# Why should I care if a women got home safe after a date if she plans to see me again??? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 19, 2014, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540 "2014-07-19T18:28:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/61 "2014-07-19T22:09:43Z")
> [@FBJJ](#): > > Being polite is not required if you have no interest in a 2nd date Simple caring about your fellow humans seems to be off the table let me give you two reasons based purely in your own self-interest to see she gets home safe: 1. As mentioned, if Something Bad happens to her YOU will be among the first suspects. This will, at a minimum, result in severe inconvenience to you personally. 2. Women talk to each other. Getting a reputation as a guy who cares and follows social norms (such as seeing a date home safe even if neither of you plan to interact in the future) will benefit your reputation and make it more likely women will trust you enough to date you. Failing to do that will gain you a reputation of being an unfeeling asshole and reduce your chances of dating women who hear of you through the grapevine. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/62 "2014-07-19T22:18:41Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > What **njtt** said. Try talking to women about safety. Women are more vulnerable to random violence than men, partly because of physical size and strength, partly because of culture (have you ever tried to run in a dress and high heels?). No, men are more vulnerable to random violence. Women just worry more about it, and people care more about it if it happens to them. Our culture encourages near paranoia in women, speaking of culture. ---
**Author:** ![FBJJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e8cbc/32.png) [@FBJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FBJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/63 "2014-07-19T22:20:44Z")
> [@Baron\_Greenback](#): > > I won’t ask in this public forum about your specific fetishes, but it would help the community to help _you_ if you could maybe indicate on this line where your fetishes lie: > > 1: Appreciates a nicely turned ankle > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > . > 10: Necrophiliac cannabalism smothering and trampling ---
**Author:** ![Emiliana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f0a364/32.png) [@Emiliana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Emiliana)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/64 "2014-07-19T22:22:15Z")
> [@FBJJ](#): > > smothering and trampling This may explain the lack of second dates. ---
**Author:** ![FBJJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e8cbc/32.png) [@FBJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FBJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/65 "2014-07-19T22:26:02Z")
> [@Emiliana](#): > > This may explain the lack of second dates. I don’t reveal this to women I met off [match.com](http://match.com) ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/66 "2014-07-19T22:45:07Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > No, men are more vulnerable to random violence. Women just worry more about it, and people care more about it if it happens to them. > > Our culture encourages near paranoia in women, speaking of culture. More vulnerable (individually) ≠ more prone (statistically). ---
**Author:** ![Bozuit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/edb3f5/32.png) [@Bozuit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bozuit)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/67 "2014-07-19T23:02:25Z")
I don’t have a dog in this fight, but when you said “_random_ violence” it implied you were talking about the likelihood of falling victim to random violence. Why would you specify the violence is random if you mean the victim is less able to cope with any type of violence? ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/68 "2014-07-19T23:15:24Z")
> [@Bozuit](#): > > I don’t have a dog in this fight, but when you said “_random_ violence” it implied you were talking about the likelihood of falling victim to random violence. Why would you specify the violence is random if you mean the victim is less able to cope with any type of violence? To distinguish it from bar fights, I suppose. The point would probably have been clearer if I’d just said “more vulnerable.” ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/69 "2014-07-19T23:25:51Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > No, men are more vulnerable to random violence. Women just worry more about it, and people care more about it if it happens to them. > > Our culture encourages near paranoia in women, speaking of culture. I suppose there is a worthy subject of discussion in the question whether men should be concerned _in general_ about their date getting home safely. To think it is a worthy gesture (or necessary gesture) _only_ if you anticipate a second date, however, is a much more troubling position. To me it implies the following attitude: “I acknowledge some danger to you after we part ways, but I will make sure you get home safely because 1) I want you to be alive for a second date, or 2) I want you to think I’m a nice guy to increase the chance of a second date. If you’ve already decided there will be no second date, you’re on your own.” I think it is okay to assume in most circumstances that adult women are capable of navigating the safety of getting home after a date. The likelihood of a second date should not, however, factor into the equation. I think that’s where the OP is getting pushback. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger\_Jeff](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranger_jeff/32/2065_2.png) [@Ranger\_Jeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger_Jeff)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/70 "2014-07-19T23:26:02Z")
I never realized simply being polite could be such a hassle. It doesn’t cost anything. ---
**Author:** ![Lorene89095](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a8b319/32.png) [@Lorene89095](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lorene89095)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/71 "2014-07-19T23:27:27Z")
> [@tapu](#): > > Psychopath? My first thought. Word gets around Bubba,you can look forward to a lonely future ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/72 "2014-07-19T23:29:53Z")
**FBJJ** , have you ever considered double-dating with [**Ecmandu**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=728518)? ---
**Author:** ![FBJJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e8cbc/32.png) [@FBJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FBJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/73 "2014-07-19T23:30:58Z")
> [@Ranger\_Jeff](#): > > I never realized simply being polite could be such a hassle. It doesn’t cost anything. It’s unnecessary. Just move on with your life. I wasn’t even thinking about the NUT when she sent the text 2 days later ---
**Author:** ![DingoelGringo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9d8465/32.png) [@DingoelGringo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DingoelGringo)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/74 "2014-07-19T23:34:44Z")
> [@Mithras](#): > > That’s the same exact thing you might be told via email after interviewing for a job. It almost always means you didn’t get the job. I always tell everyone “It was a pleasure meeting me!” ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/75 "2014-07-19T23:35:06Z")
This has to be performance art. In that context it’s actually somewhat entertaining. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/76 "2014-07-19T23:35:12Z")
> [@FBJJ](#): > > It’s unnecessary. Just move on with your life. I wasn’t even thinking about the NUT when she sent the text 2 days later If you are so convinced that politeness is unnecessary (which, by the way, tells me something about your age and background), then exactly what’s your question and why do you care what anyone’s answer happens to be? You already have the answers and your dating life is such a wild success as a result that there’s nothing the wise folks here can tell you. If you’re not just poking the anthill here, what is your point? ---
**Author:** ![FBJJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8e8cbc/32.png) [@FBJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FBJJ)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/77 "2014-07-19T23:40:36Z")
> [@Amateur\_Barbarian](#): > > If you are so convinced that politeness is unnecessary (which, by the way, tells me something about your age and background), then exactly what’s your question and why do you care what anyone’s answer happens to be? > > You already have the answers and your dating life is such a wild success as a result that there’s nothing the wise folks here can tell you. If you’re not just poking the anthill here, what is your point? do me a favor and log out ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/78 "2014-07-19T23:48:02Z")
> [@FBJJ](#): > > do me a favor and log out Why should we be willing to do favors for random assholes on the internet who aren’t even going to have the simple decency to have sex with us? I’m predicting now that we’ll soon see some Men’s Rights stuff begin to ooze out of this particular asshole. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/79 "2014-07-19T23:50:41Z")
I really am confused, she texted you 2 days later? To say what, exactly? ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2014, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540/80 "2014-07-19T23:54:11Z")
Whoop - I thought this was in the Pit. My bad. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-care-if-a-women-got-home-safe-after-a-date-if-she-plans-to-see-me-again/693540.md?page=5)