# Why, you sanctimonious little whore. Don't you use scare tactics on me. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 2, 2005, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624 "2005-01-02T02:30:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/bb73d2/32.png) [@Dark\_Side\_of\_the\_Floyd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/1 "2005-01-02T02:30:58Z")
This is the E-Mail I recieved from a girl I knew in the 8th grade. A devout fundamentalist, she constantly insists that “I’m going to hell”. As many times I’ve told her (nicely and not-so-nicely) not to send glurge-y or witnessing E-mails to me, it seems she can’t help but shit in my Inbox. This hellaciously long E-mail is brought to you, courtesy of (we’ll call her) “Ann”. If you’d rather not read it, I don’t blame you. It was sent to me in 48 pt. red font, drawn out and spaced in such a way that you could not read a sentance without scrolling downwards. > [@](#): > > God, when I received this e-mail, I thought… > > I don’t have time for this… And, this is really inappropriate during work. > > Then, I realized that this kind of thinking is… Exactly, what has caused lot of the problems in our world today. > > We try to keep God in church on Sunday morning… > > Maybe, Sunday night… > > And, the unlikely event of a midweek service. > > We do like to have Him around during sickness… > > And, of course, at funerals. > However, we don’t have time, or room, for Him during work or play… > > Because… That’s the part of our lives we think… We can, and should, handle on our own. > > May God forgive me for ever thinking… > > That… there is a time or place where… > > HE is not to be FIRST in my life. > We should always have time to remember all HE has done for us. > > If, You aren’t ashamed to do this… > Please follow the directions. > > Jesus said, “If you are ashamed of me, I will be ashamed of you before my Father.” > Not ashamed? > > Pass this on ONLY IF YOU MEAN IT!!!111111 > Yes, I do Love God. > > HE is my source of existence and Savior. > > He keeps me functioning each and every day Without Him, I will be nothing. But, with Christ, HE strengthens me. (Phil 4:13) > > This is the simplest test. > If You Love God… And, are not ashamed of all the marvelous things HE has done for you… > Send this to ten people and the person who sent it to you! > I don’t think I know 10 people who would admit they love Jesus. Do You love Him? > > THE POEM > > I knelt to pray but not for long, I had too much to do. I had to hurry and get to work For bills would soon be due. So I knelt and said a hurried prayer, > And jumped up off my knees. > My Christian duty was now done > My soul could rest at ease. > All day long I had no time > To spread a word of cheer. No time to speak of Christ to friends, > They’d laugh at me I’d fear. > No time, no time, too much to do, > That was my constant cry, > No time to give to souls in need > But at last the time, the time to die. > I went before the Lord, I came, I stood with downcast eyes. For in his hands God held a book; It was the book of life. > God looked into his book and said > “Your name I cannot find. > I once was going to write it down… > But never found the time” > Now do you have the time to pass it on? > Make sure that you scroll through to the end. > > Easy vs. Hard > Why is it so hard to tell the truth but Yet so easy to tell a lie? > Why are we so sleepy in church but Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up? > Why is it so hard to talk about God but yet so easy to talk about nasty stuff? > Why is it so boring to look at a Christian magazine, but yet so easy to look at a nasty one? > Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e- ma il, but yet we forward all of the nasty ones? > Why are the churches getting smaller but yet the bars and dance clubs are getting larger? > Do you give up? Think about it . Are you going to forward this, or delete it? > Just remember-God is watching you. Prayer Wheel-Let’s see the devil stop this one! > Here’s what the wheel is all about. When you receive this, say a prayer for the person that sent it to you… > > That’s all you have to do… > There is nothing attached… > This is so powerful… > Do not stop the wheel, please… > Of all the free gifts we may receive, Prayer is the very best one… > > There are no costs, but wonderful rewards… GOD BLESS! > > May God keep you and bless you. If this doesn’t give you chills, nothing will…this message is very true. Hope you are all as blessed as I was from this story. I wonder how many people will delete this without reading it because of the title on it? > There once was a man named George Thomas, pastor in a small New England town. One Easter Sunday morning he came to the Church carrying a rusty, bent, old bird cage, and set it by the pulpit. Eyebrows were raised and, as if in response, Pastor Thomas began to speak…"I was walking through town yesterday when I saw a young boy coming toward me swinging this bird cage. On the bottom of the cage were three little wild birds, shivering with cold and fright. I stopped the lad and asked, “What you got there, son?” “Just some old birds,” came the reply. > > “What are you gonna do with them?” I asked > > “Take 'em home and have fun with 'em,” he answered. “I’m gonna tease 'em and pull out their feathers to make 'em fight. I’m gonna have a real good time.” “But you’ll get tired of those birds sooner or later. What will you do?” > > “Oh, I got some cats,” said the little boy “They like birds. I’ll take 'em to them.” > > The pastor was silent for a moment. “How much do you want for those birds, son?” > > “Huh?? !!! Why, you don’t want them birds, mister. They’re just plain old field birds. They don’t sing. They ain’t even pretty!” > > “How much?” the pastor asked again. > > The boy sized up the pastor as if he were crazy and said, “$10?” > > The pastor reached in his pocket and took out a ten dollar bill. He placed it in the boy’s hand. In a flash, the boy