Witches and Brooms

Cecil's Columns/Staff Reports
41

I gotta reply. I can’t restrain myself. I’ll try to keep it short.

I’m a Wiccan. Sometimes, I refer to myself as a Witch (mostly around people who I know are already cognizant of the New-Agey definition of Witch) 'cause . . . I have to admit, I like the sound of it.

There are, from my perception, at least three different definitions of what a Witch is:

  • a practitioner of the old pre-Christian druidic religions. We know next to nothing of their belief systems or rituals, but a lot of neo-Pagans (myself, at times, included) are looking for something outside the Judeo/Christian framework and also aren’t interested in Eastern religions.

  • an evil, magic-using person, usually an old woman, who used his/her powers for personal gain and to malicious ends. The old “Satan-worshipping” standard, as well as the basis for folktales from many a culture.

  • a neo-Pagan Wiccan who professes to be a Witch. Like all other Paganism, there is no hard and fast rule as to what a Witch is. Usually it’s a name adopted at the whim of the user.

In my most honest moments, I will admit that there is absolutely NO connection between paleo- and neo-Wicca. There are no surviving records and only the smallest amount of archaeological evidence as to who those first Witches were - or even if they called themselves Witches. Off the top of my head, I’d say the only thing we really have in common is the wild parties we throw, and even then, we haven’t stuffed human sacrifices into large wicker men and set them on fire.

A lot of us like to believe that our religion has a tradition, a history, something that we can point to and say “that makes my beliefs valid”. This isn’t logical by any means, but I think it’s human. A lot of people seek validation through their genealogy. They like to be connected by something tangible. A 4000 history of blood, gore, persecution, and triumph is a lot more interesting than a 50 or 100 year history of “oh, yeah, this crackpot wrote down a bunch of stuff. Most of it was bunk, but there was enough good stuff that I decided to join up.”

That being said, I think there is persecution of Pagans and Wiccans. Not because we’re special people who are being beaten up by the mindless savages, but because it’s pretty much a constant that whoever is in the majority will beat up on whoever is in the minority. Anecdotally, I’ve heard of people losing jobs, custody of children, being harrassed at school, and in one very extreme case convicted of murder on the basis of little other than their religious beliefs (I know that’s an extreme claim to make. I’m going to see if I can’t dig up the website I learned it at.)

I think life will be a lot easier for all of us (Pagans and others), if we remember that faith has little to do with logic and a lot to do with emotion. Doesn’t mean that faith is a bad thing, just that our involvement with it won’t follow cut and dried rules.

(Honest, that was short. Really.)

“I’m surprised that you’ve never been told before, that you’re lovely, that you’re perfect, and that somebody wants you.” - Semisonic, f.n.p

42

First person to say that broomsticks are a remnant of ancient Quidditch contests, and that the true origin has been supressed by muggles, has to go sit in the corner for an hour.

43

Well, considering I’m already in a corner (my computer is set up in the corner of the room), I’ll do it: Broomsticks are a remnant of ancient Quidditch contests, and the true origin has been supressed by muggles.

Now, since Dex said only the first person has to sit in a corner, everyone else can go ahead without fear. BEG

44

Are broomsticks valid equipment in a match of three-cornered pitney?

If so, what apology for a successful broomstick-swat will score the most points?

45

Obviously, people are confused by the resemblance between Quadditch and 27-Man Squamish.

Dr. Fidelius, Charlatan
Associate Curator Anomalous Paleontology, Miskatonic University
Homo vult decipi; decipiatur

46

An article appearing in NATURAL HISTORY, vol. 86, No. 3 ('77), pp. 88-91, entitled, Ritual Enemas, by Peter T. Furst and Michael D. Coe [reprinted in an anthology titled Magic, Witchcraft and Religion – An Anthropological Study of The Supernatural (ed. by Arthur C. Lehmann and James E. Myers; '89)] holds that, well bvefore 1000 AD, the Mayans introduced hallucinogens into the body per rectally – not vaginally. In fact, this is the first I’ve heard of using the vagina for this purpose – is it physiologically sound?
I also vaguely remember reading that enemas were faddish amongst all strata of Roman Empire society, but I don’t remember whether the purpose was to introduce intoxicants, or to palliate the real, or inmagined, psychological benefit of bowel cleansing.

