# With the wedding 2 weeks away, I'm getting cold feet. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 9, 2010, 2:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/with-the-wedding-2-weeks-away-im-getting-cold-feet/535523 "2010-04-09T14:12:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 8\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![OrvilleWright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e57/32.png) [@OrvilleWright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OrvilleWright)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/with-the-wedding-2-weeks-away-im-getting-cold-feet/535523/101 "2010-04-18T20:44:17Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > [Moderator Note]Take your off-topic anti-feminist rant to The BBQ Pit.[/Moderator Note] Nota bene: the subject was keeping her maiden name versus taking her new husband’s name. I addressed that subject. You need to get rid of the brown shirt, and have a nice bran muffin. It is noteworthy how consistently people defend _helpless_ feminists, who constantly clamor that they are SO “equal” and SO “strong” but the instant one takes a position contrary to the feminst dogma, all heck breaks loose to protect these forlorn and presumably weak damsels. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/with-the-wedding-2-weeks-away-im-getting-cold-feet/535523/102 "2010-04-18T22:38:52Z")
> [@OrvilleWright](#): > > Nota bene: the subject was keeping her maiden name versus taking her new husband’s name. I addressed that subject. > > You need to get rid of the brown shirt, and have a nice bran muffin. > > It is noteworthy how consistently people defend _helpless_ feminists, who constantly clamor that they are SO “equal” and SO > “strong” but the instant one takes a position contrary to the feminst dogma, all heck breaks loose to protect these forlorn > and presumably weak damsels. This bullshit ain’t gonna fly, **Orville**. Banned. **twickster** , Moderator ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/with-the-wedding-2-weeks-away-im-getting-cold-feet/535523/103 "2010-04-18T23:04:54Z")
[Moderator Note] In case anyone should think that **OrvilleWright** was banned for a single post, I note that I also just warned him for trolling in GQ [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=12356639&postcount=6). He also has two other warnings and a mod note or two since he joined ten days ago, all for similar stuff. So we have shown him the door. ---
**Author:** ![capybara](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/capybara/32/202_2.png) [@capybara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/capybara)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/with-the-wedding-2-weeks-away-im-getting-cold-feet/535523/104 "2010-04-18T23:19:49Z")
I hyphenated and have had no problem (except that on boarding passes the hyphen disappears and it becomes impossible to pronounce). I just stay consistent and spell it out c-a-p-y-b-a-r-a-“hyphen”-l-e-m-u-r and explain “I’m Capybara-Lemur and he’s just Lemur” and all is well. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Fight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/90ced4/32.png) [@Cat\_Fight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Fight)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2010, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/with-the-wedding-2-weeks-away-im-getting-cold-feet/535523/105 "2010-04-18T23:54:02Z")
I just don’t get it – if people who are concerned about unity and their kids having the same name as them end up hyphenating their names, why don’t the husbands always hyphenate as well? ---
**Author:** ![gonzomax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e8c25b/32.png) [@gonzomax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gonzomax)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2010, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/with-the-wedding-2-weeks-away-im-getting-cold-feet/535523/106 "2010-04-19T01:13:48Z")
My wife was an only kid, so she kept her funny family name to keep it from dying out. So my kid has a hyphenated last name. No big deal. But don’t lay the pressure of “the best man in the world” on him. Nobody can live up to that. ---
**Author:** ![starryspice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9e8a1a/32.png) [@starryspice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/starryspice)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/with-the-wedding-2-weeks-away-im-getting-cold-feet/535523/107 "2010-04-20T00:11:11Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > And isn’t an insistence that she keep her name just as bad as one that she take his name? It’s her name, after all. I’d say some guy upset about being insulted by a woman not taking his name and a guy upset because his future wife is insufficiently feminist (in a superficial sense) are just as bad. I don’t get this. If a woman keeps her name because it’s part of her identity and she doesn’t want to lose that identity upon marrying, that’s something that makes perfect sense and should be respected. If a woman doesn’t feel particularly attached to her last name as part of her identity then it’s obviously not an issue. But those husbands who ask their wives to change their last name, and get upset when they don’t, they have issues. I decided to change my last name when I got married because I want my family to have the same family name. That is something that remains very important to me. However, I was not particularly happy about giving up my last name. My last name is connected to my heritage (I am a second generation American, so I have strong connections to my country), and the name is also a connection to my father who passed away about five years ago. I don’t regret my decision to change my last name because like I said, it’s very important to me to be a family with a single name, but sometimes I wish I had talked to my husband more about it, so that we could talk about other options. ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2010, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/with-the-wedding-2-weeks-away-im-getting-cold-feet/535523/108 "2010-04-20T02:28:33Z")
I can see the OP’s point of view. I take some pride in the heritage of my last name, and I wouldn’t want to give it up. If I were female, and in the OP’s shoes, I’d just go on using my own name, or consider hyphenating. But, I would hyphenate only if I felt that bearing the husband’s name was something that I needed to do. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/with-the-wedding-2-weeks-away-im-getting-cold-feet/535523.md?page=5)