# Why is my brother such a miserable bastard? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [May 21, 2010, 7:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290 "2010-05-21T19:36:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/41 "2010-05-23T18:50:16Z")
Okay, I’ve read some of **ryan** ’s other threads, and it looks like the whole family’s dysfunctional. Also, he didn’t just get laid off; he got sacked. That said, I believe finding his own place is not as simple in England as it is here in the US. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think there are a lot of hoops to jump through, as opposed to here where you just have to put down a deposit and first/last, and provide a reference that may or may not be checked. So he may not have the option of moving out, like, tomorrow. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/42 "2010-05-23T18:51:42Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > I assume that your brother is a miserable bastard because for the past 4 months he’s been supporting his dead beat brother. > > He has no obligation to you, whatsoever, to pay your bills. If you don’t like the way he treats you, get a job and move out. Your husband is a lucky man to have you for life. As far as the OP, is he like this with everyone or just you? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/43 "2010-05-23T18:54:36Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > So I highlight the character traits of my brother to provide a lowdown on what I’m dealing with \ Have you considered what _he’s_ dealing with? You’re not coming off as a real peach here either. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/44 "2010-05-23T19:41:48Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Your husband is a lucky man to have you for life. Well he certainly thinks so. Hey - I may be abrasive, but at least I have a job and support myself. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/45 "2010-05-23T19:47:45Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Hey - I may be abrasive, but at least I have a job and support myself. That’s a pretty damn shitty thing to say to someone. There are a whole lot of unemployed people in the world right now who really, really wish they were working. But hey, at least they have you to shit on them. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/46 "2010-05-23T19:49:25Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > That’s a pretty damn shitty thing to say to someone. That I have a job and support myself? 😕 Ok then. The OP wants to know why his brother is a miserable bastard. I offered a (reasonable) reason why it might be so and got called an idiot. I guess you’ll forgive me if I’m not particularly sympathetic to his plight at this point. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/47 "2010-05-23T19:59:47Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > That I have a job and support myself? 😕 Stop being coy. You know good and damn well that was a slam at the OP’s unemployed status. > [@](#): > > Ok then. The OP wants to know why his brother is a miserable bastard. I offered a (reasonable) reason why it might be so and got called an idiot. > > I guess you’ll forgive me if I’m not particularly sympathetic to his plight at this point. Quit acting like you tried to offer anything resembling constructive criticism. Nobody here is buying that load of crap, when it’s obvious all you did was show up and call the OP a name. The funny thing is, you’re (rightly) complaining in one thread about unfair characterizations, then engaging in the same behavior here. Did that not trigger your irony meter just a little bit as you were toggling back and forth between the two? ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/48 "2010-05-23T20:06:20Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > Stop being coy. You know good and damn well that was a slam at the OP’s unemployed status. > > Quit acting like you tried to offer anything resembling constructive criticism. Nobody here is buying that load of crap, when it’s obvious all you did was show up and call the OP a name. > > The funny thing is, you’re (rightly) complaining in one thread about unfair characterizations, then engaging in the same behavior here. Did that not trigger your irony meter just a little bit as you were toggling back and forth between the two? The OP has been unemployed for 4 months, living off his brother and has the gall to criticize his bro for ‘working long hours’ in his OP. If your irony meter didn’t ping at that fine, but mine is going off full tilt. My comments were directed at the OP, and they may not have been 100% supportive of his position. If you choose to extrapolate that to every unemployed person in the world…well, that’s on you. It’s not an accurate reflection of my opinion, but if you choose to believe it, so be it. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/49 "2010-05-23T20:20:42Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > The OP has been unemployed for 4 months, living off his brother and has the gall to criticize his bro for ‘working long hours’ in his OP. If your irony meter didn’t ping at that fine, but mine is going off full tilt. I didn’t read that as a criticism, just as a reason why he might be cranky. I also caught the part where is brother was unemployed in the past. Calling the OP a dead beat was a shitty thing to say, and offered nothing to the discussion. > [@](#): > > My comments were directed at the OP, and they may not have been 100% supportive of his position. If you choose to extrapolate that to every unemployed person in the world…well, that’s on you. It’s not an accurate reflection of my opinion, but if you choose to believe it, so be it. You don’t get to throw a jab at a group of people, then cry “no offense” to all the people who find it offensive as hell. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/50 "2010-05-23T20:32:51Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > You don’t get to throw a jab at a group of people, then cry “no offense” to all the people who find it offensive as hell. I didn’t throw a jab at a group of people. I threw a jab at the OP. As I said, if you choose to interpret that a different way, that’s on you. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/51 "2010-05-23T20:42:19Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > I didn’t throw a jab at a group of people. I threw a jab at the OP. As I said, if you choose to interpret that a different way, that’s on you. Yeah. “I’m better than the OP, because I am employed and can support myself. No offense to all you people who are unemployed and can’t support yourselves.” Whatever was I thinking in my “choice” to interpret it as a shitty remark? ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/52 "2010-05-23T20:45:44Z")
