# Wife comatose? Fuck her when you visit again and again. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 12, 2008, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276 "2008-09-12T15:07:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 12
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/221 "2008-09-14T16:51:26Z")
> [@Cisco](#): > > I don’t think anyone is saying sex is the only way to love and intimacy. Read post #114, specifically the last sentence. Then why is sticking his dick in her comatose body so important? ---
**Author:** ![Truus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Truus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truus)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/222 "2008-09-14T17:01:04Z")
There’s a difference between having sex with someone and masturbating inside someone. To me, fucking a comatose body falls under the second, while concious people fucking each other with mutual consent and enthusiasm falls under the first. From this perspective I don’t quite see where the “but he is lonely, he misses sex with his wife” argument, seen throughout this thread, is coming from. If he wants to masturbate, he masturbates and there’s other options available should he need an aid to do that. I’d be totally grossed out if I woke up from a coma only to find out someone I trusted and loved and had sex with before the accident, actually had used me as a masturbation tool and I’d be wondering if he hadn’t been seeing me as such the whole time before as well. ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/223 "2008-09-14T17:15:26Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Then why is sticking his dick in her comatose body so important? I don’t know, you’d have to ask him. I’ve said multiple times in this thread that I personally find it weird and wouldn’t do it. I just don’t think he should be charged with rape. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/224 "2008-09-14T17:28:01Z")
> [@Truus](#): > > There’s a difference between having sex with someone and masturbating inside someone. \ Oh, it’s so easy to make it sound crude, isn’t it? What do you know? They’ve been married 17 years and for all you know he’s woken her up every morning for 17 years by making love to her and every time he makes love to her he’s desperately hoping and praying if he does it just right this time maybe she’ll wake up. Go ahead though. Cry “rape!” Say he’s “masturbating inside her.” Think the worst. This is an RO thread. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/225 "2008-09-14T17:45:19Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Nah. Silly post. I don’t think there are any men here saying “don’t touch my body!” Most of them are saying, “hey, you had access to it before, why not now?” I’m pretty sure i’ve said it. I wouldn’t appreciate a partner having sex with my comatose body. > [@](#): > > That’s the thing. Insult me all you want, make all your little insinuations and innuendo about me and my sexuality and sex life. There are women here who feel they have more say over another woman’s body than that woman’s own husband does. What a bunch of busy bodies. To the contrary; it appears to me that the person the various women you refer to (not men, of course, since no men have disagreed with you whatsoever) feel has the greatest say is the woman in question, not them. There appear to be no calls for the husband in question to phone them up and ask permission. The key word appears to be consent, and the lack of it, but it does not appear that the consent is theirs to give - rather, that it is the woman in question’s to give. And she can’t. > [@](#): > > I don’t know how old you are, or what sort of adult sexual experience you have but you really need to understand that in a loving, sexual, adult relationship there is a difference between, “sorry, not tonight honey” and “we’re lovers, my body is yours for the taking.” You really don’t get the difference? You are intimate with your lover. They have exclusive access. That doesn’t mean, “rape me at your leisure.” Sheesh. Hey, you’re the one that conflated “i’m not in the mood” with “i’m comatose and cannot move nor give any kind of consent”. Like I said at the time, it’s certainly an impressive conflation, and until you address it I think you’re the last person to dictate to others what they need to understand. What a busybody. ---
**Author:** ![Truus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Truus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Truus)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/226 "2008-09-14T17:50:56Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Oh, it’s so easy to make it sound crude, isn’t it? > > What do you know? They’ve been married 17 years and for all you know he’s woken her up every morning for 17 years by making love to her and every time he makes love to her he’s desperately hoping and praying if he does it just right this time maybe she’ll wake up. > > Go ahead though. Cry “rape!” Say he’s “masturbating inside her.” Think the worst. This is an RO thread. Where did I cry rape or use the word “rape” at all? I’m just providing a data point that I, individually, would not be OK with being fucked while in a coma . Basically because it would be all about him. That is why I have a problem in the case of the OP in spotting the tenderness from a seventeen year old mariage , it’s all about him and zilch about her. Also, maybe it’s because I live in the real world and don’t automatically assume marriages, even long lasting ones, are necessarrily happy for both parties. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/227 "2008-09-14T18:03:35Z")
> [@Revenant\_Threshold](#): > > Hey, you’re the one that conflated “i’m not in the mood” with “i’m comatose and cannot move nor give any kind of consent”. Like I said at the time, it’s certainly an impressive conflation, and until you address it I think you’re the last person to dictate to others what they need to understand. > > What a busybody. What are you on about? I said there’s a difference right there in the post you quoted. I, and others here have basically said, “mi casa es su casa,” both pre-coma and during coma. You seem hung up on “consent,” which is probably why I got so many panties in a bunch over my “sacred vagina” comment. Now I’m the douchbag. Cool, I can live with that. You’re hear saying “uh, well, uh, duh, uh, like, uh, I’m a dude, and uh, like, uh, I don’t want anyone fuckin’ wit my body, uh, yanno?” Good for you. I’m sure your spouse, if you have one, knows your wishes and isn’t going to masturbate on you. Truus, how do you know it’s all about him? When you buy someone a present do you require their consent first? When you buy someone a present, is it “all about you” because you’re the one buying the present without the other’s consent? How weird. I’d like the idea my lover was leaving me lots of prezzies, as it were, even if I weren’t all there to consent. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/228 "2008-09-14T18:22:42Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > What are you on about? I said there’s a difference right there in the post you quoted. I, and others here have basically said, “mi casa es su casa,” both pre-coma and during coma. You conflated the two here; [QUOTE=levdrakon] Well, it’s not wrong, per se. It’s definitely different. What a man would consider rape would probably involve a lot of force and violence. What a woman would consider rape would be “I wasn’t totally happy.” Wah. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Revenant Threshold] The fuck? I’m going to have to agree with the douchebag assertion, though i’m British so i’d probably go with arsehole. Is it your serious contention that the average woman’s definition of rape is “I wasn’t totally happy”? [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=levdrakon] No, not the average woman. I know lots of women. A couple of women in this thread though, yeah. You CANNOT touch a women unless she’s “in the mood.” Power play, pure and simple. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=Revenant Threshold] Really? I don’t suppose you could cite the couple of women you’re talking about? This is the Pit, we’re allowed to name names. [/QUOTE] [QUOTE=levdrakon] Every woman who feels it’s rape if her husband has his way with her comatose body. **DianaG** would be one. Her body is sacred, not to be defiled by her filthy husband without buying her flowers first. [/QUOTE] Your cite for a woman for who’s definition of rape was “I wasn’t entirely happy” was **DianaG** feeling that it would be rape if her husband has his way with her comatose body. You conflated the two; one was evidence for the other. Furthermore, you said that any woman who felt it was rape if that occurred was an example. That you are now backpedaling is certainly admirable of you, but you certainly conflated them before. > [@](#): > > You seem hung up on “consent,” which is probably why I got so many panties in a bunch over my “sacred vagina” comment. Now I’m the douchbag. Cool, I can live with that. Yes. Yes, I am hung up on consent. To me it is an important thing. > [@](#): > > You’re hear saying “uh, well, uh, duh, uh, like, uh, I’m a dude, and uh, like, uh, I don’t want anyone fuckin’ wit my body, uh, yanno?” > > Good for you. I’m sure your spouse, if you have one, knows your wishes and isn’t going to masturbate on you. Generally, mocking another person by saying they’re inarticulate works better when you don’t use “hear” instead of “here”. I mean, arguing through mocking typing is a pretty shallow argument anyway; it loses whatever effectiveness it has by failing at it on top of that. The problem, as I see it, is that we have two options. Either consent is assumed, overall, or it is not assumed overall. Now, I can certainly sympathise with your not getting any; i’m sure it’s arduous for you. But in general I would rather have honestly acting people go through the horrenduously difficult task of, uh, well, uh, duh, writing a note and signing it, than, uh, like, uh, dishonestly acting people raping their spouse or SO. You may of course disagree with my priorities, but in general I think i’m pretty sure i’d prefer less raping over less getting some. My bad, I know. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/229 "2008-09-14T18:56:40Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Except, of course, that if all we are is coochie, what the fuck need does he have of us, anyway? Well, since he’s gay (post #114), I guess he revels in being able to enjoy your company without having to do the Great Coochie Dance… > [@DianaG](#): > > And just for the record, from my very first post in this thread: > I never said that the guy should be charged with rape, or that SO’s aren’t generally entitled to certain privileges that strangers don’t have. I’ve simply asserted that no relationship confers ownership of the other’s body, and responded to \*\*levdrakon’s \*\*(and your, incidentally) tiresome assertions that women view their own vaginas mostly as instruments of control over you poor, mistreated, blueballed boys. :rolleyes: …and hence **levdrakon** for a start doesn’t need your sympathy for mistreatment or blueballedness, and as for me, don’t fret. Obviously, if I don’t get as much sex as I’d like, all my opinions on the subject are automatically invalid, but on the whole, I’ve been pretty successful at managing the health of my own balls over the years. Perhaps you’d better start harping on my relationship with my mother instead. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/230 "2008-09-14T19:05:18Z")
