# Without warning, your spouse/SO says you need to go on the run, or risk death. What do you do? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 25, 2012, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348 "2012-07-25T16:07:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/41 "2012-07-25T18:48:22Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > Hell, I didn’t even read to the end of the OP. Because 130-some words was too long, or because the subject line was enough? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/42 "2012-07-25T18:50:40Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > If it’s Rhymerian ire you’re fleeing, wouldn’t the whole thing be a ploy to get you out of the house? If a Rhymer knows where I live, I can’t think of any advantage of staying there. Even if I’m meant to flee, attempting evasion is still better than sitting still and waiting for the DoomBots. > [@](#): > > More seriously: You’re right about trust being the issue, but I have a question. Do you mean that you’d trust any woman you’re in a relationship because you’re in a relationship with her, or that you’d not be in a relationship with any woman whose judgment you wouldn’t trust under these circumstances? The latter - I wouldn’t be in a serious relationship with a woman I couldn’t trust. Trustworthiness is a prerequisite for love, imho. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/43 "2012-07-25T18:54:20Z")
> [@chappachula](#): > > what’s the rabbit going to tell you? Cute, but there’s a singular-plural disagreement there. 😛 (Rabbit **s**.) Anyway, they’d just tell me they hate going to the vet and are going to face the back of the carrier and sulk for a while, until they get too bored to continue with that, then they’d settle in. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/44 "2012-07-25T18:55:00Z")
> [@](#): > > The latter - I wouldn’t be in a serious relationship with a woman I couldn’t trust. Trustworthiness is a prerequisite for love, imho. This kind of stuff, is probably why you’re known as **Mr Excellent**! ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/45 "2012-07-25T19:04:31Z")
> [@Mr.Excellent](#): > > If a Rhymer knows where I live, I can’t think of any advantage of staying there. Even if I’m meant to flee, attempting evasion is still better than sitting still and waiting for the DoomBots. Quality thinking, there. That said, you should work mightily to avoid doing what your enemy wants you to do. Why _did_ that[Kristen-Bell](http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&newwindow=1&safe=off&client=firefox-a&hs=r87&sa=X&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&prmd=imvnso&tbnid=cTY_deCIknM9uM:&imgrefurl=http://jaipals.com/actress-kristen-bell-hot-2012/&docid=8MObU1Qh7DjSiM&imgurl=http://jaipals.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/kristen-14.jpg&w=560&h=899&ei=vEMQUICMB4Ss8QTl0IHoBw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=409&sig=103697353702577988419&page=1&tbnh=117&tbnw=78&start=0&ndsp=26&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:90&tx=29&ty=89&biw=1280&bih=585) model assassinbot suddenly stop attacking and let you flee after showing you her boobies? > [@](#): > > The latter - I wouldn’t be in a serious relationship with a woman I couldn’t trust. Trustworthiness is a prerequisite for love, imho. Hmm. Well, there’s trustworthiness and then there’s trustworthiness. You can trust a person’s intentions without having complete confidence in her judgment, and the reverse. And while I agree that believing that the other person has your best interests at heart is required for any healthy relationship, I can’t see that confidence in the other person’s judgment is as basic. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/46 "2012-07-25T19:05:12Z")
I’m not leaving without my medicines, my dog, my kindle, my ipod, my DS, my phone and my purse. If I don’t get a reasonable explanation while I’m gathering that stuff up, I’m not leaving. I mean, how long does it take to say, “Tsunami!” And I’m not _permanently_ going on the lamb with anybody. If he’s got himself involved with the mob or aliens or whatever, I’d probably kill him\* first\* for putting me and the dog in danger. I’m actually a little surprised by the number of people in this thread who would just go along with it. Of course, I’m, uh, divorced, at the moment. This might have been a contributing factor. I don’t just jump when \*\*anybody tells me to. ---
**Author:** ![rekkah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rekkah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rekkah)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/47 "2012-07-25T19:07:37Z")
Since I’m married to the lovely **garius** who is one of the calmest people I know (I don’t think I’ve seen him panic once in 8 years of dating & marriage), I would be straight out the door. I’ll definitely want an explanation as soon as is expedient, but in the meantime I trust him absolutely and will do exactly as he says. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/48 "2012-07-25T19:12:22Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > And I’m not _permanently_ going on the lamb with anybody. If he’s got himself involved with the mob or aliens or whatever, I’d probably kill him\* first\* for putting me and the dog in danger. I’m actually a little surprised by the number of people in this thread who would just go along with it. Wait … how can you know that his getting involved with the mob, alien invaders, or whatnot is his fault? What if he just turned the wrong corner and witnessed a murder? ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Excellent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f19dbf/32.png) [@Mr.Excellent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Excellent)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/49 "2012-07-25T19:13:47Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Quality thinking, there. That said, you should work mightily to avoid doing what your enemy wants you to do. Why _did_ that[Kristen-Bell](http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&newwindow=1&safe=off&client=firefox-a&hs=r87&sa=X&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&tbm=isch&prmd=imvnso&tbnid=cTY_deCIknM9uM:&imgrefurl=http://jaipals.com/actress-kristen-bell-hot-2012/&docid=8MObU1Qh7DjSiM&imgurl=http://jaipals.