# Will You Virtually Marry Me? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 9, 2000, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271 "2000-10-09T15:23:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/101 "2000-10-12T16:02:52Z")
Sunday sounds good to me. I hope everyone in the wedding party can make it. (or we could just run off to Vegas & have Elvis perform the ceremony :)) ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/102 "2000-10-12T17:30:50Z")
Congrats on the virtual marriage, you two silly kids! I’ve been busy & sick, so I haven’t had much chance to put in my two cents here, but can I be the crafty aunt who always makes the most charming little handmade gifts? I’ll also be more than happy to make some little crocheted handbags that match the bridesmaid’s gowns, just big enough to carry a lipstick and some Kleenex. At the reception, I’ll also encourage everyone to actually use the little disposable cameras that you’ll put on the table for the fun candid shots (you _did_ remember the cameras, didn’t you, dearies?), and I’ll lead everyone in the Conga Line, the Macarena, the Hokey-Pokey, the Chicken Dance, and all the assorted Line Dances. ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/103 "2000-10-12T17:37:14Z")
Persephone - Who’s aunt would you like to be? I’ll just make note of it on my wedding page (check my home page below). ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/104 "2000-10-12T17:54:55Z")
Oh, I’ll just be that Generic Aunt, you know? The really, really nice lady that everyone has known for so long that they all just call her “Aunt.” I’ll also: Find UncleBeer’s officiation highly amusing Carry an extra blanket to cover Zyada’s chest when her top falls off during her belly dancing Be the Designated Driver at the Bachelorette Party Keep an eye on Inky when he starts darting under the tables at the reception Give agisofia medicine when she develops a migraine after she realizes that there is nothing she can do to prevent the wedding I also have a word of advice for the two of you. Don’t have sex on the night of the wedding. I know, you’ll want to. But you’ll be so tired out from the festivities that all you’ll really end up doing is sleeping. Just get up in the morning, brush your teeth (or not, that’s up to you), and _then_ hump like wild bunnies on speed. Just trust me on this one. It’s better when you’re rested. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/105 "2000-10-12T18:57:16Z")
From **little\*bit’s** wedding site - “I managed to win a virtual proposal of marriage from **Crunch Frog** while he was giddy from lack of sleep.” You know, I don’t expect much from a virtual fiance, but she could at least get my name right. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/106 "2000-10-12T19:52:27Z")
Crunchy Frog, I am soooo sorry. I can only say that when I copied everything to Microsoft Word while rebuilding the site (it kept erasing things) it spellchecked the “y” right off of you. Good thing it can’t randomly drop dangly things off of you in real life. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/107 "2000-10-12T20:36:45Z")
Hey, y’all! Can I hold the shotgun? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2000, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/108 "2000-10-13T02:26:53Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by little_bit \* > \*\*Sunday sounds good to me. I hope everyone in the wedding party can make it. (or we could just run off to Vegas & have Elvis perform the ceremony :)) \*\* Oh but you’d disapoint the Straight Dopers. The born romantic in us all. Hehe… Another thing. Do we have enough screaming kids, and a sobbing young woman? Oh, and a girl who says to her boyfriend “So, Ezra, LittleBit is getting married…Hint hint.” And a boyfriend who says “Um…soon, Mildred.” Oh and can I bring a Saint Bernard who wants to help but ends up getting in the way? This wedding shall be a scream. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2000, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/109 "2000-10-17T18:08:48Z")
**little\*bit** and **UncleBeer**! Where are you? Sunday’s come and gone and I’m still virtually a bachelor. ☹ Now there’s more wedding threads popping up! So when would be a good time for this? I’ll be around today till 4:00pm central time, and again on Wednesday and Thursday. I’m driving to Kentucky on Friday for four days to volunteer in a haunted forest we do down there every year (proceeds go to charity). I may be able to check in every now and then while I’m down there, but can’t guarantee anything. And where’s my stripper mistess? ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/110 "2000-10-18T00:48:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Crunchy Frog \* > \ ***_little_bit** and **UncleBeer**! > > Where are you? > > Sunday’s come and gone and I’m still virtually a bachelor. ☹ Now there’s more wedding threads popping up! So when would be a good time for this? I’ll be around today till 4:00pm central time, and again on Wednesday and Thursday. I’m driving to Kentucky on Friday for four days to volunteer in a haunted forest we do down there every year (proceeds go to charity). I may be able to check in every now and then while I’m down there, but can’t guarantee anything. > > And where’s my stripper mistess? \*\* Are you a virtual virgin too? ---
**Author:** ![screech-owl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/82dd89/32.png) [@screech-owl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/screech-owl)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/111 "2000-10-18T02:25:00Z")
Hello?..lo?..lo?.. Anyone here?..ere?..ere?.. Well, crunchy, if you still want to stop by and help with the dishes, your second choice is still here. ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/112 "2000-10-18T03:06:22Z")
