# Without those convicts landing in Australia we wouldn't... **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [January 27, 2010, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620 "2010-01-27T03:41:17Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 3:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/1 "2010-01-27T03:41:17Z")
A belated Australia Day post. You’ll see how it’s played: The first penal transport arrived in Australia 122 years ago this week. If it weren’t for those convicts settling the place then: **TRUEBLOOD** would have lost some of the best nudity ever on TV ([work safe pic](http://www.daemonstv.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/ryan_kwanten1.jpg)) James Marsden would have been the beakout star of X MEN Olivia Newton John would have grown up sounding like Julie Andrews **QUIGBY DOWN UNDER** would have been the shortest movie ever Whenever Mel Gibson screamed about the invisible Jews hiding in his salt and pepper shakers it would be in a New Jersey accent. We’d have never been shown a true example of a knife\* The Bunyip would still stalk the darkest reaches of the Dreamtime\* Kirin Fukkoku would be Australian for beer\* ## **BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN** would have been about the tragic forbidden love of a man and a mountain full of sheep What else? \*Courtesy of Facebook friends. ---
**Author:** ![astorian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ad7895/32.png) [@astorian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astorian)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 4:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/2 "2010-01-27T04:30:12Z")
Outback Steakhouse would have to be renamed “Tundra Steakhouse,” and all the dishes renamed after landmarks in Saskatchewan. ---
**Author:** ![panamajack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/47e85d/32.png) [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 7:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/3 "2010-01-27T07:06:01Z")
No men would ever have worked where men chunder. We would have no appropriate way to salute those about to rock. American thighs would go unappreciated. Everyone else would still have had more sex than me, but I wouldn’t have Hitler to sing about it. We’d never have the video from the Apollo missions. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/4 "2010-01-27T08:52:29Z")
Andy Gibb might still be alive, singing with his brothers at Manchester United post game parties. ---
**Author:** ![penultima\_thule](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penultima_thule/32/3833_2.png) [@penultima\_thule](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/penultima_thule)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 10:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/5 "2010-01-27T10:55:48Z")
Jorn Utzon’s Yodelling Shack would be the permanent host venue for Eurovision New Zealand would have it’s own defense force The Adventures of Barry McKenzie would be a sequel to Tom Brown’s School Days ACDC would be Glasgow’s best pub band ever Robert Menzies would have been British PM after WWII. The best selling wine in the UK would be Longue Plate Rouge ---
**Author:** ![mecaenas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/91b2a8/32.png) [@mecaenas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mecaenas)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/6 "2010-01-27T11:09:12Z")
> [@astorian](#): > > Outback Steakhouse would have to be renamed “Tundra Steakhouse,” and all the dishes renamed after landmarks in Saskatchewan. Um, the what? I’ve never heard of an Outback Steakhouse. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/7 "2010-01-27T12:21:49Z")
Americans wouldn’t have anything to distract them from the fact that they are the convict capital of the world. :dubious:😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/8 "2010-01-27T18:10:26Z")
> [@mecaenas](#): > > Um, the what? I’ve never heard of an Outback Steakhouse. [Outback Steakhouse](http://outback.com/) ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/9 "2010-01-27T18:14:53Z")
> [@Sampiro](#): > > The first penal transport arrived in Australia 122 years ago this week. If it weren’t for those convicts settling the place then: I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that you’re off by 100 years. The first penal transport arrived 22 years ago, not 122. Which makes it all the MORE amazing. ---
**Author:** ![fiddlesticks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fiddlesticks/32/18129_2.png) [@fiddlesticks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fiddlesticks)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/10 "2010-01-27T18:22:02Z")
The 1980s wouldn’t have had its greatest song: [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcu7OCIqlqE](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lcu7OCIqlqE) (Men At Work, Overkill) ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/11 "2010-01-27T18:35:53Z")
> [@MaxTheVool](#): > > I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that you’re off by 100 years. > > The first penal transport arrived 22 years ago, not 122. Which makes it all the MORE amazing. 1988? ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/12 "2010-01-27T19:01:13Z")
We would have never had a TV series about Skippy, the bush kangaroo. Remember him? He was just like Lassie, except he couldn’t do much besides hop, because he was a kangaroo. But boy, could he hop. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/13 "2010-01-27T21:31:38Z")
Russian skaters would have to dress up like Hawaiians, and be castigated for wearing silly coconut-half brassiers. ---
**Author:** ![Sampiro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sampiro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sampiro)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/14 "2010-01-27T21:35:25Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > 1988? I erred and said 122 years in the OP instead of 222, but that’s because I was taking off a century for crossing the International Date Line. Scariest possible outcome of no Australia: His Holiness Mel I, first American Pope. ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/15 "2010-01-27T21:38:00Z")
Crikey! No shrimp on the barbie! ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/16 "2010-01-27T22:51:10Z")
Those dingoes never would’ve taken her baby. **Dirty Rotten Scoundrels** would’ve ended with Michael Caine doing an Irish accent. **Flight of the Conchords** would feature the boys bumping into smug, arrogant Singaporeans. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/17 "2010-01-27T23:06:50Z")
Nicole Kidman would have stayed in Hawaii and might actually have a tan by now. We’d never know that sleeping in a burning bed was a bad idea. Sylvester and his son would have avoided a lot of confusion over the issue of giant mice. No man enters. No man leaves. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/18 "2010-01-27T23:23:35Z")
> [@TWDuke](#): > > We would have never had a TV series about Skippy, the bush kangaroo. Well, maybe the Aboriginals would have developed a television industry without the Pommie immigrants. > [@Sampiro](#): > > [Outback Steakhouse](http://outback.com/) You mean you can’t get a Bloomin’ Onion in Australia _itself_? ---
**Author:** ![The\_Second\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bbe5ce/32.png) [@The\_Second\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Second_Stone)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 11:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/19 "2010-01-27T23:34:17Z")
The Murdoch dynasty would be Canadian and conservative Canadian at that, but still to the left of all Americans. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [January 27, 2010, 11:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620/20 "2010-01-27T23:41:47Z")
[Stairway to Heaven](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CwlcYhZ99KQ&feature=related) and [Bohemian Rhapsody](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ONrIByBGW_M&feature=related) would never have attained the true glory. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-those-convicts-landing-in-australia-we-wouldnt/526620.md?page=2)