# Why self-checkout lanes need atomic laser cannons **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 21, 2004, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996 "2004-12-21T16:36:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/21 "2004-12-21T19:07:44Z")
> [@CanvasShoes](#): > > Huh… Weird. Dang, where do you live that they’re so far behind? The largest city in a small state. OKC has over a million in it, the state is near 3 million. But… and this could be an entire rant of its own… this fucking place is slow to change. The gas station/conv store on the busy corner near me (perhaps one of the busiest on the NW side of the city), only got swipe to pay pumps a couple of years ago. Some of the intersections appear to still be timer controlled. I can get digital cable TV and net but not DSL, while just down the road at a friend’s, the situation is reversed. Most of the nearby grocery stores are in very old buildings, tho a few new ones have been built. Albertson’s, King Sooper, Snyder’s, and Walmart Neighbourhood stores have gone up new, but none of them near me have that wonderful system for fresh produce. Yes, they will have a sticker on the Roma tomatos or Granny Smith apples, but even that is sometimes missing. Oh, the joys of semi metropoliton living. I wonder what the delay is? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/22 "2004-12-21T19:08:06Z")
**Sauron** , I’m with you brother. I have finally admitted to myself that boring holes, with my eyes, into the back’s of the heads of these interloper’s is no longer a suitable justice. I am signing up for the voluntary Self-Scanner Laser -Torpedo Tax as we speak. Oh, and on the matter of produce at these self -scanners, it’s all fine and good that this shit is supposed to just pop up and give you the correct code or price but in all the stores I’ve been too, not just Wal-Mart, this rarely works. I have found a little peace in my life by not using the self-scanner when I have produce or beer unless the beer is all I am getting. I hate how, even though I am OBVIOUSLY over the legal age, I have to gaily skip over to the pubecscent ne’er do well at the the BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING self-checkout kiosk to show him that my newly budding grey hairs, are in fact, real. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/23 "2004-12-21T19:20:26Z")
> [@NurseCarmen](#): > > If it takes me 3 minutes to use the self checkout, how come I don’t get the 1/20th of a teller’s hourly wage for my trouble? Aren’t I doing their job for free? There are people that you can pay to do your shopping for you. If you do it yourself, should you get paid part of their wage? Daniel ---
**Author:** ![fessie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@fessie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fessie)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/24 "2004-12-21T19:30:21Z")
I swore off self-checkout lanes following the Red Paint Fiasco of '02. If a Home Depot checkout clerk had been the one to flip the can over to find the UPC code, I wouldn’t have wound up looking like the victim of an in-store drive-by shooting. Witness, yes; victim, no. Naturally it happened on a really cold day when I’d just thrown some sweats over my nightie and wasn’t even wearing any underwear. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/25 "2004-12-21T19:30:55Z")
I like the self-checkout lanes because they get me out of the store faster, so I can identify with the rant, but I really do have to quibble with the “the only reason they were installed was to make your life easier.” Pul-eeze. The _only_ reason they were installed was so the store could save money on hiring fewer cashiers. If the store _really_ wanted to do things for my convenience, they’d have 30 fully-staffed checkout lines so I can get out the store faster _without_ having to do the grunt work myself. “For my convenience”? Bub, the stores would make you scurry around the rat-infested warehouse and scrabble for the goods yourself if they could find a way to spin it as a good thing… ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/26 "2004-12-21T19:47:14Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > I like the self-checkout lanes because they get me out of the store faster, so I can identify with the rant, but I really do have to quibble with the “the only reason they were installed was to make your life easier.” > > Pul-eeze. The _only_ reason they were installed was so the store could save money on hiring fewer cashiers. If the store _really_ wanted to do things for my convenience, they’d have 30 fully-staffed checkout lines so I can get out the store faster _without_ having to do the grunt work myself. > > “For my convenience”? Bub, the stores would make you scurry around the rat-infested warehouse and scrabble for the goods yourself if they could find a way to spin it as a good thing… Remind me to explain the concept of “humor” to you and **Metacom** at some point in the near future. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/27 "2004-12-21T19:54:49Z")
