# Wish me luck? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 11, 2013, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579 "2013-09-11T16:31:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/81 "2013-09-12T19:46:55Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Do you believe that more talk and advice is what will help you take the action that you already know you need to take? Sadly, yes. My RL friend brought up a good point, though. I told her of your comments and she asked if any of you had been in my shoes. It’s easy to give advice, but how do you know if you were in my shoes, it’d be as easy as some of you make it out to be? ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/82 "2013-09-12T20:05:24Z")
She’s not wrong. But guess what, you’ve just made another excuse. How easy was that? ---
**Author:** ![Wilson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/96bed5/32.png) [@Wilson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wilson)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/83 "2013-09-12T20:07:44Z")
> [@want2befree](#): > > My RL friend brought up a good point, though. > > I told her of your comments and she asked if any of you had been in my shoes. It’s easy to give advice, but how do you know if you were in my shoes, it’d be as easy as some of you make it out to be? A great point! You are a unique flower, and no one has ever been a situation like yours. I do believe you and you sort of ex-husband are the only two alcoholics in the whole universe! /sarcasm No one said it would be **easy** , just that it is **simple**. There is plenty of help you can get if you want it, clearly you don’t. ---
**Author:** ![saje](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saje/32/3631_2.png) [@saje](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saje)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/84 "2013-09-12T20:26:08Z")
I’ve not been in your shoes, but as I said above I’ve near as dammit been in your children’s shoes, and it’s AWFUL. Your kids are going to have to watch their parents hit rock bottom before there are any changes made. I find that very, very selfish of you. ---
**Author:** ![Telemark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/telemark/32/372_2.png) [@Telemark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telemark)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/85 "2013-09-12T20:46:37Z")
> [@want2befree](#): > > I told her of your comments and she asked if any of you had been in my shoes. It’s easy to give advice, but how do you know if you were in my shoes, it’d be as easy as some of you make it out to be? First, no one believes that the path before you is easy. We all know that you are in a tough situation not all of your own making. But it’s also fairly easy to see how enabling and denying are not helping you make positive change in your life. Second, many people here have been in the same or similar situations, or have worked treating people in similar situations. Your case isn’t unique or special, even if it is difficult. Third, you don’t need to go through bankruptcy to give financial advice to someone in trouble. While people who’ve declared bankruptcy may have useful insights, I’d rather seek financial advice from people who’ve displayed successful money management skills. And as you may have noticed, we’re advising you to get into AA and/or Al-Anon, people who DO have experience in your shoes. Finally, ask yourself why you came here looking for advice if you’re going to complain that we haven’t been in your shoes. Are you just looking for another excuse to avoid doing what you admitted you know you need to do? ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/86 "2013-09-12T22:22:29Z")
Asking if we’ve ever been in your shoes…pfft. Your “friend” is a total asshole. Is this the “friend” you drink with? Bet it is. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/87 "2013-09-12T22:29:27Z")
> [@Telemark](#): > > Finally, ask yourself why you came here looking for advice if you’re going to complain that we haven’t been in your shoes. Are you just looking for another excuse to avoid doing what you admitted you know you need to do? Duh. Yes. You people are lovely but why are you wasting your time? _You don’t understaaaaannnnnndddddd_. This chick isn’t going to listen to anything. It’s like trying to talk to anti-vaxxers. Nothing anyone says is going to make her stop and say, “Hey, you know, you’re right!” Hasn’t happened in any of her previous threads/posts. Won’t happen now. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/88 "2013-09-12T22:33:09Z")
Bingo. It’s all psychobabble about how she NEEDS to hear this over and over, she’s just stubborn…blah, blah, blah. Worthless is as worthless does. Y’aint gotta be that. ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/89 "2013-09-12T22:41:33Z")
> [@lorene](#): > > Duh. Yes. > > You people are lovely but why are you wasting your time? _You don’t understaaaaannnnnndddddd_. > > This chick isn’t going to listen to anything. It’s like trying to talk to anti-vaxxers. Nothing anyone says is going to make her stop and say, “Hey, you know, you’re right!” Hasn’t happened in any of her previous threads/posts. Won’t happen now. DING DING DING DING - We have a WINNER!! Upon second though before hitting submit, I’m not going to add anything else (I just deleted an entire paragraph) - I would have gotten a warning and I try to play well with others. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/90 "2013-09-12T22:44:07Z")
> [@Faruiza](#): > > Asking if we’ve ever been in your shoes…pfft. Your “friend” is a total asshole. Is this the “friend” you drink with? Bet it is. No, it is a co-worker. And since when it is ok to call people assholes in here? She’s not an asshole just because she has a different perspective. And when did I mention a friend that I drink with? ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/91 "2013-09-12T22:59:15Z")
Simple - find your new place to live. Don’t tell him the address. Don’t give him a key. Step 1 get a moving company and take several days off from work. The kids pack their own rooms all in boxes. You pack your room all in boxes. You supervise the movers in packing everything else to avoid taking anything of the losers. Step 2 load everything into the moving van. Step 3 unpack into the new dwelling without the loser. He is left in an empty property he has to vacate. Arrange the utilities to be turned off as of midnight the movers remove your property from the dwelling. You are not responsible for his trespass in a dwelling no longer your own. ---
**Author:** ![Girlundone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Girlundone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Girlundone)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/92 "2013-09-12T23:04:53Z")
Been in your shoes? Yep, I sure the fuck have. But that’s not even relevant. It’s classic addict table-turning bullshit. When everything is as much of a mess as your life is right now, the fact that you put ‘continuing to drink’ as a priority speaks volumes. Don’t think that your children don’t know that they are less important to you than alcohol, because they do know. They know that you have chosen it over them. You know enough to quit and you know how. You’ve done it before. You are choosing not to. ---
