# Why yes, I'd love to drop everything and tend to your child! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 4, 2006, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300 "2006-04-04T19:13:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![dangermom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e274bd/32.png) [@dangermom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dangermom)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/21 "2006-04-04T21:02:58Z")
$20 an hour?!? What do they do, bring a pony ride along? $10 is more like it for an adult, and personally I give $4/hour to my teenaged babysitter, which she is happy to have (I’d pay her more if she wanted, but she really is fine with it). Anyway, you’re going to have to change this or they’ll keep it up. **Norinew** , I think, has got it about right. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/22 "2006-04-04T22:22:59Z")
> [@Dung Beetle](#): > > [hijack] Okay, I give up. **tiny ham** , did you just change your name, and if so, what was it before? I try to spend every waking minute here, I swear, but sometimes I just can’t keep up. Thanks. [/hijack] It appears, after some detective work, that **tiny ham** is/was **jarbabyj**. Evidence: posts #9 and #10 of [this thread](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=247939). To be honest, i really wish there was some place in ATMB, perhaps a sticky, where name changes were announced. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/23 "2006-04-04T22:44:21Z")
Forgive the dumb question, but if you didn’t want to do it, why didn’t you say “No, I’m sorry I already have plans.”? If they were in a tight spot at the last minute, should they **not** have tried everything they could think of? ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2006, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/24 "2006-04-04T22:55:09Z")
The reason they keep calling you is because you say yes. Also, telling their son that you’re too busy to play with him is cruel. Talk about manipulative! They’re hurting their child for something that was their fault (lack of planning) and I would definitely call them on it. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/25 "2006-04-05T07:43:26Z")
Nothing to add that others haven’t said except; I hope these friends of yours have other qualities that deem them worth being friends. That whole bit about “I’ll tell Junior you can’t play with him.” Makes my blood boil. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/26 "2006-04-05T11:31:08Z")
> [@little\*bit](#): > > This is what you need to say. “I’m sorry. I have a plans. Next time you should let me have some more notice. My schedule tends to fill up quickly.” Followed by a resounding NO. When the guilt river starts to flow in your direction, interrupt it with “You should have let me know sooner”; putting the emphasis where it belongs. > > It worked with my sister. Now she only calls at the last minute if it’s really necessary. And plans can include going to bed early, reading a book, washing your hair, watching television. You don’t need to tell her that, but its HER child, not yours, she’s the one who gave up two hour long soaks in the bathtub, not you. ---
**Author:** ![furlibusea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/aca169/32.png) [@furlibusea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furlibusea)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/27 "2006-04-05T11:32:37Z")
**norinew** got it right early on. The Miss Manners approach is best. _Ring ring_ **Tiny Ham** : Hello **Obnoxious Friend** : Oh darling, you simply MUST babysit adorable little Curly right now, or we will be paupers in the street and he will cry forever because he can never see you again. **TH** : Oh darn, It is too bad you didn’t let me know earlier I am afraid I have plans. **OF** : But what on earth could you possibly be doing that is more important than our plans? Come babysit ALC. **TH** :I am afraid I simply can’t. Gotta run. Bye. _phone hangs up_ Note: It doesn’t matter if your plans for the evening are eating toast and watching bad TV. They are yours and you dont ever open them for discussion. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/28 "2006-04-05T12:02:10Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Also, telling their son that you’re too busy to play with him is cruel. Talk about manipulative! They’re hurting their child for something that was their fault (lack of planning) and I would definitely call them on it. It may have been just a ploy. I would certainly hope they didn’t actually follow through. ---
**Author:** ![Siege](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dbc845/32.png) [@Siege](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siege)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/29 "2006-04-05T14:09:09Z")
Actually, while this is a bit nasty, you could go for the moral high ground. You could gently point out that, since you are the darling lad’s godparent, part of your job as a good godmother is to see that he grows up to have high moral standards and be a good decent person. As such, it makes you just a wee bit uncomfortable for him to be exposed to such cruel manipulation at such a young and sensitive age. After all, they wouldn’t want him to get the idea that telling lies and half-truths to get what you want is ok, would they? I’d save this for a later escalation if this sort of thing continues, and even then, I’d do it strictly tongue-in-cheek if I did it at all, but it could give you something amusing to consider. Be firm, gentle and loving, just as I know you’ll be with your own kids. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/30 "2006-04-05T14:16:04Z")
