# Why is sex with someone else so much more satisfying than masturbation? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 11, 2003, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839 "2003-10-11T14:33:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![nisosbar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@nisosbar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nisosbar)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/1 "2003-10-11T14:33:33Z")
Many of us can give ourselves a better orgasm with Rosy Palm, yet, most people would probably agree it is not satisfying in the same way as coming to orgasm with a partner. (Actually, I once had a boyfriend who did NOT masturbate - never had, he claimed, and didn’t know how. I found that to be very incredible - and he never did masturbate the entire time I lived with him). Exactly why is that? ---
**Author:** ![WILLASS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/54ee81/32.png) [@WILLASS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WILLASS)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/2 "2003-10-11T14:41:08Z")
Why he never masturbated? God only knows…the poor, poor fool. He wasn’t Catholic was he? But I do know what you mean, it is much more satisfying having sex than it is to masturbate even if the orgasm achieved is better when ‘going solo’. Maybe it has something to do with the extra physical exertion, maybe its because your mind believes you are procreating rather than wasting time and rewards you justly, or maybe its simply because you are giving or getting a good hard shag. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/3 "2003-10-11T14:59:35Z")
Just a thought here: Masterbation gets the job done, satifaction for one person only. Sex may or may not get the job done, but its still a form of physical gratification that is shared. Two times the satisfaction. It makes me feel good to know that I made another feel good. ---
**Author:** ![Violet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/ebca7d/32.png) [@Violet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Violet)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/4 "2003-10-11T15:40:06Z")
Maybe it’s like having dinner alone or sharing it with some good buddies… Both get the nourishment taken care of. But socializing can be a lot of fun. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Griffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_Griffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Griffin)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/5 "2003-10-11T15:47:44Z")
Cos sex is something different. Masturbation you can do whenever you want. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/6 "2003-10-11T16:04:13Z")
Because when you masterbate, it only involves your hand and your genitals. When you have sex with someone else, it requires and involves so much more than that. ---
**Author:** ![Vlad\_Dracul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/50afbb/32.png) [@Vlad\_Dracul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vlad_Dracul)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/7 "2003-10-11T16:32:52Z")
Convincing someone to participate with you is an accomplishment, masturbation isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/8 "2003-10-11T16:44:39Z")
> [@](#): > > Because when you masterbate, it only involves your hand and your genitals. Maybe the way _you_ do it… Anyways, I disagree that sex with a partner is by definition more satisfying than masturbation. I’ve certainly had sex with partners which was not as satisfying to me as some of my solo adventures. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/9 "2003-10-11T17:20:52Z")
Ditto that, but in general I think (this is IMHO, right? I don’t need cites?) we’re hard-wired so that sex does some cool and interesting things to our sense of identity, bridging gaps between us and our partner and doing a “merge”. It’s part of the reason that manipulative or coercive sex is _so_ bad, and why good “I can’t even tell where my body ends and yours begins” sex is _so_ good. With even the best of masturbation (and to an extent with casual sex as well) most-to-all of this is going to go missing. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/10 "2003-10-11T17:25:54Z")
I think your general question is interesting and worth addressing, but i do find one part of your OP rather unbelievable. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by nisosbar \* > **(Actually, I once had a boyfriend who did NOT masturbate - never had, he claimed, and didn’t know how. I found that to be very incredible - and he never did masturbate the entire time I lived with him).** cough…BULLSHIT…cough I’m not saying you’re lying–i’m sure your boyfriend told you he didn’t masturbate. But i’m calling bullshit on his claim. If it’s true, he needs to be the subject of scientific experiments to determine why he is probably the only male in the history of the species who has never masturbated. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/11 "2003-10-11T17:35:01Z")
I agree with **Otto**. Sex is not always more satisfying than masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![nisosbar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@nisosbar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nisosbar)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/12 "2003-10-11T17:39:39Z")
His manner of release was to have wet dreams. I know, I know - :rolleyes: … Honestly, he never touched himself in order to stimulate himself sexually, and we would always be renting pornos and fooling around. It was very weird - he was a black guy from middle-class black Chicago, so perhaps it was a cultural thing? I’m really not sure what the explanation there was… ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/13 "2003-10-11T17:53:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mhendo \* > \*\*I think your general question is interesting and worth addressing, but i do find one part of your OP rather unbelievable. cough…BULLSHIT…cough > > I’m not saying you’re lying–i’m sure your boyfriend told you he didn’t masturbate. > > But i’m calling bullshit on his claim. If it’s true, he needs to be the subject of scientific experiments to determine why he is probably the only male in the history of the species who has never masturbated. \*\* If it helps your study any, up until about a month ago I didn’t do it. Beyond a point it didn’t do anything for me. Then, of course, I figured out how. No guarantees since then:D ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/14 "2003-10-11T17:58:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > \*\*If it helps your study any, up until about a month ago I didn’t do it. Beyond a point it didn’t do anything for me. \*\* Hey, beyond a point it doesn’t do anything for me either. But that “point” is when i blow all over the wad of folded tissue. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Enola\_Straight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dec6dc/32.png) [@Enola\_Straight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enola_Straight)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/15 "2003-10-11T18:30:32Z")
With sex, more of your goodies are stimulated with greater surface area than merely one hand. Plus, its warmer. ---
**Author:** ![Verminous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Verminous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Verminous)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/16 "2003-10-11T18:53:40Z")
I’m the great loner, so I’d have to disagree with the premise behind this thread. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/17 "2003-10-11T19:13:28Z")
My guess is that it’s similar to why tickling oneself never works nearly as well as when someone else does it. As to why that is though, I couldn’t tell ya. ---
**Author:** ![Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/46a35a/32.png) [@Tim\_T-Bonham.net](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tim_T-Bonham.net)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/18 "2003-10-11T20:48:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mhendo \* > \*\*But i’m calling bullshit on his claim. If it’s true, he needs to be the subject of scientific experiments to determine why he is probably the only male in the history of the species who has never masturbated. \*\* So you think Jesus Christ masturbated? You’re going to get yourself condemned to everlasting hellfire by all the religious people on this board. And Pat Robertson will probably issus a _fatwa_ against you, asking all his followers to pray for that you die. ---
**Author:** ![pervert](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bbe5ce/32.png) [@pervert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pervert)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/19 "2003-10-11T21:59:50Z")
I think it has to do with the phenomena Eonwe suggested. If I’m not mistaken, this has to do with our unability to turn off our sense of self. That is, we cannot help but know precisly where the tickle is coming from and when it will start when we try to “self tickle”. In this case, the surprise factor is absent and thus it doesn’t tickle. By the same token, sex with another allows us to experience stimulus which we are unaware of until it happens. (not to mention that some stimulus cannot be self inflicted) Its not necessarily better, but it certainly is different. At the same time, there seems to be a satisfaction connected with stimulating a partner. The scent, sight, or sounds of an overtly stimulated partner can be extremely exciting all by itself. Notice what you fantasize about while self stimulating. YMMV, ut I don’t think many people fantasize about self gratification whilst doing it. ---
**Author:** ![nisosbar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c37758/32.png) [@nisosbar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nisosbar)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2003, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839/20 "2003-10-11T22:23:39Z")
Wow - great post, pervert! (and I meant that in a nice way) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-sex-with-someone-else-so-much-more-satisfying-than-masturbation/206839.md?page=2)