# Wildly unsuitable songs for striptease acts. **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 15, 2004, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608 "2004-01-15T17:30:20Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![BurnMeUp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/91b2a8/32.png) [@BurnMeUp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BurnMeUp)\ **Post date:** [January 24, 2004, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/141 "2004-01-24T23:57:44Z")
Just thought of another one… Forggy Went a Courtin’ ---
**Author:** ![Cryhavoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Cryhavoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cryhavoc)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2004, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/142 "2004-01-25T02:15:39Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > _Amazing Grace_. > > The bagpipe version. > > Regards, > Shodan I have just finished reading a book where the stripper not only stripped to the bagpipe version of ‘Amazing Grace,’ she played the bagpipes for the first part of her act: MOURNING SHIFT (A Tory Bauer Mystery) by Kathleen Taylor. It had quite an interesting effect on the other characters in the story. Cryhavoc ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2004, 4:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/143 "2004-01-25T04:48:49Z")
“Don’t Worry, Be Happy” ---
**Author:** ![Israfel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/87869e/32.png) [@Israfel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Israfel)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2004, 6:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/144 "2004-01-25T06:36:28Z")
Schoenberg- Pierrot Lunaire Rich Mullens- “Awesome God” Lou Reed- Metal Machine Music ---
**Author:** ![Lamia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Lamia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lamia)\ **Post date:** [January 25, 2004, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/145 "2004-01-25T08:17:14Z")
> [@Thea Logica](#): > > And “Suffragette City” once netted me a $5 tip. An excellent choice for a stripping song, if I may say so. However, I think some of Bowie’s other tunes…like, say, “The Laughing Gnome”…would be rather less good. Other strong contenders in the unsuitability category include Leonard Cohen’s “Death of a Ladies Man” and Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy”. ---
**Author:** ![inkleberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@inkleberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inkleberry)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2004, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/146 "2004-01-26T17:13:13Z")
“Okie from Muskokie”- just very wrong “Polly” by Nirvana “Yoda” by Weird Al Ophelia > [@Interrobang!?](#): > > Sometimes songs just seem destined for heavy rotation in strip clubs. Kelis’ new single “Milkshake,” for example (“My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard…”) has probably already provided the sonic backdrop for thousands of panty shuckings and topless shimmies. > > I imagine _most_ popular or semi-popular or even obscure pop/rock/hip-hop songs will work pretty well for contemporary ecdysiasts. They don’t have to sport in-your-face (or in-your-ear) sex – they’ve just got to provide a suitable backdrop for an attractive person to do her or his thing. Either they’ve got hot lyrics, a danceable beat or both. > > Yet there are songs that I imagine would make horrible backdrops for striptease performances. They’re not just not sexy – they’d be anti-sexy. (Note: I do not have extensive strip club experience. I could be wrong. Maybe anything’s sexy if there’s a naked chick (or guy) involved.) > > Some candidates: > > **"Yellow Submarine," by the Beatles.** Simply absurd. And basically a kid’s song. > > **"The Gift," by Velvet Underground.** There are unlikely candidates in the Velvets’ catalog, but really, I can envision a funky routine done to something like “Sister Ray.” But this spoken tale of a man who mails himself to his girlfriend is a little too mellow and a little too weird to be very effective. > > **"Luka," by Suzanne Vega.** It’s not exactly a shake-your-rump sorta song – and it’s about child abuse! > > There have to be other, better, more ludicrous examples than these. Bonus points if it was a really popular song. > > And I’d love to hear from anyone who’s danced or seen someone dance to something really unlikely – especially if they pulled it off. ---