When you see their number come up on caller ID, here’s how you answer: Hello, friend. Hello, Tiny Ham. Whatchya doing? Getting ready to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_. What are you doing? Um…nothing. I was hoping you could sit tonight, but I guess not. No, sorry. Maybe next time, huh? See ya. ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/31 "2006-04-05T15:32:20Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > No, sorry. Maybe next time, huh? “Next time” means the next time you want to try this schtick at last minute. “No sorry; I wish I had a couple of days lead up time; I would have tried to readjust my schedule. Ta-ta.” ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/32 "2006-04-05T15:48:10Z")
As a (mostly) SAHM, I deal with this kind of situation on an almost daily basis. My fave is when the kids are ill behaved and you make them follow your rules- then when the mom shows up and asks the lil darlings how their day was, they get all teary, point at you and say “She was mean to us”. Ugh. Brats. (Those two haven’t been back to my house in over 9 months now 🙂 ) Or the mom who “will never put my kids in daycare” but will attempt to drop them off at your house Every Single Day…you know, “to play”. Here’s a tip: If you wake up every simgle day and don’t know where your kids will be going after school, this is an indication to you that you need to develop a child care plan! Or “the trick” request when the mom asks if “we can get the kids together to play” or somesuch, only to find out that she/they going out to dinner or a movie or even to work, and they are really looking for all day child care, not a play date. Uh oh, I’m starting to feel a little rant-ish! ---
**Author:** ![Anastasaeon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Anastasaeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anastasaeon)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/33 "2006-04-05T16:06:26Z")
I’ve actually had this pulled on me before. I wasn’t the child’s godparent, just a “favourite auntie” (no relation. Mommy just thought it was cute.) Mommy: Could you babysit my sweet little angel girl in about a half an hour? My husband will pick you up and… Me: I’m sorry, I’ve got plans for tonight. If I’d known a couple days ago you guys would be going out… Mommy: Oh, no! We just decided this today, and we knew we could count on you to… Me: No, I’m sorry, you can’t count on me, I’m going out tonight. Mommy: But we could really use this time to get out! [they were going out to some new restaurant] Me: That’s too bad. I hope you can find someone. Good luck. Mommy: Well, I guess I’ll go tell precious little angel girl that you won’t be coming over to see her. Me: _Excuse_ me? Could you repeat that? Mommy: I… I said, I’m going to have to tell her… you know. That you’re not. You’re not going to come over. She loves you. She’ll be heartbroken, you know. Me: Now why would you say something like that to me? Mommy: Well, it’s true. Me: Why would you lie to your child? Mommy:\* Lie\*? Me: Who didn’t plan ahead? Who wants to drop her off somewhere at the last minute? Not me. I would have been happy to do it if you had given me enough warning that you’d be going out, but this last minute stuff is too much. Don’t you dare try to blackmail me with your child. I find that very rude. Good luck finding a sitter. And I hung up. She didn’t call me for a couple of days, but eventually she started talking to me again, and she learned to ask me several days in advance if I’d be available. It was probably a little more confrontational than some would do, but I get very prickly when someone tries to pull that shit with me. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/34 "2006-04-05T16:17:30Z")
Ahhh… the beauty of boundaries. Good for you, good for them. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/35 "2006-04-05T16:20:16Z")
> [@Hey you!](#): > > Forgive the dumb question, but if you didn’t want to do it, why didn’t you say “No, I’m sorry I already have plans.”? > > If they were in a tight spot at the last minute, should they **not** have tried everything they could think of? what? That IS what I do. What I’m saying is that the unnecessary guilt trip is a little irksome. If I have time and I can do it, I do, but if I can’t, that should be the end of it, not “OH, now I’ll have to tell jr you can’t come play with him” and make me feel like an ass. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/36 "2006-04-05T16:31:04Z")