I think there might be too many posts in too many different threads about this. Let’s try tomorrow. I will check in as often as possible without getting fired. This whole work thing seems to be putting a hitch in getting hitched. Please let me know if we will be getting married in this thread or a new one. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/113 "2000-10-18T14:31:46Z")
Let’s just go ahead and do it in this thread, no point in starting a new one and everyone’s here already. We can open a new one for the Virtual Honeymoon Thread (nudge nudge, wink wink) ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/114 "2000-10-18T14:55:19Z")
OK. Here I am. White dress, lots of flowers. Let’s do this. I’m anxious to get to the honeymoon. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/115 "2000-10-18T15:02:41Z")
So where’s UncleBeer? I was looking forward to seeing what kind of officiating he had planned ofr this. ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/116 "2000-10-18T16:51:29Z")
Dearly deranged, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of our beloved … whoops! Wrong officiating boilerplate. I hate it when I do that. Sorry. Okay, from the top … Dearly deranged, we are gathered here today to consummate (that’s right, we’re all going to consummate this wedding, who’s first?) the unholy union of Little_Bit and Crunchy Frog. (Little_Bit, you do realize you’re going to be known as Little\*Frog now, don’t you?) This lovely couple has expressed their virtual love in the most unfathomable fashions. This is neither the time nor the place to describe them; I’ll leave it to your imaginations. Anywhoo, this is where I normally ask for those with reservations on this union to speak up, but since I’ve heard what these two have been up to, we’ll just dispense with that tripe. There’s no way anybody could keep them apart anyway. Let neither man nor beast render asunder what Cecil has wrought. I proclaim this union shall stand the test of balky 'net connections, faulty keyboards, brownouts, and wayward mice. Not even the vile ogre Bill Gates and his next version of Windows® shall come between these two. Little\*Bit, will you take CrunchyFrog to be your virtual mate, to have and to hump, in dry seasons and wet, in ponds and in lakes, through battering and deep fat frying, with and without tartar sauce, forever and a day? Hmmm, what’s that? Yes, you say? All righty then. CrunchyFrog, will you take Little\*Bit to be your virtual mate, to have and to hump, in dry seasons and wet, in ponds and in lakes, through battering and deep fat frying, with and without tartar sauce, forever and a day? Huh? Ribbit? I guess I can accept that. By the powers vested in my through the emperor Ed Zotti, I now pronounce you, tadpole and amphibian. You may kiss the bride. ---
**Author:** ![Crunchy\_Frog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ebca7d/32.png) [@Crunchy\_Frog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crunchy_Frog)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/117 "2000-10-18T16:56:04Z")
LOL! Thanks **UncleBeer**. Guess I have to change my sig line now from “virtually engaged” to “virtually married” ---
**Author:** ![little\_bit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@little\_bit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/little_bit)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/118 "2000-10-18T16:57:28Z")
Damn, now I’ve gotten all teary-eyed & the adhesive from my Tammy Fay eyelashes is coming loose. This is very happiest post. (Will I get warts on my lip from kissing Crunchy?) ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2000, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/119 "2000-10-18T17:06:15Z")
Warts? I dunno, but I can guarantee he ain’t going to turn into Prince Charming. ---
**Author:** ![Freudian\_Slit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/5daacb/32.png) [@Freudian\_Slit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freudian_Slit)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2000, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271/120 "2000-10-19T01:17:52Z")
Aww, I’m so happy for you guys. ::sniff:: Always a bridesmaid, never a bride- well actually, never a bridesmaid either… I got you a present! ::hands Crunchy and Lil a box:: Inside… ::a gleaming silver toaster…with the mark of the beast…:: I figure, a virtual wedding, you buy an evil toaster…may your toast and pop tarts always be sinister. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/will-you-virtually-marry-me/36271.md?page=7)