# Why is polygamy bad? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [April 8, 2009, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407 "2009-04-08T17:45:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/21 "2009-04-08T21:56:50Z")
> [@xtisme](#): > > I think you are underestimating (rather severely) the amount of legal complications possible. Just as a for instance…who gets custody of any kids in a divorce? What if it’s a 2/1 split (i.e. two of the spouses stay together and one leaves)? How about property? If each goes their own way…who pays child support? How much? What about alimony? Does the man have to pay for both wives? How about if it’s several men and one wife? Somehow we figure it out when it’s step-families. Lots and lots of kids have more than two functioning parents, they’re just not married to each other all at once. > [@](#): > > In the end there just aren’t enough folks who what these kinds of marriages to make the pain and problems worth it. I was under the impression that an ethical country made laws to protect the politically weakest minority members of itself, not just the strong majority. How many people need wheelchair ramps at health clubs, really? Yet we still ensure their presence for those few that do. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/22 "2009-04-08T22:20:36Z")
> [@BrainGlutton](#): > > Very old practical objection: If a man has two wives, either they will get along with each other or they won’t. If they don’t, the husband will find himself cast in the thankless role of referee in their quarrels. If they do, then whenever either of them wants something from the husband, they will join forces and work on him in shifts to wear down his resistance. Anecdote ahead: I was vacationing in the Caribbean and met a guy from Saudi Arabia. Somehow or other we got on the subject of multiple wives. This is what he told me (his words albeit heavily paraphrased…been a long, long time): “You need to have one wife or four. Two women will gang up on the man and make him miserable. With three women two of them will form a clique and gang up on the third woman and ostracize her which will again make the man miserable. Four women and the internal politics are dynamic enough that the household is peaceful again.” He went on to note: “You probably see something similar when trying to pickup women. One woman you can approach. Two women will oppose you, neither will leave her friend for the guy and they will unite and oppose you. Three women, one will not leave for fear the other two will talk about her. Four women or more you can again approach with some confidence.” Dunno…seemed wise words to me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/23 "2009-04-08T22:22:33Z")
[QUOTE=WhyNot] Somehow we figure it out when it’s step-families. Lots and lots of kids have more than two functioning parents, they’re just not married to each other all at once. [/QUOTE] Yeah, but there are problems with there too…and this despite the fact that we’ve been dealing with this situation for decades. Dealing with step children by former parents is child’s play next too trying to deal with 3 parents who are CURRENTLY married fighting over who gets custody…and who pays support to who. And who gets what in the settlement. And who decides whether spouse C gets cut off of life support or becomes an organ donor. Sure…it could be done. We could figure out how someone could marry a gold fish if we really wanted too. But it would be messy…MUCH more messy than any scenario under the current system. > [@](#): > > I was under the impression that an ethical country made laws to protect the politically weakest minority members of itself, not just the strong majority. How many people need wheelchair ramps at health clubs, really? Yet we still ensure their presence for those few that do. True…but the thing is ‘we’ collectively have to care enough to push for it. Have you noticed the whole dust up with gay marriage? There are simply not enough people who care enough about this to bother going to the trouble and expense (and mess) of pushing it through. That’s reality. -XT ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/24 "2009-04-08T22:45:31Z")
> [@xtisme](#): > > \ > True…but the thing is ‘we’ collectively have to care enough to push for it. Have you noticed the whole dust up with gay marriage? There are simply not enough people who care enough about this to bother going to the trouble and expense (and mess) of pushing it through. That’s reality. > > -XT On social networking sites, there is often an option “it’s complicated” to describe a relationship. From the blogs I read and the people I talk to, it seems like there are a growing number of people who are in polygamous relationships. The internet certainly make finding people easier. Only 10% of people are gay, yet gay marriage is becoming legalized. I would not be surprised to find polygamy is next. There are people who thrive on this kind of cause. ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/25 "2009-04-08T23:21:17Z")
> [@Gorsnak](#): > > If we’re talking about traditional polygamous marriages like those backwoods Mormons do where young girls are more or less forced into arranged marriages, well then we have some very obvious badness. One might argue that the coercion & etc which makes these marriages bad is independent of them being polygamous, and that we should more narrowly forbid the coercion and not the polygamy per se. Indeed. I suspect that Warren Buffet and William Moulton Marston (creator of Wonder Woman) and their respective wives were perfectly happy and there of their own free will. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2009, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/26 "2009-04-08T23:35:25Z")