**Author:** ![lorene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/65b543/32.png) [@lorene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lorene)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/93 "2013-09-12T23:44:13Z")
> [@want2befree](#): > > No, it is a co-worker. And since when it is ok to call people assholes in here? > > She’s not an asshole just because she has a different perspective. And when did I mention a friend that I drink with? It’s only other posters we can’t call assholes in this forum…much as we may wish to. ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/94 "2013-09-12T23:49:09Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Simple - find your new place to live. Don’t tell him the address. Don’t give him a key. > > Step 1 get a moving company and take several days off from work. The kids pack their own rooms all in boxes. You pack your room all in boxes. You supervise the movers in packing everything else to avoid taking anything of the losers. > > Step 2 load everything into the moving van. > > Step 3 unpack into the new dwelling without the loser. > > He is left in an empty property he has to vacate. Arrange the utilities to be turned off as of midnight the movers remove your property from the dwelling. > > You are not responsible for his trespass in a dwelling no longer your own. If he is not already gone by November, this is what I plan to do. My current lease ends in November. ---
**Author:** ![Rachellelogram](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rachellelogram/32/8689_2.png) [@Rachellelogram](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rachellelogram)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2013, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/95 "2013-09-12T23:56:42Z")
> [@want2befree](#): > > No, it is a co-worker. And since when it is ok to call people assholes in here? > > She’s not an asshole just because she has a different perspective. And when did I mention a friend that I drink with? Because people who don’t drink have no desire to be friends with alcoholics. What would a teetotaler have in common with you? What would you do to spend time together if you can’t spend 24 hours sober? ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2013, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/96 "2013-09-13T00:06:54Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Because people who don’t drink have no desire to be friends with alcoholics. What would a teetotaler have in common with you? What would you do to spend time together if you can’t spend 24 hours sober? I have no idea what you’re talking about. Veering off topic. ---
**Author:** ![Faruiza](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ecd19e/32.png) [@Faruiza](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Faruiza)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2013, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/97 "2013-09-13T00:11:12Z")
> [@want2befree](#): > > No, it is a co-worker. And since when it is ok to call people assholes in here? > > She’s not an asshole just because she has a different perspective. And when did I mention a friend that I drink with? Listen up, junior mod, you’re the one with the problem here. I didn’t call YOU an asshole, I called some hypothetical friend that I apparently made up (until I go find where I got that idea…who knows with all the stuff you’ve posted) an asshole. Totally different. She’s not an asshole because she has a different perspective. She’s an asshole because you’re well past the point where you need “perspectives”. You are a weapons grade mess. Any “perspective” that does not begin and end with you FIXING YOUR PROBLEM is worth exactly zero. ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2013, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/98 "2013-09-13T00:13:06Z")
> [@Rachellelogram](#): > > Because people who don’t drink have no desire to be friends with alcoholics. What would a teetotaler have in common with you? What would you do to spend time together if you can’t spend 24 hours sober? So you are ASS-uming things about my friends now? OK. You know what? I was fine with everything said up to a point. Insulting my friends? Not necessary. And just because I haven’t reported that he is gone this minute, does not mean I am making excuses and not listening to anything anyone says. I accept that I opened up a can of worms here. I’m handling the “critiques,” to put it nicely… Thanks everyone for the words of wisdom and tough love. ---
**Author:** ![want2befree](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@want2befree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/want2befree)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2013, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/99 "2013-09-13T00:16:17Z")
> [@Faruiza](#): > > Listen up, junior mod, you’re the one with the problem here. I didn’t call YOU an asshole, I called some hypothetical friend that I apparently made up (until I go find where I got that idea…who knows with all the stuff you’ve posted) an asshole. Totally different. > She’s not an asshole because she has a different perspective. She’s an asshole because you’re well past the point where you need “perspectives”. You are a weapons grade mess. Any “perspective” that does not begin and end with you FIXING YOUR PROBLEM is worth exactly zero. Thing is, the person who said it is not hypothetical. She exists. And I’m insulted on her behalf. It was rude and uncalled for. ---
**Author:** ![Schism](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/97f17d/32.png) [@Schism](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Schism)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2013, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579/100 "2013-09-13T00:22:10Z")
I can relate to want2befrees situation. It’s hard to break that codependent cycle, I know. I ended up in one with the only girl I’ve ever loved. Over a period of 7 years the drug abuse had turned something that had had so much promise and turned it to complete shit. While it was fuckin hard, we decided to turn each other loose. We were just circling the drain. Something had to be done. If you care about this guy (and yourself) you have to make a change. You have to separate yourself from him. I occasionally hear about how good my ex is doing. Married, has a family. All the things i couldn give her. Shes happy. And that makes me happy. You have an opportunity to make both your lives better. Take it. And good luck. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/wish-me-luck/668579.md?page=6)