Agree with **AiW**. There is no excuse for not working for 4 months. Surely McDonald’s is hiring. What are you doing all day? ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/53 "2010-05-23T20:50:51Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Agree with **AiW**. > > There is no excuse for not working for 4 months. Surely McDonald’s is hiring. What are you doing all day? Something like 40% of the unemployed people in this country have been out of work for over 6 months. That number is going up. ---
**Author:** ![Crafter\_Man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crafter_man/32/458_2.png) [@Crafter\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crafter_Man)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/54 "2010-05-23T20:59:02Z")
> [@Labrador\_Deceiver](#): > > Something like 40% of the unemployed people in this country have been out of work for over 6 months. That number is going up. Your point? ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/55 "2010-05-23T21:04:59Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Your husband is a lucky man to have you for life. > > As far as the OP, is he like this with everyone or just you? He’s like that with my other two brothers. I mentioned the Marijuana use because I thought that might contribute to all this, I dunno, maybe he’s going through withdrawal, he has constant mood swings. > [@](#): > > **crafterman** > What are you doing all day? Working out how to make a bag of spuds last a week? (Yes, thats right) > [@](#): > > **Cat Whisperer** > Have you considered what _he’s_ dealing with? You’re not coming off as a real peach here either. Look I apologise, I’m quite introverted in real life, so I don’t usually talk about family stuff unless its’ to another person in my family, so I’m coming off angry here because I’ve had to repress it. > [@](#): > > **Alice in wonderland** > I guess you’ll forgive me if I’m not particularly sympathetic to his plight at this point. One day Karma will come **AiW**. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/56 "2010-05-23T21:05:28Z")
> [@Crafter\_Man](#): > > Your point? My point is that your statement above is totally full of shit. There are a ton of people who are busting their asses trying to get a job right now. 213,000 in my state alone have been trying for over 6 months. Almost a half a million total. You seem to think that getting a job at McDonalds is something that is easy to do. You ever tried getting hired by McDonalds? They just loooove hiring college educated people who are going to bolt as soon as possible, let me tell you. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/57 "2010-05-23T21:25:02Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > One day Karma will come **AiW**. if you truely believe this have you thought about what douchy things you’ve done to earn your current situation? Or does ‘Karma’ only apply to me? ---
**Author:** ![Perciful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Perciful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Perciful)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/58 "2010-05-23T21:35:30Z")
> [@Ryan\_Liam](#): > > So I highlight the character traits of my brother to provide a lowdown on what I’m dealing with and that makes me someone with ‘poor character’? > > Hey Perciful if you even bothered to read what I wrote in the OP, I said this is what he has been like BEFORE, that’s right BEFORE I lost my job. I read your OP and like any business agreement when one side is not keeping up the bargain you can be asked to leave. Right now you should spend all day pounding the pavement with a bag lunch and I bet you would have a job in a week. It takes effort to get a job and effort to keep one. You can’t change your brother, only yourself, so get going. Get out there every day and put in apps and go business to business. When you get a job look at Craigslist for a roommate situation and get out of your brothers. You will both be happier for it. My son was unemployed when Russell Stover went out of business and I kept on him because I cared. He went to unemployment and got listings and within a week he got his current job he has had for years now. Left to his own devices he would have sat and played Mortal Combat all day long. Sometimes we need a push. Good Luck Ryan. That is my son’s name btw. ---
**Author:** ![Ryan\_Liam](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ryan_liam/32/3965_2.png) [@Ryan\_Liam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryan_Liam)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/59 "2010-05-23T21:40:58Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > if you truely believe this have you thought about what douchy things you’ve done to earn your current situation? > > Or does ‘Karma’ only apply to me? Maybe, and being a ‘deadbeat’ as you eloquently put it, aint one of them. Why are you grating on me? Ever since you’ve contributed to this thread you’ve blindly assumed I’m not doing anything to alleviate my current position, hell, you didn’t even bother to read the OP thoroughly, you just acted like a bull in a china shop and stomped around to make your point. I get it, I’m unemployed, I also understand I’m an ungrateful SOB who doesn’t appreciate what his brother is doing for him. I understand all that, what I don’t understand is why you seem to think I haven’t thought about that myself during the time I’ve lived off my generous government allowance. You know I _can_ empathise, I have been in my brothers position, however as I stated in the OP, there’s alot more going on than _that_. ---
**Author:** ![Patt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Patt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patt)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2010, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290/60 "2010-05-23T21:49:51Z")
One side of this has yet to be brought up and it exists in the background… Are your parents pressuring him? Are they doing that parent thing of ‘he’s your little brother, you HAVE to help him’ stuff? If they are, they are bringing up lots of early teen resentment that he’s already been through. You know he hated you then - all older siblings go through that time. Perhaps, a little confab with your folks is in order. Because if they are doing this, then you need to first, be aware of it taking place and second, tell them what it’s producing in your brother’s behavior. Then tell your folks that you two are grown ups and don’t need or want mom and dad saying ‘play nice or else’. That doesn’t work with people who’ve moved away from home. Ever. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-my-brother-such-a-miserable-bastard/540290.md?page=4)