# Why We Won't Be Having Sex. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [September 19, 2008, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356 "2008-09-19T19:53:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![tesseract](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bb73d2/32.png) [@tesseract](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tesseract)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/41 "2008-09-20T07:14:39Z")
> [@beanpod](#): > > **tesseract** , that voicemail is just perfect. I haven’t even finished listening to it yet, and I’ve already decided that my favorite part is “I’m giving you an opportunity here.” > > Beautiful. > > ETA: I was wrong. “Here’s how it’s gonna work,” is soooo much better. I know, it just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it? Like just when you think he can’t outdo himself, he does. ---
**Author:** ![Illuminatiprimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/illuminatiprimus/32/11520_2.png) [@Illuminatiprimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Illuminatiprimus)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/42 "2008-09-20T09:25:45Z")
> [@cmyk](#): > > Anyway, I can’t believe the complete douchebaggery in the audio file **tesseract** linked to. I’m truly gobsmacked over some of the stuff that ass what saying, and how in love with himself he is. You can’t beat this for astounding egotism, can you? ---
**Author:** ![Obsidian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/51bf81/32.png) [@Obsidian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Obsidian)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/43 "2008-09-20T09:58:37Z")
> [@Illuminatiprimus](#): > > You can’t beat this for astounding egotism, can you? “There is nothing wrong with me.” Yeah, you might want to get that looked at, dude. (Can you imagine actually dating that guy?) ---
**Author:** ![dba\_Fred](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c37758/32.png) [@dba\_Fred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dba_Fred)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/44 "2008-09-20T10:26:38Z")
Counter-example: I woman I’d been seeing cooked us a wonderful chicken dinner. As we were clearing the table she asked if I’d liked the chicken, I answered “It was fine but wasn’t like Mom’s.” She took me to bed for the first time later that night 😃 but I heard about it a few weeks later. Boy did I hear about it!!! :smack: Lesson learned. ---
**Author:** ![Influential\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Influential\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Influential_Panda)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/45 "2008-09-20T13:57:15Z")
> [@tesseract](#): > > Don’t call me (OK, it wasn’t really me) after I give you my business card and leave [this](http://www.network54.com/Forum/181413/thread/1221785611/last-1221861523/Pick+Up+Line) message. (Go down to the 18th post and click on the audio file.) I cannot seem to get the link to work when I go directly to youtube, therefore I have linked to the message board where this is embedded, which works for me. That is OK, right? [Direct Link](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvwN9Qy3SEs) ---
**Author:** ![BlueKangaroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@BlueKangaroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueKangaroo)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/46 "2008-09-20T14:23:24Z")
That voicemail was astounding. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/47 "2008-09-20T14:38:42Z")
> [@Green\_Bean](#): > > And I can assure you, this is the only time this guy has been, or will ever be, mistaken for Chris Noth. _Doink!_ _Doink!_😉 (from my single days) To Add: If you ‘really think we have something special’ and after learning I have a car on campus and proceed to say that you’d really like to go on a nice romantic drive right now at 2AM, don’t pull 5 yenta roomates out of thin air as we start to go with “I want to be dropped at Donny’s house” “My parents are just in the next county” “Drop us at the Douglas Student Center” and “I want to go HOME. (‘where’s home?’) In Yooooonkers…” :smack: In short, if you want to bang a cabbie, there’s 5 in line at the train station just waiting for you. You can work out who tips who later… ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/48 "2008-09-20T17:18:26Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > [Feministe](http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2008/09/19/how-not-to-get-it-on/#comment-203649) did a follow-up called How Not to Get it On that includes the gem: **Don’t tell me you know “this great little Italian place” and then take me to the Olive Garden.** I personally experienced #10 on that list. “Oh, I don’t read, but I did like The Da Vinci Code!” ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/49 "2008-09-20T17:50:05Z")
> [@tesseract](#): > > Don’t call me (OK, it wasn’t really me) after I give you my business card and leave [this](http://www.network54.com/Forum/181413/thread/1221785611/last-1221861523/Pick+Up+Line) message. (Go down to the 18th post and click on the audio file.) I cannot seem to get the link to work when I go directly to youtube, therefore I have linked to the message board where this is embedded, which works for me. That is OK, right? The scariest part is that the phone number he leaves has a Toronto area code. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/50 "2008-09-20T18:19:42Z")
> [@tesseract](#): > > Don’t call me (OK, it wasn’t really me) after I give you my business card and leave [this](http://www.network54.com/Forum/181413/thread/1221785611/last-1221861523/Pick+Up+Line) message. (Go down to the 18th post and click on the audio file.) I cannot seem to get the link to work when I go directly to youtube, therefore I have linked to the message board where this is embedded, which works for me. That is OK, right? Wow, hardcore idiot. I’d be tempted to return his call with something like, “I’d like to cordially invite you to go fuck yourself.” Or maybe, “If you’re so awesome, why are you sounding desperate?” ---
