# Will that be all, sir?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824
**Category:** The Game Room
**Created:** [April 25, 2008, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824 "2008-04-25T10:00:18Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/1 "2008-04-25T10:00:18Z")
Example (and not a great one, as it isn’t particularly subtle):
-A box of jam doughnuts
-A jar of raspberry jam
-A baker’s piping bag
_“Will that be all, sir?”_
- No, Actually, do you sell rat poison?
The object of this thread/game is to come up with a list of three items you might buy in any store of your choice. The three items themselves should be as innocent-seeming as possible, both individually and collectively.
The cashier then asks you “Will that be all, sir?”, and you respond with a request for one more item (or you request something non-physical, such as advice, directions, local information, etc) - this additional request should also be innocent and as subtle as possible, but should cast the purpose of your three initial items in a completely different, and deeply sinister light.
---
### Author:  [@xnylder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xnylder)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/2 "2008-04-25T14:12:13Z")
You mean, like going to your local superstore and purchasing:
- BBQ sauce,
- Dry rub marinade,
- And tongs,
Then asking for directions to the pet department?
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### Author:  [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/3 "2008-04-25T14:23:49Z")
Well, let’s get this out of the way:
- KY Jelly
- Wine
- Condoms
“Do you have a directory of local elementary schools?”
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/4 "2008-04-25T14:28:07Z")
Flashbulbs
Cell phone
Alligator clips
Will that be all, Sir?
Oh, where is the nearest gas station?
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### Author:  [@MadTheSwine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MadTheSwine)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 7:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/5 "2008-04-25T19:43:21Z")
Vaseline
Banana
Saran Wrap
Will that be all sir?
Can I use your bathroom?
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### Author:  [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/6 "2008-04-25T19:59:27Z")
I would like
[ul][li]A whoopie cushion [_]Sneezing powder [_]Fake plastic vomit[/ul][/li]Will that be all, sir?
Do you happen to know when the memorial service begins?
Regards,
Shodan
---
### Author:  [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/7 "2008-04-25T20:44:03Z")
Copy of house key
Sugar
Birdseed
Will that be all, sir?
Whose convertible is that out front?
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### Author:  [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/8 "2008-04-25T20:59:46Z")
Pepto Bismol
Underwear
Socks
You need to clean those toilets once in a while.
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### Author:  [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 9:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/9 "2008-04-25T21:14:43Z")
-Water Pistol
-Panty Hose
-Shaving Cream
Will that be all, sir?
-Can you direct me to your next nearest branch?
---
### Author:  [@NAF1138](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NAF1138)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/10 "2008-04-25T21:23:00Z")
[QUOTE=5-4-Fighting]
-Water Pistol
-Panty Hose
-Shaving Cream
Will that be all, sir?
-Can you direct me to your next nearest branch?
[/QUOTE]
I don’t have one, but I wanted to say this entry is freakin brilliant.
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### Author:  [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/11 "2008-04-25T21:34:34Z")
With apologies to Joel & Ethan Coen and Nicolas Cage:
Panty Hose
Huggies
Will that be all, sir?
Whatever cash you got.
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### Author:  [@Parthol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Parthol)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/12 "2008-04-25T21:44:02Z")
I would like to purchase:
- a black-and-white striped shirt
- a referee’s whistle
- a small yellow flag
_“Will that be all, sir?”_
Yes – could I get those gift-wrapped? It’s my marriage counselor’s birthday tomorrow.
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### Author:  [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)
#### Post date: [April 25, 2008, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/13 "2008-04-25T21:53:16Z")
[QUOTE=iamthewalrus(:3=]
Copy of house key
Sugar
Birdseed
Will that be all, sir?
Whose convertible is that out front?
[/QUOTE]
Excellent one!
---
### Author:  [@Trepa\_Mayfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trepa_Mayfield)
#### Post date: [April 26, 2008, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/14 "2008-04-26T21:43:43Z")
I’d like some
Hunting rifles
rope
and lumber
Will that be all, sir?
Um, how long does the Police Department usually take to respond to a call?
---
### Author:  [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)
#### Post date: [April 27, 2008, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/15 "2008-04-27T04:49:08Z")
[QUOTE=carnivorousplant]
Flashbulbs
Cell phone
Alligator clips\*
Will that be all, Sir?\*
Oh, where is the nearest gas station?
[/QUOTE]
Okay, what is this guy up to? I got all the others, but what’s HE doing?
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### Author:  [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)
#### Post date: [April 27, 2008, 5:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/16 "2008-04-27T05:39:35Z")
I need cleaning products.
And Windex.
I need blankets, I need comforters, I need quilts, I need bedspreads. The thicker the better, the darker the better. No whites, can’t use 'em.
Will that be all, sir?
How do I get to _Monster Joe’s Truck and Tow_ from here.
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### Author:  [@3waygeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/3waygeek)
#### Post date: [April 27, 2008, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/17 "2008-04-27T10:58:11Z")
[QUOTE=RoOsh]
Okay, what is this guy up to? I got all the others, but what’s HE doing?
[/QUOTE]
He’s planning to blow up the gas station, using the alligator clips to attach the flashbulb to the cellphone’s ringer, then drop the whole lot into the gas storage tank. When he or someone else calls the cell phone later, the flashbulb will go off, with explosive results.
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### Author:  [@carnivorousplant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnivorousplant)
#### Post date: [April 27, 2008, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/18 "2008-04-27T14:19:34Z")
[QUOTE=3waygeek]
He’s planning to blow up the gas station,
[/QUOTE]
Should’ve bought a gallon jug of water for the gas, but blowing up the whole gas station would indeed be cool. 🙂
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### Author:  [@Svejk\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Svejk_1)
#### Post date: [April 27, 2008, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/19 "2008-04-27T16:00:43Z")
[FOAMING AT THE MOUTH]
[QUOTE=Zeldar]
With apologies to Joel & Ethan Coen and Nicolas Cage:
[/QUOTE]
I don’t think that it is conceivable that someone would ever have to apologize for anything to Nicholas Cage. By all means, **Zeldar** , apologize to the Coen brothers, and apologize to us, for bringing up Cage’s name on this fine board. But no apologies to him.
[/FOAMING AT THE MOUTH]
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### Author:  [@chowder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chowder)
#### Post date: [April 27, 2008, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-that-be-all-sir/446824/20 "2008-04-27T16:18:52Z")
Some hair clippers
A cut-throat razor
And a comb.
Will that be all sir?
How do I get to the nearest monastery?
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