At the moment, polygyny works (for a given definition of “works”) in limited communities because there’s a larger community available to absorb the excess men. Young boys and men are exiled, often charged with spurious or impossible crimes, and ostracized from their communities, so there’s a) less competition from men, and b) more women to go around. Such practice also insures that the only remaining men in the community will support the practice of polygyny: if the only males left over _are_ the sheriff, the judge, the mayor, the preacher and so on, they can exert a tighter hold on those that stay. Practice polygyny everywhere and suddenly there’s nowhere for these surplus males to go. (Random thought: is that why there are so many male soldiers and male suicide bombers in polygynous Muslim nations?) I realize that the OP said “polygamy,” not polygyny, but as far as I know, poly_andry_ isn’t practiced in great numbers, and mixed polygamy is pretty rare too. ---
**Author:** ![ITR\_champion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c67d28/32.png) [@ITR\_champion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ITR_champion)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/27 "2009-04-09T00:17:28Z")
> [@Projammer](#): > > ETA: Most contributors here are taking the one man, many wives viewpoint. Please note that this is for all combinations. That just shows that most contributors here are aware of the historical facts about polygamy. It has always been the case, in every society that practiced polygamy, that older men with wealth and power hoarded attractive, young women as their wives. It has never been the case that women hoarded men as husbands, nor has their ever been a case of Heinlein-esque plural marriages where large numbers of men and women all marry each other in a group. Normalization of polygamy would upgrade the power and status of men and downgrade the power and status of women. Four thousand years of human history testifies to this fact. ---
**Author:** ![Captain\_Carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f0a364/32.png) [@Captain\_Carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Captain_Carrot)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/28 "2009-04-09T00:34:16Z")
> [@ITR\_champion](#): > > It has never been the case that women hoarded men as husbands, nor has their ever been a case of Heinlein-esque plural marriages where large numbers of men and women all marry each other in a group. Careful when you say ‘never’. You might get some egg on your face. [Polyandry - Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Polyandry) > [@ITR champion](#): > > Normalization of polygamy would upgrade the power and status of men and downgrade the power and status of women. This, I will grant, is pretty likely. ---
**Author:** ![lee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lee/32/7455_2.png) [@lee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lee)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/29 "2009-04-09T02:49:49Z")
I won’t grant it likely. Polygamy does have to be synonymous with polygyny. People are much more creative than that. ---
**Author:** ![Mojo\_Pin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Mojo\_Pin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mojo_Pin)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/30 "2009-04-09T07:13:12Z")
There’s nothing wrong with polygamy in and of itself, and disallowing anyone to have such a reationship because of the _potential_ for abuse is an infringement of freedom. Arrest the abusive individuals, but don’t throw out the baby. > [@ITR\_champion](#): > > Normalization of polygamy would upgrade the power and status of men and downgrade the power and status of women. Four thousand years of human history testifies to this fact. Why do you think that? In my experience the vagina holds more power over men than ever in modern society, men can no longer take the female out behind the cave and rape them. Beautiful women are idolized, and its hard enough for a guy to find girlfriend, what makes you think legalizing polygamy will suddenly: A. cause it to become the status quo of relationships and B. cause women who have lived their entire lives independently to suddenly lower themselves before men left and right? Please explain why you think consensual relationships between two people is fine but three or four and suddenly women are helpless to fend for themselves? ---
**Author:** ![AK84](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85e7bf/32.png) [@AK84](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AK84)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/31 "2009-04-09T07:50:22Z")
> [@Fish](#): > > At the moment, polygyny works (for a given definition of “works”) in limited communities because there’s a larger community available to absorb the excess men. Young boys and men are exiled, often charged with spurious or impossible crimes, and ostracized from their communities, so there’s a) less competition from men, and b) more women to go around. Such practice also insures that the only remaining men in the community will support the practice of polygyny: if the only males left over _are_ the sheriff, the judge, the mayor, the preacher and so on, they can exert a tighter hold on those that stay. > > Practice polygyny everywhere and suddenly there’s nowhere for these surplus males to go. (Random thought: **is that why there are so many male soldiers and male suicide bombers in polygynous Muslim nations**?) > > I realize that the OP said “polygamy,” not polygyny, but as far as I know, poly_andry_ isn’t practiced in great numbers, and mixed polygamy is pretty rare too. Record for the stupidest thought ever! Explain the Tamil Tigers then? Or the Japanese in WWII.Or the millions of soldiers that the European powers were able to raise. In most muslim countries, polygamy is allowed, its not something that is encouraged and the rates of marriage in muslim countries is higher than in others. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [April 9, 2009, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407/32 "2009-04-09T08:20:35Z")
> [@AK84](#): > > Record for the stupidest thought ever! Yay! I win! Hey, it’s just a thought. You know, you start looking at the social consequences of one action, and you wonder how they spill over into other parts of society. Polygynous sects in the U.S. clearly dispose of their excess males; that is well-documented. It just made me wonder. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-polygamy-bad/492407.md?page=1)