# Will You Virtually Marry Me? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 9, 2000, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271 "2000-10-09T15:23:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/61 "2000-10-10T01:10:08Z")
Speaker for the Dead! You’ll have to be a thirteen year old male priest. (Yes i found that out from the VVC thread. I talk all about you there.) Maybe i’ll have to seduce the priest next? ::purrs silkily:: ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/62 "2000-10-10T03:57:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Spider Woman \* > \*\*I want to be the drummer; but I don’t chat. Does that matter? > \*\* Nope. Welcome to the band, Spider Woman! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/63 "2000-10-10T05:09:53Z")
Actually, Uncle Beer is going to be the priest. We’re still looking for groomsmen (you’ll have to see Ron about that), a flower girl, some bridesmaids, an organist, a florist, a caterer, … Speaker, consider yourself the photographer. ---
**Author:** ![struuter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b9e5f3/32.png) [@struuter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/struuter)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/64 "2000-10-10T13:35:59Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by little_bit \* > \*\*Struuter - find a stripper for the bachlorette party & your on the team. \*\* Good gravy…an actual excuse to look for a man to take off his clothes for me. Ahem, I mean ‘us.’ So…guys? Anybody want the honor? You’ll have a very attentive audience, I can promise you. I’m sure–since this is virtual–that I’ll pay you well. Anybody? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/65 "2000-10-10T13:39:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zoggie \* > \*\*You don’t know exactly how old I am just yet. \*\* Well, when you say you’re a _minor_, that pretty much sends off the warning sirens. So is your definition of minor someone under 18 or someone who isn’t old enough to legally drink? ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/66 "2000-10-10T13:59:56Z")
I think this is a current list of everyone’s involvment in the wedding. If I’ve missed someone, please let me know. Agisofia - mother of the bride Andygirl - lesbian therapist Deb2world - disapproving neighbor Duke - Reader/Groomsman? Eve – Wedding Interrupter Hypergirl - bridesmaid (fishnets) Inky- - ring bearer InternetLegend – Kvallulf’s drunk, leather-clad, biker girlfriend Jack Batty - drunk who gets thrown out Jester – Best man Kvallulf - drunk who fights with family members LasarusLong42 - bridesman (in dress) LaurAnge - Bridesmaid Lnix - slutty cousin Screech-owl - maid of honor Silo - rice thrower Speaker for the Dead – Photographer Struuter – bridesmaid/stripper getter THespos - perverted groomsman Ultress – Wedding Singer Uncle Beer - preacher Zoggie – trollop Reception Band: Drain Bead: Singer Silent\_Rob – Bass Silver Fire - Lead guitar, singer Spider Woman - Drummer ---
**Author:** ![nadin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/46a35a/32.png) [@nadin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nadin)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/67 "2000-10-10T14:05:03Z")
… so please can I come? Please, pretty pretty please. As your virtual guest I promise to: 1. Cry on command 2. Tearfully exclaim how lovely the bride is 3. Not out shine the bride 4. Catch the bouquet 5. Dance with several men at the reception who I’ve never met in my life 6. Kiss several men I’ve never met in my life at the reception. 7. Get suitable drunk and be involved in an amusing incident which will be brought up at every reunion. I shall be wearing a lovely backless red dress, slit to my thigh and red stilletos and a matching jacket for the actual ceremony. I’ll bring a lovely wedding present, a coffee machine, or no wait, an ice cream machine. Nah, even better, I’ll pay for a week in Italy where you can have both.(Good job this isn’t IRL). I’ll help the bride get ready and lend her a beautiful diamond necklace so she has something borrowed to wear and provide her with the hangover cure she needs from her hen night. So pleeeeeaasseee. Can I come? ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/68 "2000-10-10T14:09:06Z")
When did UncleBeer agree to be a preacher? Don’t you know that our very own **Eutychus55** actually is [an ordained minister](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=35763)? So **Jester** where and when is this bachelor party and who’s showing up besides you and me? ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/69 "2000-10-10T14:20:31Z")
Yesterday I put up an announcement thread telling all of those MPSIMS broads that you were off the market & basically begging for bridesmaids. [Crunchy Frog is Getting Married…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=41613) It’s now locked. Uncle Beer begged to be the preacher. PS. I’m also a registered minister in the Universal Life Church. ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/70 "2000-10-10T14:24:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by nadin \* > \*\*… so please can I come? Please, pretty pretty please. > \ > So pleeeeeaasseee. Can I come? > \*\* nadin - If you want, you can be _in_ the wedding. I have unlimited space for bridesmaids. If you’d just like to be a guest that’s fine. I’ll aim for you with the bouquet. ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/71 "2000-10-10T14:46:15Z")
Well, I’m just about to start the bachelor party thread, just give me a few minutes. As to who’s showing up? Well, that’s a very good question. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/72 "2000-10-10T15:11:35Z")
Ok, if UncleBeer wants to perform the ceremony, that’s cool with me. And I say let him write the virtual vows. From the looks of his post over there he’s already planning something malicious for it. ---
**Author:** ![A\_girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c68b51/32.png) [@A\_girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A_girl)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/73 "2000-10-10T15:48:40Z")
Has a bride been found? 🙂 A girl ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/74 "2000-10-10T15:57:44Z")
Sorry **A Girl** , I am now betrothed to **little\*bit**. Where were you yesterday? ☹ ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/75 "2000-10-10T16:45:43Z")
Crunchy, don’t make me go back to your bachelor party & ruin it. I would prefer if you didn’t sound so heartbroken that I won. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/76 "2000-10-10T16:58:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Shadowfox \*I’ll just have to find another use for this virtual Blow-Up Sassy with Magic Vibrating Pussy (hmmm…maybe I should give it to the best man instead) I beg your pardon? I’ve been called magic, but never virtual… ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/77 "2000-10-10T17:06:54Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by little_bit \* > \*\*Crunchy, don’t make me go back to your bachelor party & ruin it. > I would prefer if you didn’t sound so heartbroken that I won. 😉 \*\* No no, that’s not what I meant at all. The sad face is because I feel sad for **A Girl** because um . . . she seemed sad about . . . um, not being a bride and I’m um, I’m . . . Oh, I know! I’m such a sensitive soul that I felt bad too. That smiley face she posted is just to hide the pain. Really. I’m going to back slowly out of the room now. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/78 "2000-10-10T17:12:03Z")
I think y’all need a belly dancer for the entertainment at the wedding! (It’s a tradition in the middle east - fertility rights, eh 😉 ) And I’ll forget to safety pin the back of my bra, so the hook will go out at a critical point in the performance and I’ll finish the show holding my arms over my chest! ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/79 "2000-10-10T17:21:49Z")
Zyada, perhaps you could be of assistance in Crunchy’s stag party. I hear they’re having trouble finding strippers. If you forget the pin, perhaps they’d be just as happy with a belly dancer… ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2000, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/80 "2000-10-10T18:20:37Z")
Hey **little\*bit** can I hang out at your party? Mine’s kinda dead. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271.md?page=5)