was gone. > > The pastor picked up the cage and gently carried it to the end of the alley where there was a tree and a grassy spot. Setting the cage down, he opened the door, and by softly tapping the bars persuaded the birds out, setting them free. > > Well, that explained the empty bird cage on the pulpit, and then the pastor began to tell this story. > > One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. “Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap, used bait I knew they couldn’t resist. Got 'em all!” > > “What are you going to do with them?” Jesus asked. > > Satan replied, “Oh, I’m gonna have fun! I’m gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I’m gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I’m really gonna have fun!” > > “And what will you do when you get done with them?” Jesus asked. “Oh, I’ll kill 'em,” Satan glared proudly. “How much do you want for them?” Jesus asked. > > “Oh, you don’t want those people. They ain’t no good. Why, you’ll take them and they’ll just hate you. They’ll spit on you, curse you and kill you. You don’t want those people!!” > > “How much?” He asked again. > > Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, “All your blood, tears and your life.” > > Jesus said, “DONE!” > > Then He paid the price. > > The pastor picked up the cage he opened the door and he walked from the pulpit. > > Notes: Isn’t it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world’s going to hell. > > Isn’t it funny how someone can say “I believe in God” but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also “believes” in God). > > Isn’t it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing? > > Isn’t it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you’re not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them. > > Isn’t it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me. > > I pray, for everyone who sends this to their entire address book, they will be blessed by God in a way special for them. > > And send it back to the person who sent it, to let them know that indeed it was sent out to many more. Now, I am definitely NOT making fun of Christians. I believe that the TRUE Christian is one who accepts people for the way they are, and DOESN’T TRY TO FORCE ANYTHING ON THEIR FRIENDS OR ACQUAINTANCES. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/2 "2005-01-02T02:33:28Z")
The reply to her as follows: > [@](#): > > Fuck You. Lather, rinse, repeat. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/3 "2005-01-02T02:35:59Z")
Sometimes those who talk the talk are too busy to walk the walk:( ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/4 "2005-01-02T02:56:03Z")
“Isn’t it funny that I have now blocked your e-mail address?” Do so, or delete the e-mails without opening them. Nothing like pounding somebody over the head with the Bible to make them feel all warm and fuzzy toward Jesus. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/5 "2005-01-02T03:01:45Z")
Yeah, but did the priest require that the little birdies stay around and kiss his ass and constantly remind them that he saved them and that they were worthless and they sucked and they were evil and hung the toilet paper up the wrong way? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/6 "2005-01-02T03:44:29Z")
I would have been tempted to send her the following: > [@](#): > > Why is it so hard to tell the truth but Yet so easy to tell a lie? > Why are we so sleepy in church but Right when the sermon is over we suddenly wake up? > Why is it so hard to talk about God but yet so easy to talk about nasty stuff? > Why is it so boring to look at a Christian magazine, but yet so easy to look at a nasty one? > Why is it so easy to delete a Godly e- ma il, but yet we forward all of the nasty ones? Goodness, I am terribly concerned for you. It saddens me to know that you have gone down hill to to the point that you easily lie and now engage in pornographic conversations, reading and emails. You need to seek professional help. Leave me alone. I am now afraid to open emails from you. ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/7 "2005-01-02T03:45:19Z")
Guinastasia, you actually read that whole thing? Dang. I guess her work is done then. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/8 "2005-01-02T03:50:03Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > Guinastasia, you actually read that whole thing? Dang. I guess her work is done then. 😉 Naw, I just skimmed it over, I only really read the parable about the priest paying ten bucks so the little boy wouldn’t torture the birds, which is then compared to Christ being tortured so the Devil wouldn’t torture us or something. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/9 "2005-01-02T03:55:04Z")
> [@AuntiePam](#): > > Guinastasia, you actually read that whole thing? Dang. I guess her work is done then. 😉 Yes, but it probably did not have the desired effect…😉 ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/10 "2005-01-02T03:56:23Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I only really read the parable about the priest paying ten bucks so the little boy wouldn’t torture the birds… I woulda held out for fifty from the old bastard. ---
**Author:** ![Logicalkitten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f6c823/32.png) [@Logicalkitten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Logicalkitten)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/11 "2005-01-02T04:00:27Z")
And I was sure the punch line was going to be a cat came and immediately devoured the birds once they had been let out of the cage. It sort of has a relevance analogy-wise, doesn’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/12 "2005-01-02T04:02:52Z")
