# \#WhyIDidntReport **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 23, 2018, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770 "2018-09-23T03:53:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 13
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/241 "2018-10-03T01:36:46Z")
Well, maybe Don Jr. [I don’t think Eric is that self-aware.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-OBiSNOumtU) Stranger ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/242 "2018-10-03T01:54:59Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > I count “discounting the whole ‘risk to the mother’s life’ reason for abortion because it’s impossible that pregnancy can put a woman’s life at risk” as being pretty jerkish; rejecting something one finds surprising as “completely impossible” just because it doesn’t involve one’s gonads, again I find pretty jerkish. > > That particular bit was accompanied by considering that abortion and abortion-like procedures for cases such as a placenta with no baby should always be banned. Oh, and he is against adoption in both directions, even for children who have lost both parents (must punish them for their carelessness I guess?) and including co-adoption by step-parent. Any pregnant woman, no matter how she got there, no matter what situation the baby (assuming viable) is in, no matter what situation she is in, must carry it to term and raise it. And then he told this to two women who generally didn’t even agree on whether the sun was shining but yeah, we suddenly found a lot of things we did agree on. This guy just plain old sounds weird. Whatever Starving Artist said, it sounds like banning him was a good thing. I should add “can’t say that here without getting rightfully piled on and possibly banned” to the consequences for defending rapists around here. ---
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/243 "2018-10-03T02:04:13Z")
> [@slalexan](#): > > I feel so much better about this now. When I think about that day, I think a lot about what I should have done. I should have had a sick comeback. I should have called the police or campus security. I should have detained them so that they could be arrested. > > I think my biggest regret is that I didn’t stop them from doing it again. I wasn’t particularly traumatized by a penis and a some laughter at my expense but, what if someone else was? Did I fail to protect them? They were clearly dressed for this. Did they leave the house planning on flashing people after leaving the bars? > > Since recalling this incident here and with my sister, I have spent a lot of time thinking about it. I have depression and it has become the new fun stick to beat myself with. I’ll have to work through my regret on this. Don’t beat yourself up about it. You did the right thing for yourself, which was getting away from them. This story reminds me of one told by a man I know who used to work in the nuclear-power plant maintenance industry, which is very male-dominated and heavy on the testosterone. The woman he was married to at the time was also in that industry (that’s how they met) and they got word that there was a man working at that plant who thought it was really funny to flash women when nobody else was around. When he got to her, she pointed at his crotch area, snickered “Is that all you’ve got?” and walked away. She must have REALLY done the right thing, because by all accounts, he never did that again, at least not at that plant. I worked as a hotel banquet server when I was in college. There was one particular group that met there once a month or so, and people didn’t like working it for a number of reasons. One of them was the DJ, who asked me sotto voce one evening as I was cleaning up, “Can I stick my tongue up your butt?” I replied, “Excuse me?” and he repeated it. I just gathered up my bundle of tablecloths and walked away, and then told a female manager who was the first person I saw. (I’ll admit that I was giggling when I told her.) The two bartenders who were working that evening offered to walk me out to my car, and I took them up on it (and was actually planning to ask them anyway). The next evening, it got around to the other employees in about 0.06 seconds, and one male manager repeatedly apologized. I told him, “You don’t need to be sorry for anything. You didn’t do anything wrong.” I found out later that he had goosed female employees more than once before, and this group was not booked at that facility again. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/244 "2018-10-03T04:04:28Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Have to rant over Trump’s remark, “It’s a very scary time for young men in America.” I am spitting mad. Fuck you, you bloated little barnacle! It’s been a very scary time for young women in America for over 242 years, but of course, we don’t count. Nor do Black men of any ages. Nor Muslims. Kavanaugh has been walking fearlessly for the last 36 years while Ford has been dealing with anxiety attacks. > > It’s bad enough when they scare so many women who’ve been assaulted/raped into not reporting. It’s bad enough that reporting rarely ends in conviction. It’s bad enough we’ve been denied, diminished, and tainted. Now the perpetrators are getting sympathy… Thank you for expressing this; these were, although not so well expressed, my first thoughts when I heard this on the radio while driving today. I’m sure there is some non-small percentage of men who will never get it. I can only hope that voices like yours will help more men to understand. ---
