# \#WhyIDidntReport **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 23, 2018, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770 "2018-09-23T03:53:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![raventhief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/raventhief/32/4_2.png) [@raventhief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/raventhief)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/61 "2018-09-24T03:09:48Z")
> [@j666](#): > > Good, thank you, because when I read your previous post, I felt bad for bringing it up. Your sister wouldn’t make a good witness because she wasn’t docile enough? Oh, fuck that. > > I knew a woman in your mother’s position. It was really important to her that people knew she had believed her daughter and put her first. Still, she thought her daughter would never forgive her for letting it happen. > > And if you were full on raped, it was your fault; you shouldn’t have been there, wearing that, alone with him, whatever. “Didn’t you know better?” > Maybe it does happen that way. Maybe rapists - date rapists, at least - convince themselves over time that an attack was “just rough-housing”, that the demands to stop were half-hearted pleas and just for show, that the torn clothes were just over eagerness, that s/he obviously wanted it, and - in the same thought - girls don’t really like sex and that’s why she didn’t enjoy it. > > Maybe rapists just keeping rewriting that memory until they actually believe it wasn’t rape. > > That makes more sense to me than that someone would make a traumatic event even worse in retrospect. Even know, there are fuckers trying to argue that maybe it was just an attempt to persuade. ---
**Author:** ![TheFaerie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c57346/32.png) [@TheFaerie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheFaerie)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/62 "2018-09-24T03:26:20Z")
I didn’t report because I liked the attention. I was 14-16. It was exciting. I had no filters and it felt good. I was too young and he was married to my mother. No was not an option. ---
**Author:** ![Modesty\_Blaise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/77aa72/32.png) [@Modesty\_Blaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Modesty_Blaise)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/63 "2018-09-24T03:34:09Z")
> [@j666](#): > > Good, thank you, because when I read your previous post, I felt bad for bringing it up. Your sister wouldn’t make a good witness because she wasn’t docile enough? Oh, fuck that. > > I knew a woman in your mother’s position. It was really important to her that people knew she had believed her daughter and put her first. Still, she thought her daughter would never forgive her for letting it happen. I didn’t really want to give all that detail, frankly. But I felt it was important to tell about how a conviction can be and was horrific. About my mother: I never blamed her for the abuse.She said she didn’t know and I believed her. What I did blame her for was how she handled the aftermath. She was so driven she didn’t see or ask what it was doing to me or my sister. I was convinced until my late teens that it was inevitable that he would someday find my and kill me for testifying against him. I was panicked when he was released even though we were in another state by that time. Decades later, there is some satisfaction that he was convicted, but I still would have chosen not to testify. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 10:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/64 "2018-09-24T10:13:15Z")
> [@j666](#): > > And if you were full on raped, it was your fault; you shouldn’t have been there, wearing that, alone with him, whatever. “Didn’t you know better?” > . And that’s why that quote was painted on the wall over the girls lockers in that high school. “The more you act like a lady, the more he’ll act like a gentleman.”. And that’s also why there was all that baffled clueless anger when it was painted over by popular demand. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/65 "2018-09-24T10:28:54Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > My story is a little different. First, I was a little boy. I wonder if more men came out about having been raped, if things would change faster? > [@Lucky\_One](#): > > I was 16 and drunk. The 3 of them were in their 20s and at a high school party. It was 1978. It was my fault.:mad: Wait - don’t mean that **you** think it was your fault, do you? Because, yes, you made a bad decision, but no, it wasn’t your fault. People make bad decisions without getting raped all the time. > [@Nava](#): > > When I hear statistics like those, I kind of… hope that is true. Not the “1 in 4 have been molested”, but the “3 in 4 have not”. I tend to read that as “3 out 4 women do not take public transportation”. ---
