# Why People Don't Want to Date You **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 28, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692 "2010-10-28T18:47:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![BigBertha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/d78d45/32.png) [@BigBertha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigBertha)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/141 "2010-10-30T16:51:32Z")
> [@StuffLikeThatThere](#): > > This makes me less than supremely confident. > . I’ve read many books which state this is important, to be confident. I certainly am not, but it seems to work, so people should just fake it, til its true. ---
**Author:** ![InterestedObserver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@InterestedObserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InterestedObserver)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/142 "2010-10-30T17:00:21Z")
[QUOTE The smell of meat won’t give you cancer, unlike secondhand smoke. Anyways, you were the one doing the cooking. If you’re the vegetarian and don’t cook (not your case, just saying), then it’s your problem. You have to be willing to 1) learn to cook 2) become an omnivore 3) set aside a huge chunk of change to order in every night or eat eggs every night. My SO chose option #2.[/QUOTE] ETA: this is a quote from lindsaybluth…sorry, bad snip. The SMELL of cigarette smoke (say from someone having smoked in the house hours ago) won’t give you cancer, either, it just stinks to someone who doesn’t smoke (even to some who do). As I said, it was never a problem for us. Yes, I was the one who did most of the cooking. It’s not as if “vegetarian” food has to be some weird, pine needles and bulgar stuff…it can be just like “regular” food minus the meat. I regularly served guests who were “omnivores” and they either didn’t even notice the lack of meat or were amazed at how good the food was anyway. My mother-in-law once asked me, “But what do you EAT?” She couldn’t imagine what possible options there could be besides salad. I told her, “I eat everything ELSE.” 😛 My experience has always been that even when I am not the cook, I can always manage to find a decent meal from the “side dishes” (veggies, salad, bread, rice, etc…) I have never requested or accepted offers of some special dish being prepared at family gatherings or potlucks…no need. Meat eaters are “omnivores”, not “carnivores”, and tend to have plenty of non-meat foods along with their meat. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/143 "2010-10-30T17:22:56Z")
> [@Mississippienne](#): > > I’m not certain, but I think it has to do with not being a ‘hot’ girl, and not wearing makeup. I’ve been told that guys like their women more done up than I am. Of the four women I have dated seriously in my life, only one of them was a makeup-wearer. Your beauty is enhanced by (careful application of) makeup; it isn’t magically created from it. If guys around you can’t see what you have to offer without makeup, you need to surround yourself with a better crop of guys. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/144 "2010-10-30T18:07:13Z")
Married, kids, ugly, old, unsuccessful, unimaginative, ugly, personality issues, terrible external dermal scarring that can’t be fixed (even with surgery), and if people hang around me more than a day they tend to really, really hate me. Not just hate me, but REALLY HATE me. Its a hate that evidently burns so badly that not only would they hate me, but even their friends tend to stalk/track me from internet location to internet location just to make sure that I know just how hated I am. And I’m still ugly. Beyond that, I’m just stumped. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/145 "2010-10-30T18:14:10Z")
I’m an economist, which is like an actuary but with a grad student stipend instead of a paycheck. ---
**Author:** ![Tethered\_Kite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a5b964/32.png) [@Tethered\_Kite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tethered_Kite)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/146 "2010-10-30T18:20:12Z")
I’ve been married for a long time. But over the years people I’ve gone to school with have told me that they wanted to ask me out but that I seemed unapproachable, too good-looking or too smart to want to date them. I know. I know. Sounds like a stealth brag. Just sayin’. Actually it was a puzzlement to me. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/147 "2010-10-30T21:34:47Z")
The vegetarian thing might be an issue for the same reason that being religious is an issue for online dating. People assume you’re going to be a jerk about it, even though (statistically speaking) you’re probably not. – Of course, if you ARE being a jerk about it, THAT might be the problem . . . ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 10:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/148 "2010-10-30T22:35:00Z")
> [@Count\_Blucher](#): > > Beyond that, I’m just stumped. Well you managed to bring a guy to orgasm a couple times, so it cant be all bad 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Quartz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quartz/32/267_2.png) [@Quartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quartz)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/149 "2010-10-30T23:11:01Z")
> [@BigBertha](#): > > I’ve read many books which state this is important, to be confident. I certainly am not, but it seems to work, so people should just fake it, til its true. If they don’t lie, the books do not tell the whole truth. You can be as confident as can be, but if you can’t make her laugh, you’ve had it. Unless she’s chasing you, of course. ---
**Author:** ![amarinth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3be4f8/32.png) [@amarinth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/amarinth)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/150 "2010-10-30T23:16:26Z")
I’m an unattractive, fat woman who does not have a “good personality.” Some guys are willing to overlook one or two of those traits. All three together can become a dealbreaker. ---
