# Why the fuck don't you listen? ("Good Samaritans" who force help on me) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 1, 2017, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314 "2017-07-01T23:04:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/121 "2017-07-04T21:36:35Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Again, I don’t get pissed at people trying to help. I get pissed at people refusing to listen to my answer. I think that’s a reasonable position that any of us can relate to. As a woman, I’m often declining help multiple times for simple things I can do. I’m sure it just happens to you even more often given your specific situation, and can absolutely see how annoying it could be. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/122 "2017-07-04T21:38:42Z")
> [@enipla](#): > > I’ll hold a door open for someone in a wheelchair, or a Pittsburg Steeler. Me too. I’d also listen to a wheelchair user or a Pittsburg Steeler if they told me they didn’t need my assistance. ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/123 "2017-07-04T21:57:24Z")
Please, people. Pittsburg **h** ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/124 "2017-07-04T22:01:53Z")
> [@Tread](#): > > Two people who are doing something that I am willing and offered to help with, and they stated they wanted no help, and would rather do it for themselves… > I am still not making the distinction In the scenario you describe, there is absolutely no distinction. What I was saying was that people see the level of disability as exactly the same between young fit disabled people and very old frail disabled people. This is the reality I’ve come to know. I’m not screaming that it shouldn’t be this way or getting pissed at anyone for it, just observing the reality of it. ETA: Because of this, people will offer me help with the same things that they would offer an elderly scooter user. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/125 "2017-07-04T22:04:12Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Please, people. Pittsburg **h** Dammit. I thought that looked wrong! :o ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/126 "2017-07-04T22:51:29Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > If I did inadvertently come off like I was saying it’s ok to see other chair users as helpless but not _me_, it was my effort to say that each individual wheelchair user (or disabled person in general)\* should\* be evaluated individually. I know this is only a pipe dream however, and I don’t think it’s how the world works. In terms of helping people even after they decline the offer, I think they should be evaluated the same: no matter how frail granny is, you let her be if she waves you off. And if someone who looks relatively able asks you for help, you give it to them without snarky thoughts, because the vast majority of people want to do for themselves as best they can. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/127 "2017-07-04T22:54:32Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Please, people. Pittsburg **h** > [@Ambivalid](#): > > Dammit. I thought that looked wrong! :o Not if you live in [California.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pittsburg,_California) 😉 ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/128 "2017-07-04T23:01:52Z")
> [@running\_coach](#): > > Not if you live in [California.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pittsburg,_California) > > 😉 The day they have a team called the Steelers, we’ll talk ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/129 "2017-07-04T23:07:48Z")
You can probably find enough burglary convicts in the county jail system to field a team called the Pittsburg Stealers… ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2017, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/130 "2017-07-04T23:54:48Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > Lots of people simply see “disability” and not “_person with_ disability”. Joseph, if that even is your real name, :dubious:. Fuck those people. Just punch them in the dick and go get a milkshake. (Unless you’re not milk-i-fied or something. Then go get some jalapeno poppers. It’s ok, my Mom’s not a milk-i-fied person. That blows because she can’t have milk-shakes. Bodies are stupid.) > [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > **Drunky Smurf.** Just what it says on the tin, folks. Mrs. Weasel, I respect you very much, but I am not a Uruguayan, but I do have a delicious recipe for toast and peanut butter. First you take the mayonaise and throw that in the trash cuz, ewww mayonaise, then you take some toast and put something on it. I’d suggest some peanut butter. Or you cold do like the Commies do and put some milk on it. I mean seriously, who likes milk? I mean I do, but I’m a ding-dong. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/131 "2017-07-05T00:16:00Z")
> [@MandaJo](#): > > In terms of helping people even after they decline the offer, I think they should be evaluated the same: no matter how frail granny is, you let her be if she waves you off. And if someone who looks relatively able asks you for help, you give it to them without snarky thoughts, because the vast majority of people want to do for themselves as best they can. Agreed. ---