**Author:** ![Kobal2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kobal2/32/20_2.png) [@Kobal2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kobal2)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/66 "2018-09-24T11:04:13Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > When I hear statistics like those, I kind of… hope that is true. Not the “1 in 4 have been molested”, but the “3 in 4 have not”. My hope is that we’ll keep growing this side of the equation. A couple years ago, during a conversation with a female friend, I jokingly noted that my last three exes had been raped at some point in their lives and I wondered what that fact said about me - at which point she revealed she’d been GHB’d, too. Which prompted me to ask every girl I’m close enough with (or who seemed tipsy enough to answer even if they don’t know me all that well) over the following month or so. The answer is one. One has never been raped (or “didn’t want to but didn’t explicitly say no because X”). Oddly enough however, I have never met a single man who admitted to raping anyone. My best guess is, it must be just one _very busy_ guy. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/67 "2018-09-24T12:46:23Z")
> [@j666](#): > > I tend to read that as “3 out 4 women do not take public transportation”. Or 3 out of 4 women do not walk down the street. Or 3 out of 4 women do not ride their bikes. Or 3 out of 4 women do not wait in line at theme parks. Or 3 out of 4 women do not total up their waitressing tickets while some jerk comes out of the bathroom. And on and on and on. In fact, 3 out of 4 women never leave their homes at all. Oops, one stupidly opened the door because she thought it was the meter reader. Make that 2 out of 4. ---
**Author:** ![catflea12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f6c823/32.png) [@catflea12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/catflea12)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/68 "2018-09-24T12:57:12Z")
It took me 35 years to tell exactly one person exactly what happened to me, (my therapist), and it was still extremely difficult. I have no intention of telling anyone else, it’s too hard. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/69 "2018-09-24T13:04:03Z")
> [@j666](#): > > I tend to read that as “3 out 4 women do not take public transportation”. Or go to school, or to high school, or to college, or have yucky relatives, or walk around, or work retail, or work as waitresses, or work as nurses, or work as doctors, or work as engineers, or work in a production line, or… If women had to stop being in any and all situations that have ever been commonly tied to abuse, we’d just have to go POOF. Not be born. Which hey, would be easy-ish I guess, since any pregnant women would also have gone poof! ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/70 "2018-09-24T13:40:39Z")
I did report one. I didn’t report the escape half dressed from a dorm room or the gropey guy in the bar. I figured it was my fault, or I didn’t want to make a scene. I didn’t think about the probability that these guys were doing it to others, and would continue until the risk outweighed the reward. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/71 "2018-09-24T16:26:53Z")
The week-ago [episode of John Oliver’s LAST ꞰⴺⴺW TONIGHT](https://youtu.be/IuFZWUawyoA?t=45s) was on-topic. But while I was preparing this post the clip switched to “Unavailable due to Copyright.” ☹ Is there a way to get the week-ago episode? Some episodes are available via the “legit” channel, but not all? Anyway, one interviewed Republican woman implied that every single boy did a similar rape attempt in high school! Uh … I never did it in high school or at any other time. Many of the young men I knew were too timid to respond appropriately even if a young woman _attempted to seduce them_! The episode also had a clip of DJT with the insight that Hurricane Florence was “Wet 'from the Standpoint of Water.” ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/72 "2018-09-24T17:24:36Z")
> [@septimus](#): > > The week-ago [episode of John Oliver’s LAST ꞰⴺⴺW TONIGHT](https://youtu.be/IuFZWUawyoA?t=45s) was on-topic. But while I was preparing this post the clip switched to “Unavailable due to Copyright.” ☹ Is there a way to get the week-ago episode? Some episodes are available via the “legit” channel, but not all? Wait a few days, they’ll put it up. In the case of Last Week Tonight the wait time seems to be one week (the episode from two weeks ago is already up). ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/73 "2018-09-24T17:49:23Z")
> [@Nava](#): > > any pregnant women would also have gone poof! Only since artificial insemination! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![FloatyGimpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/floatygimpy/32/7750_2.png) [@FloatyGimpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FloatyGimpy)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/74 "2018-09-24T17:50:02Z")