> [@Revenant\_Threshold](#): > > You conflated the two here; > > Your cite for a woman for who’s definition of rape was “I wasn’t entirely happy” was **DianaG** feeling that it would be rape if her husband has his way with her comatose body. You conflated the two; one was evidence for the other. My point is there appear to be different standards for what is rape. Most men here are saying “let her do what she wants; she did it before, who cares if I’m in a coma?” Some of the women here are saying “no consent?!? Rape!” So yeah, different standards for rape. > [@](#): > > Generally, mocking another person by saying they’re inarticulate works better when you don’t use “hear” instead of “here”. I mean, arguing through mocking typing is a pretty shallow argument anyway; it loses whatever effectiveness it has by failing at it on top of that. You got me their, they’re, uh… there. Good on you! > [@](#): > > Now, I can certainly sympathise with your not getting any; i’m sure it’s arduous for you. But in general I would rather have honestly acting people go through the horrenduously difficult task of, uh, well, uh, duh, writing a note and signing it, than, uh, like, uh, dishonestly acting people raping their spouse or SO. You may of course disagree with my priorities, but in general I think i’m pretty sure i’d prefer less raping over less getting some. My bad, I know. Ooh, the insults! Yeah, as soon as I became “douchbag” I remembered what forum I was in. Insult away. Yeah, I was implying you’re a knuckle-dragger. Did I hurt your feelings? I’m so not sorry. I’m a douchbag, and you agreed. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/73ab20/32.png) [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Tao_s_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/231 "2008-09-14T19:10:40Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Oh, it’s so easy to make it sound crude, isn’t it? > > What do you know? They’ve been married 17 years and for all you know he’s woken her up every morning for 17 years by making love to her and every time he makes love to her he’s desperately hoping and praying if he does it just right this time maybe she’ll wake up. > > Go ahead though. Cry “rape!” Say he’s “masturbating inside her.” Think the worst. This is an RO thread. Wow you’re naive if think that scenario is likely. The real world is alot more fucked up. Now lets look at another much more likely scenario. Say she recovers and wakes up. Turns out she didn’t him fucking her unconscious body. She feels violated, dirty, used, and is filled with rage and misstrust because she wasn’t protected while in such a vulnerable state. As a result spends the rest of her life dealing with the issues it causes. ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/232 "2008-09-14T19:19:29Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Well, since he’s gay (post #114), I guess he revels in being able to enjoy your company without having to do the Great Coochie Dance… > …and hence **levdrakon** for a start doesn’t need your sympathy for mistreatment or blueballedness, and as for me, don’t fret. Obviously, if I don’t get as much sex as I’d like, all my opinions on the subject are automatically invalid, but on the whole, I’ve been pretty successful at managing the health of my own balls over the years. Perhaps you’d better start harping on my relationship with my mother instead. :rolleyes: Um… yeah, I get the gay thing. What I don’t get is why a gay man who considers women to be nothing more than the source of pussy has women friends. I also don’t care about your particular balls, or how much sex you personally get. I was, once again, addressing your assertion that whenever a woman doesn’t have sex with a man, it’s a power play. You seem like a bright enough fellow most of the time, so why do you insist on ignoring what I’m actually saying? ---
**Author:** ![Pyper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Pyper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pyper)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/233 "2008-09-14T19:24:37Z")
I thought misogynistic gay men were a myth created by the right to drive a wedge between women and homosexuals, but I guess not. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/234 "2008-09-14T19:26:11Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Um… yeah, I get the gay thing. What I don’t get is why a gay man who considers women to be nothing more than the source of pussy has women friends. Well, shouldn’t you be reconsidering your assertion in the light of the evidence, and not the other way around? > [@DianaG](#): > > I also don’t care about your particular balls, or how much sex you personally get. I was, once again, addressing your assertion that whenever a woman doesn’t have sex with a man, it’s a power play. > > You seem like a bright enough fellow most of the time, so why do you insist on ignoring what I’m actually saying? Whenever? I didn’t say so. But why worry about what I actually say when providing both sides of the argument yourself is so much more satisfying? ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/235 "2008-09-14T19:29:13Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Well, since he’s gay (post #114), I guess he revels in being able to enjoy your company without having to do the Great Coochie Dance… Huh? ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/236 "2008-09-14T19:29:23Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Um… yeah, I get the gay thing. What I don’t get is why a gay man who considers women to be nothing more than the source of pussy has women friends. Uh, because I don’t consider them a source of pussy? You’re the one whose vagina is a prize. Oh wait, no. It’s part of the “collective” you. My women friends have like, brains and personalities and stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/237 "2008-09-14T19:29:48Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > My point is there appear to be different standards for what is rape. Most men here are saying “let her do what she wants; she did it before, who cares if I’m in a coma?” Some of the women here are saying “no consent?!? Rape!” So yeah, different standards for rape. I disagree, but then again I don’t know the genders of all the people in this thread. Could you share with me your numbers? > [@](#): > > Ooh, the insults! Yeah, as soon as I became “douchbag” I remembered what forum I was in. Insult away. Yeah, I was implying you’re a knuckle-dragger. Did I hurt your feelings? I’m so not sorry. I’m a douchbag, and you agreed. Actually, that was the “putting forth my position” part, albeit somewhat condescendingly. The insults part was back when I called you a douchebag (and an arsehole). No, my feelings weren’t hurt; were you aiming for that? Anyway, like I said, that was the putting forth of my position part. If indeed the two options are for an overall assumption of consent or nonconsent, then I do indeed feel that the negative of one side (people don’t get to have sex) is considerably outweighed by the negative of the other (people get to rape their spouse/SO). That to me seems like a reasonable position - which part do you disagree with? ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/238 "2008-09-14T19:40:53Z")
> [@Revenant\_Threshold](#): > > Anyway, like I said, that was the putting forth of my position part. If indeed the two options are for an overall assumption of consent or nonconsent, then I do indeed feel that the negative of one side (people don’t get to have sex) is considerably outweighed by the negative of the other (people get to rape their spouse/SO). That to me seems like a reasonable position - which part do you disagree with? Your assumption is that this is rape, and you’ve handily turned it into an either or argument: let spouses rape their comatose others, or not? Clever. ---
**Author:** ![Revenant\_Threshold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f1d935/32.png) [@Revenant\_Threshold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revenant_Threshold)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/239 "2008-09-14T19:55:20Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Your assumption is that this is rape, and you’ve handily turned it into an either or argument: let spouses rape their comatose others, or not? > > Clever. To the contrary. My definition of rape is sex without consent; if indeed the husband in this story had got consent before she went into a coma, it would not be rape. I’m happy to admit that; if anything, i’d much prefer it to be the case. As for the argument, this wouldn’t in and of itself do anything about actual rape rates - defining the term one way or the other just changes what we call it, not what happens. However, if we assume overall that marriage or some level of relationship implies consent even when one partner’s in a coma, then any cases of actual rape will lead to the raper getting off (if you’ll pardon the pun) entirely free. If we assume overall that it does not imply consent, then the worst case scenario is that the other partner doesn’t get laid. What about that argument do you feel is incorrect? If i’m truly wrong, then I honestly would like to be corrected. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2008, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/240 "2008-09-14T19:58:35Z")
> [@The\_Tao\_s\_Revenge](#): > > Wow you’re naive if think that scenario is likely. The real world is alot more fucked up. Now lets look at another much more likely scenario. Say she recovers and wakes up. > > Turns out she didn’t him fucking her unconscious body. She feels violated, dirty, used, and is filled with rage and misstrust because she wasn’t protected while in such a vulnerable state. As a result spends the rest of her life dealing with the issues it causes. I’m sorry for the world you live in. The man in the OP apparently has fewer issues than you. Should we protect her from his holding her hand too? No consent given, and she might hate him, after all. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276.md?page=11) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276.md?page=13)