# Why should I ever listen to another woman tell me men need "advice" on oral sex? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 14, 2003, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766 "2003-06-14T06:02:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/1 "2003-06-14T06:02:09Z")
Okay, it has become apparent that significant numbers of women were/are unaware they have a seperate pee-hole. Reading through that thread, I counted at least _four_ women who had no idea urine didn’t come out of the vagina. (I might point out, however, that even _I_ knew this.) Because Dopers in general are supposed to be smarter than average, I cannot help but consider this incident somewhat indicative of the state of knowledge in the female population as a whole. Given that, and given how few _really good_ blowjobs I have ever received, I am heretofore swearing off ever listening to any advice/comments/passing remarks/“interesting” stories about the supposed lack of skill men have at orally pleasuring women. Since women apparently know so little about their _own_ plumbing, how can they criticize my gender with a straight face? I might make an exception for any woman I am in a relationship with, but then again, maybe not. ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 6:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/2 "2003-06-14T06:25:17Z")
Them’s fightin’ words, **Lizard.** I have known from the time I was about 10 that there are, in fact, a total of 3 different openings between my thighs, as well as their respective purposes. I am well acquainted with all of my plumbing and you would do well to heed any advice I have while attempting to operate said plumbing. And I’m not gonna brag, so let’s just say I’ve never had any trouble operating _your_ plumbing, either. [sub]Disclaimer: The words “you” and “your” in the above statement is used in the universal, not the personal, application. I have never actually seen any of Lizard’s equipment, or vice versa.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/3 "2003-06-14T06:35:33Z")
Bring it on, ‘cause I’m in a fightin’ mood. And I’ve yet to hear _any_ woman say anything but that they knew what they were doing with men. Every, literally _every_ woman I’ve heard make comments like that couldn’t back it up. It’s really quite strange. I hear all these women making these comments, but I never hear men saying similar things to women. I think ya’ll have a very over-inflated opinion of your own abilities. Like I said in another thread, just because she can usually get a guy off does not make her “good.” getting men off is pretty damn easy 90% of the time, yet so many women think they are somehow “skilled.” I could do the same with my own hand, does that make me the best masturbator ever? (no jokes, please.) And why are you still up so late? Isn’t it like, 1:30 a.m. in Texas? ---
**Author:** ![TeaElle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8491ac/32.png) [@TeaElle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TeaElle)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/4 "2003-06-14T06:51:39Z")
**Lizard** , your anecdotal evidence would indicate that to me that rather than making blanket statements about all women, you might want to consider hanging out with a higher caliber of same in your personal life. Point to consider – those who are have truly attained a high level of skill at any particular endeavor have no need to brag about their talents. ---
**Author:** ![Dragonblink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Dragonblink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragonblink)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/5 "2003-06-14T07:06:19Z")
I’ll raise you a “Every guy I know thinks he’s a wizard at oral sex.” Maybe you’ve never heard men saying things like that to women, but I hear it all the damn time. Me, I ain’t Linda Lovelace, but I did research on the internet (where else) to improve my technique. ---
**Author:** ![Omorka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/50afbb/32.png) [@Omorka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omorka)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/6 "2003-06-14T07:58:27Z")
There’s also the problem that what works really, really well on their last boyfriend may do nothing at all for the next one. A number of women, especially young ones, have a set of learned habits that they don’t yet realize they will have to learn all over again if they ever change partners. (The same, of course, is true for men on women and women on women; in my admittedly limited experience, most gay guys have figured it out, and probably did the first time they blew a man who didn’t like exactly what they liked on themselves.) So, the brag may have been true - for their last partner. As **tlw** points out, those who are truly skilled at it - of either sex, with either sex - generally do not choose to brag about it. (Their partner might . . .) The female anatomy thing is sad but true. Neither gender tends to be terribly familiar with the female gentials. Males, on the other hand, can hardly not be aware of theirs. Partly this is a matter of placement - it’s hard to look between your own legs like that casually, while a guy just has to look down. That many women are taught as girls that their genitals are “dirty” doesn’t help. One of my students interrupted my Algebra II class this year to ask what the clitoris was. I handed her a dictionary and told her to look it up. While I wasn’t about to extend the interruption by explaining it myself, I figured that it was important enough information that I should at least provide her with the means to get it. Sure enough, she looked it up, read it, and was astounded. Meanwhile, I’m wondering to myself what the Hel these poor kids learned in Health class the previous year . . . On the other hand, I recall one male friend in high school who was apalled when he discovered in Advanced Anatomy and Physiology that babies were not born through the anus. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Major\_Kong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Major\_Kong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Major_Kong)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/7 "2003-06-14T08:12:11Z")
