# Why would you tell me that NOW?! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 13, 2011, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564 "2011-10-13T19:50:43Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/21 "2011-10-14T15:02:08Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > Another vote for being intensely curious about the aftermath, if any. > > Did these people seriously think that “Let me know…” meant “Let me know so I can pay it?” Yet another vote for both - So how’d it end? - Did these people seriously think that “Let me know…” meant “…when you present me with the bill”? Whiskey Tequila [Fenny](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fenny)? (Had to look hard for a strong drink that began with F.) ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/22 "2011-10-14T15:10:01Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > You know, I think a bride gets to be a special and unique snowflake on her wedding day. Not to the point of being a bridezilla, but certainly to the point where she can expect people to cater and defer to her for those 24 hours. I don’t buy into the special snowflake thing, but you don’t bring up something like this while you’re sitting in a limo driving to someone’s wedding ceremony. At least wait until it’s all over then mention it. Unless you actually expect the bride to do something at that moment, like turn around and go back to the hotel so you can break our your Junior Dick Tracy Detective Kit and find the culprit. You’re just filling in some dead air, why not try “Wow, your dress sure is pretty!” or “The weather is just perfect today, isn’t it?” ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/23 "2011-10-14T15:13:35Z")
No, I did NOT pay. And my daughter had nothing to do with the whole thing. They were going off of a vague throw-away line I made months earlier. If they had even come to me a month in advance and asked to share expenses, I might have been willing to kick in some, but the day of the event, when they’ve invited a hundred guests? No fucking way. Turns out, they (my daughter and 2nd hubby) got divorced a couple of years later. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/24 "2011-10-14T15:17:01Z")
> [@CitizenPained](#): > > I was in the middle of eating ice cream when my boyfriend broke up with me. I remember saying something like, “You couldn’tve waited til I was finished?! Now you ruined it!” Long ago, I was living with a boyfriend who cheated on me with a neighbor girl. He got busted, we decided to stick together, life went on… One evening he left for work and I was just sitting down to watch The Music Man on TV, when the neighbor girl called. She wanted to come over right away with something important to tell me. I knew she was going to tell me trouble was starting up again, and all I could think was, “Damn! I’m not going to get to see The Music Man!” ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/25 "2011-10-14T15:24:47Z")
Doesn’t anybody have sympathy for the poor guy marrying into this self centered family? Please note that this statement is a reflection of the thoughts I should have had 33 years ago when I got married. Tomorrow I’m getting married again, to the same woman. Not a legally binding marriage like our first one, which was just a civil ceremony. This one is to get married before the God that I’m not sure whether or not I don’t believe in. My point being, you’ll get over it. ---
**Author:** ![Cicero](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cicero/32/3594_2.png) [@Cicero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cicero)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/26 "2011-10-14T15:40:53Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Oh dear girl, let me relate a story. My wife and I flew to MSP from Alaska for my daughter’s second wedding. All through the month’s long run-up to this, the groom’s parents insisted on paying for everything, as he is their only son. No problem for me, as I only pay for one wedding per daughter. I helped out with my daughter’s dress and bought them a nice wedding present, however. A couple of months before the event, I spoke briefly on the phone with my future FIL, who seemed like a nice guy, and as we were wrapping up the conversation I said, off-handedly, “if there’s anything we can help with, let me know”. > > . Colour me thick, but how is he your future father in law? ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/27 "2011-10-14T15:41:07Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > You know, I think a bride gets to be a special and unique snowflake on her wedding day. Not to the point of being a bridezilla, but certainly to the point where she can expect people to cater and defer to her for those 24 hours. Thank you **muldoonthief**. 🙂 I can assure everyone that I tried my damndest to be the least snowflake-y bride ever. I had no bridal showers, we didn’t have a buck 'n doe party (common in Ontario), I didn’t care what people wore, I had no expectations of gifts, we paid for the wedding ourselves, and all I cared about was that our closest loved ones made it to Vegas to share our day with us. The point of my post was to illustrate someone not thinking before talking - the ol’ “putting mouth in motion before brain in gear” - and asking if fellow Dopers had similar stories. ---
**Author:** ![Brandus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/898d66/32.png) [@Brandus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brandus)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/28 "2011-10-14T15:51:33Z")
Maybe she was trying to pull you back from the brink of society-sanctioned insanity that is a girl on her wedding day. “It’s MY SPECIAL day and everything has to be PERFECT!!!” ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/29 "2011-10-14T16:07:28Z")