> [@Pippers](#): > > I used to carpool with three other women. We were talking about sexual assault one day and I mentioned reading that one in four women had been sexual molested. The three women all admitted to being raped when they were in high school or college. That is disturbing. > > I can’t imagine how terrible it must be to report, and testify. The cards are staked against the victim. There is an article in the Alaskan tribal news of a white man that attacked a native woman and he walked away with a slap on his wrist. Sitting in school when I was 12 the teacher mentioned that one in four statistic and I looked at three of my friends and wondered who it would be. Then it slowly dawned on me that it was me - what was happening to me was what the teacher was talking about. As the four of us grew up and talked, turns it it was all four of us. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/75 "2018-09-24T18:10:31Z")
> [@FloatyGimpy](#): > > Sitting in school when I was 12 the teacher mentioned that one in four statistic and I looked at three of my friends and wondered who it would be. Then it slowly dawned on me that it was me - what was happening to me was what the teacher was talking about. > > As the four of us grew up and talked, turns it it was all four of us. Yeah, I’m not buying the one in four statistic, especially if you include groping and harassment. ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/76 "2018-09-24T18:23:26Z")
A couple times, thought I’d get in trouble for being where I wasn’t supposed to be. One time I told about, but a relative told me to hush because it would make another relative mad at the guilty relative. Ohhhh-kay. ---
**Author:** ![Pippers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b5a626/32.png) [@Pippers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pippers)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/77 "2018-09-24T18:41:56Z")
> [@Two\_Many\_Cats](#): > > Yeah, I’m not buying the one in four statistic, especially if you include groping and harassment. From what I remember of the article it was rape. What really gets to me is two of those three women were raped by family members when they were young girls. I can’t imagine that, my dad and brothers were protective of me. The third woman was a victim of a rapist during the early 80’s in Portland OR. He was never caught. ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/78 "2018-09-24T18:44:53Z")
I was three. I was in my pre-teens and it was an older boy who always creeped me out and it was on the school bus and he grabbed me from behind so I couldn’t have proved it was him anyway. I was in my pre-teens, and it was my three-years-older uncle, and out of self-preservation I convinced myself he hadn’t just whipped his dick out in front of me. It was after the Sadie Hawkins dance, and I was fine with just a press of the lips but he forced his tongue in my mouth despite my clenched teeth and said “Nice” afterward. Fortunately, I had already knocked on the door and my mom answered it so I was able to escape. I never said anything because that was what was “supposed to” happen after a date and not liking it meant there was something wrong with me. I was backstage at a theme park and I was shocked but it never occurred to me the thing my co-worker said to me was the kind of thing I could report. I was backstage at the same theme park and a gay friend of mine grabbed my boobs. ---
**Author:** ![SisterCoyote](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@SisterCoyote](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SisterCoyote)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 6:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/79 "2018-09-24T18:46:03Z")
> [@Pippers](#): > > From what I remember of the article it was rape. What really gets to me is two of those three women were raped by family members when they were young girls. I can’t imagine that, my dad and brothers were protective of me. The third woman was a victim of a rapist during the early 80’s in Portland OR. He was never caught. I think it’s a statistic for reported rape, IIRC. Unreported rape is hard to statisticize. ---
**Author:** ![echoreply](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/echoreply/32/3641_2.png) [@echoreply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/echoreply)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2018, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770/80 "2018-09-24T19:14:25Z")
> [@k9bfriender](#): > > I would really like to see the #metoo movement move its way down to the entry level employee. The one with no power. The people that have come forward so far have certainly had a lot to lose by doing so, but they are also in much better positions to be believed and to be able to manage their lives even if they are not. [It’s happening.](https://www.jacobinmag.com/2018/09/mcdonalds-strike-metoo-sexual-harassment-organizing) [The #metoo movement and walkouts over sexual harassment at McDonalds.] [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/whyididntreport/821770.md?page=5)