# Wish I knew why my tween daughter is mad at me **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 13, 2013, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233 "2013-02-13T23:41:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![boozilu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4da419/32.png) [@boozilu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/boozilu)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2013, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/1 "2013-02-13T23:41:41Z")
Is this how it’s going to be for the next ten years? Me: Are you mad? What’s wrong? Tween: Hrumph Me: ??? Me: Can you at least eat some breakfast? Tween: The only thing I want is something you won’t let me have. Me: Tell me what it is – maybe I will. Tween: NO YOU WON’T. Chances are she’ll be all sweetness and light for a few days and then it will start again. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2013, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/2 "2013-02-13T23:47:30Z")
She’s a tween. That’s why. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [February 13, 2013, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/3 "2013-02-13T23:48:04Z")
Bless your heart. Did you keep the receipt, or is it too late to sell her back to the gypsies? Seriously, I wish I’d known what part hormones would play in my life before my period started just before age 13. Angry - don’t know why. Can’t think clearly - don’t know why. Can’t sleep well - don’t know why. I was not a pleasant person to be around until about 18-19 when they got all evened out, so to speak, w/ the Pill. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/4 "2013-02-14T00:05:22Z")
> [@boozilu](#): > > Is this how it’s going to be for the next ten years? > > Me: Are you mad? What’s wrong? > Tween: Hrumph > Me: ??? > Me: Can you at least eat some breakfast? > Tween: The only thing I want is something you won’t let me have. > Me: Tell me what it is – maybe I will. > Tween: NO YOU WON’T. > > Chances are she’ll be all sweetness and light for a few days and then it will start again. It does get better. I’ve gotten along so much better with both my daughters since they moved out of state. ---
**Author:** ![Amateur\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/59ef9b/32.png) [@Amateur\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amateur_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/5 "2013-02-14T00:17:36Z")
Because \*\*she \*\*is a **tween**. Don’t take it personally; watch for the serious stuff and let the rest roll on by. I’m doing that with my last XX of four, turning 13 next month. ---
**Author:** ![carnut](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnut/32/3531_2.png) [@carnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carnut)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/6 "2013-02-14T00:30:21Z")
Really, it is because she is a tween and knows everything, even if you don’t. Like, okay? Geez, but you embarrass her, and in public too! My mother once stated there is no one more knowledgeable and irritating than a 13-year-old girl or an 18-year-old boy. She was spot on-the-money with that observation. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/7 "2013-02-14T01:22:55Z")
It’s hilarious that you think there’s a reason. 🙂 What blows my mind is that it will pass. My sister and grandmother hated each other for about 5 years - they came to blows at the dinner table once. This despite the fact that my grandmother raised 7 girls prior to taking us in, so she had loads of experience long before dealing with my sister. In the last years of her life, my grandmother had no more devoted caretaker than my sister, and my aunts _adored_ that old woman. I remain amazed to this day - even if I’d ever thought my sister could be that giving to another human, I would never have believed it would be our grandmother. She actually moved back home! (I’m the “good” one and I once told her I’d live in a box on lower Wacker before I lived with her again.) TThat’s all I got. Hang in there, and the woman you meet on the other side will appreciate you more than you thought possible. ---
**Author:** ![GuanoLad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guanolad/32/42_2.png) [@GuanoLad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GuanoLad)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/8 "2013-02-14T02:02:37Z")
I’m going to guess that it’s something to do with Justin Bieber, or whoever is nipping at his heels as the new sensation. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/9 "2013-02-14T02:08:10Z")
> [@boozilu](#): > > Is this how it’s going to be for the next ten years? > > Me: Are you mad? What’s wrong? > Tween: Hrumph > Me: ??? > Me: Can you at least eat some breakfast? > Tween: The only thing I want is something you won’t let me have. > Me: Tell me what it is – maybe I will. > Tween: NO YOU WON’T. > > Chances are she’ll be all sweetness and light for a few days and then it will start again. As my mother said of me at that age, “Her body and brain are at war, and her mouth’s getting caught in the crossfire.” (Of course, the fact that she really was a significant chunk of my troubles, what with being a violent alcoholic, was not deemed relevant.) ---
