# Why lift bride and groom on chairs at Jewish weddings? **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [September 7, 2000, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365 "2000-09-07T16:03:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/1 "2000-09-07T16:03:04Z")
Random thoughts like this occur to me when one of our kids wakes us at 4:00am for a chat and I cannot fall back to sleep. About 8 years ago my wife and I were married - and we still are, very happily, thank you very much. Laying in bed I recall the celebration following the ceremony and I vividly remembered being hoisted up in the air along with my bride by our guests and family who then proceeded to dance around the room with us on their shoulders. Now I should mention that I’m Jewish while my wife is not. In all the madness preparing for the wedding I had forgotten about this quaint little ritual and thus neglected to mention what she should expect during the celebrations. I will never forget the questioning look in her eyes when the chairs were brought onto the middle of the dance floor and we were made to sit on them. I had only the opportunity to utter “Hang on sweetie!” before she and I were hoisted into the air. The look on her face was both of shock and terror and I could do nothing but hold her hand and continue to tell her to hang tight. Fortunately the entire event went off without injury to either my bride or myself. We were eventually set back down on the ground and, as always, able to laugh about it. The question is (after that long boring story), what is the history/purpose of that tradition? ---
**Author:** ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/2 "2000-09-07T16:40:02Z")
Numerous choices: [list=A] [li]It is to symbolize that a good marriage requires that one strive to go ever higher, closer to G-d.[/li][li]It is to symbolize that one cannot do anything without being supported by others.[/li][li]It is to symbolize that in order to accomplish anything of consequence one must **get off the floor and do something!!!** [/li][li]It symbolizes the fact that we have little ultimate control of our lives and destinies.[/li][li]There is actually no such “custom”. It’s just something that people got into the habit of doing, like a popular dance.[/li][/list=A] Correct answer - E ---
**Author:** ![Keeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Keeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keeve)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/3 "2000-09-07T16:58:34Z")
IzzyR is correct in pointing out that A, B, C, and D are all off base. But the correct answer, E, can be added to: It demonstrates that the bride and groom are the focal point of the occassion. The point of the wedding reception is not for the guests to have a good time, but for the guests to entertain the couple and get their new life off to a happy start. And from the way QuickSilver describes it, it sounds like the ploy worked! ---
**Author:** ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/4 "2000-09-07T17:26:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Keeve \* > **IzzyR is correct in pointing out that A, B, C, and D are all off base.** Of course I’m correct. I made up all the other choices for entertainment purposes only.\*\* > [@](#): > > But the correct answer, E, can be added to\*\* You can read any meaning that you want into anything, and if it works for you, fine. But I can assure you that there is no such “custom”. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/5 "2000-09-07T17:37:17Z")
From Webster: > [@](#): > > Main Entry: **cus·tom** > Pronunciation: 'k&s-t&m > Function: noun > Etymology: Middle English custume, from Old French, from Latin consuetudin-, consuetudo, from consuescere to accustom, from com- + suescere to accustom; akin to suus one’s own – more at SUICIDE > Date: 13th century > 1 a : a usage or practice common to many or to a particular place or class or habitual with an individual b : long-established practice considered as unwritten law \*\*c : repeated practice d : the whole body of usages, practices, or conventions that regulate social life \*\* > 2 plural a : duties, tolls, or imposts imposed by the sovereign law of a country on imports or exports b usually singular in construction : the agency, establishment, or procedure for collecting such customs > 3 a : business patronage b : usually habitual patrons : CUSTOMERS > synonym see HABIT > Main Entry: \*\*tra·di·tion \*\* > Pronunciation: tr&-'di-sh&n > Function: noun > Etymology: Middle English tradicioun, from Middle French & Latin; Middle French tradition, from Latin tradition-, traditio action of handing over, tradition – more at TREASON > Date: 14th century > **1 : an inherited, established, or customary pattern of thought, action, or behavior (as a religious practice or a social custom) > 2 : the handing down of information, beliefs, and customs by word of mouth or by example from one generation to another without written instruction > 3 : cultural continuity in social attitudes, customs, and institutions > 4 : characteristic manner, method, or style** Not trying to be contrary and I accept the fact that, as you say, the practice of placing bride and groom perilously above the floor on their wedding day is not a talmudic or halachtic regulation. Still, not a single Jewish wedding goes by without this kind of stunt and I believe it has been handed down for at least several generations. Tradition! I say. Tradition!!! ---
