# Why Would A Wookie Want to Jerk Off to Diahann Carroll? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 7, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988 "2003-10-07T02:45:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/1 "2003-10-07T02:45:47Z")
Ye fucking gads! I know this has been done before, but “thanks” to reasons best left unsaid (however, _someone_ is going to be hearing from my lawyer [pain and suffering, doncha know]) I have finally managed to see _The Star Wars Holiday Special_ for the first time since it originally aired. Omyfuckingod is it bad! I don’t mean _Plan 9 From Outer Space_ or _Manos: Hands of Fate_ bad, I mean, walking in on your grandparents having hot dry sex bad! There is a disturbance in the Force, and it’s coming out of George Lucas’s ass! Cripes! If you thought the prequels were bad, lemme tell ya, they’ve got **nothing** on the Crapday Special! Even fortifying myself with shots of bourbon hasn’t helped to dull the pain. The sad thing is that the Diahann Carroll song might have been okay, but I’ll never know, because of how shitty the program is! Jeebus! I just hit the Boba Fett cartoon! It reminds me of this bad porn cartoon I saw which dealt with some guy named “Little Dick” who was the servant of some evil witch who had to have 69 orgasms before she could become a hot babe. Needless to say, she ends up getting nailed by Little Dick 69 times despite his best efforts to prevent this from happening. It must be really bad as my PC doesn’t want to play the rest of it, but I’m going to do my best to force it. Oh, fuck, I’m sorry I did! (And sadly, there are **no** commercials for me to enjoy.) Well, here’s the Bea Arthur and Harvey Corman parts, maybe they’ll be funny. Okay, and maybe Hell will freeze over and start selling Icee’s. Christ! The damn thing just gets worse and worse! And **nowhere** to they explain exactly _why_ a Wookie’s period is so fucking heavy that they have to celebrate switching to [Light Days](http://www.kotex.com/products/product.asp?h=l&p=ltdypp)! (Of course, considering how damn bad the fucking show was, it’s probably better that they **didn’t!** ) Christ on a whole wheat cracker! I’ve made it through the thing, and I’m sorry I ever watched it! I was eight or nine when it came on, and I have dim memories of the whole disaster, but obviously, like a victim of Satanic Ritual Abuse, I blotted most of it out. I only hoped that the bourbon I had before watching this has cushioned my system enough so that I don’t remember any of this in the morning. (Otherwise, I’m going to need therapy, lots and lots of expensive therapy, and George, you’re going to be paying for it.) ---
**Author:** ![Atreyu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@Atreyu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atreyu)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/2 "2003-10-07T03:30:42Z")
I want to see this for myself. Really. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/3 "2003-10-07T03:42:55Z")
Dude! What are you talking about?😕 Are you sure you didn’t start on the bourbon oh, say, six hours before the show/this post? ---
**Author:** ![Fuji\_Kitakyusho](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@Fuji\_Kitakyusho](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fuji_Kitakyusho)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/4 "2003-10-07T03:47:32Z")
Ladies and gentlemen of the “supposed” jury, this is Chewbacca… ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/5 "2003-10-07T03:47:45Z")
_The Star Wars Holliday Special_. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/6 "2003-10-07T03:47:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by John Carter of Mars \* > \*\*Dude! What are you talking about?😕 > > Are you sure you didn’t start on the bourbon oh, say, six hours before the show/this post? \*\* Sadly, no, and I wish I had! ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/7 "2003-10-07T03:50:41Z")
Anyone got a link? Anyone? ---
**Author:** ![Q.E.D](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/51bf81/32.png) [@Q.E.D](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.E.D)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/8 "2003-10-07T03:53:09Z")
On further Googling: [Ugh!](http://www.timewarptv.com/site/programs/Star_Wars_Holiday_Special/) ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/9 "2003-10-07T05:34:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fuji Kitakyusho \* > \*\*Ladies and gentlemen of the “supposed” jury, this is Chewbacca… \*\* **POP!!!** …head explodes with ugly splat. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/10 "2003-10-07T05:55:35Z")