**Author:** ![Modesty\_Blaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Modesty\_Blaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modesty_Blaise)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/245 "2018-10-03T04:34:05Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > For the evangelicals, it’s all about bringing the Apocalypse to town, and you have to admit, Trump looks nothing if not like a false prophet. For hardcore single issue pro-lifers, this is their chance to reverse a movement that they regard to be murder. > > I have no explanation for non-evangelical, non-adamant-anti-abortion Republican women except that the fear response has been so stoked about immigration, employment, loss of national status, et cetera that they don’t actually listen to what the Orange Bloated One is saying and how poisonously ignorant and self destructive it is. People are willing to be deceived when they think they can get something for it, but Trump is such an obvious, obnoxious, self-promotional shill for badly thought out ideas that it is hard to imagine why anyone was fooled by him to begin with, and remains uncritical despite the “accomplishments” of the last twenty months. > > You’d think Susan Collins and Lisa Murkowski would vote down on Kavanaugh because I’m morally certain that they’ve had to endure more than their fair share of this kind of shit from men in rising through the ranks of the GOP, but it seems as if remaining in the Republican establishment is more important to them than blocking a nomination that, even if Kavanaugh is in line with their political beliefs, is morally reprehensible and is very likely going to result in blowback to the Republican party and everyone who cast their lot in for this asshat. > > Stranger It’s widely believed that Collin’ carreer is over no matter which way she votes on Kavanaugh. Repubs will primary her if she votes no, Dems have already raised mucho $$$ to defeat her if she votes yes. She’s free to vote her conscience. So we’ll see what kind of a person she really is. I hope the blowback to this Kavanaugh episode is harsh and extensive. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/246 "2018-10-03T04:39:48Z")
> [@Roderick\_Femm](#): > > Thank you for expressing this; these were, although not so well expressed, my first thoughts when I heard this on the radio while driving today. I’m sure there is some non-small percentage of men who will never get it. I can only hope that voices like yours will help more men to understand. Thanks…and yours, as well! ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/247 "2018-10-03T06:31:34Z")
Why don’t people, both male and female, report sexual assaults, molestation, etc.? It really boils down to well-grounded fears: \*Fear of not being believed. \*Fear of being ridiculed. \*Fear of being blamed. \*Fear of losing everything they’ve worked for (family, friends, career). \*Fear of being abused again. \*Fear the attacker will return and do something worse. \*Fear that the incident was, somehow, their fault. I’m sure there are other fears connected with this. Look at what people who are coming forth today are facing. You don’t think those fears I just mentioned are part and parcel of what they’re going through? Then you are simply not paying attention. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/248 "2018-10-03T07:46:50Z")
> [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](#): > > For the evangelicals, it’s all about bringing the Apocalypse to town, and you have to admit, Trump looks nothing if not like a false prophet. For hardcore single issue pro-lifers, this is their chance to reverse a movement that they regard to be murder. I know I said I’d stay quiet, but, since y’all are mentioning this and it’s in my wheelhouse, I figured I’d comment a small bit. Maybe there are some people who want Armageddon, but my experience with Evangelicals is that they’re mostly just as scared of that as anyone else. No, they are mostly all on the abortion train. I’ve had people tell me 100% that abortion was the only issue they considered. And I’ve seen those same people flip and start supporting stuff they never supported before because it’s what “their team” supports–their team being the Republicans because the Republicans are anti-abortion. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 7:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/249 "2018-10-03T07:53:37Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > Why don’t people, both male and female, report sexual assaults, molestation, etc.? It really boils down to well-grounded fears… The article **Acsenray** linked points out another one: fear of hurting the people you tell, by your telling. Another one: fear that people will never look at you the same way again, that forever more they’ll see you either as broken or as needing to be kept into a protective bubble, neither of which is true. ---