**Author:** ![Magicicada](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c67d28/32.png) [@Magicicada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magicicada)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/10 "2013-02-14T02:15:18Z")
> [@GuanoLad](#): > > I’m going to guess that it’s something to do with Justin Bieber, or whoever is nipping at his heels as the new sensation. I was thinking the same thing!😛 Damn my mom for not letting me move to Scotland and live with The Bay City Rollers. Damn her, damn her. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/11 "2013-02-14T02:24:48Z")
I had the bestest most wonderful Mommy in the whole world. Until I turned 12. Then she was just this ginormous embarassment. She got pretty cool about 5 years later and has remained that for the next 25 years. I apologize to her frequently for putting her through the years 1981-1986. I don’t understand either, now from this distance, but I was an irrational bundle of hormones back then, and she was just going… whaaaa? What happened to my daughter. ---
**Author:** ![InternetLegend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/internetlegend/32/13154_2.png) [@InternetLegend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/InternetLegend)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/12 "2013-02-14T03:13:54Z")
Try to rise above it. Disengage in a neutral way when she gets this way, as though it has nothing to do with you. Chances are it really doesn’t. Whatever you do, DO NOT get sucked into the tween drama. That’s a no-win situation. ---
**Author:** ![Hedda\_Rosa](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hedda_rosa/32/1204_2.png) [@Hedda\_Rosa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hedda_Rosa)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/13 "2013-02-14T04:34:41Z")
I own a tween daughter too. I try mightily to remind myself that when she was irrational and impossible at 2 I didn’t blame her or expect her to pull it together at my command, because she was two. (And lets not even mention the horror that is age 3.) I just bit my tongue, helped her to an age appropriate resolution and chalked it up to her age. I try to do the same thing now. Just because nowadays the “irrational and impossible” isn’t because I poured her milk when she wanted her cereal dry, but is because I won’t buy her the shoes she wants, doesn’t mean I get to be pissy and exasperated instead of patient with her. I just bite my tongue, help her to an age appropriate resolution and chalk it up to her age. Of course now I can also fantasize about boarding school, which takes away some of the sting. Hang in there, it’ll be better in 3 to 5 years, right? Right?? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 5:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/14 "2013-02-14T05:04:01Z")
[The Onion - Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Her Eyes and Texting, To Be Euthanized.](http://www.theonion.com/video/braindead-teen-only-capable-of-rolling-eyes-and-te,27225/) I think you may relate. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/15 "2013-02-14T06:47:42Z")
> [@](#): > > Is this how it’s going to be for the next ten years? Oh, it’ll probably be only 5 years or so. It’ll just SEEM like ten years. At least. ---
**Author:** ![Indian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@Indian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indian)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/16 "2013-02-14T07:25:29Z")
OP, What were your tween years like? Do you see anything similar? ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/17 "2013-02-14T08:57:23Z")
My tween this morning: her (kid whose privacy I always respect but who generally tells me way TMI anyway): I don’t want to go to school today and see the person I hate more than anyone! me: Aww, who is it that you don’t want to see? her: I don’t have to tell you! Um okay. Don’t tell me then, little fruitcake. ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/18 "2013-02-14T11:51:30Z")
Pick your battles. I vaguely recall being a teen and having mood swings. I’m not sure it is something that is controllable. My teens are generally pleasant and reasonable. If I find then grouchy without reason, I just give them a wide berth until it passes. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/19 "2013-02-14T13:42:10Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > My tween this morning: > > her (kid whose privacy I always respect but who generally tells me way TMI anyway): I don’t want to go to school today and see the person I hate more than anyone! > > me: Aww, who is it that you don’t want to see? > > her: I don’t have to tell you! > > Um okay. Don’t tell me then, little fruitcake. That means it’s not you - rejoice! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/20 "2013-02-14T13:59:54Z")
> [@carnut](#): > > Really, it is because she is a tween and knows everything, even if you don’t. Yup, the older she gets the smarter you will get. 😉 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233.md?page=2)