# Wife comatose? Fuck her when you visit again and again. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 12, 2008, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276 "2008-09-12T15:07:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/121 "2008-09-13T16:36:41Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > Oh, women and their sacred vaginas. Sometimes I feel the same way. But I’m straight, and have to play it their way if I’m to get any. Obviously **Cat Fight** considers rape less heinous if there’s an assurance that there will be no pregnancy or infection, then. (Funny, I thought it was all about a woman’s sovereignty over her own body, and rape was still rape even if he was sterile in both senses of the word and she was hot, wet and had been all for it only thirty seconds before. But if that’s so, what need to drag in the "what if"s?) ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/122 "2008-09-13T16:39:50Z")
> [@wring](#): > > I believe you are incorrect. I think it’s entirly possible to give retroactive consent. You took my book w/o asking first, but I can most certainly say, after the fact, “that’s ok”. I don’t think that sex works that way, though. I’m just not sure why people are thinking she might be okay with this. Just because she’s had sex with him in the past, he has the right to do it again? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/123 "2008-09-13T16:43:10Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Sometimes I feel the same way. But I’m straight, and have to play it their way if I’m to get any. Well, just until the rufies take effect, right? > [@Malacandra](#): > > Obviously **Cat Fight** considers rape less heinous if there’s an assurance that there will be no pregnancy or infection, then. (Funny, I thought it was all about a woman’s sovereignty over her own body, and rape was still rape even if he was sterile in both senses of the word and she was hot, wet and had been all for it only thirty seconds before. But if that’s so, what need to drag in the "what if"s?) Is it really that obvious? I added that line because, even if this guy and his wife made a formal vow to fuck every orifice of one another’s comatose bodies if the occasion arose, you think he’d at least consider the possible negative consequences of his actions on his wife’s health. ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/124 "2008-09-13T16:43:11Z")
what’s so difficult to believe? It’s not like they divorced, then she went into a coma, right? day one they were married, next day she’s comatose. I’ve woken up to find I was having sex, obviously hadn’t consented 'cause I was asleep, but ‘retroactively’ gave consent. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/125 "2008-09-13T16:49:33Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > But why? You can’t retroactively give or take back consent. She didn’t give consent…therefore, rape. She can confirm that consent was previously given, or was implied. And, in _practical_ terms, consent can be retroactively given within the context of rape or sexual assault. It’s called “not pressing charges”. I’m aware that many women don’t press charges out of fear, peer pressure, or whatever. However, under the most common constructions for rape statutes, an astonishing number of sexual encounters are rape by definition, and if we don’t limit the concept of rape to sex which results in a conviction (or at least charges,) pretty much every guy on earth (and most girls) are guilty of rape or sexual assault. Girl is actively tearing off guy’s clothes or something (which is implied consent), up to, say, oral, and then becomes passive? Consent for vaginal intercourse has not been given. If she says rape afterwards, it was rape, _even if she never tells her partner to stop._ Girl has had a beer? She can’t give consent. Guy had a beer? _He can’t give consent either_. Under those scenarios, the intoxicated party could file charges the next day- guy or girl. You don’t even have to be over your state’s legal limit for DUI; if there is alcohol or another intoxicant in your system, strictly speaking you cannot give informed consent. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/126 "2008-09-13T16:57:49Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Well, just until the rufies take effect, right? Please engage in autopenetration without delay. I know all men are rapists in your sorry little world, but try to figure I might possibly be the exception, m’kay? > [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > Is it really that obvious? I added that line because, even if this guy and his wife made a formal vow to fuck every orifice of one another’s comatose bodies if the occasion arose, you think he’d at least consider the possible negative consequences of his actions on his wife’s health. Well, Kreskin, how’d you know he didn’t? ---
