# Wilderness advice you probably won't need. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 5, 2009, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017 "2009-04-05T00:38:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/21 "2009-04-06T22:29:11Z")
An electric eel can stop a humans heart. It won’t go below freezing if you see coffee bushes growing in the area you got lost in. Mud smeared in your hair, clothes and on bare skin will help keep biting flies from biting you. Some diseases can be passed on to you by eating infected humans. ---
**Author:** ![EmAnJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d2c977/32.png) [@EmAnJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EmAnJ)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/22 "2009-04-06T22:59:35Z")
If you run into a bear, don’t climb up a tree. If it’s really pretty, brightly coloured, really ugly, or smells bad, leave it alone. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/23 "2009-04-06T23:30:44Z")
> [@Tully\_Mars](#): > > I learned a slightly different version of this: > > _**Read and yellow, > Kill a fellow.** > Read and black, > Venom lack._ > > And, I’ve actually had occasion to use it once. It was a king snake. So kingsnakes are all . . . Gryffindor? ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/24 "2009-04-07T00:48:17Z")
If it’s cold out and you’re lost, avoid getting wet. That’s all I got. So much for my girl scouting! I was also Queen of the Fire Starting–really just a junior pyromaniac. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/25 "2009-04-07T00:53:07Z")
If attacked by a grizzly bear, play dead. Frankly, if I run into a grizzly bear in the wilds of South Carolina, we have bigger problems than whether to run or play dead or hit it in the face. ---
**Author:** ![Rysdad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/7cd45c/32.png) [@Rysdad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rysdad)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/26 "2009-04-07T00:53:14Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > I’m able to light a fire with only a single gallon of gasoline and one cigarette lighter. And WHAT a fire! Ah, yes, the Fwoomph method, originally attempted by Hairless Hans Fwoomph in the late 19th century. It’s most amusing when attempted by two people. The first person applies a way-too-liberal amount of gasoline and then tells the second person (who hasn’t been paying attention) to light the fire. Close attention should be paid to the second individual. I, um, I mean he, may just set a new world’s record in the backward broad jump. ---
**Author:** ![Xema](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9de053/32.png) [@Xema](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xema)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/27 "2009-04-07T01:52:01Z")
> [@wunderkammer](#): > > Every time I try to remember one of these things, my mind edits out the relevant bits, and I start recalling plausible but terribly _wrong_ things. “The vessel with the pestle has the pellet with the poison; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/28 "2009-04-07T02:01:44Z")
> [@Xema](#): > > “The vessel with the pestle has the pellet with the poison; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true.” Right. But there’s been a change: they broke the chalice from the palace… The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon. The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true. ---
**Author:** ![wunderkammer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ed8c4c/32.png) [@wunderkammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wunderkammer)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/29 "2009-04-07T02:57:28Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > 'And this is my adventuring companion. My _girl_ adventuring companion. :smug: ’ (To be delivered in a T.S. Venture voice, I presume.) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/30 "2009-04-07T03:11:07Z")
> [@wunderkammer](#): > > (To be delivered in a T.S. Venture voice, I presume.) [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/IGPBRXKuoMc/hqdefault.jpg "Citibank Identity Theft - Computer Geek") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGPBRXKuoMc) Right around 10-15 second point. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/31 "2009-04-07T03:16:09Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I’m unlikely to be in an area within the range of coral snakes, so being able to tell the difference between one and a king snake or milk snake is probably not something that will come in handy to me. We have those here. Could come in handy, if there were only some practical way to remember which is which. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/32 "2009-04-07T03:25:32Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > We have those here. Could come in handy, if there were only some practical way to remember which is which. Run away from all snakes. Can’t go wrong. ---
**Author:** ![wunderkammer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ed8c4c/32.png) [@wunderkammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wunderkammer)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/33 "2009-04-07T03:58:44Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGPBRXKuoMc](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IGPBRXKuoMc) > > Right around 10-15 second point. > > 😉 Same thing in spirit, really. Either, of course, will be followed by a horrible mishap. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/34 "2009-04-07T08:01:33Z")
> [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](#): > > Run away from all snakes. Can’t go wrong. Well, you can run into another snake, no? This noon when going out for lunch I saw some kind of vine viper, about 1.2 meters long. Looking at me, wrapped around a fence post by the side of the road. Last month, after leaving the office late I saw a large snake on my way out, 3 meters at least sprawled across the back road. It looked like a spitting cobra, but I didn’t want to hang around to make sure so walked around it keeping 3 or so meters between us. As long as you keep a safe distance from a snake you shouldn’t have any problems, they are not likely to come after you… unless you are sleeping out in the boonies and one decides to get in bed with you for some warm and coziness. ---
**Author:** ![not\_austin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c68b51/32.png) [@not\_austin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/not_austin)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/35 "2009-04-07T09:14:15Z")
> [@Kaboodle](#): > > I learned this a different way that takes less than an hour. Find the straightest stick you can. It doesn’t have to be that long. Anytime the sun is up jab the stick in the ground pointing directly at the sun. You’ll have it right when the stick leaves little or no shadow. In a short time a shadow will appear. No matter the time of day that shadow will always point east. 90[sup]o[/sup] counter-clockwise is north. > > Sure, it’s not going to be exact but I think it will get as close as the method you described and it’s a lot faster. Even easier, if you are wearing a watch… point the hour hand at the sun. Halfway between the hour hand and the 12 is due south. rotate 180 degrees for north.\* \*Also remember to correct for daylight saving time. May not work for digital watches. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 10:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/36 "2009-04-07T10:53:24Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Right. But there’s been a change: they broke the chalice from the palace… The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon. The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true. Does having dinner with the Borgias qualify as ‘wilderness survival’? ---
**Author:** ![sciguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e68b1a/32.png) [@sciguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sciguy)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/37 "2009-04-07T15:22:32Z")
> [@EmAnJ](#): > > If you run into a bear, don’t climb up a tree. Ok, I can’t remember any advise that’s actually useful, but on the topic of bears… To identify a bear, piss it off then climb a tree. If it climbs up after you, it’s a black bear. If it knocks the tree down it’s a grizzly. On second thought, maybe you should avoid pissing off bears. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/38 "2009-04-07T16:52:08Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Right. But there’s been a change: they broke the chalice from the palace… The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon. The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true. Danny Kaye’s expression when he repeats “They _broke_ the chalice from the palace?” is worth the price of admission. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/LS75NtlH3gI/hqdefault.jpg "The Court Jester - The Pellet With The Poison") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS75NtlH3gI) Back to your regularly scheduled thread. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/39 "2009-04-07T18:26:25Z")
I believe in protective coloration. Thus I will not insult the mama of anything that looks like a coral snake. I wouldn’t be right.😉 ---
**Author:** ![emmaliminal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emmaliminal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emmaliminal)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017/40 "2009-04-07T18:45:27Z")
I offer this one to all of you men. It’s conceivable that it’s advice I’d need, but you won’t. If you are menstruating in the backcountry, treat your used hygienic supplies as you do food: wrap tightly in sealable bags and hoist in your bear-proof container up a tree. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wilderness-advice-you-probably-wont-need/492017.md?page=3)