# Why is the Baby Jesus such a pussy? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [December 5, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220 "2004-12-05T15:32:33Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kel_Varnsen_Latex_Division)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/1 "2004-12-05T15:32:33Z")
It seems like everything makes the Baby Jesus cry. Lie - Makes the Baby Jesus cry. Steal - Makes the Baby Jesus cry. Masturbate - Makes the Baby Jesus cry. Cheat on your spouse - Makes the Baby Jesus cry. Is there anything that will not make the Baby Jesus cry? Buck up buddy, you are God for Chirst’s sake. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/2 "2004-12-05T16:04:35Z")
In Chirst’s name, amen. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/3 "2004-12-05T16:11:34Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > Is there anything that will not make the Baby Jesus cry? Having his father strike down blasphemers? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/4 "2004-12-05T16:13:19Z")
The New Testament omitts the fact that the baby Jesus had colic. They didn’t know much about that stuff back then. The Baby Jesus doesn’t really care about what you do. He is going to cry anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Farmwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8dc957/32.png) [@Farmwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmwoman)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/5 "2004-12-05T16:20:48Z")
That, and the fact that swaddling clothes did nothing to wick away moisture the way our modern fibers do, so it’s likely that most of the babies in the manger were a little cranky by our standards. ---
**Author:** ![Jayn\_Newell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Jayn\_Newell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jayn_Newell)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/6 "2004-12-05T16:59:49Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > Is there anything that will not make the Baby Jesus cry? I think gold, frankencence (sp?) and mir are a safe bet. ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/7 "2004-12-05T17:19:29Z")
> [@Jayn\_Newell](#): > > I think gold, frankencence (sp?) and **mir** are a safe bet. Giving defunct space stations as gifts makes the baby Jesus cry. ---
**Author:** ![ParentalAdvisory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/53a042/32.png) [@ParentalAdvisory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ParentalAdvisory)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/8 "2004-12-05T17:50:45Z")
> [@Kel Varnsen - Latex Division](#): > > Masturbate - Makes the Baby Jesus cry. Funny, I always thought doing this killed a kitten. Back to the drawing board for me. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/9 "2004-12-05T17:51:25Z")
Well, they don’t call him “baby” for nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Farmwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8dc957/32.png) [@Farmwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmwoman)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/10 "2004-12-05T17:55:10Z")
But dead kittens make the baby Jesus cry, so… ---
**Author:** ![Tentacle\_Monster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ba9def/32.png) [@Tentacle\_Monster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tentacle_Monster)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/11 "2004-12-05T18:16:46Z")
Dead kittens make me cry. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/12 "2004-12-05T18:27:13Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > Dead kittens make me cry. ☹ Me too. Wait a minute. If God kills kittens and dead kittens make Baby Jesus cry, then God is an abusive father? ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/13 "2004-12-05T18:28:57Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > Me too. > > Wait a minute. If God kills kittens and dead kittens make Baby Jesus cry, then God is an abusive father? But Jesus is God, right? So that’s self-abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/14 "2004-12-05T18:29:25Z")
> [@Wile E](#): > > Me too. > > Wait a minute. If God kills kittens and dead kittens make Baby Jesus cry, then God is an abusive father? God doesn’t kill kittens, masterbaters do. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/15 "2004-12-05T18:30:57Z")
> [@Mr. Blue Sky](#): > > God doesn’t kill kittens, masterbaters do. Masturbaters, too. ---
**Author:** ![Farmwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8dc957/32.png) [@Farmwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmwoman)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/16 "2004-12-05T18:33:55Z")
mastubation is self-abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Farmwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8dc957/32.png) [@Farmwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmwoman)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/17 "2004-12-05T18:34:56Z")
masturbation too. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/18 "2004-12-05T18:35:15Z")
> [@Farmwoman](#): > > mastubation is self-abuse. [And kitten abuse](http://www.hosstyle.com/kittens.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Farmwoman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8dc957/32.png) [@Farmwoman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Farmwoman)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/19 "2004-12-05T18:37:34Z")
That’s just sick. If I think of kittens while I’m masturbating the baby Jesus will most certainly cry. ---
**Author:** ![Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/aeb1de/32.png) [@Kel\_Varnsen\_Latex\_Division](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kel_Varnsen_Latex_Division)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220/20 "2004-12-05T18:57:47Z")
When does God kill the kitten? When I first touch myself or when I have an orgasm? What if I start and then stop and then start again, does God kill two kittens? What if I masturbate as foreplay to impregnant my wife, does the kitten still die? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-is-the-baby-jesus-such-a-pussy/278220.md?page=2)