# "Wife always right, even when she's wrong" - Implications for women's characters? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 4, 2009, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568 "2009-10-04T18:42:37Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/141 "2009-10-08T19:20:47Z")
Well this thread has taken a weird turn. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/142 "2009-10-08T19:20:50Z")
I’m _very_ happy, thank you. It’s exceedingly rare that my wife gets her back up about anything that much. She has very few hot buttons, but I’m not going to hammer on the ones that she does have. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/143 "2009-10-08T19:21:19Z")
> [@Translucent\_Daydream](#): > > Just wanted to add that I find that it isn’t just women that are this way, but it seems to be that there is generally one person in the relationship that exibits this behavior, and the other is usually “Well, whatever, you’re right… lets move on.” Right. I read this thread and thought, “Man, you people fraternize with some serious douchebags.” > [@Polerius](#): > > I don’t think guys behave like that. Yes, there are guys who always think they’re right, but the symptom of that is that they keep on arguing their point. They don’t reach points in discussions when if the woman keeps arguing her point, he gets upset and asks the woman to sleep on the couch or gives her the silent treatment. I’ve been given the silent treatment before by men. I don’t see those men anymore. Because they’re douches. > [@SecondJudith](#): > > No women I know are like this, but maybe things are different in the US, which is where I understand most Dopers are from. I’m in the US, and I don’t know women like this either. I don’t hang out with douchebags. > [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Reading the descriptions of female behavior some guys have listed here, I have to say that the real maxim that will determine the happiness of a marriage is this: Don’t marry an asshole. > > If your spouse is playing these sorts of ridiculous power games, he or she is an asshole. If you’ve tied yourself for life to an asshole, it’s quite likely you’re not going to be very happy. What she said. ---
**Author:** ![Vihaga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Vihaga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vihaga)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/144 "2009-10-08T19:45:34Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > And you are happy with a wife who says “Fuck your First Amendment. You can go downstairs and fuck your First Amendment on the couch. You can go live with your First Amendment in the car”, when all you were trying to do was to teach your kid about the First Amendment and how it related to the essay she was trying to write? > > Fine, declare yourself happy. Seriously, neither you or your partner has ever said anything ridiculous in an argument? I thought it was pretty funny, and I think it’s a bit much to say that Dio is unhappy because he caved on one thing that is obviously important to his wife. There is a vast difference between “caving” and “always caving.” Caving on things that are way more important to your partner than they are to you is something a lot of people do. It’s basic consideration for the other person’s happiness. ---
**Author:** ![Mighty\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7bcc69/32.png) [@Mighty\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mighty_Girl)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/145 "2009-10-08T20:36:14Z")
> [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](#): > > It wasn’t like she was analyzing _Debbie Does Dallas_. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. 😃 > [@Polerius](#): > > My question is, why don’t women go around telling each other “you know, your husband is always right, even when he’s wrong”, or “married women basically have to decide whether they want to be right or they want to be happy” ? Really? Women have been told that to the point of exertion. The reason there is no similar saying is because it has always been a given that we are supposed to “nurse the fragile male ego”. > [@Polerius](#): > > Yes, for quite some time. I noted in the OP “I do not live by this axiom and it makes for some very unpleasant times between me and my wife. I can see that if I caved in things would go smoother” Oh well, some of us prefer happy marriages to being right about small things. As I say, one of the secrets to a happy marriage is not battling to the last man for every molehill. That way lies madness. I’d rather my husband didn’t hog the TV with sports all the time, or didn’t think that Golf on TV is exciting to watch, but it doesn’t matter enough for me to a)argue about it, or b)even buy another TV. If we cannot agree on who gets the TV we’ll hardly agree on the important stuff. > [@Vihaga](#): > > Seriously, neither you or your partner has ever said anything ridiculous in an argument? I thought it was pretty funny, and I think it’s a bit much to say that Dio is unhappy because he caved on one thing that is obviously important to his wife. I have threatened my husband with worse. We both know I don’t mean it. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/146 "2009-10-08T21:25:12Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > Many are saying that this is good advice for both genders, and it is. > > My question is, why don’t women go around telling each other “you know, your husband is always right, even when he’s wrong”, or “married women basically have to decide whether they want to be right or they want to be happy” ? > > Is it because that guys are such dufuses that they need to be told this basic rule of cohabitation, whereas women can figure it out by themselves? I know it’s OK to portray guys as dufuses in today’s culture so this is the explanation many will feel comfortable with, but I don’t buy it. I always assumed it was implied that women should defer (or appear to defer) to their husbands lest their husbands decide to have sex with the secretary or something. That’s what I was taught when I was younger - create a serene, enjoyable environment for your husband at home or he’ll trade you in for a newer model. Then again, my dad _did_ leave my mother for his secretary. Still, I remember my mom telling me, “ **overly** , now you know men don’t like argumentative women. It’s unseemly and makes you look like a harpy.” For what it’s worth, I’m 33. Anyway, to the OP - you say you never cave about anything. Does your wife? It seems like you would have a really combative household if neither of you ever stood down. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/147 "2009-10-08T21:32:24Z")