**Author:** ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/6 "2000-09-07T17:59:49Z")
I agree that it is a custom in the manner of a popular dance or song which becomes standardized. But there’s no sense looking for meaning in it. The whole thing is only done in non-orthodox circles. Among the Orthodox, the men and women are separated. It is common for people to pick up the bride and groom at some point, separately and not necessarily at the same time. But I’ve been at weddings where this was not done. I’ll bet the whole thing started in America. And I’d be surprised if goes back more than one generation. ---
**Author:** ![rackensack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@rackensack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rackensack)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/7 "2000-09-07T18:11:23Z")
The reason I’ve always seen, in my reading and study, is that in Orthodox communities, the segregation of male and female extends to the guests at a wedding and reception. A _mechitzah_ is erected to divide the male side of the room from the female. While there is indeed much music, dancing, and merriment, the dancing is entirely traditional group dances (the hora being an example), not the couple dancing more familiar in other Western weddings. In order for the happy couple to dance together, after a fashion, the tradition arose of placing them on chairs and lifting them up above the _mechitzah_ so that they might each hold one end of a handkerchief and at least symbolically share the dance. In non-Orthodox communities, the _mechitzah_ is gone, but the tradition of raising the couple above it on chairs has taken on a life of its own. Here’s a decent [article](http://www.ohr.org.il/judaism/articles/wedding.htm), from an Orthodox rabbi, on the specifics of Jewish weddings and the attendant celebration. One quote from it may be considered germane to this specific discussion: > [@](#): > > The dancing, in accordance with Jewish law requires a separation between men and women for reasons of modesty, and hence there is a mechitzah, or partition between the men and women. ---
**Author:** ![cmkeller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmkeller/32/118_2.png) [@cmkeller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmkeller)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/8 "2000-09-07T18:23:20Z")
I’m with Izzy on this one. I should point out that this is also usually done with the Bar Mitzvah boy at a Bar Mitzvah celebration. It’s not specifically a wedding thing. It’s simply a dance, one which makes the event’s special folk(s) feel even more special. ---
**Author:** ![sdimbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdimbert/32/20204_2.png) [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 7:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/9 "2000-09-07T19:31:58Z")
I think that if we take all of the posts in this thread, put them in a sealed jar and shake 'em up for a while, we can come up with the correct answer to the OP. If I may (ahem): **Izzy** posted: \*\* > [@](#): > > The whole thing is only done in non-orthodox circles. Among the Orthodox, the men and women are separated. It is common for people to pick up the bride and groom at some point, separately and not necessarily at the same time. But I’ve been at weddings where this was not done. \*\* And, **Keeve** posted: \*\* > [@](#): > > The point of the wedding reception is not for the guests to have a good time, but for the guests to entertain the couple and get their new life off to a happy start.\*\* Well put, **Keeve**. (And, since your screen name is unfamiliar to me, welcome aboard!) **Izzy** , I have seen this “tradition” at virtually every Orthodox wedding which I have had the privelege to attend. I believe that the reason for it lied in your post - At Orthodox weddings, the male and female revelers are separated. But, it is their responsibility to entertain the Chatan and Kallah (Bride and Groom), so they often seat the two down next to each other and perform for them. This is usually done by the men, with the Chatan and Kallah in the middle of the circle on the Men’s side, with the poor women straining to peek over everyone’s heads from outside the circle. How did the Bride get there? Easy! The men went over to the other side of the room, picked her up on a chair, and carried her over to their side! Of course, this sometimes works the other way (with the men carrying the Chatan over to his Kallah). It is easy to see how this evolved into the traditional hoisting of the two love-birds. ---
