# Will You Virtually Marry Me? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 9, 2000, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271 "2000-10-09T15:23:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/41 "2000-10-09T20:06:42Z")
Crunchy, I’d love to. Screech-owl, thanks for being the maid of honor. I’ll send him over to do your dishes every once in a while. I’m so happy. I think I need a drink. ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/42 "2000-10-09T20:07:06Z")
You have virtual long way to go and you haven’t really gotten started yet. 1.0 You need sexually agressive virtual bridesmaids for the virtual male ushers to conduct virtual affairs with. 2.0 You need a virtual hotel with a large virtual ballroom for the virtual reception and to provide a place for the virtual affairs to take place. 3.0 Your virtual best man has to arrange your virtual bachelor party and the virtual bridesmaids have to arrange a virtual bachelorette (sp?) party. ---
**Author:** ![Shadowfox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Shadowfox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shadowfox)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/43 "2000-10-09T20:13:54Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kvallulf \* > \*\*Does it have to be tear gas though? And if you’re gonna fight with a 3rd cousin, may I suggest it be my cousin Dana? I never really liked that fat bitch anyway. \*\* Hey now! I resemble that remark! I had the perfect wedding gift set out for you, but not anymore. I’ll just have to find another use for this virtual Blow-Up Sassy with Magic Vibrating Pussy (hmmm…maybe I should give it to the best man instead) ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/44 "2000-10-09T20:15:30Z")
Sorry **screech-owl** , but this line sold me: “we can set up some blacklights, cover ourselves in laundry detergent, roll around the room & see what we can make glow.” Besides you’re an owl, I’m a frog. How long would the relationship last before you decide to eat me - and I do not mean that in a sexual way. So **Jester** - you still wanna be my best man? I need a bachelor party. Anyone want to volunteer to be groomsmen? I have to go home in about an hour, so the actual virtual wedding can’t take place for a day or so. ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/45 "2000-10-09T20:17:19Z")
Screech-owl, you can wear whatever you want as my virtual maid of honor. If you choose well you may find a dishwasher yet. 😉 Anything involving a corset usually works for me. ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/46 "2000-10-09T20:18:12Z")
Ooh! Ooh! I’ll be a bridesmaid! Just let me know where I fill in and who to hit on. =\> ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/47 "2000-10-09T20:20:30Z")
\*\*::screams:: FROG!! YOU HAVE A BRIDE ALREADY? ::sobs:: I’m NEVER going to get married \*\* …Look. I have something in my favor, I’m a minor. Does being in a relationship with a _younger girl_ turn you on, 'cause I’m going to exploit this if it does. 🙂 Anyway. Even if you don’t marry me, I still have my other man…[http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=795096#post795096](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?postid=795096#post795096) Keep on trucking, Froggie. We’ll always have the SD Message Board. ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/48 "2000-10-09T20:29:11Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Shadowfox \* \*\* > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Kvallulf \* > > \*\*Does it have to be tear gas though? And if you’re gonna fight with a 3rd cousin, may I suggest it be my cousin Dana? I never really liked that fat bitch anyway. \*\* > > Hey now! I resemble that remark! I had the perfect wedding gift set out for you, but not anymore. I’ll just have to find another use for this virtual Blow-Up Sassy with Magic Vibrating Pussy (hmmm…maybe I should give it to the best man instead) > > \*\* Good!!! Your the one I get to blame for some incident no one else in the family can recall, except for you and I of course!!! I think it was when you pushed me in the mud at the reunion of 1984, so dumped the punchbowl on you. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/49 "2000-10-09T20:35:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kvallulf \* > \*\*Can I be the virtual forgotten relative that you see only once every ten years that happens to show up at the reception and drink loads of beer, gets in a fight with your 3rd cousin, and then causes a riot when he sets of a teargas grenade on the dance floor? \*\* Can I be your aging biker-chick girlfriend who shows up already drunk wearing a cropped leather vest that shows much more flesh than anyone wants to see and ultimately pukes loudly in the parking lot? I have a “dusky rose” bridesmaid’s dress anyone can borrow. It has a fishtail butt rather than a bow-butt, and I’m never going to fit MY butt back into it again. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/50 "2000-10-09T20:48:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoggie \* > **…Look. I have something in my favor, I’m a minor.** That’s _in your favor_? With whom? I’m 27, and as I’ve stated in another thread today, I have a phobia of being someone’s prison bitch. > [@](#): > > \*\*Anyway. Even if you don’t marry me, I still have my other man… \*\* You little trollop! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/51 "2000-10-09T21:19:27Z")
