# Will Somebody Please Stop the Farting? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 11, 2002, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042 "2002-12-11T17:46:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Maeglin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Maeglin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maeglin)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/21 "2002-12-11T19:10:26Z")
Many years ago my grandfather had a large chunk of his innards removed due to esophageal cancer. For whatever reason this has left him with truly stupendous gas. About ten or twelve years ago, my brother and I were staying with my grandparents. We all crawled into bed to watch a movie, and my grandfather nodded off. Within minutes, my brother, grandmother, and myself were hooting with laughter and hastily ran out of the room. My grandpa had unleashed a half dozen depth charges. So, just like the very name of the movie we were watching, we were _Gone With the Wind_. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/22 "2002-12-11T19:14:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blowero \* > \*\*Hilarious post, and I’m with you on the elevator and train concepts, but I would think that if ever there were an appropriate place to fart, it WOULD be the restroom. Don’t you think pulling your rectum apart with your hands and farting into the (water-wasting) already flushing toilet is a tad (pardon the pun) _anal_? My God, she’s in the restroom; let the poor woman fart. I’d suggest a little encouragement as well, like “Wow, that was a good one!” \*\* I think if you’re IN THE STALL it’s more than appropriate. But standing around putting make up on and lettin’ 'em fly is just not…RIGHT somehow. Her’s is definitely the LEAST offensive of the three, but it just started a horrid horrid fart spiral that I couldn’t escape. J ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/23 "2002-12-11T19:14:17Z")
[Monty Python]I FART in your general direction![/Monty Python] Yes, I agree that farts from strangers are evil. On the other hand, I once drunkenly farted on the packaged beef in a grocery store, much to my companion’s amusement. The point of this? Hell, I dunno… I have also found farts to be a very good way of expressing displeasure or sarcastic disagreement. Seriously, what logical argument can refute a fart? And lighting farts! To make flame shoot out one’s ass! Tell me, what can be more disgustingly biologically amusing? fartingly yours, P.T. Smegma ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/24 "2002-12-11T19:16:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*all I’ll say is this. I farted on my dog yesterday and she got up, shook herself vigorously, and left the room for the remainder of the night. \*\* Damn… you win!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/25 "2002-12-11T19:19:27Z")
Sorry it took me awhile to sniff this one out. I’ve got a cold. > [@](#): > > Gently spread your asscheeks with your hands, opening the anal area, thus releasing a silent, non-giggle inducing fart, and here’s the most important part…INTO THE ALREADY FLUSHING TOILET. Don’t do it while you’re applying moss colored eyeliner at the vanity stand. Hey Zeus Crisco! Just which eye are you applying liner to? **jar** sweetie, you said “Learn from the master”. Will you please tell me [what](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=143292) I’m doing wrong when I try that manuver? ---
**Author:** ![AuntiePam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@AuntiePam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AuntiePam)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/26 "2002-12-11T19:23:30Z")
Farts can be controlled? You mean there are people who can CHOOSE the time and place? Not me. Not after hemorrhoid surgery. I even keep extra undies at work. (TMI I know, sorry.) Maybe when I was younger I could hold them in, but I’m approaching 60, and there are three things I’ve learned: 1. Never pass up a rest room 2. Never waste a hard on 3. Never trust a fart ---
**Author:** ![Amp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Amp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amp)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/27 "2002-12-11T19:24:50Z")
Words to live by. ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/22080_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/28 "2002-12-11T19:25:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SylverOne \* > \*\*\Meanwhile the cashier has also noticed that something’s not right in the state of Denmark, picks up the fryer chicken off the conveyor belt and say’s, “I think this is past it’s prime, I’ll have another one brought up.” \ \*\* How novel - instead of blaming the dog, you blame the chicken!! ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/29 "2002-12-11T19:29:42Z")
I think it was Billy Rubin maybe that told about how he was doing his Christmas shopping one year in a department store and he was walking over to the escalator and really had to shit and decided to let fly with some bad gas and as he got on the escalator he looked back to make sure no one was behind him and then leaned over and released the entire coop at once. All of a sudden somebody yells out “Jesus Christ, what in the hell do you think your doing?” He looks back and here’s some poor guy in a wheelchair right about butt high behind him who’s eyes are watering and looks absolutely pissed. What do you say? ---