**Author:** ![BlueOhio](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/439d5e/32.png) [@BlueOhio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlueOhio)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/250 "2018-10-03T12:46:58Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I know I said I’d stay quiet, but, since y’all are mentioning this and it’s in my wheelhouse, I figured I’d comment a small bit. > > Maybe there are some people who want Armageddon, but my experience with Evangelicals is that they’re mostly just as scared of that as anyone else. No, they are mostly all on the abortion train. I’ve had people tell me 100% that abortion was the only issue they considered. And I’ve seen those same people flip and start supporting stuff they never supported before because it’s what “their team” supports–their team being the Republicans because the Republicans are anti-abortion. I wonder what those people will do once they get their way? Find a new fetish to rally around or just melt away? ---
**Author:** ![Modesty\_Blaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Modesty\_Blaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modesty_Blaise)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/251 "2018-10-03T13:53:44Z")
> [@Monty](#): > > Why don’t people, both male and female, report sexual assaults, molestation, etc.? It really boils down to well-grounded fears: > > \*Fear of not being believed. > \*Fear of being ridiculed. > \*Fear of being blamed. > \*Fear of losing everything they’ve worked for (family, friends, career). > \*Fear of being abused again. > \*Fear the attacker will return and do something worse. > \*Fear that the incident was, somehow, their fault. > > I’m sure there are other fears connected with this. Look at what people who are coming forth today are facing. You don’t think those fears I just mentioned are part and parcel of what they’re going through? Then you are simply not paying attention. As a child victim, I think my biggest fear was realized when my abuse was reported (not by me) - my whole life was upended. I think kids don’t really understand all of these reasons listed, but they do get that all hell might break loose in their family and it will be their fault. That’s how I saw it as a kid anyway. None of it is my fault, but I certainly felt it was. Also, the shame. I knew what was happening was wrong, but people finding out about it seemed worse than it just continuing. How awful is that? ---
**Author:** ![Modesty\_Blaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Modesty\_Blaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modesty_Blaise)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/252 "2018-10-03T13:57:37Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > The article **Acsenray** linked points out another one: fear of hurting the people you tell, by your telling.\*\* Another one: fear that people will never look at you the same way again, that forever more they’ll see you either as broken or as needing to be kept into a protective bubble, neither of which is true\*\*. Wow. Yes. Not telling even those close to you because it will forever change how they see you. That is why millions of women telling their stories all at once is so powerful. It helps free us of these fears when we know we’re not alone. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/253 "2018-10-03T14:05:18Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > oops. Just wanted to say, that remark under your avatar may be the cutest thing I’ve seen on this board. On topic, _thank you_ to all of you brave and wonderful people who have shared your personal experiences here. It’s made me stop and think how I can make myself more available to talk with my kids and let them know they always have my ear. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/254 "2018-10-03T14:25:03Z")
> [@Modesty\_Blaise](#): > > That’s how I saw it as a kid anyway. None of it is my fault, but I certainly felt it was. > > Also, the shame. I knew what was happening was wrong, but people finding out about it seemed worse than it just continuing. How awful is that? It was something completely different, but I love drawing. When I was 5 I stopped drawing until I had it as a subject in 5th grade: being in K2, I drew something the teacher found strange enough to grab the picture in one hand, me in the other, take me to see the Mother Director, and the Mother called my mother, and the two Mother Goddesses proceeded to bark at each other at levels that had me about shitting myself (I mean, I’m sure no actual yelling was involved, but the levels of acid in the room were starting to attack Mom’s wedding ring) and nobody explained to me that I had done nothing wrong. (The drawing was just “ahead of my age” FFS). One of the hardest things when you’re training someone is understanding what do they get and what not. Something can be obvious to the teacher and completely incomprehensible to the student; some times, there is also a language barrier, as the student has a pretty clear idea about which part they don’t get, what they don’t know is how to explain it; other times, the student has understood what was explained, but it was explained badly. Also, only because someone can repeat something exactly that doesn’t mean they’ve comprehended it. This goes to infinity with kids, and being a parent is all about teaching. ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/255 "2018-10-03T18:43:12Z")
