# Wildly unsuitable songs for striptease acts. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 15, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608 "2004-01-15T17:30:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2004, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/101 "2004-01-16T21:47:32Z")
Hmm, how about; Taps (the Millitary “Time for go to bed” song, also used in funerals) (yes, i know, i’m evil 😉 ) your country’s national anthem (in my case “The Star Spangled Banner”) ---
**Author:** ![koeeoaddi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/koeeoaddi/32/408_2.png) [@koeeoaddi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/koeeoaddi)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2004, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/102 "2004-01-16T22:10:09Z")
My Boy Lollipop by Little Millie Small :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Interrobang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/interrobang/32/17463_2.png) [@Interrobang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Interrobang)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/103 "2004-01-16T22:49:59Z")
**"Abraham, Martin and John"** by Dion. Hell, by anybody that’s done the song. After seeing some of the responses to this thread, if I do come up with a sequel, it’ll probably be something like “Oddly suitable songs for striptease acts.” Because weird as they may be, some of these suggestions would be pretty interesting to see. But not “Abraham, Martin and John.” ---
**Author:** ![Shadowman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f475e1/32.png) [@Shadowman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowman)\ **Post date:** [January 16, 2004, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/104 "2004-01-16T23:48:40Z")
Ohhh! How about “One Tin Solider” by Coven (The theme to the movie "Billy Jack). Undanceable _and_ solem. _Listen children to a story,_ _that was written long ago…_ ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/105 "2004-01-17T00:47:10Z")
_Silent Night/6:00 News_ by Simon and Garfunkel, from the _Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme_ album. Or, from the same album, _Scarborough Fair/Canticle_, _A Simple Desultory Philippic_, or _Patterns_. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/106 "2004-01-17T01:09:19Z")
Ohio: Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Mrs. Robinson would be very … fitting and yet very strange. “God bless you please Mrs. Robinson, Heaven holds a place for those who pray…” and away those clothes go… The Hokey Pokey would be utterly bizarre Yesterday would be really weird When I’m 64 would be … something. I’m not sure what, exactly. ---
**Author:** ![Ruffian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/71e660/32.png) [@Ruffian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruffian)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/107 "2004-01-17T02:08:43Z")
I can say I’ve actually seen one of the worst song selections in action. While at Spearmint Rhino, miss naked lovely had removed all her stringy barely-garments and was writhing around on the floor…to Linkin Park’s “Crawling.” As she spreads her legs wide to show off her bits, we hear… “Crawling in my skin…these wounds they will not heal…” Now, every time I hear that song, I think of a diseased stripper. Yummy. (BTW…I called a local radio show with this story and won a DVD set. One DJ’s comment was, “Oh, you don’t want wounds in any stripper song…then you’re thinking PUSS-y instead of something else…”) ---
**Author:** ![snafiasco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/85e7bf/32.png) [@snafiasco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snafiasco)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/108 "2004-01-17T03:16:41Z")
Them dogs barkin’ “Jingle Bells.” ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/109 "2004-01-17T03:53:05Z")
_God Is Watching us (From a Distance)_ _One_, by Metallica. ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/110 "2004-01-17T03:56:31Z")
Err, the first one is an old gospel song, covered by some 80’s pop star whose name escapes me. 'Tho a version by Metallica would certainly be interesting 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Watcher\_of\_the\_Skies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/45deac/32.png) [@Watcher\_of\_the\_Skies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Watcher_of_the_Skies)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/111 "2004-01-17T16:10:00Z")