> [@burundi](#): > > Because I can usually scan and bag my own groceries a lot faster than the stoned high schooler or gossipy grandma working the register, **c\_goat**. You’re a better person than I. At least nine times out of ten, the employee (who gets more experience scanning/bagging in a week than I have in my short lifetime) is quicker and better at it. Self checkout lanes are the devil. ---
**Author:** ![Jaade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/dfb087/32.png) [@Jaade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaade)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/28 "2004-12-21T19:56:52Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > Not at any stores around here. None that I’ve been to, anyways. Just a little plastic book at the stand. Has all the produce mamed (no pics for us numnuts even) and all the sub categories, and then the code listed, all in relatively small type with funky lighting on the glossy plastic pages. > > I yearn for the system you described. Heehee…our system has pictures of the produce ON the screen. That’s right, no book, no labels to print out. Put your produce on the scale and tell it which type it is, voila! Please place the item in the bag. Please place the item in the bag. Please place… Please scan your next item. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/29 "2004-12-21T19:59:01Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I like to use the self-checkout because then I don’t have to interact with another human being as I buy my frozen diners and cat food. I have to confess, this is a big part of my motivation to do it, too. I’m fairly anti-social when it comes to forced interactions. ---
**Author:** ![Morgyn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/morgyn/32/3041_2.png) [@Morgyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgyn)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/30 "2004-12-21T20:01:35Z")
> [@Zebra](#): > > I like to use the self-checkout because then I don’t have to interact with another human being as I buy my **frozen diners** and cat food. You get yourself a Thaw-a-Guest[sup]TM[/sup] and all you feed them is cat food? :eek: bolding mine ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/31 "2004-12-21T20:05:28Z")
> [@rjung](#): > > Bub, the stores would make you scurry around the rat-infested warehouse and scrabble for the goods yourself if they could find a way to spin it as a good thing… You’ve apparently never been in a Sam’s Club… ---
**Author:** ![JerH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bb73d2/32.png) [@JerH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerH)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/32 "2004-12-21T20:17:30Z")
I humbly submit the following, **JerH** [ul] [li]Do not enter the self-checkout with any item that requires cashier intervention, as the one cashier assigned to the 12 self-checkout lanes will _not_ come to you anytime soon. These items include but are not limited to: Items too large to fit on the conveyor, alcohol, tobacco, ding & dent items that are reduced in price, and very small items that the scale in the bagging area won’t register[/li][li]Do not use if paying with large amounts of change, wrinkled bills that need to be fed through 8 times, or checks.[/li][li]Do not use if you have more than 2 different item that aren’t UPCed, requiring you to page through a lengthy list of options.[/li][li]After you have paid, move away from the scanner so the next person can start their order - do not stand there, sorting through your wallet and checking your receipt to make sure you weren’t overcharged 5¢ on peas.[/li][li]Do not use if you have more items than will fit in the bagging area.[/li][li]Do not use if you have several small children with you.[/li][/ul] ---
**Author:** ![Corner\_Case](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/corner_case/32/234_2.png) [@Corner\_Case](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corner_Case)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/33 "2004-12-21T20:24:19Z")
I think a simple trap door to a firey furnace would suffice. If the scanner is idle for 5 seconds, the trapdoor opens. There’s also a manual release button with a little 🙂 on it waiting in the line for the next contestants. I was a sacker in my illustrious youth (never did promote me to stocker like they said they would). I am efficient, but the system is not designed for that. I scan my item and slide it deftly into an open bag. The system says, “Item … accepted … fifty … nine … cents … seven … teen … cents … saved” - Meanwhile I am waving the next item in front of the scanner. It won’t scan the next item until it finishes most of its spiel. I wish it would just cut its monologue off and detect the next item. And then there’s the counter space. Granted I’ve just got a few items. But I buy four gallons of milk, two 96oz Gatorades, and 4 Pringles (don’t ask :D) (ok, I do fill-in shopping) and there’s no room for all of that on the sensor areas. I can get yelled at by the machine for Removing Items or squeeze things in as best I can. You see, with an atomic laser cannon, I would sometimes be compelled to turn it on the machine instead. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Lamar\_Mundane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@Lamar\_Mundane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamar_Mundane)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/34 "2004-12-21T20:35:22Z")