I challenge every hot woman to an oral sex contest with me. ---
**Author:** ![istara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e79b87/32.png) [@istara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/istara)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/8 "2003-06-14T12:33:09Z")
Just because many women may be crap at giving head, doesn’t mean men are any better at the equivalent practice. ---
**Author:** ![Mith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Mith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mith)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/9 "2003-06-14T13:19:18Z")
just cause some ladies dont know exactly what crack and wrinkle they piss from… doesn’t mean that they don’t know what feels good. we cant catch ourselves piss, unless we squat overtop a 3 way mirror. pissing happens. its not something to be overly concerned about as long as it aint burning! not knowing the exact mechanics of how we tinkle has nothing to do with knowing… or not knowing what feels good. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/10 "2003-06-14T13:21:02Z")
Is there such a thing as a ‘bad’ blowjob? (I haven’t had enough of them to know.) ---
**Author:** ![Mith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Mith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mith)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/11 "2003-06-14T13:21:40Z")
besides… anyone who takes techniques written on a message board as truth… should think twice about it. everyone is different and prefers different techniques. i read indygrl’s blurb and didn’t get hot in the least. not everyone is alike. listen to your partner, not some anonymous Dr Ruth, erotica writer wanna-be. ---
**Author:** ![Mastema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@Mastema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mastema)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/12 "2003-06-14T13:24:59Z")
[disclaimer]Mods, please feel free to delete this if it isn’t an appropriate link, but I think I first found out about this site from the SDMB.[/disclaimer] The [Society for Human Sexuality](http://www.sexuality.org/) has loads of good helpful advice for members of both sexes. If you are really serious about improving your technique, you could do much worse than to peruse the articles here. ---
**Author:** ![Mastema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/94ad74/32.png) [@Mastema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mastema)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/13 "2003-06-14T13:24:59Z")
[disclaimer]Mods, please feel free to delete this if it isn’t an appropriate link, but I think I first found out about this site from the SDMB.[/disclaimer] The [Society for Human Sexuality](http://www.sexuality.org/) has loads of good helpful advice for members of both sexes. If you are really serious about improving your technique, you could do much worse than to peruse the articles here. ---
**Author:** ![isthatsowrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/35a633/32.png) [@isthatsowrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/isthatsowrong)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/14 "2003-06-14T15:17:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LouisB \* > \*\*Is there such a thing as a ‘bad’ blowjob? (I haven’t had enough of them to know.) \*\* Yes, there are bad blowjobs. And I agree with **Lizard** that the majority of women do not give even a half-decent blowjob. They may think they do because we men are nice and tell them it was nice in order to encourage them to do it again. We do this in the hope that they will improve over time, but they seldom do. So we either dump them or marry them, either way ensuring that they will never blow us again. ---
**Author:** ![isthatsowrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/35a633/32.png) [@isthatsowrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/isthatsowrong)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/15 "2003-06-14T15:41:39Z")
Regarding my last post, there’s no need for anyone to speak up and say, “I’m married and my husband gets blowjobs all the time.” You are an exception. The women who don’t blow their husbands will not speak up, so you will not appear to be an exception but you are. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/16 "2003-06-14T15:45:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by isthatsowrong? \* > \*\*Yes, there are bad blowjobs. And I agree with **Lizard** that the majority of women do not give even a half-decent blowjob. They may think they do because we men are nice and tell them it was nice in order to encourage them to do it again. We do this in the hope that they will improve over time, but they seldom do. So we either dump them or marry them, either way ensuring that they will never blow us again. \*\* Yeah, I was gonna tell **LouisB** that a “bad” bj is one where the orgasm (if you can even manage to have one) doesn’t even feel as good as if you’ve spanked your monkey. I’ve known women where I had to _concentrate_ really hard to get off, and then i was so sore and raw I didn’t want to continue. **tlw** , as for “anecdotal evidence,” that’s why this is in MPSIMS, and not Great Debates. If you want to have a debate about it with charts and graphs, start a thread there. And I hear ya about “not needing to brag,” but I think **Omorka** had sort-of a point. I’d like to think this was a problem only with young, inexperienced women, but for me, at least, it isn’t. The point of this thread was to blow off some steam. Lately I’ve been quite irritated by this attitude I keep running into that men need to be generously “taught” by Women, who are the Keepers of Sexual Wisdom. Reading that thread where multiple women _didn’t even know they had a pee-hole_ just set me off. Maybe this should’ve gone into the Pit. I now am certain that women are absolutely no better than men at oral sex, yet for some reason, I feel like we absorb far more criticism about it. Where did I get this impression? Mostly from reading magazine like Cosmopolitan, which i admit is far from scientific. But like I told **tlw** , if that’s what someone wants, go to GD. ---
**Author:** ![tanookie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/48db29/32.png) [@tanookie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tanookie)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/17 "2003-06-14T16:05:22Z")
I would never profess to be a fountain of wisdom regarding sex (or anything else for that matter.) But I followed Lizard’s last thread and I feel compelled to add my 2 cents here. Apparently I’m some kind of anomaly among women. I’ve been married 7 years and still enjoy sex with my husband and he still gets head too. Hell, I INITIATE sex fairly often 🙂 Sex was very awkward in the beginning. Everything was - we were teenagers that didn’t have any real experience at all. That’s also what happens when you don’t know your partner well IMO. Together we’ve managed to learn to do more of what the other likes and leave out the stuff that doesn’t work. Do I give a decent blowjob? In his opinion I do. The rest of the male populace is irrelevant. I’ve worked to hone my technique to please him. I ask him what he would like more or different. We really discuss things like this. I feel it is one of the things that makes our marriage so great. I’m quite sure there are horrible blowjobs that contain lots of scraping and/or an obvious unwillingness on the giver’s part that really screws with a guy’s ability to enjoy himself. I’ll agree with tlw and say that you need to find a different type of woman. And make sure you and she have good communication skills and a willingness to take requests and try new things to please each other. Also, If you’re getting bad service you really need to have some practical reccommendations on how to make it better! ---
**Author:** ![isthatsowrong](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/35a633/32.png) [@isthatsowrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/isthatsowrong)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/18 "2003-06-14T16:09:10Z")
Here are some of the excuses I’ve heard from women for why they didn’t want to perform oral sex: “You pee from that thing!” - Ummm, are you aware of what comes out of your privates? “I have a small mouth. It won’t fit.” - You had no problem fitting that $25 steak at dinner. “Blowjobs are extra.” - I thought I paid for full service. ---
**Author:** ![Pixelle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ad7895/32.png) [@Pixelle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixelle)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/19 "2003-06-14T17:51:40Z")
I have to admit that I was a bit stunned too when I read that women were confessing that they weren’t familiar with their own anatomy. Jeez, haven’t these women heard of mirrors 🙂 Get down there and have a look ladies! **Lizard** , I have to agree with you that sometimes women do have a rosey view of their abilities when it comes to oral sex. And I also think that they sometimes take an unfairly dim view of men and their abilities, without realising how hard it must be to try and instinctively please every single woman that they’re with. But you know what they say to women who aren’t sexually satisfied…they’ve gotta speak up. So if you’re getting blow jobs that aren’t really do anything for you, you’ve got to tell her! (in a nice way). If you just lie back and pretend it was good, she’s not going to know any different. You’ll go on getting bad head and she’ll go on giving it. As someone else said, it’s all about communication. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2003, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766/20 "2003-06-14T18:05:11Z")
> [@](#): > > “I have a small mouth. It won’t fit.” - You had no problem fitting that $25 steak at dinner. Psst…the steak was cut up into bite size pieces. Hand me that knife, will you? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-i-ever-listen-to-another-woman-tell-me-men-need-advice-on-oral-sex/181766.md?page=2)