47

An article appearing in NATURAL HISTORY, vol. 86, No. 3 ('77), pp. 88-91, entitled, Ritual Enemas, by Peter T. Furst and Michael D. Coe [reprinted in an anthology titled Magic, Witchcraft and Religion – An Anthropological Study of The Supernatural (ed. by Arthur C. Lehmann and James E. Myers; '89)] holds that, well bvefore 1000 AD, the Mayans introduced hallucinogens into the body per rectally – not vaginally. In fact, this is the first I’ve heard of using the vagina for this purpose – is it physiologically sound?
I also vaguely remember reading that enemas were faddish amongst all strata of Roman Empire society, but I don’t remember whether the purpose was to introduce intoxicants, or to palliate the real, or inmagined, psychological benefit of bowel cleansing.

48

Woah, there, Wiccans. I think you got so upset by reading what Cecil was saying that other people have said you didn’t finish the article. When I read it, I didn’t think he believed it.

Now maybe someone can explain to me, weren’t witches actually the members of the community that had the medicinal knowledge? And then with Christianity happened to have come the medical doctors, and THEY were the ones that started the association of witches and the devil to drive them out of business? I always thought that the witches were the ones that understood how to use the herbs for curing and harming and then if this was the case, probably for having a good time with hallucinations. Just tell me if I’m wrong. Don’t attack me.

49

20th-century urban-myth crap. Belief that the old lady down the street is a “witch” is a superstition far older and far more widespread than Christianity, and early Christianity, in fact, strongly opposed witch-hunts as pagan-inspired rubbish. Unfortunately, the whole sick business slowly regained strength during the late middle ages and burst into flower again with the Renaissance and Reformation.

(Modern “witchcraft”, of course, is partly a practical joke, and partly a scheme invented by old pervs to get impressionable young women to take their clothes off. Unfortunately, some people think it’s real.)

John W. Kennedy
“Compact is becoming contract; man only earns and pays.”
– Charles Williams

50

John, lighten up already!! You know, you might be a lot happier if you wouldn’t get so uptight about what other people are doing and focus on yourself. Belittling the faith of others is downright rude. I can’t imagine on what basis you think you have the right (God-given?) to do this, but you need to learn a little about tolerance. Regardless of what you believe, there are many people on this planet who don’t share your simplistic, holier-than-thou attitude. Unfortunately for us all, there are too many people like you. My advice to you, take it or leave it at your own peril, is to live your life in the best way you know how and leave others to live theirs. And in the true spirit of Christianity and most, if not all, other faiths, large & small, old & new: Love Thy Neighbor!!!

And now, back to the topic, I’ve heard (read, etc.), here and elsewhere, many hypotheses of the origins of the broom and witches, but the funny thing is, I don’t necessarily believe any of them. They could all have some element of truth and then again, they could all be figments of our collective imagination. What I DO believe is that the only “history” we can ever be sure of is that which we have experienced ourselves. How can anyone ever be sure of anything that has been written down or spoken of by someone 20, 100, or 2000 years ago? We are all storytellers and will always be, for what else could make life more interesting?

As far as bigotry, hatred and religious intolerance goes, you don’t have to like it and you can do what you can to squelch it, but you better get used it. Apparently, it’s been around for a long, long time and it doesn’t look like it’s going anywhere. To all the pagans, neo-wiccans and, yes, witches out there, rock on! Believe whatever makes you feel whole and never forget the Rede. Translation for Christians: Do unto others… And one more thing, don’t let the bstrds get you down!

Seriously, if you want to believe anything you’ve read or heard here, be my guest, but please don’t try to shove it down my throat as gospel (pardon the pun)! After all, I’m pretty capable of making my own decisions. Thanks, though, and thanks to Cecil for his usually candid and entertaining, though not-very-well-researched, column. Do us some justice and expand upon your thoughts, Cec!

Blessed be,

Live, love, let live and be loved

51

John, if you’re interested in flaming a religion - any religion - may I suggest you take your bile to the BBQ pit and spew it there?

Whatever the origins of Witchcraft, NeoPaganism, and Wicca were, none of these religions are a joke now. There are many practitioners who are just as sincere in their beliefs as the most devout Christian, Jew, Moslem, or Atheist. To insult them is to expose only your own hatred and ignorance.

