# Why we don't write English the way they write headlines **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 20, 2018, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172 "2018-02-20T04:45:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/1 "2018-02-20T04:45:32Z")
Uber isn’t exactly known for treating their drivers well, but I never thought they’d go so far as to engage in cannibalism. Was the customer killed for trying to stop it? [Uber Eats Driver Allegedly Shoots And Kills Customer In Atlanta](https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/02/19/587050356/uber-eats-driver-allegedly-shoots-and-kills-customer-in-atlanta) Of course, my interpretation overlooks the lack of a comma after “Driver”, but it’d have been much more clear if they could have written “An Uber Eats driver allegedly shoots and kills a customer in Atlanta.” like a real English sentence. (with apologies for making a grammar joke about an actual murder) ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/2 "2018-02-20T04:53:19Z")
For what it’s worth, I really did stare at the headline and think “Uber does _what?!_” for a moment before it clicked. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 4:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/3 "2018-02-20T04:59:24Z")
To be even a bit geekier about it, the problem is that the mapping from “normal” English writing to headline writing isn’t an [injective function](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Injective_function). The two inputs “An Uber Eats driver” and “Uber eats a driver” both map to the same output, “Uber Eats Driver”. ---
**Author:** ![Flyer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/flyer/32/7298_2.png) [@Flyer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flyer)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/4 "2018-02-20T06:17:27Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > Uber isn’t exactly known for treating their drivers well, but I never thought they’d go so far as to engage in cannibalism. Was the customer killed for trying to stop it? > > [Uber Eats Driver Allegedly Shoots And Kills Customer In Atlanta](https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/02/19/587050356/uber-eats-driver-allegedly-shoots-and-kills-customer-in-atlanta) > > Of course, my interpretation overlooks the lack of a comma after “Driver”, but it’d have been much more clear if they could have written “An Uber Eats driver allegedly shoots and kills a customer in Atlanta.” like a real English sentence. > > (with apologies for making a grammar joke about an actual murder) Your preferred solution is still incorrect. It should be this– ‘Uber Eats’ Driver Allegedly Shoots And Kills Customer In Atlanta. That clarifies the issue while barely using any more space than the original. ---
**Author:** ![UDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecae2f/32.png) [@UDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UDS)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 6:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/5 "2018-02-20T06:28:27Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > Uber isn’t exactly known for treating their drivers well, but I never thought they’d go so far as to engage in cannibalism. Was the customer killed for trying to stop it? > > [Uber Eats Driver Allegedly Shoots And Kills Customer In Atlanta](https://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2018/02/19/587050356/uber-eats-driver-allegedly-shoots-and-kills-customer-in-atlanta) > > Of course, my interpretation overlooks the lack of a comma after “Driver” . . . This wouldn’t help at all; it would make matters worse. Given the conventions used to construct newspaper headlines, “Uber Eats Driver, Allegedly Shoots And Kills Customer In Atlanta” would indicate that Uber first ate a driver, and then allegedly shot a customer to death. ---
**Author:** ![chappachula](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d2c977/32.png) [@chappachula](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chappachula)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 7:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/6 "2018-02-20T07:03:37Z")
here’s a book on the subject: [Eats Shoots and Leaves](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eats,_Shoots_%26_Leaves) (the reference, of course, is to a panda bear 🙂 ) ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/7 "2018-02-20T07:38:16Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > here’s a book on the subject: > [Eats Shoots and Leaves](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eats,_Shoots_%26_Leaves) This book is often mentioned (including on this board) in discussions of unclear writing, but it’s not really an issue of punctuation that we’re talking about here. Rather, it involves normal, natural [syntactic ambiguity](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syntactic_ambiguity). The Wiki article includes a discussion of newspaper headlines, which are particularly susceptible to syntactic ambiguity because they omit copulas, articles, etc., but even regular written discourse can embody it, (e.g., _John saw the man on the mountain with a telescope_.) ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/8 "2018-02-20T07:46:43Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > Of course, my interpretation overlooks the lack of a comma after “Driver”, but it’d have been much more clear if they could have written “An Uber Eats driver allegedly shoots and kills a customer in Atlanta.” like a real English sentence. > > (with apologies for making a grammar joke about an actual murder) A “real English sentence” would be: _An Uber Eats driver allegedly shot and killed a customer in Atlanta_. The conventions of “[headlinese](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Headlinese)” include using present tense for recent past events. (Events in the far past are rendered in past tense, though.) ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/9 "2018-02-20T11:41:03Z")