The stupid bird story doesn’t even make logical sense. Christians believe that Jesus is God, right? So why would he have to “pay” for us poor “birds?” Why not just take us? What confers “ownership” on Satan within the context of the story anyway? And didn’t Jesus/God create Satan in the first place? Why? Didn’t Jesus/God know what Satan was going to do? And if Satan is really that much of a problem, why can’t God just disappear him out of existence? I’d probably send back a list of questions like this but people like that never answer them anyway. It makes their little peabrains hurt. Can’t you just block her from your email? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/13 "2005-01-02T04:06:30Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > I woulda held out for fifty from the old bastard. And why stop at the birds. Now that the kid knows the old fart’s an easy mark he could start grabbing stray cats and telling the preacher he’s gonna set 'em on fire unless he gets a hundred bucks. I wonder how much money he could extort before the precaher would would finally say “fuck the cat.” ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/14 "2005-01-02T04:13:18Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > And why stop at the birds. Now that the kid knows the old fart’s an easy mark he could start grabbing stray cats and telling the preacher he’s gonna set 'em on fire unless he gets a hundred bucks. I wonder how much money he could extort before the precaher would would finally say “fuck the cat.” Either that or call Sister Mary Patrick in to smite his ass with thy holy ruler. ---
**Author:** ![GLWasteful](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/f05b48/32.png) [@GLWasteful](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GLWasteful)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/15 "2005-01-02T04:20:19Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > I wonder how much money he could extort before the precaher would would finally say “fuck the cat.” At which point the kid could say, “Yeah! Great idea!” and disappear into an abandoned building. That oughta be good for a few sheckles. ---
**Author:** ![butter\_pie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/aca169/32.png) [@butter\_pie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/butter_pie)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/16 "2005-01-02T04:30:05Z")
I am annoyed by people who feel the need to tell me I’m going to Hell or try to use scare tactics on me. I’m convinced in many (if not most) they fully or subconciously realize scare tactics don’t work; they just use them to hammer home their moral superiority and make themselves feel like they’re “trying” to save you without admitting you into their ranks. A win-win for them. They keep their exclusive club, and yet get brownie points with God for trying to “spread the word.” I had a sister who fell in with a bunch of Baptists and got involved in that mess. Thankfully it lasted about as long as her friendship with the other church members lasted. I swear, that particular church was one of the most cult-like things I’ve ever seen. Aaaanyway. Whenever someone reminds me that as an immoral, Godless heathen/infidel (pick one) I am surely set to burn in the fires of Hell, I usually calmly explain to them that I try to live my life in the best possible way I can, under the philosophy of leaving the world a better place than I found it… and if that earns me eternal punishment in a firey pit, then so be it. Lack of concern or reaction usually results in them being angry or frustrated, but I’ve found it to be the best solution. Either that or just ignore them entirely. Getting angry or combatitive about it typically just eggs them on or makes them think they are more “right” because they’re getting to you. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/17 "2005-01-02T04:30:14Z")
_"No time, no time, too much to do, That was my constant cry, No time to give to souls in need But at last the time, the time to die. I went before the Lord, I came, I stood with downcast eyes. For in his hands God held a book; It was the book of life. God looked into his book and said “Your name I cannot find. I once was going to write it down… But never found the time”_ Never knew the Lord was such a petty, sneering, vengeful sort. Satan looks better all the time. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 4:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/18 "2005-01-02T04:40:39Z")
> [@Diogenes the Cynic](#): > > The stupid bird story doesn’t even make logical sense. Christians believe that Jesus is God, right? So why would he have to “pay” for us poor “birds?” Why not just take us? What confers “ownership” on Satan within the context of the story anyway? > > And didn’t Jesus/God create Satan in the first place? Why? Didn’t Jesus/God know what Satan was going to do? > > And if Satan is really that much of a problem, why can’t God just disappear him out of existence? See, there you go again, **Dio** , trying to use logic against the extreme fundies. 😉 Tsk tsk tsk. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 4:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/19 "2005-01-02T04:41:43Z")
> [@DarkSideoftheFloyd](#): > > As many times I’ve told her (nicely and not-so-nicely) not to send glurge-y or witnessing E-mails to me, it seems she can’t help but shit in my Inbox. And you were so mad at her for sending you a proselytizing email and telling you to pass it on… that you passed it on? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Love](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Dr.Love](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Love)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2005, 4:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624/20 "2005-01-02T04:44:05Z")
Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Jesus say something about not shoving your piety in other people’s faces? Might it be too much to hope that she might be swayed by a message from said source? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/why-you-sanctimonious-little-whore-dont-you-use-scare-tactics-on-me/282624.md?page=2)