# Wish I knew why my tween daughter is mad at me **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 13, 2013, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233 "2013-02-13T23:41:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mines\_Mystique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d26b3c/32.png) [@Mines\_Mystique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mines_Mystique)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/21 "2013-02-14T14:02:38Z")
Is this what I have to look forward to in 10 years or so? My daughters are currently 3 and a half, 2, and -2 weeks or so (my wife is pregnant with our third girl). ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/22 "2013-02-14T14:07:57Z")
Well, she still mad? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/23 "2013-02-14T14:08:36Z")
> [@Hedda\_Rosa](#): > > I own a tween daughter too. I try mightily to remind myself that when she was irrational and impossible at 2 I didn’t blame her or expect her to pull it together at my command, because she was two. And she’s actually irrational and impossible for very similar reasons: when you’re 2 and when you’re 12, there’s a sudden realization that you are not an extension of your parents. You are, in fact, a separate human being who can make the world react to you, and sometimes it reacts in ways you don’t like. So they swing between “Get away from me, I can do it myself!” and “Waaaah, that didn’t work out like I’d hoped! Help meeeeeeee!” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/24 "2013-02-14T15:42:18Z")
> [@boozilu](#): > > Is this how it’s going to be for the next ten years? > > Me: Are you mad? What’s wrong? > Tween: Hrumph > Me: ??? > Me: Can you at least eat some breakfast? > Tween: The only thing I want is something you won’t let me have. “Oh, I am about to let you have something. Trust me.” ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/25 "2013-02-14T15:57:45Z")
> [@Cinnamon\_Imp](#): > > That means it’s not you - rejoice! 😉 Haha, true. At least not for the moment. I’m sure it will be my turn again soon. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 4:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/26 "2013-02-14T16:04:54Z")
Aww, this OP makes me sad a little bit, and makes me feel bad about what a hellacious seaward I was to my mom when I was a kid. Dude, seriously, it’s because she’s a tween. I HATED my mom when I was 12. Oh god, she was worse than Hitler. Don’t try to rationalize hormonal children and as long as she does her homework, you’re good. She’ll like you again in 10 years. That seems far away, but before long, you’ll go back to being her hero. I know my mom’s mine. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/27 "2013-02-14T17:40:41Z")
A buddy of mine went to a seminar with a school psychologist called how to deal with your tween or something like that. What he took away was: If your tween was an adult she would be considered mentally ill. I liked that, helped put things into perspective. ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/28 "2013-02-14T17:52:33Z")
> [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](#): > > I had the bestest most wonderful Mommy in the whole world. > Until I turned 12. Then she was just this ginormous embarassment. And that was the age where my mom started hissing, “I hope you have 10 just like you!” (Heh - and now she probably wonders why I don’t have any!) ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/29 "2013-02-14T18:02:44Z")
> [@Mines\_Mystique](#): > > Is this what I have to look forward to in 10 years or so? My daughters are currently 3 and a half, 2, and -2 weeks or so (my wife is pregnant with our third girl). Yes, yes it is. My 3 daughters are 12, 10 & 8, so two of them are right in the tween stage. A few years ago, when they were 4, 6, & 10, I was talking to a coworker with a newborn & a toddler, and I said something like “I’m just glad I’m finally done with the diaper stage.” Right now, I’d take the diapers back in a heartbeat. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/30 "2013-02-14T20:04:29Z")
> [@Mines\_Mystique](#): > > Is this what I have to look forward to in 10 years or so? My daughters are currently 3 and a half, 2, and -2 weeks or so (my wife is pregnant with our third girl). Not necessarily but yes, it’s likely to happen. In Spain we call it _la edad del pavo_, “the age of conceit”. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/31 "2013-02-14T20:50:44Z")
Our daughter is 11 and she’s been taking fish oil for about a year now. It helps. ---
**Author:** ![Gleena](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b3f665/32.png) [@Gleena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gleena)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/32 "2013-02-14T20:58:30Z")
> [@Hedda\_Rosa](#): > > Of course now I can also fantasize about boarding school, which takes away some of the sting. > > Hang in there, it’ll be better in 3 to 5 years, right? Right?? Hahahaha, sorry to kill your boarding school fantasy, but it doesn’t help. It just means you get to do the same level of drama over the phone and when it’s holiday time, you get it in such concentrated doses that you wish you had spread it out over the period of the semester. Oh and Facebook. Let’s not forget Facebook. _sigh_ ---
**Author:** ![Toxgoddess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f08c70/32.png) [@Toxgoddess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Toxgoddess)\ **Post date:** [February 14, 2013, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/33 "2013-02-14T23:30:20Z")
There are days when the only thing that will get my 14-year-old to be civil to me is the threat of losing her cell phone if she doesn’t dial back the snark. That usually works. Temporarily. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/34 "2013-02-15T00:17:33Z")