**Author:** ![G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c67d28/32.png) [@G.B.H.Hornswoggler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G.B.H.Hornswoggler)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2004, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/147 "2004-01-26T18:33:25Z")
Since practically every song that has been mentioned as completely unsuitable seems to have been used by some stripper, I thought I’d create some unsuitable and bizarre scenarios. I wouldn’t be surprised if any of these have happened, but I haven’t witnessed any of them (though some would be fun…and others would be apalling). Nick Cave’s **The Mercy Seat** , either as a lap dance or (for bonus points) on stage, with the dancer using a chair as a prop. Fishbone’s **Lyin’ Ass Bitch** , probably dedicated to some other dancer in the establishment. (Leading to a cat-fight, I expect.) Hell, as long as we’re doing Fishbone, I’d love to see someone try to shake it to **It’s a Wonderful Life (Gonna Have a Good Time)**. The lyrics are pretty inappropriate, and it has a tempo like a frog on a hotplate. Aimee Mann has probably never done a song that’s danceable, but I’d vote **Wise Up** as her least stripper-friendly tune. Even for a slow floor number, it’s way too quiet and slow. Maybe it could work for Mindy, the Clinically Depressed Ecdysiast. And how about a two-girl act, coming out in a pantomime horse costume, to America’s **Horse With No Name**? Bob Dylan’s as bad for stripping to as Neil Young, but how about **Subterranean Homesick Blues** , as performed by a woman in bell-bottoms, dashiki and granny glasses? (not for long, of course) I’m surprised no one has mentioned The Boomtown Rats’ **I Don’t Like Mondays** yet – it’s very depressing, probably undanceable, and is about a young woman deciding to kill a whole lot of people… I could see a stripper using some of Bruce Springsteen’s songs – **I’m Goin’ Down** is pretty obvious – but how about doing **Johnny 99** in a fake prison outfit? Pink Floyd’s early long space-rock songs could be good for some of the more theatrical strippers (the kind with lots of dry ice, occasional live animals, and more props than you can shimmy a hip at). But I still think **One of These Days** would be a mood-killer. In the category of You Could Dance To It, But You Wouldn’t _Want_ To, I give you **In The Coliseum** by Tom Waits. The opening lines are “The women all control the men/With razors and with wrists…” And, finally, They Might Be Giants have been mentioned, but I would _love_ to see a good act built around their live version of **Why Does The Sun Shine? (The Sun Is A Mass of Incandescent Gas)** ---
**Author:** ![twit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@twit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twit)\ **Post date:** [January 26, 2004, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/148 "2004-01-26T19:12:32Z")
The Fat Albert theme song 😃 ---
**Author:** ![blasphmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@blasphmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blasphmer)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/149 "2004-01-27T03:53:36Z")
> [@monica](#): > > The Pepto Bismo song! But Alka Seltzer would be naughtily appropriate… _Plop Plop_ _Fizz Fizz_ _Oh! Whata Relief it Is_ ---
**Author:** ![inkleberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f17d59/32.png) [@inkleberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inkleberry)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/150 "2004-01-27T13:50:34Z")
That is an astoundingly horrible visual. You are a bad man. Go sit in the corner. ---
**Author:** ![Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ccd318/32.png) [@Paul\_in\_Qatar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paul_in_Qatar)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2004, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/151 "2004-01-27T14:39:23Z")
Mr. Blue Sky beat me to it… **D.O.A** by Bloodrock. (Shiver) ---
**Author:** ![blasphmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@blasphmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blasphmer)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2004, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/152 "2004-01-28T04:01:11Z")
> [@inkleberry](#): > > That is an astoundingly horrible visual. > You are a bad man. Go sit in the corner. Can I get a spanking by the blonde on stage since i’m such a _naughty_ boy??? ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2004, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/153 "2004-01-28T04:52:42Z")
Oh man … everybody’s taking my ideas. Time to scrape the bottom of the barrel. Bread, _It Donesn’t Matter to Me_. Hell, anything by Bread. Carpenters - _Only Yesterday_ Rush - _Tom Sawyer_ Styx - _Mister Roboto_ Blue Oyster Cult - _Godzilla_ Pat Benatar - _Sex as a Weapon_ Rush - _The Trees_ Ted Nugent - _Fred Bear_ Johnny Casg - _A Boy Named Sue_. Hell, anything by Johnny Cash. Yes - _Starship Trooper_ ---
