# why is selective empathy wrong when everybody is? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 27, 2016, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427 "2016-01-27T23:44:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![formzorba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/dfb087/32.png) [@formzorba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/formzorba)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/1 "2016-01-27T23:44:43Z")
is there anybody who has absolute empathy? i doubt. it’s degrees, no??? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2016, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/2 "2016-01-27T23:47:26Z")
Reported for forum change. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/3 "2016-01-28T00:04:33Z")
When everybody is _what?_ ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/4 "2016-01-28T00:18:38Z")
I reserve my empathy only for those with working shift keys. ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/5 "2016-01-28T00:26:37Z")
Did this start in the Pit or is one of the mods having that kind of a day? ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/6 "2016-01-28T00:36:21Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > Did this start in the Pit or is one of the mods having that kind of a day? It started in the Pit. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/7 "2016-01-28T01:38:07Z")
> [@formzorba](#): > > is there anybody who has absolute empathy? i doubt. it’s degrees, no??? Q: Are you trying to establish a foothold and/or justification for zero empathy? ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/8 "2016-01-28T02:08:09Z")
Moved to… I dunno, GD? ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/9 "2016-01-28T02:14:58Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Moved to… I dunno, GD? Like it’s not coming right back… ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/10 "2016-01-28T02:18:56Z")
> [@zoid](#): > > Like it’s not coming right back… Hey. _Hey._ Show a little empathy, willya? ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 2:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/11 "2016-01-28T02:20:09Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > Hey. _Hey._ Show a little empathy, willya? A little, sure. But not total. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Nylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Mr.Nylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Nylock)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/12 "2016-01-28T02:21:29Z")
People who need people are the luckiest people of all. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/13 "2016-01-28T02:29:45Z")
Survival is based on selective empathy. Reward those who are useful to your own existence, Ignore those who are irrelevant and punish those who are a threat. In a nutshell that is how empathy works. True unconditional empathy only comes from philosophy or religion. ---
**Author:** ![3trew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/3/13edae/32.png) [@3trew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3trew)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 2:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/14 "2016-01-28T02:34:11Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Reward those who are useful to your own existence, Ignore those who are irrelevant and punish those who are a threat. Unless they can’t use a shift key, in which case fuck them all. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/15 "2016-01-28T02:56:20Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Survival is based on selective empathy. Reward those who are useful to your own existence, Ignore those who are irrelevant and punish those who are a threat. In a nutshell that is how empathy works. That’s kind of exactly wrong. em·pa·thy ˈempəTHē noun the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/16 "2016-01-28T03:27:11Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > That’s kind of exactly wrong. > > em·pa·thy > ˈempəTHē > noun > the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. No its not wrong. How much empathy do you have for your child? They are essential to the survival of your genes. How much empathy do you have for a bacteria or an ant on the other side of the planet? They are useless to your survival. How much empathy do you have for someone who murders your children? They are a threat to your survival. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/17 "2016-01-28T03:47:32Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > No its not wrong. How much empathy do you have for your child? They are essential to the survival of your genes. How much empathy do you have for a bacteria or an ant on the other side of the planet? They are useless to your survival. How much empathy do you have for someone who murders your children? They are a threat to your survival. None of the examples you have given are based off of the feelings of the other person. They are all entirely built on a first-person perspective, which is the exact opposite of empathy: apathy. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/18 "2016-01-28T04:23:54Z")
Heck, it’s possible to form empathic bonds with people who are threats to your survival. Battered women and Stockholm Syndrome sufferers do that all the time, no? That said, _automatic_ empathy with and for all other lifeforms, or even just all other humans, strikes me as improbable. The protagonist of _Ender’s Game_ supposedly had it, and the book struck me as interesting albeit highly improbable. ---
**Author:** ![Robert163](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/4af34b/32.png) [@Robert163](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robert163)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/19 "2016-01-28T04:29:05Z")
I can understand not having empathy for rapists and child molesters and murderers, but, not having empathy for homeless people or illegal aliens is a bit baffling. I think, however, empathy and compassion is a trait some people simply have more of than others do, still, we could all work harder to have a bit more of it. Conversely, having too much empathy can impact your life. There is more suffering in the world than you will ever be able to fix. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2016, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427/20 "2016-01-28T12:36:52Z")
> [@formzorba](#): > > is there anybody who has absolute empathy? i doubt. it’s degrees, no??? I know just how you feel. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-selective-empathy-wrong-when-everybody-is/744427.md?page=2)