**Author:** ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/10 "2000-09-07T19:46:36Z")
**sdimbert,** Having been to scores of weddings and never seen what you describe even once, or in fact ever heard of such a thing, I don’t think you could classify this as a “tradition”. I have heard of the hankerchief stuff that **rackensack** describes, but never seen that done either. ---
**Author:** ![sdimbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdimbert/32/20204_2.png) [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/11 "2000-09-07T21:15:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by IzzyR \* > **Having been to scores of weddings and never seen what you describe even once, or in fact ever heard of such a thing…** OK. I think we’re having a misunderstanding, so I will take it step by step. At my wedding: [/list=1] [li]Following the Chupah, the guests adjourned to the Dining Hall while my wife and I went to the Yichud Room.[/li][li]Following Yichud, we went to spend some time with the photographer to take pictures of us, since we had not seen each other before the Chupah.[/li][li]When the photo shoot was done, we made a grand entrance into the Dining Hall which prompted a wild dance session. The women immediately grabbed my wife and dragged her to one side of the Mechitzah, I went with my pals to the other and we danced, seperately, for about 40 minutes.[/li][li]A group of women appeared around the end of the Mechitzah and the crowds agreed that it was time for my wife and I to sit down together. I do not remember if I went to her or she came to me or if we met somewhere in the middle, but soon she and I were seated together, in the middle of a circle, while our friends juggled, danced and did stunts for our entertainment.[/li][/list=1] Which step there have you “never seen” or “even heard of”? ---
**Author:** ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/12 "2000-09-07T21:39:24Z")
This > [@](#): > > How did the Bride get there? Easy! The men went over to the other side of the room, picked her up on a chair, and carried her over to their side! > > Of course, this sometimes works the other way (with the men carrying the Chatan over to his Kallah). Everyone I saw made it under their own power. ---
**Author:** ![sdimbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdimbert/32/20204_2.png) [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/13 "2000-09-07T22:21:00Z")
I understand. I was thinking about my wedding some more - I remembered that, when it was time for us to “come together” towards the end of the first dance, the guys lifted me and some went to get her. They brought both of us together and we did the whole seated thing. Before they put us down, someone tossed me a napkin and we “danced” up there holding it for a while - felt so stupid that I threw it away and held her hand (_gasp!_). HTH. ---
**Author:** ![David\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/51bf81/32.png) [@David\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/David_B)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2000, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/14 "2000-09-07T22:56:31Z")
You guys all got it wrong. In fact, the answer was already given in the OP: > [@](#): > > The look on her face was both of shock and terror **That** is the real reason for this custom! ---
**Author:** ![zev\_steinhardt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/97f17d/32.png) [@zev\_steinhardt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zev_steinhardt)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2000, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/15 "2000-09-08T02:17:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by David B \* > \*\*You guys all got it wrong. > > In fact, the answer was already given in the OP: > > > [@](#): > > > > The look on her face was both of shock and terror > > **That** is the real reason for this custom! \*\* That’s what I thought!! 🙂 I have a terrible fear of heights (I don’t even change the lightbulbs in my house) and I was _very_ nervous when they lifted me on a chair. I knew it was coming, but I was still scared. Zev Steinhardt ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2000, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/16 "2000-09-08T12:43:19Z")
I agree with him, and also with him. I thought the origin was exactly so that the bride and groom, on separate chairs on different sides of the mekhitza, could “dance” together in the air, so to speak, but I have no authority for that. In any case, it is now a tradition…like breaking the glass. (The rationale that breaking the glass symbolizes the destruction of the Temple is silly; it’s not a sad moment, everyone applauds!) Traditions don’t need reasons other than “it’s traditional.” The extension of the chair-dance to the Bar Mitzvah however is definitely a very, very recent occurrence. And one that I find pretty dumb. ---
**Author:** ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2000, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/17 "2000-09-08T13:05:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by CKDextHavn \* > **In any case, it is now a tradition…like breaking the glass.** I disagree. If you would tell a rabbi that you didn’t feel like beaking a glass, he would attempt to convince you to uphold the custom. If you would say that you didn’t feel like being lifted in a chair, he would say to do whatever you feel like. ---
**Author:** ![Keeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Keeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keeve)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2000, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-lift-bride-and-groom-on-chairs-at-jewish-weddings/32365/18 "2000-09-08T14:17:17Z")
I think we’re getting a little too nitpicky on how widespread something has to be in order to count as a “tradition”. No one ever tried to say that this chair business is _required_ to any degree. Let’s just call it “popular” and be done with it!