# Why Would A Wookie Want to Jerk Off to Diahann Carroll? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 7, 2003, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988 "2003-10-07T02:45:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/41 "2003-10-08T02:02:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\*Frankly, I think **Crunchy Frog** needs a copy of this to watch. \*\* I agree. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/42 "2003-10-08T02:16:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jenaroph \* > \*\*I’m kinda sorta glad I didn’t see this when it first aired; I think it would have warped my fragile little mind. Though I’m oddly curious now. > > What the hell is [this?](http://www.timewarptv.com/site/programs/Star_Wars_Holiday_Special/images/Image9.jpg) > And [this?](http://www.timewarptv.com/site/programs/Star_Wars_Holiday_Special/images/Image11.jpg) \*\* They’re the holographic dancers. One does spend an inordinate amount of time showing his/her/it’s crotch. ---
**Author:** ![SkipMagic](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skipmagic/32/20706_2.png) [@SkipMagic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkipMagic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/43 "2003-10-08T03:07:40Z")
I just found a copy and watched it. I want my two torturously long hours back. That said, wasn’t there also a “Kitchen Wars” or “Appliance Wars” spoof out there somewhere at sometime? ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/44 "2003-10-08T03:17:33Z")
Hardware Wars… HBO used to run it constantly as a between movies filler, along with “Closet Cases of the Nerd Kind” which was, of course, a similarly done spoof of Close Encounter. Ham Salad, Chewie the Wookie Monster (who was a pretty Cookie Monster looking hand puppet) and… What the hell was Leia’s name in that thing? In any case, I clearly recall that the Millenium Falcon was a flying iron, and in one shot the Wookie Monster eats a danish off the side of Leia’s head, to the familiar “Aruhm rum rum rum” eating noises that Cookie always made on Sesame Street. Damn. _That_ one I gotta track down, now. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/45 "2003-10-08T03:17:43Z")
_Hardware Wars_. First fan film ever? I saw it in 1979. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/46 "2003-10-08T03:20:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*I just found a copy and watched it. > I want my two torturously long hours back. > > That said, wasn’t there also a “Kitchen Wars” or “Appliance Wars” spoof out there somewhere at sometime? \*\* Yeah, I don’t remember what it was called, but it involved egg beaters firing “lasers” at one another. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/47 "2003-10-08T03:25:07Z")
Ah yes, the egg beater Tie Fighters… And Darth Vader (whatever he was called) was completely unintelligible, as I recall… during the flashlight duel with Okie Wan Fenokey, he kept gargling at Okie Wan, who just kept asking “What? What? What?” as a flashlight shined in his eyes… Or something like that. ---
**Author:** ![Skeezix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/839c29/32.png) [@Skeezix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skeezix)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 3:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/48 "2003-10-08T03:33:51Z")
Oh my stars and garters… It’s available on [DVD](http://www.mwp.com/pages/filmshardware.html) y’all. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/49 "2003-10-08T03:46:17Z")
It was Princess Anne-Droid. And she had actual danishes on her head, from what I hear. (I never saw about it, I’ve just read about it). ---
**Author:** ![cbm77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@cbm77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cbm77)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/50 "2003-10-08T06:34:43Z")
I just downloaded it and watched it. Worst episode EVER! That was the worst thing I have ever and will ever watch!!! I’m depressed I will never be able to watch any of the Stars Wars movies again without having that horrible memory in the back of my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/51 "2003-10-08T08:04:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vibrotronica \* > \*\*Is this a trick question? It’s a trick question, right? > > A: To get to the other side. \*\* No, to CUM out on the other side! ---
**Author:** ![scott\_evil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/91b2a8/32.png) [@scott\_evil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scott_evil)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/52 "2003-10-08T10:28:18Z")
I think Bea Arthur’s involvement in this should be examined more closely. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/53 "2003-10-08T17:36:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tuckerfan \* > \*\*[Frankly, I think **Crunchy Frog** needs a copy of this to watch.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=178347) \*\* I’m going off in search for a copy of it now, unless one of you could be so kind to send me an e-mail so I have a more direct way of finding it as opposed to a google search. I had also rented “I Spit on Your Grave” so I could put up a new bullet review this weekend, maybe there’ll be a two-fer. ---