> [@Anastasaeon](#): > > I’ve actually had this pulled on me before. I wasn’t the child’s godparent, just a “favourite auntie” (no relation. Mommy just thought it was cute.) > > Mommy: Could you babysit my sweet little angel girl in about a half an hour? My husband will pick you up and… > Me: I’m sorry, I’ve got plans for tonight. If I’d known a couple days ago you guys would be going out… > Mommy: Oh, no! We just decided this today, and we knew we could count on you to… > Me: No, I’m sorry, you can’t count on me, I’m going out tonight. > Mommy: But we could really use this time to get out! [they were going out to some new restaurant] > Me: That’s too bad. I hope you can find someone. Good luck. > Mommy: Well, I guess I’ll go tell precious little angel girl that you won’t be coming over to see her. > Me: _Excuse_ me? Could you repeat that? > Mommy: I… I said, I’m going to have to tell her… you know. That you’re not. You’re not going to come over. She loves you. She’ll be heartbroken, you know. > Me: Now why would you say something like that to me? > Mommy: Well, it’s true. > Me: Why would you lie to your child? > Mommy:\* Lie\*? > Me: Who didn’t plan ahead? Who wants to drop her off somewhere at the last minute? Not me. I would have been happy to do it if you had given me enough warning that you’d be going out, but this last minute stuff is too much. Don’t you dare try to blackmail me with your child. I find that very rude. Good luck finding a sitter. > > And I hung up. She didn’t call me for a couple of days, but eventually she started talking to me again, and she learned to ask me several days in advance if I’d be available. It was probably a little more confrontational than some would do, but I get very prickly when someone tries to pull that shit with me. (And **Anastasaeon** gets added to my long and illustrious list of Dopers I Admire from Afar…) ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/37 "2006-04-05T16:41:18Z")
> [@Anastasaeon](#): > > Me: Why would you lie to your child? > Mommy:\* Lie\*? > Me: Who didn’t plan ahead? Who wants to drop her off somewhere at the last minute? Not me. I would have been happy to do it if you had given me enough warning that you’d be going out, but this last minute stuff is too much. Don’t you dare try to blackmail me with your child. I find that very rude. Good luck finding a sitter. Rock on. Real wisdom there. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Gorgon\_Heap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f475e1/32.png) [@Gorgon\_Heap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorgon_Heap)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/38 "2006-04-05T17:08:02Z")
Goddam kids make it really hard to be spontaneous, that’s for sure. I generally try to get a sitter two or three days in advance, but sometimes a sitter falls through on you and you have to run to your backup. That’s when it sounds like you’re being rude when you really aren’t. I hate that. Being a parent is all about being frustrated, tired, and having a guilty conscience. Little bundles of frickin’ joy. ---
**Author:** ![B.Serum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/b.serum/32/14266_2.png) [@B.Serum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/B.Serum)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/39 "2006-04-05T17:08:34Z")
> [@tiny ham](#): > > what? That IS what I do. What I’m saying is that the unnecessary guilt trip is a little irksome. > > If I have time and I can do it, I do, but if I can’t, that should be the end of it, not “OH, now I’ll have to tell jr you can’t come play with him” and make me feel like an ass. Got it. Sorry to not read more closely. Right… the guilt trip is really bad form. ---
**Author:** ![JustAnotherGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/58f4c7/32.png) [@JustAnotherGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JustAnotherGeek)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2006, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300/40 "2006-04-05T17:17:32Z")
> [@Gorgon Heap](#): > > Goddam kids make it really hard to be spontaneous, that’s for sure. > > I generally try to get a sitter two or three days in advance, but sometimes a sitter falls through on you and you have to run to your backup. That’s when it sounds like you’re being rude when you really aren’t. > > I hate that. > > Being a parent is all about being frustrated, tired, and having a guilty conscience. I don’t think anyone here will argue with you that sometimes you have to try to call in a favor last minute… The only thing being pitted here is the use of guilt as blackmail. If you call up a friend 'cause a scheduled babysitter cancelled, and said, “Hey, the scheduled babysitter cancelled, and we’re in a bind, could you help out” that is an entirely different beast than “I’ve already told my child (whom you love sooooooo much, right?) that you’re coming over, and if you don’t come over, their little heart will just be soooooo _broken_. So I’ll be there in a half an hour for you.” The first is life; the second is obnoxious. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-yes-id-love-to-drop-everything-and-tend-to-your-child/351300.md?page=3)