Forgot this: When this item pops up, I always like to mention how I was subjected to that abomination in my youth: imagine the same torture you all were subjected to, magnify that with a very bad dub to Spanish, add also the setting of a foreign country where one had no idea who the invited celebrities were and yes, your head would also explode! But I got better… ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/11 "2003-10-07T05:56:27Z")
I have a [screengrab](http://216.232.71.251/~larry/miscpics/bea_sexy.jpg) of Harvey Korman playing a sadsack moisture farmer to Bea Arthur’s creepy tavern keeper. (There’s a hole-in-the wall videostore nearby that has a bootleg copy which Lucas’ minions haven’t hunted down and destroyed yet.) I was mildly disappointed by the Star Wars Holiday Special when I was eight years old, but I found it impossible to get through when I was thirty. Even the animated bit with Boba Fett, which I thought was _totally wicked_ the first time around, seemed sort of like a bad mushroom trip. ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/12 "2003-10-07T05:59:41Z")
Linkie no Wookie… ---
**Author:** ![GIGObuster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gigobuster/32/421_2.png) [@GIGObuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GIGObuster)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/13 "2003-10-07T08:05:35Z")
Is wooking now! Thanks **Larry Mudd** … 😛 OTOH, After looking at that, what have you done!!! more memories of that travesty are … urrgg… **Pop!!** ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/14 "2003-10-07T10:31:44Z")
I have it in RealPlayer format at work\*… 19 horrible, horrible megabytes. My vague recollection (I would have been six years old when it aired) was that my brother and sister put it on - as I remember the opening bit with the weird Wookie treehouses (interior furnishing straight from a 70s showroom - who knew Wookies were into orange shag?) and the 20 minutes of Wookiespeak histrionics that ensued… and _that’s all_. They must have turned it off or changed the channel. But really, yes, this is bad bad bad, not MTS3K bad - it’s PAINFUL. It could be used as a torture method in POW camps, or to get criminals to confess. I’m serious. That’s how BAD it is. - Maybe, _maybe_ I’ll email it to myself from work and just _maybe_ send it to brave souls who _really, really, really_ want to see it… and signs a waiver releasing me of any and all responsibility for its effect on you. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/15 "2003-10-07T11:18:03Z")
BWA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!! ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/16 "2003-10-07T11:50:42Z")
Hee hee. Man, I gotta see this again. Just to see Carrie Fisher trying not to fall over. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 12:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/17 "2003-10-07T12:07:03Z")
It’s still not as bad as the Saban Live Action/Animated Sailor Moon. Oh, no, no. It’s not even nearly as bad. ---
**Author:** ![cuauhtemoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ecb155/32.png) [@cuauhtemoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cuauhtemoc)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/18 "2003-10-07T12:43:00Z")
I’ve always wanted to see this. I’d heard about it, and I understand that it’s bad, but my morbid curiosity is piqued. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/19 "2003-10-07T13:02:29Z")
Trust me caughtthemoc, you do NOT want to see it. It’s not “so bad it’s good” type bad. It’s not “fun to MST3K it” bad. It’s just boring, inane, tacky, insipid, stupid BAAAAAAAAAAADDDDD. Remember the dumb variety shows from the 70s, like Tony Orlando and Dawn? Ever been to a really lame lounge show at a Holiday Inn bar? Ever been to a high school talent show that features rollerskaters that fall down all the time during their act and wannabe divas who sing “I Will Survive” off-key? It’s that caliber of bad. ---
**Author:** ![Fillepe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/898d66/32.png) [@Fillepe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fillepe)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2003, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/20 "2003-10-07T13:27:05Z")
Add me to the list of individuals whom must see this piece of genius (?) for myself . Any tips on where to get/find it would be appreciated… [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988.md?page=2)