# Why should I care if a women got home safe after a date if she plans to see me again??? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 19, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540 "2014-07-19T18:28:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/21 "2014-07-19T19:04:06Z")
> [@jtur88](#): > > If you have any part in the reason why they are moving about that that time and place, then you have some responsibility for how safely they proceed to their next safe haven. When you started the date, you assumed some responsibility for their safety and well-being, and that does not fully end until they have reached their next safe base. Eh, I don’t know about this. What if we reversed the genders? FTR: I’ve had follow up calls or text. But it was never about “safety” just a generic “Hey had fun tonight” ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/22 "2014-07-19T19:04:50Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > See, this is why a lot of women do the “fade-away” when they’re not interested in dating someone. Let your date know more bluntly that you’re not interested in more and with **some** guys it’s a tiny, tiny step from ‘I don’t have to be polite’ / ‘why should I care if she gets home safe’ to ‘fuck you, bitch’ to worse. Now that’s a nitty-gritty, practical concept one can take from this appalling thread. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/23 "2014-07-19T19:06:03Z")
> [@Astroboy14](#): > > Basic human decency? Well, there is that. Also, survival of the species should be encoded somewhere… ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/24 "2014-07-19T19:12:46Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Eh, I don’t know about this. What if we reversed the genders? > FTR: I’ve had follow up calls or text. But it was never about “safety” just a generic “Hey had fun tonight” Me, I’m female and never had to worry about that, but I guess some people do, now that I think about it. So it might be a thing in the OP’s area, maybe. ---
**Author:** ![njtt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ecd19e/32.png) [@njtt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/njtt)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/25 "2014-07-19T19:13:01Z")
> [@Ferret\_Herder](#): > > See, this is why a lot of women do the “fade-away” when they’re not interested in dating someone. Let your date know more bluntly that you’re not interested in more and with **some** guys it’s a tiny, tiny step from ‘I don’t have to be polite’ / ‘why should I care if she gets home safe’ to ‘fuck you, bitch’ to worse. Well yeah, but on the other hand there are the women who respond to a friendly smile and a “Hi” from a man they haven’t met before with “Fuck off, creep!” Women often behave like assholes too. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/26 "2014-07-19T19:14:27Z")
> [@njtt](#): > > Well yeah, but on the other hand there are the women who respond to a friendly smile and a “Hi” from a man they haven’t met before with “Fuck off, creep!” Women often behave like assholes too. Yes. That possibility wasn’t excluded by my statement. (Edit: Perhaps bolding “some” was insufficient explanation/qualification, but we were talking about a dude’s question here.) (I respond to a “hi”/wave with the thought of ‘do I know that guy?’ People just don’t wave at random people in Chicago, typically, unless they know you or want something.) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/27 "2014-07-19T19:17:18Z")
It’s not easy being a cop! ---
**Author:** ![Mithras](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mithras](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mithras)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/28 "2014-07-19T19:18:09Z")
> [@FBJJ](#): > > Yes because I got a text recently saying “it was a pleasure meeting me” and I thought I had a second date That’s the same exact thing you might be told via email after interviewing for a job. It almost always means you didn’t get the job. ---
**Author:** ![Declan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ecae2f/32.png) [@Declan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Declan)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/29 "2014-07-19T19:18:25Z")
> [@FBJJ](#): > > I never understood that at all. I am supposed to care if a woman got home safe and she has no interest in a second date? And if she has no interest in a 2nd date then she is nothing but a stranger and I’m not concerned about people I don’t know. > > This is why i hate dating She probably has BFF’s and might shop you to one of her cat lady buddies, or when they network, you get black balled, or blue balled really. I dont disagree with you, your not under any obligation, but it is a nice touch. Declan ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/30 "2014-07-19T19:21:43Z")
> [@Astroboy14](#): > > Basic human decency? You’re assuming a human quality that this clod apparently doesn’t have. ---
**Author:** ![tapu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/49beb7/32.png) [@tapu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tapu)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/31 "2014-07-19T19:24:40Z")
Psychopath? ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/32 "2014-07-19T19:24:42Z")
So I’m beginning to notice. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/33 "2014-07-19T19:26:34Z")
Most women, and especially the decent women, actually want to be with decent human beings. Decent human beings care about the livelihood of others, even of people they don’t know or aren’t close to. So, to the **OP** , if you want to be with a decent woman, you should try to be a decent human being. If you don’t care about the livelihood of someone after they leave your car, then you are not a decent human being and should strive to better yourself. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/34 "2014-07-19T19:28:42Z")
> [@FBJJ](#): > > Why should I? So that if someday you \*fall \*down on your doorstep with a heart attack, someone will call \*you \*an ambulance. It’s just part of the social contract, reinforced in most of us as an evolutionary driven urge to protect members of our species. We’re social animals, like chimpanzees and prairie dogs. We get nice fuzzy endorphins coursing through our veins when we act nicely towards other people, even when they may never do a nice thing to us personally in the future. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/35 "2014-07-19T19:35:23Z")
> [@FBJJ](#): > > Being polite is not required if you have no interest in a 2nd date Anything I could say to this would get me another warning, and one a week is plenty. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/36 "2014-07-19T19:37:39Z")
> [@FBJJ](#): > > Being polite is not required if you have no interest in a 2nd date Yes it is. You should be polite to everyone, and at least act as if you cared about people you don’t know, because: 1. Word gets around. If you’re polite only when you think it’s in your interest, you’ll develop a reputation as a user. I was going to make a list of reasons, but I thought you’d probably only listen to what benefits you directly. ---
**Author:** ![partypooper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/67e7ee/32.png) [@partypooper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/partypooper)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/37 "2014-07-19T19:41:46Z")
It seems to me that you’re just angry that someone doesn’t want to go on a second date with you. Therefore the person is useless to you and you don’t care about what happens to them. If your interest in a woman is completely diminished the moment you think that she’s never going to give you anything that you want then you obviously weren’t very interested in her as a person to begin with and only care about what you can get from your interaction with her. That’s extremely immature and I can see why you would have trouble getting a second date. If you’re not able to value people for who they are instead of what purpose they serve you then you’re not ready for a relationship and you’re never going to have any success with dating. ---
**Author:** ![aceplace57](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aceplace57/32/3500_2.png) [@aceplace57](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aceplace57)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/38 "2014-07-19T19:41:57Z")
There’s nothing personal or disrespectful in someone not wanting a second date. Sometimes people just don’t click. I never got angry because a girl didn’t return calls or turned down a date. I was disappointed and a few times confused. But its better to break off a relationship early if you’re not connecting and having fun on a date. The worst is when I thought the date had gone really well and the girl seemed to have a great time. It is confusing when they don’t return calls. But its not worth getting angry. Blaming the girl accomplishes nothing. If I picked someone up for a date then it was my responsibility to get them home. Or if we met somewhere then I’d make sure they got back to their car. It’s just the right thing to do. ---
**Author:** ![RivkahChaya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rivkahchaya/32/8919_2.png) [@RivkahChaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RivkahChaya)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/39 "2014-07-19T19:45:42Z")
> [@FBJJ](#): > > Being polite is not required if you have no interest in a 2nd date Being polite is\* always\* required. WTF? That’s one of the most boorish statements I’ve ever seen. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/40 "2014-07-19T19:47:35Z")
More than once in my dating eras, I got a “cold” reaction on a first date, but being an adult I was always polite and attentive right to the end, including a noncommittal followup (usually email). More than once in those cases, I got a return call a week to a month later, and second chances that were far warmer. I once got an evening knock on my door from one such “bad date” that… well. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540.md?page=3)