# "Wife always right, even when she's wrong" - Implications for women's characters? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 4, 2009, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568 "2009-10-04T18:42:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/121 "2009-10-08T16:14:28Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Confirmation bias causes guys to remember all the instances of them giving into their wives, but to take some of the things wives let them have for granted or not notice it at all. Exactly. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/122 "2009-10-08T16:24:08Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I think that women do it too, but guys just don’t really notice it. For instance, my wife never complains when I watch sports on TV, even though she hates sports. It’s not a spoken thing, it’sjust something she gives me. Confirmation bias causes guys to remember all the instances of them giving into their wives, but to take some of the things wives let them have for granted or not notice it at all. Exactly. Conflict situations may be completely different than non-conflict situations, but the former are more likely to be noticed than the latter. In my experience, women are more likely to prevent a conflict from occuring by defering to the man or anticipating his wishes and acting accordingly. But when a conflict has occurred (because both partners feeling strongly about something), the dynamic changes. Man is less likely to “win” without having to put in some effort or risk pissing someone off, and so a lot men take the easy way out by acquiesing. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/123 "2009-10-08T16:39:17Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > So I could never have a logical argument with **msmith537** , not because I’m incapable of it, but because I will never have the opportunity. He would never try to engage me logically, any more than he would a child, a crazy person, or a dog. Whatever you say dear.😃 ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/124 "2009-10-08T16:47:58Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > So I could never have a logical argument with **msmith537** , not because I’m incapable of it, but because I will never have the opportunity. He would never try to engage me logically, any more than he would a child, a crazy person, or a dog. To wit: > [@msmith537](#): > > Whatever you say dear.😃 I didn’t realize you’d be so obliging! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/125 "2009-10-08T17:31:37Z")
I think the meme is right. :eek: Now, now folks, put down the torches and pitchforks and hear me out: In a marriage one soon learns (hopefully) that you don’t plant a flag in every molehill and defend it to the last man. And we also learn that what to one is a molehill might be Victory Mountain to our partner. We are not brain twins, so we don’t have to like and appreciate the same things. Hopefully before one gets hitched one would have discussed the locations of one’s common Victory Mountains (number of kids, if any, financial arrangements, position on infidelity and such), but it is difficult to come up with every possible thing that would be important to us in the future. If the really important things were to be re-negotiated, we really wouldn’t expect either partner to go with “yes dear”. Think about it. And that’s the crux of the matter. One is likely to remember all the instances when we have been “generous” and “reasonable”. If we are doing it right our partner would not notice that we just pretended to agree to get out of an argument that to us is not worth winning, let alone fighting. It won’t even register in our partner’s memories, but they will generally remember all the instances when \*they \*did it: confirmation bias. Every day we surrender small battles because it is winning the war (marriage) that’s important. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/126 "2009-10-08T18:32:22Z")
> [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Look, I don’t know whether you’ve intended to do this, but you’ve set up an illogical argument here. In your OP, you proffer an axiom that applies to \*all \*men in \*all \*marriages (all subsequent emphases mine): > … > If I say it’s an axiom that “Roses are red”, you need only point to the yellow rose of Texas to prove the axiom isn’t true. You cannot be serious. You should know that “axioms” about humans are not like Math axioms. If I gave you the axiom “When dealing with men, don’t cut off their penis and fry it and sit down and eat it with them because men don’t like that”, would this be false just because their was one freak in Germany who did exactly that (i.e. he responded to an ad by another freak who wanted to do the above mentioned act) In human relationships, if something is a good rule to live by, it just has to apply to the majority of situations, not to 100% of humans on the planet. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/127 "2009-10-08T18:42:38Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I think that **Polerious** quote is a misstatement of the issue. I don’t feel like I’m “expected” to apologize." I just don’t want to argue, so I let her have her way. It’s hardly ever anything very important, and she isn’t abusive, I just don’t care to have a long discussion. It isn’t that I can’t, or don’t feel allowed to pursue a conversation or debate, I just don’t _want_ to have a conversation. If the situation is that you _could_ continue arguing with no repercussions, but you simply don’t want to, why would anyone make this into advice for men? It became advice for men because men spreading the meme feel that continuing to argue has negative repercussions on the health and stability of the marriage. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > But I think that my situation really _is_ what most guys are talking about with the meme in question. Saying “she’s always right,” is a satirical way of saying you’ll have more peace in a marriage if you pick your battles and save your powder for stuff you actually care about. If “you’ll have more peace in a marriage if you pick your battles” means that you _will_ in fact face negative repercussions if you continue arguing the small stuff with her. Maybe not directly, and not for very argument you don’t give in on, but in terms of long term peace in the marriage. > [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > I don’t say I’m sorry, I just say ok. BTW, a question to you and to the other men, has your wife never directly asked you to apologize for something for which you felt that no apology was in order? ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/128 "2009-10-08T18:49:09Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > If “you’ll have more peace in a marriage if you pick your battles” means that you _will_ in fact face negative repercussions if you continue arguing the small stuff with her. Maybe not directly, and not for very argument you don’t give in on, but in terms of long term peace in the marriage. Arguing about small stuff will mess up any relationship, especially if it’s constant arguing. This a fact of life and has nothing to with women’s character. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/129 "2009-10-08T18:50:20Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > If the situation is that you _could_ continue arguing with no repercussions, but you simply don’t want to, why would anyone make this into advice for men? > > It became advice for men because men spreading the meme feel that continuing to argue has negative repercussions on the health and stability of the marriage. It does. Especially when it’s over piddly shit that doesn’t matter anyway. > [@](#): > > If “you’ll have more peace in a marriage if you pick your battles” means that you _will_ in fact face negative repercussions if you continue arguing the small stuff with her. Maybe not directly, and not for very argument you don’t give in on, but in terms of long term peace in the marriage. The continuation _is_ the repercussion. It’s the argument iself that I want to avoid, not any repercussions for it. > [@](#): > > BTW, a question to you and to the other men, has your wife never directly asked you to apologize for something for which you felt that no apology was in order? My wife has never asked me to apologize, period. Apologies are up to me. If you have to ask for an apology, it isn’t worth much anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/130 "2009-10-08T18:55:25Z")
