# Wife said something, but I wasn't listening. What should I say? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [January 31, 2015, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453 "2015-01-31T19:03:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/1 "2015-01-31T19:03:21Z")
I zoned out while she told a story about something or another. When I came to, she said “OK?” I’ve placed her in suspended animation while I consult the experts of the SDMB on what to say next. If I say “What?” she’ll know I wasn’t listening. That might cause trouble, depending on the subject matter. If I say “OK,” I can keep up the ruse, but I might accidentally sign myself up for a house chore, an unbounded horror familiar to all husbands. So vote on what reply I should use when I unfreeze time. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/2 "2015-01-31T19:05:34Z")
“I’m really sorry, I missed that. What?” ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/3 "2015-01-31T19:09:00Z")
Yeah, admit you weren’t paying attention. If you have to lie to save face, you could go for something like “Sorry - I was lost in thought about the idea of taking you to a 5 star hotel for your birthday” (or similar). ---
**Author:** ![Novelty\_Bobble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Novelty\_Bobble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Novelty_Bobble)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/4 "2015-01-31T19:25:12Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Yeah, admit you weren’t paying attention. If you have to lie to save face, you could go for something like “Sorry - I was lost in thought about the idea of taking you to a 5 star hotel for your birthday” (or similar). Or, “Sorry I was just staring at your magnificent tits.” I confess that one has had a mixed response at best. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/5 "2015-01-31T19:28:14Z")
My go to is, “Whoops, I don’t have my hearing aid in”. I walk away, go into my bathroom (where I keep it when it’s not in my ear) and return. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/6 "2015-01-31T20:00:58Z")
Yes, dear. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/7 "2015-01-31T20:32:41Z")
> [@kopek](#): > > Yes, dear. The fact that your user name has “born to be shunned” underneath it is hilariously appropriate in light of this comment. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/8 "2015-01-31T21:08:44Z")
“I’m sorry, I didn’t get what you just said. Could you clarify it?” ---
**Author:** ![Bouncer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9d8465/32.png) [@Bouncer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bouncer)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/9 "2015-01-31T21:37:35Z")
How long have you been married? You KNOW the first rule is: Admit nothing, deny everything and make counter-accusations. 😃 Regards, -Bouncer- ---
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/10 "2015-01-31T22:00:15Z")
Run that by me again, I wasn’t concentrating ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/11 "2015-01-31T22:30:49Z")
You might as well answer OK. And don’t kid yourself **Chessic Sense** , if the wife wants you to “volunteer” for some housework, you know you’re not getting out of it, regardless of how you answer. ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/12 "2015-01-31T22:37:56Z")
I suggest jamming a Twix in your mouth and mumbling _something_ around it. If you really froze time, I’d jam her finger up her nose first, that might cause a good distraction. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/13 "2015-01-31T22:54:13Z")
You know, thinking about it, I think guys are very skilled at paying attention with out paying attention. If I only had a dollar for every time I’ve had this conversation: Her: Blah, blah, blah, Me: Uh huh Her: Blah, blah, blah, Me: Uh huh Her: Are you listening to me? Me: Yes! Of course! Her: What did I just say? Me: [I then repeat the last three words she said] Her: [Scowls at me unapprovenly] ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2015, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/14 "2015-01-31T23:05:37Z")
“Do you smell burning hair?” Then immediately collapse to the floor. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/15 "2015-02-01T00:19:50Z")
“I’m sorry I was lost in thought, thinking about how lucky I am to be married to you. Could you repeat that honey?” ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/16 "2015-02-01T00:30:54Z")
OK, if you like, but I think you pronounce it _may/nahzh ah twah_. ---
**Author:** ![Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heffalump_and_roo/32/7691_2.png) [@Heffalump\_and\_Roo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heffalump_and_Roo)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/17 "2015-02-01T05:12:29Z")
Why those two choices? How about the classic ‘Oh, were you talking to me?’ or the ever-popular ‘I thought I heard something outside.’ ---
**Author:** ![dracoi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/90db22/32.png) [@dracoi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dracoi)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/18 "2015-02-01T05:45:01Z")
It’s rare that I don’t pay enough attention to be able to ask some question about the context. Frankly, I think both my wife and I are pretty good about actually listening to each other. But when I do miss something, I just back up to the last part of the conversation I was following. Or I’ll phrase it as a clarification of something. I’m terrible with names, so I can often use something like “Wait, is this the Linda from church or the Linda from work?” ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/19 "2015-02-01T06:16:54Z")
> [@thelurkinghorror](#): > > I suggest jamming a Twix in your mouth and mumbling _something_ around it. I’ve been known to answer “Mmm”. That comment can potentially cover a lot of ground. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2015, 6:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453/20 "2015-02-01T06:43:08Z")
Say “What?” or outrightly admit you weren’t listening. But here’s the important thing: Whenever she she tells a story about something or another, you must _always consistently do this._ This may get you into some agua caliente at first, but after a while she will come to expect it. That is the ideal state of affairs you are seeking to establish. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wife-said-something-but-i-wasnt-listening-what-should-i-say/711453.md?page=2)