**Author:** ![SpecialAgentJem](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f6c823/32.png) [@SpecialAgentJem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpecialAgentJem)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/51 "2008-09-20T18:34:03Z")
Oh my! :eek: That guy with the voicemail - what an absolute idiot. Did anyone else want to slap some sense into him? He was so full of himself and clearly didnt realise that he must be suffering something psychological himself! ---
**Author:** ![Rubystreak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Rubystreak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubystreak)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/52 "2008-09-20T18:39:49Z")
There was a guy who was a friend of a friend who really wanted to date me, but committed several cardinal sins that eliminated him from consideration. First, he told me outright that he had 10 piercings in his penis, and was allergic to latex, so no condoms. Also, admitted that he got the piercings to make his small penis look bigger. Lastly, one of his hobbies was suspension, which is hanging from hooks embedded in the flesh of his back. Um, thanks but no thanks! ---
**Author:** ![pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a9a28c/32.png) [@pseudotriton\_ruber\_ruber](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pseudotriton_ruber_ruber)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/53 "2008-09-20T18:54:27Z")
I’da thought “Uh, **Rubystreak** , before we go out for the first time, and I know you haven’t said yes yet, there’s something I want you to know about my penis–” woulda been sufficient. Did you really need to hear about the 10 piercings, the cocker spaniel-like size, the no-condom policy (how would you fit one over the piercings anyway, with no leakage and no punctures?), and the suspension before making the call? ---
**Author:** ![MikeG](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mikeg/32/4329_2.png) [@MikeG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeG)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/54 "2008-09-20T18:56:12Z")
That voicemail… wow. Talk about a control freak with an overdeveloped sense of himself. The sad thing is it probably works enough to convince him to keep it up. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/55 "2008-09-20T19:00:21Z")
> [@Rubystreak](#): > > There was a guy who was a friend of a friend who really wanted to date me, but committed several cardinal sins that eliminated him from consideration. First, he told me outright that he had 10 piercings in his penis, and was allergic to latex, so no condoms. Also, admitted that he got the piercings to make his small penis look bigger. Lastly, one of his hobbies was suspension, which is hanging from hooks embedded in the flesh of his back. Um, thanks but no thanks! And he hasn’t heard of the wonder of NON latex condoms? ---
**Author:** ![KarmaComa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e36b37/32.png) [@KarmaComa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KarmaComa)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/56 "2008-09-20T19:56:47Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > The scariest part is that the phone number he leaves has a Toronto area code. ☹ Apparently this guy is [Dmitri the Lover](http://www.eyeweekly.com/city/features/article/22843), who was on the cover of Eye not so long ago. Hey – I know the person who wrote that article! Small world. 🙂 I have one of my own. Don’t say, “That’s a _good_ thing! I’ve got a thing for girls with short legs.” Gimme a break. I was hammered. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/57 "2008-09-20T20:23:48Z")
I like how the guy on the voicemail says that he’s _completely_ single. Is there such a thing as “partially” single? ---
**Author:** ![Kaio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/c68b51/32.png) [@Kaio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaio)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/58 "2008-09-20T20:32:09Z")
> [@beanpod](#): > > **tesseract** , that voicemail is just perfect. I haven’t even finished listening to it yet, and I’ve already decided that my favorite part is “I’m giving you an opportunity here.” > > Beautiful. > > ETA: I was wrong. “Here’s how it’s gonna work,” is soooo much better. Hee hee hee! Even better is that that voicemail could have come from [Mr. Narcissist](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=10202048&postcount=44) himself. Of the many things he did wrong: asked almost immediately what I liked to do in bed. I told him, politely, that I don’t have that conversation with strangers, and if down the road it became evident he would need to know, we’d have the conversation then. A day later we’re IMing and he drops in “You know, you never did tell me what you like to do in bed.” My response: “Yep. You’re right!” Apparently he decided to forgive me that “transgression” because he IMed a couple days later. I indicated that I thought it was a bad idea to have any expectations on a first meeting. He threw an absolutely hysterical hissy fit and told me I was stupid for not recognizing how unique he was and that I should feel _Privileged_, dammit, to date him. Someone like him only comes along once in a lifetime!!!ONE!! Unfortunately, he signed off (modern equivalent of slamming down the phone, I guess) before I could respond with “And thank god for that!!” ---
**Author:** ![Lugubrious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/a698b9/32.png) [@Lugubrious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lugubrious)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/59 "2008-09-20T20:39:20Z")
> [@Sunspace](#): > > The scariest part is that the phone number he leaves has a Toronto area code. ☹ Glad I’m not the only one who shuddered as he started reading off his number. Wugh. ---
**Author:** ![chowder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/977dab/32.png) [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2008, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356/60 "2008-09-20T20:50:46Z")
> [@Tom\_Tildrum](#): > > Certainly, it would be startling at first, but how is this not a net positive overall? > > 😃 > before > > 😛 > after 😉 even later [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-we-wont-be-having-sex/464356.md?page=4)