**Author:** ![Cryhavoc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c89c15/32.png) [@Cryhavoc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cryhavoc)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2004, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/154 "2004-01-28T05:08:27Z")
Has anyone listed “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult or The Theme from “The Twilight Zone?” ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9a140/32.png) [@Miss\_Purl\_McKnittington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Purl_McKnittington)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2004, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/155 "2004-01-28T05:24:39Z")
Having just added a ton of Jesus Christ Superstar music to my playlist, I have to say that most of those songs would be quite bizarre, especially “I Don’t Know How to Love Him”, “Everything’s Alright”, and “Simon Zealotes”. From “Simon Zealotes”: “Jesus, I am with you! Touch me, touch me, Jesus! Jesus, I am at your side! Kiss me, kiss me, Jesus!” Oh, and “The Temple”: “See my skin, I’m a mass of blood.” “See my tongue, I can hardly speak.” Admittedly, at the beginning of the song, Jesus is driving the moneylenders from the temple, along with some stripper-y looking girls. Looking at the rest of my playlist, I think “Excitable Boy” by Warren Zevon would be just . . . strange. “He took little Suzie to the junior prom. Excitable boy, they all said. And he raped her and killed her and then he took her home. Excitable boy, they all said . . . and he dug up her grave and filled a cage with her bones. He’s just an excitable boy.” “Lawyers, Guns, & Money” by Warren Zevon would plenty strange, too. “I went home with a waitress, the way I always do. How was I to know, she was with the Russians too?” “Send lawyers, guns, and money. The shit has hit the fan.” It just wouldn’t go over well with the conspiracists in the audience. Travelin’ Wilburies . . . creepy. “Ape Man” by The Kinks would be riotously funny, though. “I’ll be your Tarzan, you’ll be my Jane. I’ll keep you warm, and you’ll keep me sane. Sit in the trees and eat bananas all day . . .” ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2004, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/156 "2004-01-28T05:33:31Z")
A few more. Patti Smith - _Rock ‘n’ Roll Nigger_ Oingo Boingo - _Dead Man’s Party_ Led Zeppelin - _Immigrant song_ John Denver - _Rocky Mountain High_. Unless it’s a strip joint on Colorado Avenue in Glendale. 😃 John Walsh - _Turn to Stone_ Lita Ford - _Only Women Bleed_ Black Sabbath - _Iron Man_ Iron Maiden - _Run to the Hills_ Finally, a song I’m very surprised nobody mentioned. Lynyrd Skynyrd - _That Smell_ ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2004, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/157 "2004-01-28T12:20:52Z")
> [@elmwood](#): > > Lynyrd Skynyrd - _That Smell_ … ad whit that, I have killed the thread! ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2004, 12:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/158 "2004-01-28T12:28:03Z")
> [@Cryhavoc](#): > > The Theme from “The Twilight Zone?” This would work really well if she had an extra nipple or something. ---
**Author:** ![blasphmer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6de8d8/32.png) [@blasphmer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blasphmer)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/159 "2004-01-29T03:45:56Z")
> [@lillalette](#): > > From “Simon Zealotes”: “Jesus, I am with you! Touch me, touch me, Jesus! Jesus, I am at your side! Kiss me, kiss me, Jesus!” However the equivalent _Rocky Horror_ Toucha-Toucha-Touch Me song would work nicely. _I was feeling done in Didn’t know where to goo I’d only ever kissed before (y’mean she’s a , uh-huh) Now all i want to know is how to go i’ve tasted blood and i want more_ more more more … \*it’s cherry blood, not period blood for those going ewww right now. ---
**Author:** ![NDP](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ndp/32/55_2.png) [@NDP](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NDP)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2004, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608/160 "2004-01-29T04:36:39Z")
> [@](#): > > Has anyone listed > “Don’t Fear the Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult… ? I don’t know about that. It might work if something was added like more…oh…let me think of it… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wildly-unsuitable-songs-for-striptease-acts/224608.md?page=9)