What a fun thread this is. There’s an amazing amount of crossover between the songs mentioned here and on the recent thread of worst songs ever. Here’s a few more you might hope never to hear in a strip club: Doobie Brothers - Jesus is Just Allright Janet Jackson - Let’s Wait Awhile Chris Rea - Tell Me There’s a Heaven They Might Be Giants - Birdhouse in Your Soul Bloodrock - DOA Flatt & Scruggs - Foggy Mountain Breakdown Steely Dan - Cousin Dupree Janis Ian - Society’s Child Jackson Browne - Linda Paloma Joni Mitchell - The Circle Game I might have to disagree on Billy Paul - Me and Mrs. Jones; this might actually work well as a stripper song. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/112 "2004-01-17T21:40:22Z")
> [@Diceman](#): > > Err, the first one is an old gospel song, covered by some 80’s pop star whose name escapes me. Bette Midler, I believe. Barber’s _Adagio for Strings_ would be pretty surreal. ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/113 "2004-01-17T21:41:20Z")
“Too Old to Cut the Mustard” - Ernest Tubb, among others. _Done got too old Done got too old He’s too old to cut the mustard anymore_. Seems like a bit of a moodkiller. “Gonna Buy Me a Dog” and “Auntie Grizelda” - the Monkees “It Can’t Happen Here” - Frank Zappa “The Big Squeeze” - FZ “What’s the Ugliest Part Of Your Body?” - FZ “Let’s Make the Water Turn Black” - FZ “Take Your Clothes Off When YOu Dance” (surprisingly) - FZ and plenty of other FZ tunes But I could see “Jesus is Just Alright” (Doobie Bros., the Byrds, or even the DC Talk versions), “Roundabout”, and even some Neil Young songs working (like “Tonight’s the Night”, “Like a Hurricane”, or “Sleeps with Angels”). I’m strangely gratified to hear that **Thea Logica** has danced to “The Chipmunk Song”, and disappointed I missed it as well. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Shadowman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f475e1/32.png) [@Shadowman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowman)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/114 "2004-01-17T21:48:55Z")
I think “Let’s Wait Awhile” might work. (It is technically a strip _tease_ after all.) As for Steely Dan songs, I don’t know if “Hey Nineteen” would be ironic fun or just too much truth to handle. ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/115 "2004-01-17T22:10:36Z")
Anything by Syd Barrett or the early Pink Floyd. Dark Globe would be hilariously awkward. See Emily Play might work though… ---
**Author:** ![II\_Gyan\_II](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bbe5ce/32.png) [@II\_Gyan\_II](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/II_Gyan_II)\ **Post date:** [January 17, 2004, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/116 "2004-01-17T22:50:04Z")
_Who let the dogs out_ ---
**Author:** ![peritrochoid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/c68b51/32.png) [@peritrochoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peritrochoid)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2004, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/117 "2004-01-18T00:06:03Z")
_Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver_ by Primus. _Detachable Penis_ by King Missile. Anything by Enya, Wilson Phillips, or Amy Grant. Incidentally, one of the sexiest (and most appropriate) songs I ever heard at a club was _Red Light Special_ by TLC. ---
**Author:** ![HDS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/bb73d2/32.png) [@HDS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HDS)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2004, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/118 "2004-01-18T00:49:51Z")
_If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life_ _Never make a pretty woman your wife_ _From my personal point of view_ _Get an ugly girl to marry you_ Complete with, “hey, I saw your wife the other day - she uggggg-leeeeeeeee!” ---
**Author:** ![Spavined\_Gelding](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/958977/32.png) [@Spavined\_Gelding](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spavined_Gelding)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2004, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/119 "2004-01-18T01:00:17Z")
This line make me wonder if the _Edmund Fitzgerald_ could be made to work: As the big freighters go she was bigger than most With a crew and a Captain well seasoned My own vote is for Stan Roger’s _Barrett’s Privateers_ with this stanza (or something like this): Our cracked four pounders made a terrible din, But with one fat ball the Yank stove us in, The Antelope shook and pitched on he side And Barrette was smashed like a bowl of eggs And the main truck carried off both my legs’ God damn them all. ---
**Author:** ![Zigarre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/bbce88/32.png) [@Zigarre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zigarre)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2004, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/120 "2004-01-18T03:56:05Z")
Tiptoe Through the Tulips - Tiny Tim singing of course. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608.md?page=7)