# Why People Don't Want to Date You **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 28, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692 "2010-10-28T18:47:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 9
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/161 "2010-10-31T21:08:50Z")
I’ve been running an experiment with my personals ads. I’m separated and have a kid. Now, being separated and not divorced seems to me to be a pretty understandable turnoff; frankly, I’m not really expecting much until I can say I’m legally single again. I suspected having a kid was a turnoff for people, too, but so many folks fed me the “being a father shows you’re responsible” line I was starting to wonder if I was right about that. But since nothing was happening, I changed some of my profiles to say “divorced” or “single.” (I was not planning on entering into any conversations with anyone based on a phony profile, btw.) No change. Then I switched them back, and took out the reference to my kid. **Instantly, interest shot through the roof.** So apparently I was wrong; being separated isn’t as much of a turnoff as I thought, but having a kid is. And that’s the one thing I can’t and haven’t any interest in changing. Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![drachillix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/48db29/32.png) [@drachillix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drachillix)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2010, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/162 "2010-10-31T22:52:12Z")
> [@RickJay](#): > > Then I switched them back, and took out the reference to my kid. **Instantly, interest shot through the roof.** I love conducting such experiments, or doing things like posting multiple ads with different pics of me but emphasizing different aspects of me. Amazing how womens ads are heavy with the line “my children come first” yet as you are seeing, its all about being willing to accept her kids but not yours. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/163 "2010-11-01T00:42:02Z")
> [@palacheck](#): > > There’s more stealth-bragging in this thread than in the stealth-bragging thread. I have to say, I am rather skeptical of all the people claiming that their wide range of interests and life experiences make other people not want to date them. That has never been my experience. I _have_ met guys who don’t like girls who are “better” than them, but they are few and far between, and they aren’t people I’d want to get to know anyway. ---
**Author:** ![RickJay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/bb73d2/32.png) [@RickJay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RickJay)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/164 "2010-11-01T00:59:18Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > I have to say, I am rather skeptical of all the people claiming that their wide range of interests and life experiences make other people not want to date them. That has never been my experience. I _have_ met guys who don’t like girls who are “better” than them, but they are few and far between, and they aren’t people I’d want to get to know anyway. Hell, in my case, it’s what I’m looking for. I’m not judging women as “Better” or “Worse,” but I want women who are ambitious and have lots of interests. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/165 "2010-11-01T02:42:28Z")
> [@HazelNutCoffee](#): > > I have to say, I am rather skeptical of all the people claiming that their wide range of interests and life experiences make other people not want to date them. That has never been my experience. I _have_ met guys who don’t like girls who are “better” than them, but they are few and far between, and they aren’t people I’d want to get to know anyway. I dunno. I’ve heard quite a few guys speak very frankly about how they enjoy being with women with very little life experience. I think quite a few guys enjoy the feeling of power they get by having the chance to basically become a girl’s whole world. I’ve also noted some differences in my dating prospects when I bumped the “smart, experienced and competent” thing down a lot. I was surprised to find that throwing in a few stumbles and some air-headed comments every now and then made guys crazy. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/166 "2010-11-01T02:49:04Z")
I let myself go. And it was on purpose (long boring story, only interesting to me, involving losing “the one” and then never really fully recovering enough to be interested in dating. Yet). Being a woman and overweight pretty much puts your chances of dating at or near zero, particularly when you’re “of a certain age”. ---
**Author:** ![Redpill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/58956e/32.png) [@Redpill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redpill)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 2:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/167 "2010-11-01T02:58:49Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > I let myself go. And it was on purpose (long boring story, only interesting to me, involving losing “the one” and then never really fully recovering enough to be interested in dating. Yet). Being a woman and overweight pretty much puts your chances of dating at or near zero, particularly when you’re “of a certain age”. I think a lot of women wrongfully think like this and it ends up being a self-fulfilling prophesy. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/168 "2010-11-01T03:01:45Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > I don’t know. I’m single and go unhounded by men on a daily basis , so there must be something that makes me less than universally desirable. > > Are you guys just guessing based on self-assessment, or have people actually told you that you’re too fat or whatever? I can’t speak for the others but pre-fat (not slim, I’ve always been really curvy), even into my 40s, I had to beat them off with a stick. I am one of those that can’t pull of any sort of prettiness being fat (a little chubby yes, out and out fat? no), it changes my face into something hideous, so it’s not as if I look cute, but chubby, I just look ugly. I am fairly certain that the fat isn’t affecting my personality or making me exhibit any sort of “desperation” or sadsack attitude either, I’m a really cheerful, fairly non-shy person and I tend to do okay in social situations. Nothing’s changed but the packaging. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/169 "2010-11-01T03:38:41Z")
> [@Cheshire\_Human](#): > > I’m 47, too. What continent are you on? 😃 Oi! Get in line! I get rejected first! :: lowers head, paws ground :: _pause_ _shakes head_ Nah, spring’s the season to compete with other males for the attention of the females. Here in Central Ontario, it’s late fall, the first snow is in the air, and I just want to hibernate. Or go somewhere warm and sunny, like Spain. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/170 "2010-11-01T04:18:42Z")
I’m old, physically handicapped, don’t have a lot of money, need dental work, and I’m meaner than a stepped on snake. I don’t even like to be around me. ---