Poor stepmom was probably in a bit of a shock and not thinking clearly, that’s all. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/30 "2011-10-14T16:11:52Z")
> [@Cicero](#): > > Colour me thick, but how is he your future father in law? Because I married my daughter’s boyfriend, of course. Duh. ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/31 "2011-10-14T16:17:33Z")
Some moments are to be savored, though the stolen laptop news would be hard to contain. Is it possible she is lying, really lost it on their vegas travels and now she is creating an alibi by breaking the mood with her tragedy. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/32 "2011-10-14T16:21:34Z")
> [@Brandus](#): > > Maybe she was trying to pull you back from the brink of society-sanctioned insanity that is a girl on her wedding day. > > “It’s MY SPECIAL day and everything has to be PERFECT!!!” Damn straight it does. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Soylent\_Juicy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@Soylent\_Juicy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soylent_Juicy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/33 "2011-10-14T16:23:18Z")
> [@a35362](#): > > Poor stepmom was probably in a bit of a shock and not thinking clearly, that’s all. I totally knew this was the case as soon as she said it. But it happened 2 days prior, and we’d seen or talked to them in those two days, which is why I was surprised that she’d blurt it out right at that very moment. ---
**Author:** ![Pixel\_Dent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/bc8723/32.png) [@Pixel\_Dent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixel_Dent)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/34 "2011-10-14T16:28:02Z")
Another wedding related one. My wife and I were on our honeymoon. We were on an island that had no contact with the outside world except for one phone in a cabin near the dock in case of emergencies. About 3 days after we arrived my wife was summoned to the phone. It was her mother calling to tell her that she was divorcing her father. For some reason that couldn’t wait until we got home. Twenty years later we still laugh about that one. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/35 "2011-10-14T16:32:53Z")
I guess this makes me sound like a girl, but at breakfast on the day I got married, the woman who raised me (on paper a cousin, but 27 years older than me) basically had a…tantrum… and told me I was ungrateful, that she was not my mother, but a cousin, that I hadn’t paid any attention to her since they got into town (two days before), and that she didn’t care if she went to the ceremony or not. Being a typical sexist man, I knew it was a side effect of menopause, but it still bothered me quite a bit. ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/36 "2011-10-14T16:54:39Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Daughter starts crying, her new husband goes scurrying off, and we made excuses and left, furious. As we go out into the hallway, the new MIL comes running over: “Are you _leaving_!?” she asks, incredulously. Yes, I inform her. “But what about the bill for the reception!!” she shrieks. That would be _your_ problem. “But you said if we needed anything to ask you!” she wails. We turned and left without another word. > > So when something really serious happens to you, come back and tell us. I don’t really get why your daughter started crying, unless 1) you were a douche to her about this, or 2) she cries at everything. ---
**Author:** ![a35362](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@a35362](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a35362)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/37 "2011-10-14T17:08:55Z")
Wouldn’t the vendors have been paid up front? Are you higher up the food chain financially than the groom’s family? Maybe they think you think a couple grand is pocket change. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/38 "2011-10-14T17:09:09Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I don’t really get why your daughter started crying, unless 1) you were a douche to her about this, or 2) she cries at everything. She was probably already nervous from the proceedings and suddenly faced with the prospect of her parents and in-laws having a blowout fight right after she’s married, after they sent her to be the messenger who started the whole thing. I could see it being overwhelming. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/39 "2011-10-14T17:14:27Z")
> [@MsWhatsit](#): > > I don’t really get why your daughter started crying, unless 1) you were a douche to her about this, or 2) she cries at everything. Yeah, those are the only two options available. :rolleyes: She was upset because her douchebag in-laws put her in this position instead of just coming over to me themselves. When I understandably was upset and shocked by this request, she started crying and told me that she hadn’t wanted to do this, but they insisted because “it’s your father”. At that point in her life, she was still not much for confrontations, but she’s gotten tougher in the 15 years or so since. It pretty much ruined her wedding day, much like the OP. My only quarrel with her is that she didn’t go back and tell them “no dice”. It would have changed the encounter in the hallway and saved everybody some embarrassment. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2011, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564/40 "2011-10-14T17:19:12Z")
> [@Dogzilla](#): > > Your wedding barely registered as a blip on her radar except as an event to distract her from solving the Case of the Missing Laptop. Hell, my own wedding would be more of a blip than someone I care about having something stolen. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-would-you-tell-me-that-now/599564.md?page=3)