A band, eh? Well, you could hire the #straightdope Chat Band. (Ummm, we need to change the name. 🙂 ) The members are Drain Bead (singer), silent\_rob (bass), and Silver Fire (Hey! That’s me! lead guitar, singer). We don’t have a drummer yet. Anyone? ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/52 "2000-10-09T21:21:01Z")
I would be honored to be a bridesmaid. I have extensive experience. I can also read any syrupy, devotional passages that you want. I’ve got experience with that also. I can cry on cue. I will not trip, walk ahead of the groomsman, faint, giggle or try to look better than the bride (like I could do that, ha.) I will volunteer to T.P. the car and don’t mind if someone else catches the flowers. Just don’t make me do the guestbook. Please. (I know the Bunny-Hop. I’m not proud of that, but I can do it.) ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/53 "2000-10-09T21:40:56Z")
Struuter - find a stripper for the bachlorette party & your on the team. ---
**Author:** ![Kvallulf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@Kvallulf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kvallulf)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/54 "2000-10-09T21:43:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by InternetLegend \* > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Kvallulf \* > > \*\*Can I be the virtual forgotten relative that you see only once every ten years that happens to show up at the reception and drink loads of beer, gets in a fight with your 3rd cousin, and then causes a riot when he sets of a teargas grenade on the dance floor? \*\* > > Can I be your aging biker-chick girlfriend who shows up already drunk wearing a cropped leather vest that shows much more flesh than anyone wants to see and ultimately pukes loudly in the parking lot? > > I have a “dusky rose” bridesmaid’s dress anyone can borrow. It has a fishtail butt rather than a bow-butt, and I’m never going to fit MY butt back into it again. \*\* Anytime!!! ---
**Author:** ![Spider\_Woman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cdc98d/32.png) [@Spider\_Woman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spider_Woman)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/55 "2000-10-09T22:11:58Z")
I want to be the drummer; but I don’t chat. Does that matter? I could play four different percussion instruments, one with each pair of legs, and I know enough to keep the para-diddles in the background (and tne boom cha chas) unless it is a drum solo (I hate it when you can’t hear the rest of the band for the drums). -----😛 —////\\ ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/56 "2000-10-09T22:12:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \*\*That’s _in your favor_? With whom? I’m 27, and as I’ve stated in another thread today, I have a phobia of being someone’s prison bitch. > You little trollop! 😉 \*\* You don’t know exactly how old I am just yet. And besides. I wouldn’t tell, Frog. _I promise_. The only thing you’re in danger of is getting beaten up by Gunslinger because he would look good wearing a holster with two guns. Yep. I’m a trollop all right. Hey i can put that in my sig line, that you called me one. Hehehe. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/57 "2000-10-09T22:37:51Z")
I have devised my plan. I’m going to seduce you the night before your wedding. If that doesn’t work, I’m going to then enter the church/wherever dressed in white lingerie and roses entwined through my shoulder length black hair (overlooking the fact that IRL my hair is barely chin length). If the seduction through some miracle does work I’m going to do it anyway. Plus I’ll be carrying a baby of undetermined species at the moment, and will beg you to reconsider leaving me to support it. And if I’m in the mood, perhaps i’ll go down on you while the priest is saying your vows. My wedding gift will be either a blender or a batman cape. Mebbe both. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2000, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/58 "2000-10-09T23:26:59Z")
Okey dokey, I’ve got the bachelor party all nice and set up. Crunchy, I hope you like hard liquor, cause the shop was having a two-for-one-sale. Now, I’d have it at the hotel down the street, but they won’t even let me in after “the incident.” What’s “the incident,” you ask? Well, let’s just say that you can rest assured that this’ll be the absolute bitchinest bachelor party around. So bitchin, in fact, that the only place I could find to hold all the strippers, booze, people, and other crap is an emptied out airline hanger. Hmmmmmmmmmm…wonder what we can use those jet engines for… ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/59 "2000-10-10T00:59:22Z")
A priest do you have? Wed you I can, indeed, very well. If not, a photographer I will be. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/60 "2000-10-10T01:09:42Z")
Speaker for the Dead! You’ll have to be a thirteen year old male priest. (Yes i found that out from the VVC thread. I talk all about you there.) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271.md?page=4)