> [@BlueOhio](#): > > I wonder what those people will do once they get their way? Find a new fetish to rally around or just melt away? But they’re not going to win - if Roe v. Wade is overturned, then it turns into 50 state battles - even more opportunities to turn out the base, particularly in purple states. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/256 "2018-10-03T22:47:27Z")
A month ago, I would have said fear, not anger, was my consuming emotion, but I’m angry about what happened to all of you who’ve shared your stories, and that forced me past my own anxiety to the rage I didn’t know I had. It’s not comfortable, but it’s good, a sort of cleansing fire. And I’m still simmering about Trump’s comments yesterday about every young man being afraid. It’s not only that women aren’t believed and assailants are reaping sympathy while victims get castigated; it’s the idea that women, _all_ women, are inherently duplicitous, immoral, and irrational, and disloyal. _Be afraid, fellas_, he’s really saying. _You can’t trust these woman._ It’s like a bad 1950s B movie. I think maybe what they really fear is our anger. ---
**Author:** ![Modesty\_Blaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Modesty\_Blaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modesty_Blaise)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2018, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/257 "2018-10-03T23:39:09Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > A month ago, I would have said fear, not anger, was my consuming emotion, but I’m angry about what happened to all of you who’ve shared your stories, and that forced me past my own anxiety to the rage I didn’t know I had. It’s not comfortable, but it’s good, a sort of cleansing fire. > > And I’m still simmering about Trump’s comments yesterday about every young man being afraid. It’s not only that women aren’t believed and assailants are reaping sympathy while victims get castigated; it’s the idea that women, _all_ women, are inherently duplicitous, immoral, and irrational, and disloyal. _Be afraid, fellas_, he’s really saying. _You can’t trust these woman._ It’s like a bad 1950s B movie. > > I think maybe what they really fear is our anger. I think there are many, many women out there suddenly discovering RAGE they didn’t know they had. Good. The crowd at his stooopid rally LAUGHED and chanted “lock her up” after he mocked her. How can women NOT be enraged at that? Hideous cowards. Yes, I think they are afraid of our anger. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/258 "2018-10-04T03:40:29Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > I think maybe what they really fear is our anger. Anger is wholly appropriate at this point, and more pertinently, it seems to be the expresion that is most widely recognized. Which says a lot about the need to have more proportional representation in governance, not out of some hypothetical rainbow and flowers idiology, but that people who feel recognized and included instead of being marginalized and ignored are less interested in burning down the system, which has never resulted in stability. Being exclusionist has never resulted in lomg term stability or economic growth. Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Not\_Carlson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bc79bd/32.png) [@Not\_Carlson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Not_Carlson)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/259 "2018-10-04T04:08:49Z")
> [@Modesty\_Blaise](#): > > The crowd at his stooopid rally LAUGHED and chanted “lock her up” after he mocked her. How can women NOT be enraged at that? Whait, wat!? This was a recent rally? And they were shouting “lock her up” about … C.B.Ford? ---
**Author:** ![Modesty\_Blaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Modesty\_Blaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modesty_Blaise)\ **Post date:** [October 4, 2018, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/260 "2018-10-04T05:18:30Z")
Yes, they really did that. [https://www.salon.com/2018/10/03/lock-her-up-trump-rally-erupts-when-the-president-attacks-kavanaugh-accuser-christine-blasey-ford/](https://www.salon.com/2018/10/03/lock-her-up-trump-rally-erupts-when-the-president-attacks-kavanaugh-accuser-christine-blasey-ford/) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770.md?page=12) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770.md?page=14)