# Why We Won't Be Having Sex.
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [September 19, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356 "2008-09-19T19:53:45Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/1 "2008-09-19T19:53:45Z")
Jezebel’s recent piece [The Unfuckables](http://jezebel.com/5051963/a-guys-guide-to-not-getting-it-on) is a funny rundown of specific things men did that kept the writer, and many posters, from considering sex with them (number 12 is ‘Telling me how hard you are going to fuck me is only hot when we are a) naked and b) on the verge of fucking. In a well-lit bar in front of 10 of our colleagues at a work event, it’s presumptuous and gross.’ Comments include: ‘Don’t explain your affinity for Black women by saying, "I saw this porno once, and there was this White guy eating out a Black chick and I thought One day, _I_ want to be that guy! "’).
Pretty much a ‘What not to do when hitting on someone or while on a first date’ free-for-all (guys weigh in, too, with gems like ‘Don’t name my penis and talk to it in a baby voice’).
[Feministe](http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2008/09/19/how-not-to-get-it-on/#comment-203649) did a follow-up called How Not to Get it On that includes the gem: **Don’t tell me you know “this great little Italian place” and then take me to the Olive Garden.**
Anyone else have helpful dating tips based on personal experience?
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### Author:  [@Icarus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Icarus)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/2 "2008-09-19T20:05:22Z")
While on a date with me, don’t invite another guy to join us, and expect me to pay.
Yes, it really happened, and no, she wasn’t thinking “three-some!”
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### Author:  [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/3 "2008-09-19T20:09:40Z")
> [@Icarus](#):
>
> While on a date with me, don’t invite another guy to join us, and expect me to pay.
>
> Yes, it really happened, and no, she wasn’t thinking “three-some!”
But if she was, would you have paid for him?
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### Author:  [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/4 "2008-09-19T20:13:36Z")
If you are about to give a guy a bj, it’s not sexy removing a palate with your 2 front teeth on it, in full view of the recipient.
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### Author:  [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/5 "2008-09-19T20:22:56Z")
It is generally not a turn-on to invite a woman back to your house when you live with your parents.
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### Author:  [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/6 "2008-09-19T20:33:27Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#):
>
> If you are about to give a guy a bj, it’s not sexy removing a palate with your 2 front teeth on it, in full view of the recipient.
_Vomits everywhere_
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### Author:  [@pbbth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pbbth)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/7 "2008-09-19T20:38:54Z")
Don’t tell me you have an incurable STD but you aren’t willing to wait until I can get vaccinated against it and that it is either sex now or not at all. Guess which option I’m going to pick, asshole?
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### Author:  [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/8 "2008-09-19T20:45:45Z")
If all I hear you saying is what scum you thought your exes were, what makes you think that I want to take a chance on becoming one of them?
If I can smell you before I get close to you–tobacco, pot, perfume, whatever–I won’t get close to you.
If your idea of a good time is to get drunk and forget everything, why do I not think you want to remember me?
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### Author:  [@ivan\_astikov](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivan_astikov)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/9 "2008-09-19T20:53:36Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#):
>
> _Vomits everywhere_
Like you still wouldn’t! 😃
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### Author:  [@Spiny\_Norman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiny_Norman)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/10 "2008-09-19T21:00:42Z")
It’s a bad recording, but Leslie Fish wrote the infamous filksong (not a typo) [That is not the way to get laid](http://www.prometheus-music.com/audio/getlaid.mp3).
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### Author:  [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/11 "2008-09-19T21:02:35Z")
If you ask if I’m seeing someone and the answer is no, that does not automatically imply that I’m willing to date YOU.
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### Author:  [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/12 "2008-09-19T21:19:22Z")
Telling me all about you & your family’s psychohistory isn’t scoring you points.
Ditto smelling you before getting within reach.
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### Author:  [@mr.jp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.jp)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/13 "2008-09-19T21:30:13Z")
“Also, should never high five when they are hitting on you or grab your waist like your their girl.”
Wait, what. Is this true? I do those things all the time.
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### Author:  [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/14 "2008-09-19T21:30:16Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#):
>
> If you are about to give a guy a bj, it’s not sexy removing a palate with your 2 front teeth on it, in full view of the recipient.
Certainly, it would be startling at first, but how is this not a net positive overall?
😃
before
😛
after
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### Author:  [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/15 "2008-09-19T21:40:18Z")
> [@ivan\_astikov](#):
>
> If you are about to give a guy a bj, it’s not sexy removing a palate with your 2 front teeth on it, in full view of the recipient.
I know someone who was in this EXACT situation once. He said that he went through with it (duh and ew simultaneously) but the sound of the plate’s suction releasing is now something he hears in his nightmares.
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### Author:  [@SiXSwordS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiXSwordS)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/16 "2008-09-19T21:44:20Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#):
>
> Certainly, it would be startling at first, but how is this not a net positive overall?
And imagine if it fell out during!
“Oh, excuse me, my teeth fell out.”
As for myself, despite avoiding all these pitfalls I am not that successful with the ladies.
I almost slept with a woman who puked in my neighbor’s lawn before we could get to my place.
(Please note I said _almost_!)
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### Author:  [@Susie\_Derkins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Susie_Derkins)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/17 "2008-09-19T21:45:53Z")
Mine: Don’t be a bad kisser. If you drool, stick your rigid tongue in my mouth and move it strictly clockwise, or suck my tongue so hard that the little flap underneath starts to give way, there’s no way I’m letting you get hold of my vagina.
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### Author:  [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/18 "2008-09-19T21:55:50Z")
When going in for a nice “hello” or “goodbye” peck on the lips, make sure that’s all it is. Flicking my lips with your tongue, very reminiscent of lizard, not cute or sexy, just “Eeew, WTF?”
And when surprise and dislike are communicated the first time, don’t do it AGAIN!!
Don’t say anything like “That’s my girl” on the first date. I’m not your girl, and now you’ve made sure I never will be. Oh, and _Reservoir Dogs_ for an at-home dinner-and-a-movie-date, you’re sure not to get laid.
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### Author:  [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/19 "2008-09-19T22:38:20Z")
Don’t ask me if I’m always this boring followed by do I want to go back to the house and meet your frat brothers.
:dubious:
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### Author:  [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)
#### Post date: [September 19, 2008, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/20 "2008-09-19T22:44:30Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#):
>
> 😃
> before
>
> 😛
> after
:o
During?
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