**Author:** ![kimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f0a364/32.png) [@kimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kimera)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/171 "2010-11-01T04:30:17Z")
I live in Northern California and travel to the Bay Area a lot. I do know some awesome guys who are veggies, but a lot of them tend to not want to have children. I’m not militant about meat eating. In fact, I’m not a full veggie (although working towards it) in that I’ll eat sustainable meat that’s been naturally culled. I won’t cook meat/fish for my friends who’ll eat anything, and I won’t purchase meat out of my own money, but when I lived in a group house with non-veggies, I went to the store and bought meat/fish for them. I cook and bake. I make Indian meals entirely from scratch down to the naan bread and rasmalai desert. I make my own bread, dips, and spiced drinks. When I cooked for 6 meat eaters, I got lots of compliments on my veggie dinners and requests for recipes. I’m frugal, so I can’t speak much for vegetarian options in the vast majority restaurants, but I’m fine with salads or eating before dinner if other people want to go out if we’re going to a restaurant without good options. I’ve not had problems finding veggie dishes so far, but I live in an area that has a huge veggie/organic section in the market, so it’s not like vegetarianism is strange here like it is in, say, Ohio. I know quite a few other veggies who are like me. Maybe there are pretentious twits out there who are a pain to date, but it still seems like a very broad brush to paint. I don’t mention my vegetarianism in my profile, but I’ve seen it in the ‘do not want’ section on the profile of guys that seemed otherwise perfect next to ‘no drugs’ and ‘I want children’. It just seems silly to give eating meat such high priority. ---
**Author:** ![Invisible\_Chimp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f05b48/32.png) [@Invisible\_Chimp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Invisible_Chimp)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/172 "2010-11-01T04:39:50Z")
No confidence No money No car No experience That’s just for starters, I could go on, but I won’t. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/173 "2010-11-01T05:23:14Z")
> [@kimera](#): > > I don’t mention my vegetarianism in my profile, but I’ve seen it in the ‘do not want’ section on the profile of guys that seemed otherwise perfect next to ‘no drugs’ and ‘I want children’. It just seems silly to give eating meat such high priority. The only semi-polite way I can put it is that, for a very large (if not majority of) “Normal” (ie, not Alternative/New-Age/Whatever) guys, their attitude towards vegetarians is the same of many people in this thread towards people that smoke… in other words, “Undesirable, Anti-Social Weirdo.” Were we in some alternate reality where I’d never met my wife and was thus available, being a Vegetarian would be an 100% instant deal-breaker for me. Doesn’t matter if she otherwise looks like a combination of Scarlett Johanssen, Katy Perry, and Angelina Jolie, is openly bi, has lots of hot open-minded female friends, is into all sorts of interesting kinky fun stuff, and is also a world-famous bikini supermodel astrophysicist- if she’s a vegetarian, I’m walking away right then and there. It’s just not worth the hassle IME, although others results may vary, of course. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/174 "2010-11-01T06:09:16Z")
> [@even\_sven](#): > > I dunno. I’ve heard quite a few guys speak very frankly about how they enjoy being with women with very little life experience. I think quite a few guys enjoy the feeling of power they get by having the chance to basically become a girl’s whole world. > > I’ve also noted some differences in my dating prospects when I bumped the “smart, experienced and competent” thing down a lot. I was surprised to find that throwing in a few stumbles and some air-headed comments every now and then made guys crazy. But you wouldn’t want to date those people anyway, right? I just think that bemoaning the fact that your intelligence makes you (generic you) a dealbreaker for some guys is disingenuous. Have I met guys that wanted a cute, clueless, helpless girlfriend? Yes, I have. I even dated a few for a while in college. But once it was clear that’s what they expected of me, I broke up with them. And I’ve met plenty of men who are attracted to who I am, rather than an expectation of who they want me to be. So the fact that some men don’t want an intelligent girlfriend has never burdened me, and I don’t understand why it would burden any intelligent woman. You don’t want to be with those men anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Redpill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/58956e/32.png) [@Redpill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redpill)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/175 "2010-11-01T06:33:53Z")
Its not the intelligent girlfriends that are a turn-off, its the ones who consider themselves so. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/176 "2010-11-01T06:36:46Z")
Well, the same goes for boyfriends too. No one wants to date a know-it-all. ---
**Author:** ![Redpill](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/58956e/32.png) [@Redpill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Redpill)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/177 "2010-11-01T06:39:00Z")
I think women are more forgiving in this regard than men. ---
**Author:** ![Khaki\_Campbell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de053/32.png) [@Khaki\_Campbell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khaki_Campbell)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 7:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/178 "2010-11-01T07:20:25Z")
> [@scifisam2009](#): > > I’m a single parent to a twelve-year-old. I’m fairly poor. Those would deter some of the kinds of people I’m interested in. > > However, the main reason I don’t get interest is because I’m a gay woman Your lesser success with gay women, is it because you have been intimate with a man in the past, and you’re like, “spoiled goods” ? ---
**Author:** ![4eva](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/4/f05b48/32.png) [@4eva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/4eva)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 7:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/179 "2010-11-01T07:33:34Z")
I have absolutely no interest in going out and getting drunk. Which, in Australia, is a huge deal-breaker (imagine!). I mean, if you don’t drink, _what the heck else_ do you do for fun??? _rolls eyes_ ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2010, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692/180 "2010-11-01T08:50:06Z")
90% + of the females crushing on me are underaged? that and I work all the damn time, and I am attempting to start up my own company. at this point I think Jessica Alba could hit on me and I would probably miss the clue and the fact that it was Jessica Alba doing the hitting. in all seriousness I work with a ton of women in the late teens early 20’s who are interested…I feel a bit strange with this set up since I am old enough to be their dad. (even stranger is when I talk to female friends they universally tell me to go for it) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692.md?page=8) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-people-dont-want-to-date-you/558692.md?page=10)