**Author:** ![Cisco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ccd318/32.png) [@Cisco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cisco)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/127 "2008-09-13T16:59:36Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > And I’d be horrified to come out of a coma and discover that my husband had had sex with me against my will. I mean, the idea that someone could even be turned on when I haven’t made it clear that I’m also turned on and into it is so disturbing to me. Because you get married, that means you automatically are up for sex whenever? Sure there’s some degree of implied consent, but you do have to suss out your partner’s mood each time, no? How do you know if the person is up for sex in that specific instance? So you would want your husband, the man you pledged to stand by for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to go to prison? What would you hope that punishment would accomplish? Have you never woke up having sex with your husband, like I and many people in this thread have (this seems to happen to most people eventually if you sleep next to someone you have a sexual relationship with long enough)? My wife isn’t always up for sex, but she’s **never** up for putting me in prison. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/128 "2008-09-13T17:15:53Z")
> [@Malacandra](#): > > Please engage in autopenetration without delay. I know all men are rapists in your sorry little world, but try to figure I might possibly be the exception, m’kay? I just couldn’t imagine your ‘playing the game’ would get you anywhere. In the context of this conversation, I believe the men here are using their own relationships as examples of sleep sex and, yes, possible coma sex. If your SO and you have an agreement, that’s one thing. If you don’t, it’s a mistake you’ll only make once. Unless you’re a rapist. Enough posters complain on the boards about ‘not getting any,’ so I can only assume that they don’t just mean while their SO is conscious. > [@](#): > > Well, Kreskin, how’d you know he didn’t? I don’t. Maybe he did and just didn’t give a shit. I mean, I assume he didn’t anticipate being caught. I don’t know exactly how the comatose are cared for, so I can’t say if they’d catch an STD, thrush or a UTI before it hit the kidneys. Or even think to test for pregnancy. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/129 "2008-09-13T17:18:26Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > In the context of this conversation, I believe the men here are using their own relationships as examples of sleep sex and, yes, possible coma sex. If your SO and you have an agreement, that’s one thing. If you don’t, it’s a mistake you’ll only make once. Unless you’re a rapist. Enough posters complain on the boards about ‘not getting any,’ so I can only assume that they don’t just mean while their SO is conscious. Speaking of which, why don’t we stop arguing and fuck? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/130 "2008-09-13T17:25:38Z")
> [@Freudian\_Slit](#): > > I mean, the idea that someone could even be turned on when I haven’t made it clear that I’m also turned on and into it is so disturbing to me. So wait a minute, you think a man\* is your subordinate and has to have your permission before being turned on? That **is** disturbing. \*Or woman depending on preference. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/131 "2008-09-13T17:33:04Z")
> [@Fish](#): > > So wait a minute, you think a man\* is your subordinate and has to have your permission before being turned on? That **is** disturbing. > > \*Or woman depending on preference. Yeah, I’m turned on by the person and the body and whether they are “into it” is nice for them I guess, but doesn’t have much to do with whether I’m attracted to them. If I’m married to someone it’s a total package deal, but I don’t need their conversational skills to want their body. In fact, I’d kinda rather you shut up about your day because that kinda ruins the sex, blabber mouth. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/132 "2008-09-13T18:03:22Z")
> [@Fish](#): > > So wait a minute, you think a man\* is your subordinate and has to have your permission before being turned on? That **is** disturbing. > > \*Or woman depending on preference. Um, no, did I say that? I just think that if a guy doesn’t care if I’m aroused or getting into the sex, that that’s kind of disturbing. I mean, it’s all the same to him whether I’m a warm body just lying there? > [@Cisco](#): > > So you would want your husband, the man you pledged to stand by for better or worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to go to prison? What would you hope that punishment would accomplish? Have you never woke up having sex with your husband, like I and many people in this thread have (this seems to happen to most people eventually if you sleep next to someone you have a sexual relationship with long enough)? My wife isn’t always up for sex, but she’s **never** up for putting me in prison. I’ve never woken up having sex with anyone. And yes, if he had sex with me without knowing if I was all right with it, then I’d feel he violated that trust. ---
**Author:** ![Fish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/bc8723/32.png) [@Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fish)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/133 "2008-09-13T18:50:51Z")
Ah — that’s the missing component. You meant that above sentence to apply _during sex itself._ Gotcha. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/134 "2008-09-13T19:21:00Z")
It seems to be a guy-gal thing, and it’s about power and control. Women jealously guard it, because, apparently, it’s their main source of power and control. For men, it’s like a buffet, and once they’ve said, “gobble up!” they mean it. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/135 "2008-09-13T19:42:08Z")