NeoPaganism - in some of its flavors - may have some dubious beginnings, but that doesn’t mean that it remains a “practical joke” or a way to get laid.

“I think he said ‘Blessed are the cheesemakers.’”

52

***John,***old son, you might be interested to know that several “old pervs” of my acquaintance are quite adept at getting “impressionable young women to take their clothes off,” and they wouldn’t know a Wiccan from a Laplander.

They’re in academia.

53

The historic record on Wicca is available to anyone who takes the time to do the research. It was made up out of whole cloth within living memory.

Is it so hard to understand that someone might object to a lie on the grounds that it’s untrue?

I thought this was supposed to be about fighting ignorance.

John W. Kennedy
“Compact is becoming contract; man only earns and pays.”
– Charles Williams

54

On the original topic: I checked Rossell Hope Robbins’ ENCYCLOPEDIA OF WITCHCRAFT AND DEMONOLOGY (Crown Publishers, 1959) under “transvection.” The earliest reference to flying witches he found was in the 10th-Century Canon Episcopi, which classed as heretical superstition the claims of “wicked women” who claimed to ride “on the backs of certain beasts with the pagan goddess Diana and fly over vast tracts of country.” This was a problem for early demonologists (since it was hard to justify punishing anyone for something the Church said didn’t happen) – but they found a way around it. All they had to do was claim that dreaming about flying was just as wicked as actually doing it. As King’s Advocate Charles McKenzie said in 1678, “Because those witches desire to have these dreams, and glory in them when they are awake, nor have any these dreams but such as have entered into a preceding paction.”

According to the article, the older stories included a lot of vehicles besides broomsticks, including: cleft sticks, distaffs, shovels, staves, black rams, goats, oxen, dogs, wolves – and the animal stories are older than the domestic-implement ones (he doesn’t mention the Russian legends of Baba Yaga, who rode in a mortar and beat time with the pestle). He suggests that the broomstick “won out” because #1: it was traditionally used as a female symbol (with the pitchfork being the corresponding male symbol), and #2: “because it is easily identified as a phallic symbol.”

Robbins’ article on “Ointment, flying” states that(according to Jean de Nynauld’s 1615 LYCANTHROPY, METAMORPHOSIS, AND ECSTASY OF WITCHES), drugs (particularly belladonna and aconite, which are also quite toxic) were traditional ingredients in at least some of the ointments. Thus, there may be something to the theory that drugs were part of the source of the legend. Not that witch persecutors ever needed many factual bases for their claims. – J.W.II

55

Seems to me what we need here is a column on the historical basis of wicca. Somebody send me a question (preferably drolly worded) and I’ll get on it.

56

This is the obligatory “Wow, it’s really him! We’re not worthy!” post. (And I got in in first, so there!) Now I’m off to try and write a humorous question about Wicca which doesn’t sound insulting.

Hey, wait a sec… isn’t it cheating when the columnist tells the readers what questions to ask?

Laugh hard; it’s a long way to the bank.

57

Posted and e-mailed to Cecil:

Since you requested, here is the question …

Dear Cecil,

There seems to be some question concerning the origin of the Wiccan religion. Most wiccans you talk to say that the religion is an extension of ancient, matriarchal, earth worship and will attempt to turn you into a frog if you disagree. Others point to a descendancy from medieval healers and claim close kinship with all those who were burnt at the stake for alledgedly conjuring up spirits, riding on brooms (there’s THAT again) and otherwise hobnobbing with demons.

However, there seems to be some evidence that Wicca as it is currently practiced is a modern invention and point to the works of a follower of Aliester Crowley, one Gerald Gardner, as the actual starting point of this religion. Well, at least these people don’t attempt to magically mess with your personal space.

To my mind, linking modern wicca with any ancient paganism is like trying to assert the modern Freemassonry got it’s start with the building of Solomon’s temple, but that’s just me. And I used to be a member of AMORC too, so apparently I am fairly gullible. But maybe you can shed some light on the true origins of Wicca.

Yours,

Patrick Malone (Eutychus55)

P. S. Droll enough?

Saint Eutychus
www.disneyshorts.org

58

bump - cecil post