# Why People Don't Want to Date You **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 28, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692 "2010-10-28T18:47:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecc23a/32.png) [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_wind_of_my_soul)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/1 "2010-10-28T18:47:45Z")
We all have our deal-breakers in the dating world, and we’ve had threads about them before. But I want to turn the tables and ask what behavior _you_ exhibit that’s often a deal-breaker for _others._ The big thing with me is sex. I usually date a guy for a couple months before I will sleep with him, and that’s too long for many, many guys. So they look elsewhere. Sooooo … what do you do that turns people away? ---
**Author:** ![Todderbob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e47774/32.png) [@Todderbob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Todderbob)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/2 "2010-10-28T18:49:54Z")
Animals. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/3 "2010-10-28T18:51:53Z")
I’m rather shy, reluctant to even so much as suggest a sexual interest for fear of giving offense, and absolutely clueless when it comes to women. There are very, very good reasons that I don’t get many dates. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/4 "2010-10-28T18:57:44Z")
I’m married. People generally find that to be a turn-off in a dating partner. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/5 "2010-10-28T18:58:27Z")
I’m 47. That’s a turnoff for many women. ---
**Author:** ![malkavia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malkavia/32/5621_2.png) [@malkavia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/malkavia)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/6 "2010-10-28T19:02:56Z")
I have cats, I’m fat and I live with my boyfriend. Any one of these on its own should be enough to drive most people away, but all three together definitely seals the deal. (which is okay by me. I love my boyfriend AND the cats.) ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/7 "2010-10-28T19:03:04Z")
Pretty much everything. Fat, bald, poor, no social skills. The only people who’ve ever wanted to date me are the ones who’ve really gotten to know me and are interested in things that I have some background in. That’s when they learn what a good massage I give:) ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/8 "2010-10-28T19:03:35Z")
I’d say it’s that I’m too “closed off” emotionally. Hey, when two of my first three girlfriends cheat on me, you’ll forgive me if I become a little less quick to “fall in love,” as it were. ---
**Author:** ![Llama\_Llogophile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@Llama\_Llogophile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Llama_Llogophile)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/9 "2010-10-28T19:03:55Z")
I don’t really date, but a friend of mine recently told me this: Living near a major city there is a big pool of women, and he does a lot of online dating. A LOT. He’s told me that more than one woman has told him after a few dates, “You’re a nice guy, in shape, we get along, the sex is good. But you don’t make enough money. You need to be a doctor, or something.” I don’t know if that attitude would make me laugh in the woman’s face or punch it. But I’m guessing it’s more common than I thought. ---
**Author:** ![Stoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stoid/32/272_2.png) [@Stoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stoid)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/10 "2010-10-28T19:07:43Z")
> [@The\_wind\_of\_my\_soul](#): > > We all have our deal-breakers in the dating world, and we’ve had threads about them before. But I want to turn the tables and ask what behavior _you_ exhibit that’s often a deal-breaker for _others._ > > The big thing with me is sex. I usually date a guy for a couple months before I will sleep with him, and that’s too long for many, many guys. So they look elsewhere. > > Sooooo … what do you do that turns people away? I’m fat. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/11 "2010-10-28T19:11:46Z")
I’m married and have kids. And cats! ---
**Author:** ![WOOKINPANUB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wookinpanub/32/132_2.png) [@WOOKINPANUB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WOOKINPANUB)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/12 "2010-10-28T19:15:53Z")
If I was single, based on what I’ve gleaned from this board a lot of men would avoid me because I smoke and have tattoos. I’m also an uber picky eater and have zero interest in gaming, sci-fi and I refuse to carry a cell phone. ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/13 "2010-10-28T19:20:07Z")
I’m fat and that’s #1. I’m also over 30 and don’t want kids, which is actually a bigger hurdle than you’d think. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/14 "2010-10-28T19:21:00Z")
somebody else shot John Lennon, cock-blocking Jodie Foster until I can come up with a plan B. ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/15 "2010-10-28T19:24:57Z")
I probably should stop inviting my wife and kids on my first dates. That seems to be some kind of turnoff to a lot (shallow) of women. ---
**Author:** ![TruCelt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trucelt/32/523_2.png) [@TruCelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TruCelt)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/16 "2010-10-28T19:27:27Z")
Overweight, exhausted, single Mom here. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/17 "2010-10-28T19:27:30Z")
I’m fat. I also don’t want to have one night stands with drunk guys who stop looking any further than my prodigious cleavage. I also won’t screw a married guy. I also have some hangups about sex and am not interested in doing the horizontal mambo with someone I’ve only known for a few weeks or months. And for the rest, I’m too shy to say anything – after all, what if they don’t return the feelings? Everything will be awkward FOREVER. Yeah, it’s not logical, not all of it. I’m good, though. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/18 "2010-10-28T19:27:58Z")
> [@Stoid](#): > > I’m fat. That’s only a problem because you live in LA. If you lived in Georgia you wouldn’t have that problem. But you would have a new problem: you’d live in Georgia. 🙂 BTW, in respect to the OP’s sincerity, IMHO there’s only one reason someone won’t date you: they think they can do better. ---
**Author:** ![GargoyleWB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gargoylewb/32/199_2.png) [@GargoyleWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GargoyleWB)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/19 "2010-10-28T19:38:08Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > I’m rather shy, reluctant to even so much as suggest a sexual interest for fear of giving offense, and absolutely clueless when it comes to women. Married now, but it took more than a decade of dating hell to get there. This describes me completely. I’m a “gotta get to know me” person that am really well liked with plenty of friends, but almost never makes a real connection the first several meetings. I’ve had more than a few dates tell me that they “never really got to know me as a person” by the first or second dates. Well…no shit, what the hell did you expect? I try and save my existential life crisis, tearful emotional breakdown, joyous redemption, and shared soulful meaning of life revelation for the third date :rolleyes: Being over 30 and _not_ previously married was also an unpredicted strike against me that I never understood, it was always interpreted as “there must be something horribly wrong with me that hasn’t revealed itself yet”. ---
**Author:** ![Bosstone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/22d042/32.png) [@Bosstone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosstone)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2010, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/20 "2010-10-28T19:39:20Z")
Too manly. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692.md?page=2)