**Author:** ![Ura-Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/51bf81/32.png) [@Ura-Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ura-Maru)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2010, 11:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/151 "2010-10-30T23:55:47Z")
> [@Quartz](#): > > If they don’t lie, the books do not tell the whole truth. You can be as confident as can be, but if you can’t make her laugh, you’ve had it. Unless she’s chasing you, of course. Personally, I’ve found ‘making her laugh’ works less well then you might imagine. So maybe you need a little of each . . . – Though perhaps the difference between ‘laughing with’ and ‘laughing at’ has something to do with it. ---
**Author:** ![Oredigger77](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/oredigger77/32/3181_2.png) [@Oredigger77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oredigger77)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/152 "2010-10-31T00:21:02Z")
I’m an asshole. I really like myself and telling stories about crazy shut that has happened to me and I have trouble not telling people how stupid they are. There are very few people I can be around without talking shit and so far none of them have been attractive to me and found me attractive. That being said I mainly have short relationships that number in weeks and one night stands. I used to be fat but I’ve fixed that but I still intimidate women with my size. It’s about 50/50 between women who like me because I’m 6’6" and those that are freaked since I look like I can benchpress their car. I have a date tonight and hopefully I can make it past all of this crap. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/153 "2010-10-31T03:22:50Z")
> [@InterestedObserver](#): > > I have never requested or accepted offers of some special dish being prepared at family gatherings or potlucks..no need. Meat eaters are “omnivores”, not “carnivores”, and tend to have plenty of non-meat foods along with their meat. 🙂 I guess it depends what kind of vegetarian you are. Some are mellow and only object to eating obvious meat products, like a steak. Others are more hardcore (or more consistent, depending on how you look at it) and will have a fit about any animal derivative whatsoever in their plate, even in trace amounts - beef stock, lard, butter, cooking grease, gelatin, egg batter, seafood etc… The latter is I think non-trivial to completely avoid in regular, non-vegetarian cooking. That being said, I wouldn’t give two shits if a prospective partner was the most pain-in-the-ass militant vegan about her intake. As long as she doesn’t presume she can dictate what goes on my plate, we’re good. ---
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/154 "2010-10-31T03:59:34Z")
> [@Fried\_Dough\_Ho](#): > > I love having little brothers. Consider yourself officially adopted! 😉 I’m kind of serious. My parents always used to joke around that they had a daughter several years older than me who moved out west under mysterious circumstances before I was born. For the ages to line up right, they would have had to have conceived Gertrude when they were 16 or so, years before they met. But those are just details. Could it be you? Could it be you? ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 6:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/155 "2010-10-31T06:10:14Z")
> [@InterestedObserver](#): > > …Neither of us ever made it an issue…I didn’t care if he ate meat, I just refused to cook it (like cigarette smoke to a non-smoker, it STINKS!) I never made rude comments about his diet or tried to convert him. That, imo, is an entirely separate issue from differing dietary preferences. Of course, refusing to cooking and saying it stunk wasn’t making it an issue. And nothing rude about telling your partner “your food stinks.” Nope. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/156 "2010-10-31T13:09:15Z")
I’m a single parent to a twelve-year-old. I’m fairly poor. Those would deter some of the kinds of people I’m interested in. However, the main reason I don’t get interest is because I’m a gay woman who never goes to gay bars or around anyone who would be a potential romantic prospect. I met my last GF through a straight work colleague. but now I work from home. Of course, when I do go out to gay events most people assume I’m straight anyway. I’ve seen people throw themselves at my ex\* when we were out together because they simply didn’t believe that I was a lesbian and her GF. So, ‘too femme’ would be another reason. \*Including one literally ‘throwing,’ from across the room. ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/157 "2010-10-31T14:49:05Z")
> [@WOOKINPANUB](#): > > … and I refuse to carry a cell phone. Cell phones are EEEEVIL!!! I’d call that a plus for you. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/158 "2010-10-31T15:38:59Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > Makes you a great age for me, pity we’re in different continents 😛 I’m 47, too. What continent are you on? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/159 "2010-10-31T16:44:56Z")
> [@salinqmind](#): > > I could have been you, Fried Dough Ho, when I was dating. I had many interests, some rather obscure… cook Moroccan **couscous** … MMMM, Couscous, yummm. Why do all you great women live on the wrong side of North America? Aren’t any of you on the east side of the continent? ---
**Author:** ![Pushkin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ee59a6/32.png) [@Pushkin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pushkin)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/160 "2010-10-31T21:02:53Z")
I’ve run up sufficient debt that I can’t date let alone meet up with friends out and about. It’s a nice way of avoiding making sure that my lack of social skills, lack of previous experience with women other than my ex and child are still putting off the ladies 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692.md?page=9)