# Wife is having chemo. Should I shave my head too? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 17, 2008, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581 "2008-12-17T16:22:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2008, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/21 "2008-12-17T21:29:09Z")
I think it’s a great idea. I don’t know your wife, or how she thinks about such things, but it would be a great, non-verbal expression of support. If you happen to have long hair, you might consider donating it to one of the groups that makes wigs for cancer patients or something. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2008, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/22 "2008-12-17T22:56:46Z")
When my brother was diagnosed with cancer, everyone talked about shaving their heads as a show of support whenever the time came that he started to lose his hair. Unfortunately, apart from his eldest son, I was the only one who was willing to do so. Of course, many of the other females swore that the only reason they didn’t was because he’d have so severely disapproved of them doing so, but I’ve heard many story since (he died in August of '07) that he was secretely pleased as punch that his little sister actually did it and constantly talked about how “neat” it was. Every time I think about that, it makes me smile and tempers how badly I miss him with knowing how happy it made him while he suffered so much. So from my one bit of anecdotal evidence, I’d say that she’d appreciate it. And like **jali** said, if it grows back in before hers, just shave it again. You both have my deepest regards and I’m sending my best wishes your way. {{{ **TV time** and wife}}} ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2008, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/23 "2008-12-17T23:28:06Z")
Ivylad didn’t shave his head for me, but he did have sympathetic hair loss…it was actually kind of funny. Now that my hair is growing back I think his hair loss has stopped. I think it depends on your wife. It didn’t bother me that I was the bald one in the family. I had breast cancer this year too and I am undergoing radiation now. If you or your wife have any questions feel free to ask, here or PM. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [December 17, 2008, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/24 "2008-12-17T23:47:13Z")
It depends how much privacy your wife would like. Me, my health is a private issue. I don’t want my health issues being discussed by strangers, co-workers, family, or friends unless it’s necessary somehow. If my SO shaved his head, it would invite comments and questions that would lead to disclosing my condition, and I would be uncomfortable with that. I’d ask her, and not surprise her with it. A speedy recovery to your wife. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/25 "2008-12-18T02:13:40Z")
Ask her. If she doesn’t want you to do it, you should listen. My brother’s in this situation; we all offered to shave our heads, and he wasn’t interested. > [@Ethilrist](#): > > She might also not be happy if your hair grows back in before hers does. His hair is definitely going to grow back before hers. His will start growing back as soon as he shaves it (not that he can’t shave it repeatedly), and hers won’t until a while after the chemotherapy ends. ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/26 "2008-12-18T02:47:54Z")
Reminds me of the lyrics to [Sarah Beth](http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Sara-Beth-lyrics-Rascal-Flatts/956278CE98A50A614825706E000B6375) which always makes me teary - definitely very very sweet. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/27 "2008-12-18T03:41:02Z")
I’ve never quite understood why this is such a touching gesture. I don’t think I would want my children or loved ones to do this if I were ever going through chemo. It might make me laugh for a short while, but I really don’t find shaved heads on women to be attractive, and though i love bald guys, I think I’d rather have hair to look at, even if I can’t have my own. For me, I think it might be depressing and a constant reminder, not of solidarity, which can be shown in much better ways, but of my own loss. I really think you should ask her opinion. I’ll bet she can come up with a million other sweet things you could do for her. ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/28 "2008-12-18T03:52:08Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > I’ve never quite understood why this is such a touching gesture. Young people and women aren’t ‘supposed to’ lose their hair, so I think it makes them feel like freaks- like everybody can see they’re sick, and it’s one more sign of everything else that’s going wrong with them. When other people shave their heads I think it’s a reminder that it’s not so bad- it’s just hair. ---
**Author:** ![Dangerosa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Dangerosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dangerosa)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/29 "2008-12-18T03:54:18Z")
My brother in law did this when my sister went through chemo for breast cancer. My sister did enjoy it. Best wishes - its a hard year - but assuming her prognosis is good - its just a hard year. My sister has been cancer free for almost a year now already. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/30 "2008-12-18T03:59:37Z")
> [@Marley23](#): > > Young people and women aren’t ‘supposed to’ lose their hair, so I think it makes them feel like freaks- like everybody can see they’re sick, and it’s one more sign of everything else that’s going wrong with them. When other people shave their heads I think it’s a reminder that it’s not so bad- it’s just hair. This is exactly it. My brother was 45 and had such a full, thick head of hair that he was so very vain about that apparently not being alone in baldness helped him to feel less alone. ---