I can’t wait until all retail goes to [RFID](http://www.rfidjournal.com/article/articleview/207#Anchor-What-363). You can run your cart through a scanner like at the airport and it will read everything you have in your cart and total it immediately. What time-wasting habits will people come up with then to annoy the people behind them? Wal-Mart is already mandating that all suppliers who ship merchandise on pallets or cases have RFID tags on them by the end of 2006. ---
**Author:** ![Aries28](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e36b37/32.png) [@Aries28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aries28)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/35 "2004-12-21T21:00:26Z")
I don’t think it was “moron” so much as “idiot…did you not LOOK at the holes in it…how the hell will this work?” ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/36 "2004-12-21T21:08:50Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > You’ve apparently never been in a Sam’s Club… I can proudly say that the only time I ever approach a Sam’s Club is on my way to the Costco next door. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/37 "2004-12-21T21:28:02Z")
> [@NoClueBoy](#): > > The largest city in a small state. OKC has over a million in it, the state is near 3 million. But… and this could be an entire rant of its own… this fucking place is slow to change… Good grief, you poor thing, see…this I why I couldn’t bear living outside of a decent sized, and reasonably technological city. That’s just horrible. Now that I think about it, Oklahoma is where I had a rather surreal experience concerning a gas pump. 😃 It was some tiny little town near the texas border, no credit card pumps, no pay before you pump where they “set” the amount you pay and it goes off automatically. I could not, for the life of me figure it out (no, NO, not the “how to pump” thing). The young clerk and I had the most “Alice and the White Rabbit” conversation EVER. Mostly my fault since the concept of "you pump what you want, and then are TRUSTED to come in and not only TELL them the amount, but pay it honestly was just too much to wrap my brain around. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/38 "2004-12-21T21:32:06Z")
> [@Aries28](#): > > I don’t think it was “moron” so much as “idiot…did you not LOOK at the holes in it…how the hell will this work?” Hey, the holes were hidden by the clear plastic … umm … top … The clear and transparent plastic wrap hid the holes … The holes were not there when I bought it! Must’ve been one of those freak meteor showers! ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Tan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/charlie_tan/32/12582_2.png) [@Charlie\_Tan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Tan)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/39 "2004-12-21T21:38:11Z")
Waitaminit… You guys scan each item at the checkout? Bwa-ha-ha-ha… I have the scanner on the shopping cart and scan each item as I bag the stuff when taking it off the shelf. Checkout is just zipping through with the cart and bags allready packed. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2004, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996/40 "2004-12-21T21:42:48Z")
> [@Corner Case](#): > > I… I scan my item and slide it deftly into an open bag. The system says, “Item … accepted … fifty … nine … cents … seven … teen … cents … saved” - Meanwhile I am waving the next item in front of the scanner. It won’t scan the next item until it finishes most of its spiel. I wish it would just cut its monologue off and detect the next item. > … Have you tried complaining to the management? The Walmart (I was forced to shop there, there were really no other acceptable alternatives in that tiny town) in the small Texas town I left in Sept had the SLOOOOWWEST Uscans in the world. After a few trips of doing the wavy “I’m DONE, scan my next ITEM please” dance, I complained to the management, I told them they needed to adjust their matchines to recognize the items and move on to scanning the next one quicker. Oh, they tried all that foot dragging drawling “waaahl, that’s jes the way the work ma’am” crap on me, but I told them that Fred Meyer and Home Depot Uscans (back home where I’M from) worked much more quickly and didn’t have that 5 second delay between scanning each item, and a few visits later, the machines no longer had that annoying delay. They still said the stupid “59 cents, blah blah” but you were able to immediately scan your next item, as fast as you could scan and bag. I did have to tell the walmart people SEVERAL times that they’d need to talk to the people contracted to care for the computer portions of the UScan equipment. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-self-checkout-lanes-need-atomic-laser-cannons/280996.md?page=3)