# Will Somebody Please Stop the Farting? **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 11, 2002, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042 "2002-12-11T17:46:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/41 "2002-12-11T20:12:10Z")
Yeah, I’ve discovered that a Brazilian bikini wax just deprives you of any possibility for shooting a silent one. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/42 "2002-12-11T20:26:51Z")
Skerri, it looks like the two of us are the only ones who stifle in front of others. I wouldn’t fart in front of another person for $10. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/43 "2002-12-11T20:29:07Z")
No kidding? Interesting. A built-in muffler. I’m DEFINITELY going to work on using the “incoming call” technique. Good Lord, I’m laughing hysterically over this. Happy holidays _toot toot_ ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/44 "2002-12-11T20:30:15Z")
Cripes, if I farted in front of others for $10 a pop [typed “poop” first, and almost left it!] I’d be a very rich woman. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/45 "2002-12-11T20:40:19Z")
You went a week without posting, then dropped in to join this thread, eh **auntie em**. What does that say about you? ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/46 "2002-12-11T20:45:25Z")
Well, I don’t know, but it makes me think she’s my kinda gal!!! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/50afbb/32.png) [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/47 "2002-12-11T21:04:18Z")
OMG, _thank_ you for this thread. I spent _two hours_ last night sitting, literally, cheek by jowl with a Silent Smelly. It was the big Middle School Band and Orchestra concert, and EVERYBODY had to play at least two songs, and then the conductor had to get up and TALK interminably in between numbers (fundraising boosterism), and I was sitting next to somebody’s grandpa who didn’t seem to understand that the armrests on the seats are meant to be a tactful hint that there’s a difference between “your side” and “my side”, so it wasn’t bad enough I had his right elbow in my side the whole time, but every couple of minutes he’d let loose with a particularly pungent silent poot. Then he’d grunt and shift around, elbowing me again. Thank goodness I had taken a particularly interesting book with me, almost as an afterthought, it was a lifesaver. (No, they didn’t turn the auditorium lights down, because otherwise the parents couldn’t read, silly.) And now we know how much I must love my daughter, to sit through that. ---
**Author:** ![blanx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f04885/32.png) [@blanx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blanx)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/48 "2002-12-11T21:12:20Z")
And no one has mentioned the best part of sharing a bed with someone, the dreaded covered wagon (known by some as the dutch oven)? Rip one like it’s going out of style, and then pull the covers over your bed mate’s head so that they may fully experience your essence. Anyone else wonder why I’m single? At work, I like to wait until I must fart, and then go into someone else’s empty office, and drop the bomb on them. Just a little present while you were away. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/49 "2002-12-11T21:16:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homebrew \* > \*\*You went a week without posting, then dropped in to join this thread, eh **auntie em**. What does that say about you? \*\* For one thing, it says that I had Taco Bell Burritos for lunch. And we all know how _that_ tends to turn out… Ahem. Allow me to paraphrase, from a post dated 3-29-02: > [@](#): > > Usually in these cases I go for a bean burrito from Taco Bell, but WHEW! Yesterday I ate TWO of those bad boys for lunch, and by the time I got to the gym after work, I was The Walking Pootinator. Those poor saps on the row of treadmills behind mine are now blind and have no eyebrows. One woman passed out from the fumes, and her treadmill nearly sucked her hair off, but she was rescued by a Navy SEAL, God love his burly ass. As he was giving her mouth-to-mouth, I slunk out quietly, 10 minutes short of my full treadmill workout. It’s a blessing to be able to share these things with strangers. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/50 "2002-12-11T21:17:45Z")
This thread has been the most fun to read that I have run across in a long time. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Tansu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/67e7ee/32.png) [@Tansu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tansu)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/51 "2002-12-11T21:24:05Z")
I’ve had to come into the study because I was farting too much in the living room. Unfortunately, I’m guilty of farting while shopping. There’s something about Christmas shopping that makes me fart — strong, silent weapons of mass putrefaction. I have a policy of nonchalantly moving away from the fart zone, and hoping that everyone will blame the smell on some little old lady. Deep down, I fear that they all know it’s me. Look, everyone, let’s point and laugh at the stinky fart lady. Early mornings make me fart, too. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/52 "2002-12-11T21:24:06Z")
> [@](#): > > When I talk to her on the phone, my sister has the habit of saying “Oh, hold on, I have an incoming call” and farts into the phone. I am your sister! I do this ALL THE TIME! Even to my mother and grandma! I also catch farts in my hand and put them over my kids noses to make them gag. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/53 "2002-12-11T21:30:57Z")
Diane - you’re awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Siemsi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b19c9b/32.png) [@Siemsi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siemsi)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/54 "2002-12-11T21:41:58Z")
jarbabyj I’m laughing my ass off right now… Thank you for the post…I needed a deep giggle…😃 ---
**Author:** ![JRootabega](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e7dd6/32.png) [@JRootabega](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JRootabega)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/55 "2002-12-11T21:45:12Z")
Hang on… _leans to the left_ bbbRRRR_rrrdidyouseecharlieroselastnighhhhhhht_? There we go! ---
**Author:** ![unclviny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e274bd/32.png) [@unclviny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/unclviny)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/56 "2002-12-11T21:50:53Z")
There are some sick folks on the SDBM, bless you all (from a distance), JAR, you rock!. unclviny ---
**Author:** ![Judith\_Prietht](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b19c9b/32.png) [@Judith\_Prietht](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Judith_Prietht)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/57 "2002-12-11T21:54:04Z")
The best thing about the “incoming call” is that I fall for it every single time. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/58 "2002-12-11T21:59:22Z")
I think my favorite fart story is one that happened to my Dad. One day, he was at the grocery store, floated out a Category III nose-hair-curler, and proceeded to walk to the front of the store and get in line, thinking that he’d left it down the aisle. But no… instead, it followed him to the checkout, where it befouled the air, and caused this mother to start chewing out her son who was being toilet trained. “Bad boy! You know better than to poop in your pants! You don’t get to watch Barney when we get home!”. “Noooo! Mommy! I didn’t do it. I didn’t poop in my pants!” “You know better than to lie too!” So the whole time my Dad’s torn between saving this child from undeserved punishment, and admitting that he let loose with the offensive odor. Had my brother and I in tears when he told me this one! ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/59 "2002-12-11T22:01:55Z")
When my husband farts in his sleep, my dog will left her head up and narrow her eyes at him, distainfully. If it is particularly offensive / loud, she will get up and start barking at his ass. Once she growled. Not that she’s got a right to complain. Hers are always silent, but _awful_. -Velma, who does not fart in front of others. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2002, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042/60 "2002-12-11T22:05:02Z")
Along the line of **bump’s** mistaken farter experience: I was on a run with 2 guys. On the way out on the path, guy #1 was farting pretty good. Lots of little putt putts. Nobody said anything about it - it happens when you run, no biggie. On the way back to the finish, I let one rip. Guy #2 pipes up and says “Guy #1! Geez! What, did you have beans for lunch?” I debated for a second whether or not to fess up. I did, and we had a hearty laugh. We still chuckle over it every now & again… Good times, good times. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-somebody-please-stop-the-farting/142042.md?page=4)