# Will a regular person with a chainsaw kill a charging Grizzly bear? Who wins and dies? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 23, 2023, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524 "2023-03-23T00:40:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/41 "2023-03-23T16:11:19Z")
As for cocaine or rabies, it’s not needed. A mama grizzly protecting her cub grizzlies provides good motivation. What about chainsaws with long blades? Would that only delay the inevitable end? ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/42 "2023-03-23T16:40:30Z")
> [@Tibby](#): > > The mouse got the best of me that day. But next time, I will be better prepared, with a rigid stick, instead of a bendable twig! Maybe use an inanimate carbon rod. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/43 "2023-03-23T16:44:50Z")
Everyone is so quick to resort to violence when dealing with our fine furry friends. But, there is another way. A better way. _Reason_. Oh sure, Grizzly bears don’t understand human language very well, but you can reason with them through _body_ language. I have a theory that bears respond favorably to positive human body language and can be placated with it effectively. I want to test this theory and write a paper on the results. Regretfully, due to my allergy to bear dander, I can’t be a subject in this test. So, I must appeal to one of you fine folks to be my test subject. You will be identified by named in my paper as your reward. **Subjects:** You and a 10’ tall, 1000lb male Grizzly Bear **Test:** You will provoke the bear to charge you by throwing rocks at his head and blowing raspberries in his direction. When the bear gallops to within 3’ of you, you must shrug your shoulders and put on a sad face. Then you will scratch him behind the ear with your left hand, while handing him a carrot stick with your right hand as a peace offering (bears prefer carrots over meat, I’ve been told). **Hypothesis:** I believe the bear will shrug back at you, nod his head in approval, and retreat from whence he came. Who wants to volunteer? ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/44 "2023-03-23T16:44:53Z")
> [@Hampshire](#): > > I know we covered this in another thread involving knives, put does the person gain an advantage if they pass the chainsaw back and forth between hands? Definitely, and even more if you can do this: [![](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4903bc69bba5355f7225c01aa5a1fda8/tumblr_nupri0eJyW1rc7zl1o2_400.gif) ](https://64.media.tumblr.com/4903bc69bba5355f7225c01aa5a1fda8/tumblr_nupri0eJyW1rc7zl1o2_400.gif) What could go wrong? Stranger ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/45 "2023-03-23T16:55:09Z")
THAT is a backyard barbecue I want to be invited to! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/46 "2023-03-23T17:00:49Z")
That is a backyard barbecue I want to observe from a safe distance. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/47 "2023-03-23T17:04:00Z")
You don’t need a chainsaw, just a good fighting technique and a bit of creative trickery. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/gP92j-uEnps/hqdefault.jpg "John West - Bear (2000, UK)") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gP92j-uEnps) But if you do insist on using a chainsaw, here is some useful advice. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/COlgpvb7ggY/maxresdefault.jpg "The Chainsaw is the Worst Horror Movie Weapon of ALL TIME") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COlgpvb7ggY) ---
**Author:** ![Crane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crane/32/3495_2.png) [@Crane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crane)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/48 "2023-03-23T17:05:42Z")
I’m still working on ‘a regular person with chain saw’. Is that the regular person they talk about in jury trials? ---
**Author:** ![snowthx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snowthx/32/10660_2.png) [@snowthx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snowthx)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/49 "2023-03-23T17:12:02Z")
> [@engineer\_comp\_geek](#): > > You don’t need a chainsaw, just a good fighting technique and a bit of creative trickery. I can’t stop watching that, and laughing out loud! ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/50 "2023-03-23T17:19:36Z")
Timothy Treadwell tried the reasoning approach. It didn’t end too well for him. Or his girlfriend. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/untexWMZKOI/maxresdefault.jpg "Grizzly Bear Horribly Mauled Timothy Treadwell Alive On Camera") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=untexWMZKOI) ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/51 "2023-03-23T17:26:47Z")
Yes, I remember how (on Letterman?) he said that he wouldn’t mind if a hungry bear ate him, because it needed the food. But when he started being eaten by a hungry bear, suddenly he felt less charitable. ---
**Author:** ![Cardigan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardigan/32/187_2.png) [@Cardigan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cardigan)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/52 "2023-03-23T17:32:33Z")
My money is on the bear. Anyone know if there’s a way you can get in on that action on Fanduel or Draft Kings? ---
**Author:** ![crazyjoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f14d63/32.png) [@crazyjoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/crazyjoe)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/53 "2023-03-23T17:36:42Z")
So, if we’re talking about a normal person…this person has never used a chainsaw to attack another animal, only trees. In contrast, the bear has regular experience killing other animals, even ones who have developed evolutionary defenses against bears (these advantages mostly consist of “being able to outrun a bear and hide from it”). I’d say the bear has a much better shot. Next time, maybe go with a flamethrower. ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/54 "2023-03-23T17:37:36Z")
Maybe his screams were screams of joy and happiness? ---
**Author:** ![Bullitt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bullitt/32/5725_2.png) [@Bullitt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bullitt)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/55 "2023-03-23T17:38:16Z")
I’d try a flamethrower. BBQ! ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/56 "2023-03-23T17:49:20Z")
> [@Bullitt](#): > > Maybe his screams were screams of joy and happiness? Possibly. But I doubt that his exortations for his girlfriend to hit the bear with a frying pan were exortations to hit the bear with a frying pan of happiness. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/57 "2023-03-23T18:03:57Z")
Just give the bear the chainsaw and wait for it to hurt itself. Chainsaws are dangerous. But really, you’d better hope it’s just a fat dog. You could probably take a fat dog with a chainsaw. ---
**Author:** ![Darren\_Garrison](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/darren_garrison/32/92_2.png) [@Darren\_Garrison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darren_Garrison)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/58 "2023-03-23T18:13:12Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > You could probably take a fat dog with a chainsaw. Even during midterms? ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/59 "2023-03-23T18:16:06Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > And we haven’t even touched on how a constipated person with a chainsaw would fare. Whatta shitty comment. > [@Cardigan](#): > > My money is on the bear. Anyone know if there’s a way you can get in on that action on Fanduel or Draft Kings? Absolutely, but at 3-14 this past year, I’m going to put my money is on the [Norsemen](https://www.vikings.com/) > [@Bullitt](#): > > I’d try a flamethrower. BBQ! I loves me some good Bearbaque! ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2023, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524/60 "2023-03-23T18:54:21Z")
> [@Darren\_Garrison](#): > > Even during midterms? So long as no one realizes it’s a bear… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-a-regular-person-with-a-chainsaw-kill-a-charging-grizzly-bear-who-wins-and-dies/981524.md?page=4)