Whoa. Okay, scratch what I was going to say. In short: We here cannot, individually or collectively, come to a definite conclusion about what is “generally” true. And even if we could, I’d argue that in human relationships in general and love in specific, it’s usually not helpful to extrapolate the characteristics of an individual from those of a group. Better to actually know that person, and deal accordingly. We can say, though, more or less 100% of the time, that \*this \* is true: If the specific person you’re dealing with cares more than you do, this is probably not the hill you want to die on. So if that’s true always for everyone, why do men in particular get this advice about their wives? And why do women (as indeed they do) get this advice about their husbands? Perhaps because a marriage is considered to be a much more important interpersonal relationship than most. If you’re fighting with your coworker, you might decide that being right about who forgot to order copier toner is more important than maintaining harmony, because that relationship just doesn’t matter that much. But most people value their marriage over just about every issue, piddling or huge, that comes through it. Yet many newlyweds assume that _because_ they value their marriage so highly, it will be able to weather any storm. Those who have been married a while know this is not the case. And so they consider it worth restating, though it should go without saying, that in this above all other relationships, you really want to choose your battles wisely. ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/148 "2009-10-08T22:39:25Z")
> [@Polerius](#): > > My question is, why don’t women go around telling each other “you know, your husband is always right, even when he’s wrong”, or “married women basically have to decide whether they want to be right or they want to be happy” ? Women get told this all the time, just with different language. The wife equivalent to the advice you’re railing against is “Make him think it’s his idea even when it’s not; the male ego can’t handle a woman telling him what to do.” It’s a mistake to think that women aren’t taught to be accomodating and placating. If anything, they get this message drummed into the heads so much that as a group they people-please too much. I’m starting to think you’re assuming the dymanics in your household are universal. I also think you’re interpreting this touch-in-cheek advice way too literally. If you and your wife are arguing all the time and in a hurtful manner, that’s a problem that the “women is right…” cliche wasn’t meant to solve. Something is wrong and you might want to see what it is. Of course, I’m not a marriaged counselor, nor am I married. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/149 "2009-10-08T23:25:33Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > It’s a mistake to think that women aren’t taught to be accomodating and placating. If anything, they get this message drummed into the heads so much that as a group they people-please too much. Sometimes I wonder if we all spend most of our days outside the home getting beaten up, taking shit, and placating each other that we simply have no forbearance remaining when we come home (both male and female). ---
**Author:** ![Unintentionally\_Blank](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unintentionally_blank/32/5418_2.png) [@Unintentionally\_Blank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Unintentionally_Blank)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2009, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/150 "2009-10-08T23:36:59Z")
> [@Cosmic Relief](#): > > Sometimes I wonder if we all spend most of our days outside the home getting beaten up, taking shit, and placating each other that we simply have no forbearance remaining when we come home (both male and female). Sometimes _I_ wonder just what kinda world some folks live in…what with the wife beating, fragile ego stereotypes that are getting tossed about here. ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/151 "2009-10-09T01:12:45Z")
> [@you\_with\_the\_face](#): > > "Make him think it’s his idea even when it’s not; Actually this was one of the more fundamental ideas I learnt in sales - and it applied to people (i.e either gender), People ALWAYS react better to anything when they think its their idea, regardless of sex ---
**Author:** ![you\_with\_the\_face](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/ecccb3/32.png) [@you\_with\_the\_face](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/you_with_the_face)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2009, 1:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568/152 "2009-10-09T01:43:29Z")
> [@bengangmo](#): > > Actually this was one of the more fundamental ideas I learnt in sales - and it applied to people (i.e either gender), Kind of like how “the wife is always right…” sounds a lot like “the customer is always right.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-always-right-even-when-shes-wrong-implications-for-womens-characters/512568.md?page=7)