**Author:** ![Markxxx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@Markxxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Markxxx)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/31 "2008-12-18T04:00:02Z")
I would not do this right off. It’s a very sweet thing, but your wife may LIKE your hair, and you don’t want to stress her more than needed. Say how 'bout I shave my head. She’ll probably think you’re chicken but then let her shave it. The shaving doesn’t matter 'cause the hair will grow back. By the way I shaved my head once, just to see. It’s not nearly as easy as you think to shave your head ---
**Author:** ![Ephemera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8baadc/32.png) [@Ephemera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ephemera)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/32 "2008-12-18T04:09:38Z")
If you do indeed do it as a surprise Christmas present, be sure to put a bow on your head when you first let her see you afterward. ---
**Author:** ![TV\_time](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f17d59/32.png) [@TV\_time](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TV_time)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 8:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/33 "2008-12-18T08:46:49Z")
> [@AudreyK](#): > > It depends how much privacy your wife would like. Me, my health is a private issue. I don’t want my health issues being discussed by strangers, co-workers, family, or friends unless it’s necessary somehow. If my SO shaved his head, it would invite comments and questions that would lead to disclosing my condition, and I would be uncomfortable with that. > > I’d ask her, and not surprise her with it. > > A speedy recovery to your wife. Once again, thank you for the kind comments. But regarding the privacy. We live in a small town and there is none. And I should add that everyone has been wonderful. Strangers come by with food (the doctor has said being around the smell of cooking food could well be stomach turning for her - or it could just be that the word is out that my cooking could be stomach turning for anyone) and a couple of local groups have raised gas money to help us with the three hour car trip (170 mile) we have to take to get to the place we have to go for the chemo. Coworkers for her and me come by to spell me taking care of her (or spell her on having to put up with me). Anyway, not much privacy here. Her name is at every church being prayed for. For some it could be a bit clastrophobic, but really here just part of small town life. ---
**Author:** ![GingerOfTheNorth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/cdc98d/32.png) [@GingerOfTheNorth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GingerOfTheNorth)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/34 "2008-12-18T16:28:59Z")
I think it’s lovely that you want to do this for your wife. Cancer can suck it. Can I make her a pretty knit chemo cap? ---
**Author:** ![schnuckiputzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecb155/32.png) [@schnuckiputzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/schnuckiputzi)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/35 "2008-12-18T16:53:13Z")
I taught full time while undergoing chemo and being bald as an egg. The kids at school didn’t shave their heads for me, but they would wear bandannas one day a week to show their support. My husband is rapidly losing his hair anyway, so I wouldn’t have asked him to shave his hair, but I did have him shave mine off as I had no idea about how to get to the back of my head neatly. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/36 "2008-12-18T19:32:23Z")
You could always do a “baldness test.” Have a makeup artist fit you with a plastic bald cap, so you look bald but aren’t really. If your wife likes it, you don’t tell her it’s fake; you just go off and get the actual shave. If she doesn’t, you can whip it off and say, “JUST KIDDING!” Don’t really do this. Best of health and luck for both of you. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [December 18, 2008, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/37 "2008-12-18T22:01:42Z")
> [@TV\_time](#): > > Once again, thank you for the kind comments. But regarding the privacy. We live in a small town and there is none. And I should add that everyone has been wonderful. Strangers come by with food (the doctor has said being around the smell of cooking food could well be stomach turning for her - or it could just be that the word is out that my cooking could be stomach turning for anyone) and a couple of local groups have raised gas money to help us with the three hour car trip (170 mile) we have to take to get to the place we have to go for the chemo. Coworkers for her and me come by to spell me taking care of her (or spell her on having to put up with me). Anyway, not much privacy here. Her name is at every church being prayed for. For some it could be a bit clastrophobic, but really here just part of small town life. Sounds like a great support system. I’m glad for you both. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/38 "2008-12-19T05:19:39Z")
True story: a colleague of mine had a brain tumor, and was scheduled to have heavy radiation treatment. My colleague’s brother shaved his head, as a show of support. After the treatment was over, both men paid a visit to my office. And to everyone’s amusement, the guy battling cancer still had 95% of his hair! The doctors had only removed a tiny patch of his hair or the treatment. His poor brother, of course, was as bald as a cue ball (and his hair was VERY slow in regrowing). ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [December 19, 2008, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581/39 "2008-12-19T09:39:15Z")
I guess this doesn’t help since my perspective is from the guy’s side but I would rather see stability looking back at me than a reminder I’m in chemo. If you want to do something then spend lots of time staring into her eyes like you did when you first met. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-is-having-chemo-should-i-shave-my-head-too/477581.md?page=1)