**Author:** ![Iggy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iggy/32/3364_2.png) [@Iggy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iggy)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/132 "2017-07-05T00:47:22Z")
I encountered today’s helpful person at the main entrance of a hospital which has those automatic sliding doors. She is exiting. I am using my walker and entering. I see the stunned “I Must Help This Man” glaze in her eyes and… she stops dead still right in the middle of the double door opening. Not enough room to her left. Not enough room to her right. I am NOT getting past. I asked her to kindly move. Oh, my. The deer-in-the-headlights look is strong with this one. And she froze and managed to stammer that she was being helpful by holding the doors open for me. OK. Gotcha. The automatic door sensor can recognize you and stay open but if it sees a walker it will get all confused and try to crush me. Uh, gee. _Thanks_? for the _help_? ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/133 "2017-07-05T01:24:15Z")
That is crazy. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/134 "2017-07-05T02:22:45Z")
> [@Iggy](#): > > I encountered today’s helpful person at the main entrance of a hospital which has those automatic sliding doors. She is exiting. I am using my walker and entering. I see the stunned “I Must Help This Man” glaze in her eyes and… she stops dead still right in the middle of the double door opening. Not enough room to her left. Not enough room to her right. I am NOT getting past. > > I asked her to kindly move. Oh, my. The deer-in-the-headlights look is strong with this one. And she froze and managed to stammer that she was being helpful by holding the doors open for me. > > OK. Gotcha. The automatic door sensor can recognize you and stay open but if it sees a walker it will get all confused and try to crush me. > > Uh, gee. _Thanks_? for the _help_? I can definitely relate to that. Many times, when I am approaching a door and there are people in the vicinity, I can see them move haltingly to and fro as if not sure if they should go and grab the door for me. I’m usually long gone before they can decide. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/135 "2017-07-05T02:46:43Z")
> [@PastTense](#): > > OP. Besides just saying “No Thanks” give an explanation: “I need to exercise my muscles so they don’t wither away.” “I need to practice opening the door by myself so I can easily do it when no one else is around.” My three suggestions: 1. “Actually, if you want to help, do you mind checking my front bumper on my car? I’m worried I ran into the curb.” While they go check, you can go on in the business and out of their life. 2. “When you ignore my refusal of an offer for help, it comes across as condescension. Don’t do that.” 3. “What the fuck is LHOD doing offering suggestions for something he knows nothing about? Jesus fuck.” ---
**Author:** ![Tread](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Tread](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tread)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/136 "2017-07-05T15:36:45Z")
> [@Ambivalid](#): > > In the scenario you describe, there is absolutely no distinction. > > What I was saying was that people see the level of disability as exactly the same between young fit disabled people and very old frail disabled people. This is the reality I’ve come to know. I’m not screaming that it shouldn’t be this way or getting pissed at anyone for it, just observing the reality of it. > > ETA: Because of this, people will offer me help with the same things that they would offer an elderly scooter user. OK, I see what you’re driving at, but we agree, an offer to help anyone, who looks like they may need it, is fine, but once it is declined, whatever the reason, move on. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/137 "2017-07-05T16:31:44Z")
I generally offer to hold the door for anyone with wheels. Given the people I generally interact with, that’s most often physically able men pushing carts. They almost always say “thanks” and accept my offer. So I’d offer to hold the door for you, Ambivalid, no matter how strong you appear. If you said “no thanks” I’d move along, though. ---
**Author:** ![Broomstick](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/broomstick/32/246_2.png) [@Broomstick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Broomstick)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/138 "2017-07-05T17:00:27Z")
I don’t get the confusion people seem to have here. It is NEVER wrong to _offer_ to hold the door. The OFFER of help is not the problem here. What is wrong is _IGNORING THE RESPONSE_ to the offer. If someone says “no thanks, I’ll do it myself” then you need to respect that. Why people somehow to construe this to mean offering is the offense is utterly baffling to me. Seriously, WTF? Offer to assist everyone with doors, but don’t ignore a “no thanks”. Is it really that hard? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/139 "2017-07-05T17:03:56Z")
> [@puzzlegal](#): > > So I’d offer to hold the door for you, Ambivalid, no matter how strong you appear. > > If you said “no thanks” I’d move along, though. That’s not the issue. See thread title. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2017, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314/140 "2017-07-05T17:45:08Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > That’s not the issue. See thread title. But it is the point of the latter discussion that has developed about whether it’s a faux pas to offer a young, fit disabled person help in all the situations you’d offer help to geandma on a scooter. By my reading, Ambivalid has admitted he feels somewhat put off when people offer him help becuase they have a knee jerk reaction to the chair and are blind to his actual fitness. I tjink that frustration is very understandable, but I think I’m more sympathetic to a person being oblivious to what a person in a chair is capable of than to a person being rude enough to push help on a lerson after an offer is declined. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-the-fuck-dont-you-listen-good-samaritans-who-force-help-on-me/790314.md?page=8)