> [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > I just couldn’t imagine your ‘playing the game’ would get you anywhere. Oh well, y’know, your failures of imagination are hardly my responsibility. All I mean is that in order to get anywhere, I have to respect in practice the gravity that women attach to their girlyparts, whatever my personal opinion of the theory. And, if it comes to that, I may have had far less sex in my life than I’ve had liked, but I’ve got somewhere from time to time, all without clinical incapacity on their part or coercion, drugs, money or begging and pleading on mine. If it helps, you have to have done the groundwork before you get to call me a drug-rapist and have me think it funny. If we know each other well enough for me to say “Yes, and you’re a dirty cum-guzzling man-whore” in response, then we’re all good. Otherwise, not so much. > [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > In the context of this conversation, I believe the men here are using their own relationships as examples of sleep sex and, yes, possible coma sex. If your SO and you have an agreement, that’s one thing. If you don’t, it’s a mistake you’ll only make once. Unless you’re a rapist. Enough posters complain on the boards about ‘not getting any,’ so I can only assume that they don’t just mean while their SO is conscious. Your beliefs and “only assumptions” are your own responsibility, too. My ex of twenty years ago thought it’d be hot to be woken by sleep sex, but we never managed to get that one set up. Otherwise… as I say, I play it their way. 🆒 > [@Cat\_Fight](#): > > I don’t {know whether he risked giving her STD or impregnating her}. Maybe he did and just didn’t give a shit. I mean, I assume he didn’t anticipate being caught. I don’t know exactly how the comatose are cared for, so I can’t say if they’d catch an STD, thrush or a UTI before it hit the kidneys. Or even think to test for pregnancy. Well, nothing wrong with arguing from ignorance as long as you’re desperate to paint this in the worse light possible on no information, huh? ---
**Author:** ![DianaG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7ab992/32.png) [@DianaG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DianaG)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/136 "2008-09-13T19:42:47Z")
> [@levdrakon](#): > > It seems to be a guy-gal thing, and it’s about power and control. Women jealously guard it, because, apparently, it’s their main source of power and control. For men, it’s like a buffet, and once they’ve said, “gobble up!” they mean it. So, not wanting someone to fuck you without your consent is about power and control, but wanting to fuck someone without their consent isn’t. Uh huh. Gotchya. Douchebag. That said, I don’t think this was “against her will”. She’s fucking comatose. She \*has \*no will. While I normally am of the opinon that the inability to consent is non-consent, enough married people have checked in here to say they’d be okay with it (or that they wouldn’t!) that I’m willing to admit I’m not in a position to judge, knowing nothing of these people or their marriage. ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/137 "2008-09-13T19:50:22Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > So, not wanting someone to fuck you without your consent is about power and control, but wanting to fuck someone without their consent isn’t. Uh huh. Gotchya. > > Douchebag. No, you don’t “got me.” Men here don’t have a problem with their women helping herself to his body even if he weren’t able to give consent, because by being with her he’s pretty much given consent or doesn’t give a shit. Women seem to feel “RAPE!” Bring me presents and sweet talk me and MAYBE I’ll let you have some of this sweet precious treasure. It’s a power game, for sure. ---
**Author:** ![Terrifel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c68b51/32.png) [@Terrifel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Terrifel)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/138 "2008-09-13T19:51:32Z")
Okay, I’m just playing coma-rapist’s advocate here, but: if having sex with a comatose person equals rape, shouldn’t any unsolicited contact with them equal assault? I mean, if I go up to some random woman on the street and insist on stroking her hand and murmuring soft uplifting sentiments to her, I get arrested. Often. Why is that? ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/139 "2008-09-13T20:04:42Z")
> [@Terrifel](#): > > Okay, I’m just playing coma-rapist’s advocate here, but: if having sex with a comatose person equals rape, shouldn’t any unsolicited contact with them equal assault? > > I mean, if I go up to some random woman on the street and insist on stroking her hand and murmuring soft uplifting sentiments to her, I get arrested. Often. Why is that? Well, love means never having to take out a restraining order… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2008, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276/140 "2008-09-13T20:06:42Z")
> [@Terrifel](#): > > I mean, if I go up to some random woman on the street and insist on stroking her hand and murmuring soft uplifting sentiments to her, I get arrested. Often. Why is that? You’re supposed to hand over the cash _upfront_. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-comatose-fuck-her-when-you-visit-again-and-again/463276.md?page=8)