> [@Mighty\_Girl](#): > > And that’s the crux of the matter. One is likely to remember all the instances when we have been “generous” and “reasonable”. If we are doing it right our partner would not notice that we just pretended to agree to get out of an argument that to us is not worth winning, let alone fighting. It won’t even register in our partner’s memories, but they will generally remember all the instances when \*they \*did it: confirmation bias. > > Every day we surrender small battles because it is winning the war (marriage) that’s important. Many are saying that this is good advice for both genders, and it is. My question is, why don’t women go around telling each other “you know, your husband is always right, even when he’s wrong”, or “married women basically have to decide whether they want to be right or they want to be happy” ? Is it because that guys are such dufuses that they need to be told this basic rule of cohabitation, whereas women can figure it out by themselves? I know it’s OK to portray guys as dufuses in today’s culture so this is the explanation many will feel comfortable with, but I don’t buy it. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/131 "2009-10-08T19:02:14Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It does. Especially when it’s over piddly shit that doesn’t matter anyway. Like whether or not your 10-year-old will write a school essay about why porn should be banned? Is that piddly shit? Because you gave up on that very fast after your wife made her stance on the issue known [QUOTE=Dio] My wife said fuck my First Amendment. She said I could go downstairs and fuck my First Amendment on the couch. She said I could go live with my First Amendment in the car. So I had to cave on that really fast [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/132 "2009-10-08T19:02:34Z")
Are you married? ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/133 "2009-10-08T19:03:43Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Like whether or not your 10-year-old will write a school essay about why porn should be banned? Is that piddly shit? Because you gave up on that very fast after your wife made her stance on the issue known Yes, that was piddly shit. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/134 "2009-10-08T19:08:47Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Are you married? Yes, for quite some time. I noted in the OP “I do not live by this axiom and it makes for some very unpleasant times between me and my wife. I can see that if I caved in things would go smoother” ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/135 "2009-10-08T19:09:22Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Many are saying that this is good advice for both genders, and it is. > > My question is, why don’t women go around telling each other “you know, your husband is always right, even when he’s wrong”, or “married women basically have to decide whether they want to be right or they want to be happy” ? > > Is it because that guys are such dufuses that they need to be told this basic rule of cohabitation, whereas women can figure it out by themselves? Pretty much, yeah. I think that girls are socialized to be passive, deferential and compromising right off the bat, while boys are socialized to be independent, autonomous and aggressive, so learning that not having to get one’s own way all the time is something married men have to learn, while women already know it. This notion of yours that anything is rooted in some kind of oppression of men is out to lunch. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/136 "2009-10-08T19:10:22Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Yes, that was piddly shit. Well alrighty then. If my daughter wanted to write a school essay on porn, I wouldn’t think that was a trivial matter, but YMOV. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/137 "2009-10-08T19:10:35Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > My question is, why don’t women go around telling each other “you know, your husband is always right, even when he’s wrong”, or “married women basically have to decide whether they want to be right or they want to be happy” ? > > Is it because that guys are such dufuses that they need to be told this basic rule of cohabitation, whereas women can figure it out by themselves? I know it’s OK to portray guys as dufuses in today’s culture so this is the explanation many will feel comfortable with, but I don’t buy it. There have been magazines giving out essentially this advice to women for generations. Generations. The men’s magazines had advice on what wine to serve and what stereo to buy. This was if you read the articles and didn’t just look at the pictures. That’s why they need to be told this basic rule. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/138 "2009-10-08T19:13:08Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Yes, for quite some time. I noted in the OP “I do not live by this axiom and it makes for some very unpleasant times between me and my wife. I can see that if I caved in things would go smoother” Fine, keep living in an unpleasant marriage where you never cave. I prefer being happy. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/139 "2009-10-08T19:15:15Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Well alrighty then. If my daughter wanted to write a school essay on porn, I wouldn’t think that was a trivial matter, but YMOV. She wanted to write a letter to the President telling him it should be banned. It wasn’t like she was analyzing _Debbie Does Dallas_. ---
**Author:** ![Polerius](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d78d45/32.png) [@Polerius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Polerius)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/140 "2009-10-08T19:17:07Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > Fine, keep living in an unpleasant marriage where you never cave. I prefer being happy. And you are happy with a wife who says “Fuck your First Amendment. You can go downstairs and fuck your First Amendment on the couch. You can go live with your First Amendment in the car”, when all you were trying to do was to teach your kid about the First Amendment and how it related to the essay she was trying to write? Fine, declare yourself happy. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568.md?page=8)