> [@UDS](#): > > This wouldn’t help at all; it would make matters worse. Given the conventions used to construct newspaper headlines, “Uber Eats Driver, Allegedly Shoots And Kills Customer In Atlanta” would indicate that Uber first ate a driver, and then allegedly shot a customer to death. Indeed. But what I meant was that the _lack_ of a comma was what should have tipped me off that the headline _wasn’t_ meant to be read that way. Only it’s subtle enough that I still had a momentary reaction of “Uber eats who now?!” It doesn’t help that Uber has been around a lot longer than Uber Eats, at least where I live. ---
**Author:** ![tim314](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tim314/32/3468_2.png) [@tim314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tim314)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/10 "2018-02-20T11:53:21Z")
> [@guizot](#): > > This book is often mentioned (including on this board) in discussions of unclear writing, but it’s not really an issue of punctuation that we’re talking about here. Rather, it involves normal, natural [syntactic ambiguity](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Syntactic_ambiguity). The Wiki article includes a discussion of newspaper headlines, which are particularly susceptible to syntactic ambiguity because they omit copulas, articles, etc., but even regular written discourse can embody it, (e.g., _John saw the man on the mountain with a telescope_.) I sometimes wish English writing worked like algebra, and you could use parentheses to eliminate such ambiguities. E.g., “John saw (the man on the mountain with a telescope).” vs. something like “John (saw the man on the mountain) with a telescope.” I guess [sentence diagrams](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentence_diagram) also express this structure in an unambiguous way. ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/11 "2018-02-20T13:00:05Z")
I never heard of Uber Eats. I finally figured out that it had to be a phrase, but it was extremely confusing! ---
**Author:** ![excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e8c25b/32.png) [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/excavating_for_a_mind)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/12 "2018-02-20T13:14:30Z")
The purpose of the headline is to get the reader engaged. If is ambiguous and makes the reader think twice about its meaning, or otherwise makes the reader want to read more to be able to figure out what is going on, it is doing its job. This is not just different that other writing, but pretty much the opposite of other writing. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/13 "2018-02-20T14:25:29Z")
> [@Flyer](#): > > Your preferred solution is still incorrect. It should be this– > ‘Uber Eats’ Driver Allegedly Shoots And Kills Customer In Atlanta. > > That clarifies the issue while barely using any more space than the original. I agree. Another possible solution: **Uber Eats driver allegedly shoots and kills customer in Atlanta**. ---
**Author:** ![Machine\_Elf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/82dd89/32.png) [@Machine\_Elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Machine_Elf)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/14 "2018-02-20T15:22:18Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > here’s a book on the subject: > [Eats Shoots and Leaves](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eats,_Shoots_%26_Leaves) > > (the reference, of course, is to a panda bear 🙂 ) So the head line should be: Uber Eats Driver Shoots and Leaves ---
**Author:** ![gnoitall](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/bb73d2/32.png) [@gnoitall](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gnoitall)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/15 "2018-02-20T16:57:17Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > I agree. > > Another possible solution: **Uber Eats driver allegedly shoots and kills customer in Atlanta**. “Wow. Uber ate one of its drivers and then is alleged to have shot one of its customers.” ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/16 "2018-02-20T20:26:11Z")
> [@tim314](#): > > I sometimes wish English writing worked like algebra, and you could use parentheses to eliminate such ambiguities. > > E.g., “John saw (the man on the mountain with a telescope).” vs. something like “John (saw the man on the mountain) with a telescope.” > > I guess [sentence diagrams](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentence_diagram) also express this structure in an unambiguous way. One could just say "Using a telescope, John saw the man on the mountain’'. Or one could keep their mouth shut and let John tell what he saw. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mk\_VII](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Mk\_VII](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mk_VII)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2018, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/17 "2018-02-20T20:32:19Z")
It’s up there with _Meat Shortage: MPs Attack Minister_ or\* Eighth Army Push Bottles Up Germans\*. ---
**Author:** ![LofG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dbc845/32.png) [@LofG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LofG)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2018, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-dont-write-english-the-way-they-write-headlines/809172/18 "2018-02-22T19:28:47Z")
> [@excavating\_for\_a\_mind](#): > > The purpose of the headline is to get the reader engaged. If is ambiguous and makes the reader think twice about its meaning, or otherwise makes the reader want to read more to be able to figure out what is going on, it is doing its job. This is not just different that other writing, but pretty much the opposite of other writing. Yes, this is exactly what headlines (in a money-making environment) are intended to do. More like click-bait than actually conveying the correct story.