One way to punish a teen girl is to threaten to remove her bedroom door. Usually this is enough to get her to be a little less aggressive, since she doesn’t want to have to change clothes and primp in the bathroom. But remember, this is the nuclear option, and if you threaten to do it, you need to follow through with it. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Woo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/7c8e57/32.png) [@Dr.Woo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Woo)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2013, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/35 "2013-02-15T23:56:28Z")
My mother was starting menopause when I was starting puberty. It was _excruciating_ for everyone involved. I still remember the rage I felt over the restrictions on the length of my skirts and other stupid stuff like iridescent blue eye makeup. Eventually though the hormones stopped playing ping pong with my brain and by the time I was a young adult my parents were once again wonderful, intelligent people whose company I enjoyed and whose advice I sought. I think that’s about the best you can hope for. ---
**Author:** ![FarmChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8c91f0/32.png) [@FarmChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FarmChick)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/36 "2013-02-16T03:11:02Z")
I only have boys, but I’ve been told to brace myself because teenage boys are terrible. Supposedly they get better about the time they move away. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/37 "2013-02-16T03:14:52Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > She’s a tween. That’s why. She’s a SHE and a tween. Even worse. 🙂 This too shall pass. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 6:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/38 "2013-02-16T06:51:13Z")
> [@boozilu](#): > > Me: Can you at least eat some breakfast? > Tween: The only thing I want is something you won’t let me have. > Me: Tell me what it is – maybe I will. > Tween: NO YOU WON’T. This is driving me mad…mad, I tell you! You have to have some kind of clue! Was she talking about a forbidden breakfast food like Cherry Garcia ice cream, or bacon, or was she extrapolating her snit to something like $400 Justin Bieber Meet and Greet tickets or some trashy pair of leggings from one of the junior ho stores? C’mon…give us your best guess! And my daughter, who was a handful as a sweet little girl and then made my life a living hell from ages twelve through eighteen, is now my best friend and calls me daily to apologize, as her almost 2-year-old drives her nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Steophan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steophan/32/9595_2.png) [@Steophan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steophan)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/39 "2013-02-16T12:27:35Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > One way to punish a teen girl is to threaten to remove her bedroom door. Usually this is enough to get her to be a little less aggressive, since she doesn’t want to have to change clothes and primp in the bathroom. But remember, this is the nuclear option, and if you threaten to do it, you need to follow through with it. I’d hope if anyone actually did this they’d be charged with child abuse. You wonder why your kids hate you? Because you have the power to do stupid shit like this, and are quite willing to do it. Same with the taking away the phone. Your kids are not an extension of you, they are separate people. Beyond basic decent behaviour, you don’t get to demand they speak or act in certain ways. ---
**Author:** ![Nawth\_Chucka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c57346/32.png) [@Nawth\_Chucka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nawth_Chucka)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2013, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233/40 "2013-02-16T15:34:42Z")
> [@Steophan](#): > > I’d hope if anyone actually did this they’d be charged with child abuse. > > You wonder why your kids hate you? Because you have the power to do stupid shit like this, and are quite willing to do it. Same with the taking away the phone. > > Your kids are not an extension of you, they are separate people. Beyond basic decent behaviour, you don’t get to demand they speak or act in certain ways. A lot of assumptions rush to my mind when I read this; you don’t have kids, you haven’t seen a child who’s a true victim of child abuse, you lack some impulse control and empathy. Being a parent or even a babysitter \*\*means \*\*demanding a child speak or act in a certain way. I guarantee your parents did this w/ you or you wouldn’t have turned out as well as you clearly have. Somewhere along the line you acted in a selfish manner in a situation where that was inappropriate, you were corrected and having learned, you did differently later on. Did someone say to your mom, “You’re just being a jerk!” when she made you share a beloved toy or apologize for having said something awful to another child? Child abuse is not temporarily removing a child’s bedroom door. Child abuse is beating the child into a bedroom door. It is making a child so fearful through abusive language or actions that they barricade themselves behind their bedroom door. [It is chaining a child up in the basement.](http://updatednews.ca/2013/02/15/ottawa-mountie-accused-of-child-abuse-back-in-court/) When people label anything that disciplines or annoys a child as abuse it weakens the perception and believability of actual child abuse. Just as you wouldn’t want to be accused of sexual harassment for telling a friend they look nice (though some radical feminist says even verbalizing the difference in the sexes is harassing). At your (purported) age, you should have peers who are parents, perhaps co-workers. Do they mention being frustrated w/ their children? The previous posters are just like the people you know in person - frustrated, flawed and doing the best they can w/ a child they love and are angry with. Just as your folks did w/ you. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-i-knew-why-my-tween-daughter-is-mad-at-me/650233.md?page=3)