# Why should you be given a berth aboard the space ark? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 21, 2005, 10:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786 "2005-09-21T22:24:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/21 "2005-09-22T01:32:29Z")
> [@Fabulous Creature](#): > > Tell me how many licks it takes to get to the center of the tootsie pop and we’ll move you out of steerage. I’ve never made it without biting…that never struck me as a naughty phrase until just now. ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/22 "2005-09-22T02:42:31Z")
Hey, what about me? Someone has to take care of the purrbabies and keep them out of the chili. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/23 "2005-09-22T02:52:57Z")
> [@Snakescatlady](#): > > Hey, what about me? Someone has to take care of the purrbabies and keep them out of the chili. Qualifications? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/24 "2005-09-22T02:57:50Z")
\< Babylon 5 ripoff commences ! \> **Der Trihs** : “You _should_ let me on board ! I’m smart,” **Fabulous Creature** : _Smirk_ **Der Trihs** : “plus, I’ll make myself useful;” **Fabulous Creature** : _Sneer_ **Der Trihs** : “also, there’s the poison.” **Fabulous Creature** : _looks shocked_ **Der Trihs** : “Yesss.” \< Babylon 5 ripoff ends ! \> ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/25 "2005-09-22T03:01:42Z")
> [@Qadgop the Mercotan](#): > > Why? Because of my unique skills! > > Sybly Whyte, Qadgop the Mercotan Given your mad hull slithering skillz it sounds like you’re going to come along no matter what anyone says. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/26 "2005-09-22T03:03:37Z")
Why? Because I’m the _other_ white meat. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/27 "2005-09-22T03:38:31Z")
> [@Der Trihs](#): > > \< Babylon 5 ripoff commences ! \> > > **Der Trihs** : “You _should_ let me on board ! I’m smart,” > **Fabulous Creature** : _Smirk_ > **Der Trihs** : “plus, I’ll make myself useful;” > **Fabulous Creature** : _Sneer_ > **Der Trihs** : “also, there’s the poison.” > **Fabulous Creature** : _looks shocked_ > **Der Trihs** : “Yesss.” > > \< Babylon 5 ripoff ends ! \> Anticipating this ploy, all such negotiations will take place over sub-ether radio, with me within the walls of my lunar fortress and applicants on Earth with my wave motion gun aimed at their city. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/28 "2005-09-22T03:39:34Z")
Let’s see, I could… No, I could, uh. Be the guy who, uh… Dear God, I’m going to die. ---
**Author:** ![feppytweed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/feppytweed/32/4280_2.png) [@feppytweed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/feppytweed)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/29 "2005-09-22T04:19:17Z")
Because I’m a dues-payin member of the Dope! And I have Family Guy on DVD. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/30 "2005-09-22T04:24:04Z")
> [@feppytweed](#): > > Because I’m a dues-payin member of the Dope! > > And I have Family Guy on DVD. Nice, saucy answer. You’ll be berthed right next to Czarcasm. Bring cheese for the popcorn for _Family Guy_ marathon night. ---
**Author:** ![gotpasswords](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c57346/32.png) [@gotpasswords](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gotpasswords)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/31 "2005-09-22T04:51:31Z")
I know how to disengage the safety on a 1920s-style death ray. I come, I bring pie. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/32 "2005-09-22T05:18:58Z")
> [@gotpasswords](#): > > I know how to disengage the safety on a 1920s-style death ray. > I come, I bring pie. I’ll need to know what sort of pie. ---
**Author:** ![Phnord\_Prephect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/df705f/32.png) [@Phnord\_Prephect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Phnord_Prephect)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 5:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/33 "2005-09-22T05:23:30Z")
Because I’m the guy who knows how to take a technology-free planet, and a lot of manpower, and make civilization from scratch. Civ I, II, and III Age of Empires II Master of Orion II Sim City, SC 2k, 3k, Sim Earth, Sim Life, Sim Ant, Sim Farm, Sim you name it. Etc etc etc. That’s gotta count for somethin’, right? ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/34 "2005-09-22T05:40:45Z")
Because I need to lead the insurrection against you on the new planet. I mean c’mon. What’s a new planet without a chance for some rebellion? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/35 "2005-09-22T05:43:18Z")
> [@Phnord Prephect](#): > > Because I’m the guy who knows how to take a technology-free planet, and a lot of manpower, and make civilization from scratch. > > Civ I, II, and III > Age of Empires II > Master of Orion II > Sim City, SC 2k, 3k, Sim Earth, Sim Life, Sim Ant, Sim Farm, Sim you name it. > > Etc etc etc. > > That’s gotta count for somethin’, right? Yes, but I can’t help but notice you have no space ark. Bzzt. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/36 "2005-09-22T05:48:56Z")
> [@RandMcnally](#): > > Because I need to lead the insurrection against you on the new planet. I mean c’mon. What’s a new planet without a chance for some rebellion? The logic of this remark escape me. First, we haven’t established that I intend to rule on Tellus Secundus (and the fact that it’s named that, rather than “Tellus Maximus,” would seem to indicate the contrary. Second, if i DO intend to become the Evil Overlord of hte new planet, remember an earlier post stating > [@](#): > > all such negotiations will take place over sub-ether radio, with me within the walls of my lunar fortress and applicants on Earth with my wave motion gun aimed at their city. Wouldn’t I just fire the wave motion gun? Think ahead. ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/37 "2005-09-22T06:40:39Z")
The overwhelming majority of the passengers seem to be american so far. So much for cultural diversity. You obviously need a representant of the french culture, and I’m the only one around here. So, you have to take me along. Or else the secret of snail cooking and brain pan-frying will be lost forever. And what will you do when you’ll find out that the only edible source of protein widely available on Tellus Secundus is related to frogs, hmmm? Besides, you’ll need someone to conduct the surrendering negociations when the Tau Cetians and their armada of plasma guns armed starships will turn their greedy eyes towards Tellus Secundus. ---
**Author:** ![Ranchoth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ranchoth/32/1066_2.png) [@Ranchoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranchoth)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/38 "2005-09-22T07:06:39Z")
I’m a centrist, materialist, utilitarian nihilist, and even my subtle influence may help create a sociological influence that would give rise to a well-balanced, orderly, truly modern civilization—one truly deserving of the chance to preserve Earth’s legacy. I’m also a fairly good bullshitter, and a fast typist. That might come in handy for ya. On the negative side, I do have a family history of mental illness, an addictive personality, and I’m bad at math. Maybe you could at least let me hitch a ride in the ark’s airlock when you launch, and dump me out in a spacesuit before you break orbit. So, at least, I can die in space, and not in the mud with the rest of the lousy grounders. ---
**Author:** ![Large\_Marge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/50afbb/32.png) [@Large\_Marge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Large_Marge)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/39 "2005-09-22T08:21:39Z")
I see that many talented people have applied. So, for balance, if you need a sarcastic, cynical, middle-age woman with stability issues, I’m your gal. And, I make excellent cream puffs. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![betenoir](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/258eb7/32.png) [@betenoir](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/betenoir)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2005, 8:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786/40 "2005-09-22T08:27:55Z")
I give great head. And I like guys who knit 🙂 . [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-should-you-be-given-a-berth-aboard-the-space-ark/322786.md?page=3)