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/kristen-14.jpg&w=560&h=899&ei=vEMQUICMB4Ss8QTl0IHoBw&zoom=1&iact=rc&dur=409&sig=103697353702577988419&page=1&tbnh=117&tbnw=78&start=0&ndsp=26&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0,i:90&tx=29&ty=89&biw=1280&bih=585) model assassinbot suddenly stop attacking and let you flee after showing you her boobies? Fair point, but I’d still rather contemplate that question from a moving car. After posting cell pics to Facebook, of course. > [@](#): > > Hmm. Well, there’s trustworthiness and then there’s trustworthiness. You can trust a person’s intentions without having complete confidence in her judgment, and the reverse. And while I agree that believing that the other person has your best interests at heart is required for any healthy relationship, I can’t see that confidence in the other person’s judgment is as basic. I agree to a point, but I think this is where (as another poster mentioned) a variation on Pascal’s Wager comes into play. If someone who intends only the best for me wants me to get moving, the costs of erroneously moving are probably lower than those of erroneously staying put. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/50 "2012-07-25T19:50:29Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > And I’m not _permanently_ going on the lamb with anybody. If he’s got himself involved with the mob or aliens or whatever, I’d probably kill him\* first\* for putting me and the dog in danger. I’m actually a little surprised by the number of people in this thread who would just go along with it. Well, both my husband and I have kind of shitty hearing at times, to the point where we at least should be in the same room and preferably facing each other to really understand what’s being said. Otherwise there’s a lot of, “What? What? Wait, let me finish this…” So I’d expect he was grabbing a go bag, our documents pouch, the rabbit carrier, loading it into the car or something, while I was grabbing what hadn’t been grabbed yet, rather than just standing there staring at me. He can start explaining while we’re both throwing things in the trunk, pause while we get into the car, and then resume during buckle up/pulling out of the driveway. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/51 "2012-07-25T19:50:54Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Because 130-some words was too long, or because the subject line was enough? Subject line was sufficient for me to be out the door. **Imp of the Perverse** doesn’t screw around. ---
**Author:** ![Tad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tad)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/52 "2012-07-25T19:55:26Z")
I am male and would, of course, go. But while doing so I would tell her that if it is a prank I will give her a wedgie that even the jaws of life will never pry unstuck. ---
**Author:** ![Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ce7236/32.png) [@Mona\_Lisa\_Simpson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mona_Lisa_Simpson)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/53 "2012-07-25T20:13:48Z")
I voted an explanation. It is not that I don’t trust Mr Simpson (heh!) to do the right thing, and that he has excellent judgement. It is more that I trust myself and my job and so forth a wee bit more. I would probably be more likely to think “Oh crap he is having a psychotic break, time to see Dr Nick! " than “Ooooh Immediate danger, must leave Springfield.” (Not that he is likely to have a psychotic break, but he is so unlikely to ever want to just up and run that delirium is more likely than fuck it lets run…”) Being a completely contradictory woman type creature I would expect compliance if I ever said the same, and I know I wouldn’t get it. I would get a string of why, and problem solving, and fact finding etc first. Then planning etc. If it was a tsunami we’d be underwater, but if I had just had a hissy fit about my landlord he would be fixing the reason I wanted to leave. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/54 "2012-07-25T20:27:48Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Wait … how can you know that his getting involved with the mob, alien invaders, or whatnot is his fault? What if he just turned the wrong corner and witnessed a murder? Then the place for him to go is the media and the police, in that order. Either way - what, we’re going to run away and live off the grid and raise goats and never talk to our families for the next forty years? As if. If we run, we’re just leaving our families holding the bag. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/55 "2012-07-25T20:29:19Z")
MrPanda wouldn’t screw with my head – in the scenario given by the OP, I’m grabbing kid, dog and keys and leaving with him. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/56 "2012-07-25T20:38:19Z")
My other possibility is that she’s taken it into her head to pursue some sort of adventure-themed role-playing sex thing. If I stop to ask a lot of questions, I run the risk that she might change her mind. ---
**Author:** ![Lightnin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightnin/32/180_2.png) [@Lightnin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightnin)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/57 "2012-07-25T20:41:43Z")
My wife and I watch a lot of action and horror movies, and so we’ve had almost this very discussion. Yeah, I’d drop everything and go just on her say-so. ---
**Author:** ![Celidin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/cc9497/32.png) [@Celidin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Celidin)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/58 "2012-07-25T20:47:07Z")
> [@Taomist](#): > > Besides, can’t guard his back if I don’t know which way the shit’s coming. +1 (thought it would be her back in my case) Could be interesting trying to get the dogs into the vehicle-of-escape, they don’t always cooperate… ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/59 "2012-07-25T21:10:38Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > \*\*I’m not leaving without my medicines, my dog, my kindle, my ipod, my DS, my phone and my purse. \*\*If I don’t get a reasonable explanation while I’m gathering that stuff up, I’m not leaving. I mean, how long does it take to say, “Tsunami!” (bolding mine) Just noticed this. Ignoring the trust-the-spouse issue, I’ve a question. While I can understand the medicines and maybe the dog (and I don’t know what a DS is, unless it’s that Nintendo game thing), but are you saying that, even in the face of a tsunami, you’ll insist on having your kindle, ipod, and phone? ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2012, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348/60 "2012-07-25T21:15:58Z")
Well, communications is very important, and if you’re talking about taking 30 seconds to find something that could prove quite important during an emergency, then I’d be all for getting the phone or whatever. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/without-warning-your-spouse-so-says-you-need-to-go-on-the-run-or-risk-death-what-do-you-do/629348.md?page=4)