some kind of “open marriage” arrangement with his wife, which to me would be disheartening as it pretty much ruins the significance of their getting married. I would be perfectly happy if my wife went to a strip club. I love her interest in all things sexual and as long as she comes home to be at the end of the night, I don’t care if she was ogling half (or fully) naked men (or women). We don’t have an “open marriage” (not that there’s anything wrong with that) but I wouldn’t fell the least bit threatened by her occasional interest in seeing what’s happening at a strip club. [granted, this is all hypothetical, since she has never expressed any interest in such a thing] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-boyfriend-so-disgusted-with-the-fact-that-i-was-curious-about-a-male-strip-club/782728.md?page=3)