**Author:** ![jesuslynch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e99b99/32.png) [@jesuslynch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jesuslynch)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/30 "2002-12-11T19:32:26Z")
The experiments with the brown noise are working. ---
**Author:** ![Skerri](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Skerri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skerri)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/31 "2002-12-11T19:33:34Z")
My god. **jarbabyj** , you owe me a box of tissues, as I have read this thread and laughed until I cried. That being said, I’m a girl who does not fart in front of anyone, no matter how close I am to them. My ass would explode before I would fart in front of someone. Now, stinking up my office by myself is another matter entirely. ---
**Author:** ![Earthworm\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/f07891/32.png) [@Earthworm\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Earthworm_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/32 "2002-12-11T19:35:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*What do you say? \*\* Fumigating. I took care of that infestation for you, sir. Be thankful we got to it this quickly. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/33 "2002-12-11T19:37:28Z")
“My ass would explode before I would fart in front of someone.” I thought that’s what a fart was. ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/34 "2002-12-11T19:44:05Z")
I think the worst farts I have smelled were in a gym. One day while it was crowded I went in for Leg day. Usually I have to wait in line to do squats since there is only one squat rack. When I went in, there was perhaps 20 people in the gym and nobody around. Yay! I walked right over there and discovered why nobody was doing squats. ☹ Somebody had relieved themselves of their egg/oatmeal/and protein shake breakfast. Ick. ---
**Author:** ![Glory](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/7cd45c/32.png) [@Glory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Glory)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/35 "2002-12-11T19:45:58Z")
Happened to me while Christmas shopping at the mall. There I was, browsing the Frank Lloyd Wright geegaws at the Museum Company when a middle aged man in a white sweatshirt and sunglasses attached to a string around his neck, walked by me and let loose a terribly LOUD fart. BRAAAAAAAAP. Then, he proceeded to stroll away. At least try for SBD, at least we can always blame a convenient chicken! ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/36 "2002-12-11T19:46:47Z")
Which brings up an issue that’s been nagging at the edges of my mind for years… Which term do you guys prefer: SBD (Silent But Deadly,) or the more poetically pleasing SBV (Silent But Violent)? I admit to having an attachment to the adolescent classicism of SBD, but really, the mellifluous sound of SBV just kinda rolls off the tongue (which is entirely another issue altogether.) 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 7:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/37 "2002-12-11T19:54:08Z")
Mine are never silent, so it’s moot. I can fart to rival a three hundred pound linebacker, or else it’s a little machine gun type. Bipbipbipbipbip ---
**Author:** ![Judith\_Prietht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b19c9b/32.png) [@Judith\_Prietht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Judith_Prietht)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/38 "2002-12-11T20:04:11Z")
There was workplace farting here yesterday, in the next cubicle. Resonant, throaty anal humming that punctuated the conversation, which carried on as if nothing happened. I think the accidental piss-farts (a small _pffft_ let loose while peeing) are kind of cute. When I talk to her on the phone, my sister has the habit of saying “Oh, hold on, I have an incoming call” and farts into the phone. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Lao](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2bfe46/32.png) [@Dr.Lao](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Lao)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/39 "2002-12-11T20:08:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Judith Prietht \* > \*\*When I talk to her on the phone, my sister has the habit of saying “Oh, hold on, I have an incoming call” and farts into the phone. \*\* Oh my God, that is hilarious. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Denis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5e9695/32.png) [@Denis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Denis)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/40 "2002-12-11T20:09:07Z")
To get the ULTIMATE FART SOUND[sup]tm[/sup] without electronic enhancement: Sit in a moist (wet, slightly used, etc) bathtub with the buttcheeks pressed **firmly** against the bottom of the tub. This will result in the monster, gurgly, loud, and reverbed-out fart. It will also result in Sweetums[sup]tm[/sup], aka P.T. Smegma, waking up and shrieking, “What the fuck!?! You pig!” And the added bonus of the other Sweetums[sup]tm[/sup] (aka, Mrs. Smegma. Yes. We reprduced. Run for the hills. This is your final warning.) bragging, “Uh huh, and I can make myself burp too!” All the while, Mrs. Smegma is giggling proudly; and evilly, I might add. Damn, **jar**! Why did you open such a traumatic subject for me?😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042.md?page=3)