**Author:** ![Montresor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/839c29/32.png) [@Montresor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montresor)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/54 "2003-10-08T19:00:38Z")
…in that no matter how many times you tell someone “it’s bad. Really, quite bad,” they never believe you. Everyone thinks that _they’re_ the one who will be able to MSTify it, _they’ll_ see the humor that no one else could find… They’re all wrong. This thing sucks. Don’t watch it. Honestly, this isn’t one of those “Tuscany is full, don’t bother trying to go there” things. Everyone who’s telling you not to watch it _honestly has your best interests at heart._ It isn’t funny, it isn’t campy, it isn’t even competently made. And to those who complain about Bea Arthur? I say give me MORE Bea Arthur, if it means LESS Harvey Korman in drag! Anyway, please go out and watch “Hardware Wars,” watch “Thumb Wars,” watch “The Muppet Show” with Mark Hamill (and let me know if you find the Vincent Price episode on DVD), but DO NOT WATCH THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL. **Deep Hurting! Deep Hurting!** Of course, no one is going to take this seriously… No one ever does… At least not until they spend 20 minutes with Itchy and Lumpy. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/55 "2003-10-08T19:25:25Z")
These words he speaks are true. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2003, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/56 "2003-10-08T19:44:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Fuji Kitakyusho \* > \*\*Ladies and gentlemen of the “supposed” jury, this is Chewbacca… \*\* This doesn’t make any sense, does it? Why am I talking about Chewbacca? Now, if Chewbacca don’t make sense, you must acquitt. ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/57 "2003-10-09T04:00:54Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Montresor \* > \*\*Anyway, please go out and watch “Hardware Wars,” watch “Thumb Wars,” watch “The Muppet Show” with Mark Hamill (and let me know if you find the Vincent Price episode on DVD), but DO NOT WATCH THE STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL. Deep Hurting! Deep Hurting! \*\* The Vincent Price episode of the Muppet Show is out there, it’s on my disc with the Alice Cooper episode and (I believe) Marty Feldman. Anybody else notice Bruce Vilanch was a writer on this thing? Were they surprised? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/58 "2003-10-09T18:20:59Z")
[ralph wiggum] Oww, I _bent_ my wookie. [/ralph wiggum] ---
**Author:** ![Montresor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/839c29/32.png) [@Montresor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Montresor)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2003, 6:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/59 "2003-10-09T18:58:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dijon Warlock \* > **The Vincent Price episode of the Muppet Show is out there, it’s on my disc with the Alice Cooper episode and (I believe) Marty Feldman.** Ooh, is that the one where Feldman does the great _Casablanca_ parody? I don’t really care too much for/about Alice Cooper, but in order to achieve my goal of seeing everything Vincent Price every made, I’ll need to watch his Muppet Show episode again. Back to the Life Day Spectacular: not only Bruce Vilanch, but an embarassingly long list of so-called “professionals” made this piece of crap. At least Carrie Fisher had the excuse of being all hopped up on goofballs, and Harrison Ford has the decency to look extremely uncomfortable and all too aware of how embarassing the whole affair is. Again, in the words of Paul Anka, _just don’t look, just don’t look._. Watch “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians,” watch the bad remake of “Miracle on 34th Street,” heck, even watch “Jingle All the Way” (I saw that one in a bar, with the sound turned off, and it STILL sucked), but DO NOT WATCH the Star Wars Holiday Special. Although I’d rather watch it again than sit through “Send In The Clones” again. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988/60 "2003-10-10T04:04:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Dijon Warlock \* > \*\*The Vincent Price episode of the Muppet Show is out there, it’s on my disc with the Alice Cooper episode and (I believe) Marty Feldman. > > Anybody else notice Bruce Vilanch was a writer on this thing? Were they surprised? \*\* Frankly, I’m surprized Joe Esterhaus _wasn’t_ part of this. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-a-wookie-want-to-jerk-off-to-diahann-carroll/205988.md?page=2)